14. Memories of Us

Thank you for the reviews. Trying to get this quick update in before I head off to work. I hope that you guys like it.

0000000000000000000000000000000

Erin looked out the window of Hank Voight's SUV as they pulled up in front of the building. Her gaze lifted to the sign on the building.

"Insight Behavioral Health Center"

Erin shook her head as she heard Hank get out of the driver's side and walk around to the passenger side and opened her door.

"Come on. Let's go" Hank kept his gaze on Erin who hadn't moved from her seat.

She didn't need this. She didn't want to be here. She wasn't sick, and she sure as hell didn't need a mandatory 72 hour stay at some mental health center. Sure, she got sad, who doesn't? She could deal with this on her own.

"Maybe we could just go home" Erin suggested, Not moving from the passenger seat.

"Erin, if you want to come back to work, you're going to go in those doors and stay. I don't know what happened with Halstead this morning, but I know that I don't need to hear about anything like that again" Hank reached for Erin's arm.

Erin pulled her arm away and unbuckled her seat belt. "Well, Jay had no business to call you and tell you anything that happened. I'll never forgive him for this"

Hank nodded as Erin hopped out of the SUV and he shut the door. "He is worried about you, Erin"

Erin scoffed and grabbed her duffel bag out of the backseat. "Yeah, real worried. He's the asshole who called and narced. He's supposed to have my back, not stab me in it"

Voight shook his head, he was one of the last people who wanted to defend Jay Halstead, but he agreed with Jay's decision to call him. "He did what's best for you, Erin"

Erin pulled her bag over her shoulder and looked at Voight. "Just like you, right? Not letting me come back to work? Putting a psych evaluation on me before I can come back to work? Yeah, I can see how you two really give a shit about me"

Voight knew that Erin was upset with him and Jay, but this attack had done more damage then just physical scars and if it took him putting a mental health order on her before he'd let her come back to work, than that's what he'd do. One way or another he was going to get Erin the help that she needed. "Let's just go in and get you settled"

0000000000000000000000000000000000000

Erin looked around the small dorm room that was going to be her home for the next three days. The small room had a single bed, a desk with a wooden chair, a dresser, and a window. No TV, no WiFi and no phones were allowed to be used. Erin sat her duffel bag down on the bed and started unpacking it. She had just walked over to the dresser when she heard her door open and Hank walk in with Jay behind him.

Erin looked at the two men standing in her doorway and shook her head. God, she was so pissed. She didn't want to see either of them and the fact that they were leaving her here like she was some animal that nobody wanted anymore just made it worse.

"Pretty sure the two of you can leave. I mean don't you think you've done enough?" the words fell of Erin's lips like venom.

Voight and Jay exchanged a quick glance before they both walked into Erin's small room.

"I spoke with the director of the center. There's a group meeting in 45 minutes that I think you'd benefit going to" Voight said as he laid a small pamphlet down on the desk.

"No thanks" Erin said looking down at the dresser.

"Lindsay, don't do this the hard way. Go to the meetings. It's only 72 hours. After you make it through that, then we can talk about you coming back to work" Voight assured

"You know, maybe I don't want to come back and work for you. Maybe I get sick of you always trying to run my life. MAYBE I will just say hell with you both and leave Chicago" Erin turned around and folded her arms over her chest.

Hank stepped back in the doorway as he and Jay looked at Erin. Her eyes were a mix of anger, hurt and betrayl. "If you want to leave Chicago, I'm not going to stop you. But for the next 72 hours, you're here and you can't legally go anywhere. You WILL go to the meetings that you're required to go to. I don't care if they have to tie you to the chair...your ass will be in that chair"

"You're not my dad, Hank. Just because you took me in doesn't mean shit" Erin knew she didn't mean it. But at this moment, she wanted to hurt him. It was because of him that she was even here. Him and the fucker standing behind him who couldn't keep him mouth shut.

000000000000000000000000

Jay stepped into the doorway, he wasn't quite sure what to do. Should he step between Voight and Erin? He didn't know. All he did know was that this was not Erin, This wasn't his girl, and he just wanted her to get the help that she so desperately needed.

"Erin..." Jay said softly as if he were trying to relieve the tension in the room. He stepped towards her like he was stepping towards a stray animal he was trying to rescue.

"No. I don't even want to hear it" Erin said her gaze lifting from Hank's to him.

"Please baby..." Jay said

Erin held her hand up to stop Jay from walking over to her. "I'm not your baby. We're done. It's over, Jay"

Jay stared at the girl in front of him. His mind knew that she didn't mean it, but it somehow didn't relay that message to his heart. "If that's how it has to be"

Erin laughed bitterly "It is. You see we're technically not partners anymore, I'm not your girlfriend now, and from this day on...I'm not your friend. Get out of my room, and get out of my life"

Jay looked over at Voight and then back to Erin. "I'm sorry that you're so mad at me, Erin. I can only hope that you see that I did it to help you. I love you"

Erin turned her back to Jay and Hank. "You should probably leave. I have a meeting to get to and all"

Hank nodded and looked at Erin and then over at Jay before they both turned and walked out the door.

000000000000000000000000

Jay looked at the clock on the wall of the precinct. It was already 11pm and he was exhausted. He looked down at the paperwork on his desk and rubbed his eyes. It was going to be a long night. Atwater and Ruzek were out on a sting to catch a doctor who'd been writing illegal prescriptions and getting the money from dealers downtown.

He knew he should be thinking about the case, but all he could think about was Erin. He looked over at her empty desk and his heart ached. It ached for the girl who used to sit of there. The girl who before her attack would be sitting in he seat busting his balls over something stupid. Not locked up in some inpatient clinic across town. His heart hurt for the girl who he'd finally made his only for her to end it over something he'd done that was going to help her. It hurt for Hank Voight who hadn't left his office since they'd came back from dropping Erin off.

Voight had come in and put Alvin Onlinsky in charge of the sting tonight and walked into this office and hadn't come out the rest of the evening. Jay saw the light coming out from under the door and he stood up and walked over to Hank's office and pushed against the cracked door.

Hank's gaze lifted from the paperwork he was looking at and up at Jay who was standing in the doorway. "You're still here? Why?"

Jay shrugged his shoulders and walked into Hank's office and sat down. "I don't know. I guess I didn't want to go home to an empty apartment"

Voight rubbed his eyes and looked at the paperwork. "She'll come around, Halstead"

Jay couldn't believe his ears. Was Hank Voight actually offering him some comfort? The same Hank Voight who was ADAMENT that he and Erin Lindsay not be together. Jay didn't want to press his luck with Voight so he nodded and looked out the window "I hope so"

Voight sat back in his chair "She will. The Erin that you saw today, was the same Erin I took in when she was a teenager. She's going to get some help in there. The psych hold was the only way to legally make her go"

Jay thought of the betrayed look on Erin's face this morning when she'd woken up and seen Hank Voight in her living room. "Are you going to let her come back to work?"

Voight nodded. "Yes, when she's ready. I know that she's not going to come in and want a desk job. But, I can't have her on the street if she's not ready to be out there"

Jay nodded in agreement. "Are you going to go and get her when she's released?"

Voight nodded again "I am"

Jay kept his eyes on the window and looked out at the city. "Do you think she's ever going to let us back in?"

000000000000000000000

Erin sat in the dark in her room looking out the window. Her first group meeting was uneventful. She didn't share things with people she knew, let alone strangers. So having to tell them about her attack was not only uncomfortable, but humiliating when she felt everyone's eyes on her while she talked.

God, she just wanted to feel happy again. Why was that so hard? Why couldn't she just put all of this aside? Why did this attack have to remind her of everything she had tried so hard to forget as a kid? She could only think back to when her dad wasn't in prison and her mother's addiction just starting. They would ALWAYS make Erin prideful of her appearance. She thought back to being 6 and getting dirty at school and her father emotionally and physically abusing her for getting off the bus with a dirty dress on. She could smell the alcohol on his breath while he grabbed her arm and jerked her through their trailer into the bathroom. She could remember seeing Bunni standing at the kitchen stove cooking meth while her baby brother sat crying in his play pen, Still in the same diaper that her 6 year old self had put him in when she'd left for school this morning.

She remembered her dad taking her in the bathroom and pealing her clothes off and hitting her, before shoving her into a burning hot shower so she could get clean. She remembered putting on her "Rugrats" night gown after her shower and going to get Teddy. Her mom and dad were nowhere insight so she'd picked Teddy up and carried him into the bathroom and bathed and changed him before going to make them something to eat. She'd pushed the kitchen chair over to the counter and gotten some cereal and went to get the milk and Teddy a bottle.

Tears welled in Erin's eyes as she thought back to the milk only having enough in the carton for Teddy a bottle. So Erin poured him a bottle and decided she'd just wait until school in the morning to eat. Her little tummy grumbled as she carried the Cheerios and bottle of milk back to her room and pulled Teddy up onto her bed. She fed him and played with him until the sun had set and it was time for bed. So, she covered her and Teddy up under her blankets and cuddled him until they'd both fallen asleep.

Erin wiped her eyes as she got out of the chair and moved to her bed. She was so fucked up. More fucked up than anyone would ever understand.