The first light

To wake, and not to know where, or who you are, not even to know what you are - whether a thing with legs and arms, or a beast, or a brain in the hull of a great fish, is a strange awakening. But after a while, uncurling in the darkness, I began to discover myself, and I was a woman.

All around was blackness without sound. With my hands, I felt old crusts of rock. There was an ancient bitter smell without a name pressing into my nostrils.

I crawled out of the recess I had been lying in and found a sort of passage where I could stand upright. Oddly, I did not wonder if I was blind. It was cold and airless as I felt a way along the passage. My foot struck hard on an obstruction.

I kneeled and felt it carefully. A step, followed by other steps, hewn out roughly from the inner rock, and not much trodden. I could remember abruptly other staircases, made of the smooth veined white stuff, slippery almost as glass, deeply indented at their centre from countless feet passing up and down. I went cautiously up the steps, feeling always with my hands.

I did not think to count them, but there were many, at least a hundred. And then a flat space without steps. Foolishly I had quickened my pace, thankful to be on the level ground, but I was punished. Suddenly there was no more tone in front, only an undeniable void. I swayed like a dancer on the brink of the invisible drop, then flung backwards and saved myself.

A skitter of stones fell down into the blackness. I heard them falling for a long time, bouncing off- ten against the walls. I was terrified now. How could I go on without seeing? The next mistake might be fatal, and already, without even knowing who I was, I knew my life was important to m sensed, too, something fighting against me in the dark malignant, one-sided battle, and I feared it and was angry.

On hands and knees I went forward very slowly, away to the left of the drop, After a moment, my outstretched hand clawed at emptiness. I turned back, going to the right A bonds, and the third comer of the abyss was sucking at m grasp. I was filled with fury.

I screamed out a curse in the dark and the sound echoed and echoed until I thought the roc would split into pieces. Where now?

Perhaps there was nowhere. I lay on the ledge and wept, and then curled again, like an animal or a fetus, and slept. That was the end of my first awakening. The second time was better. The original sleep had beer no normal sleeping; this was, and I woke with a different awareness of things. I reasoned in the dark that if the staircase ended in nothing, then I would have to go back down the stairs to the passage and retrace my steps until I found some other way.

It occurred to me then, for the first time, that I was seeking the surface, with an instinctive knowledge of being underground. Crawling back across the platform to the stairs, my hands and then my knees encountered a square dip in the rock.

I searched it and discovered a seam. This must be a door Even while I was trying to find some way to open it, it slipped suddenly inward. I found myself, still in absolute blackness, hanging over another unguessable void, my scrabbling fingertips clutching at one smooth edge of the door. There was no hope.

My fingers lost their grip and I fell. I thought that was the end of it, but the drop was not very far. I hit the stone floor, and rolled, loose-limbed enough that I did myself no harm. I turned around slowly, and now, unmistakably, there was the merest glimmer of light, far off, at the end of what seemed another long passageway.

Drawn by that light, I set off quickly, almost running. Now I could see the dim outline of the rock sides little veins of glitter in them. The glow deepened. Then abound turned a corner and threw up my hands to shield had

The light was as blinding as the darkness, eyes. rub away the tears and look around me I was in a vast cavern, lit only at its centre passage and could centre were a great, rough-hewn bowl, at least six feet in diameter, poured out a ceaseless storm of red and golden flame.

Beyond the fire, a fight of steps ran up to a narrow door high in the wall. Otherwise, the cavern seemed featureless and empty Somehow the narrow door was important to me and knew I must reach it. started out across the floor, suddenly aware of how the cavern, stretching up endlessly into darkness, dwarfed me like an ant.

I passed the flame-bowl, had my foot on the first stair. There was a groaning thunder behind me. I swung around and looked in astonishment, Countless little fires had cracked open the cavern floor and were blazing there. At the next step, fresh flames burst through.

Not stopping to see any more, I ran to the top of the stairs, as if speed could outwit the mechanism below. With my hand on the narrow door, I glanced back. The floor where I had walked was now a sea of savage gold, and the scarlet smoke clouded up and turned to purple in the high roof. I pushed the door and ran through hen it opened, thrusting it shut behind me.

The room was full of light, though it seemed to have no source. In front of me was a long hanging curtain, and when I pulled it aside, a stone altar and another stone bowl, where something stirred and brooded at my presence. I could not this thing, only sense it, and when it spoke, I did not hear the words except with the ears inside my head.

"And so you could not sleep forever. I knew that you must wake one day, for all the sleep I gave you. Wake, and come to me. Even the abyss could not take you, as I hoped. Well, then. I will tell you things. I am Karrakaz, the Soulless One, who sprang from the evil of your race, a world of years be- ore your birth, and finally destroyed that race, and every one of it, except yourself. And you escaped destruction because you were a little child, and had not yet properly learned the ways of evil. But now you have grown to womanhood in your sleep, and you will learn. Evil will come and you will welcome it. Remember, wherever you go, I will be near you. There is no escape from Karrakaz now. Look On the altar something flickered and glittered and took on substance. A knife, with a sharp bright blade. See how easy it would be to be rid of me. Pick up the knife. You have only to tell it where to strike, and it will obey you. Then you can sleep forever, without fear."

But I stood quite still and did not take it. A million pictures and memories were blazing through my mind, and hands were icy with terror.