Divorce changes everything.

My life took a turn when I was 4 years old. My dad hid the secret that he has another family in Singapore. That small secret was all it took to make my life miserable and lifeless.

My mum(Maliwan Wongsi Thongchanta) is a school teacher in Chachoengsao and my dad(Channarong Wongsi Thongchanta) is a businessman in Bangkok. They fell in love the first time they met and got married after being in a relationship for 2 years.

I always wondered how a businessman got to know a school teacher. How did the two completely different lives cross the path and became one?

I was born on February 11th, it was the happiest moment in my parents' life, at least that's what they said. My life was going happy filled with love and affection but started falling apart after I turned 8.

One night, I woke up with the sound of weeping and indistinct chatting. I got off my bed and went downstairs that's when I knew that the weeping was mum's muffled cries and the indistinct chatting is my parents arguing.

I stood on the last step of the stairs and heard my parents arguing about something my age couldn't understand. I didn't realize then the sound of her muffled cries is what I'm gonna hear in the house from that day.

From that day, I heard them arguing every night. It's been a week since I didn't hear cries or arguments, I thought whatever the thing they are arguing has ended but that was just a halt because dad wasn't home and mum was good at hiding tears.

One afternoon, mum and I were in the living room. Mum was helping me with homework when dad came in with his luggage, he was with us just for a month and now he showed up with luggage to go somewhere again.

"I'm going overseas on a business trip," Dad's face was stern and his voice was feeling less.

"Again?" Mum asked. But dad didn't answer that question.

Dad's been making a business trip. Whenever mum asked he always escaped saying it's related to business and board meetings.

Mum stood up and she was about to speak but she stopped and turned towards me.

"Kiet, dear can you continue your homework in your room. Your dad and I have something to talk about." Mum said with a smile. I nodded my head, took my books, and went into my room.

You know how a child's curiosity is like, they do things which elders say a big 'No' to. I kept my books in my room and came downstairs without any sound and stood behind the living room wall making myself non-existent and was eavesdropping on their so-called 'talk'.

"Just tell me that you're going to see her," Mum said in an angry tone.

"Fine, then I'm going to see her," Dad grunted in frustration.

I don't know whom they are referring to when they said 'her' but she sure is the reason for mum and dad's midnight cries and arguments.

"Why are you doing this to me....... to us?" Mum asked in a muffled tone.

Was she crying? I peeked my head into the living room to see and she indeed was.

"What do you mean why?. You know why" Dad answered.

"Do you love her more than me? More than our son?" Mum asked breaking down.

"I do love our son most. But, I got one out there too. It happened accidentally and it's not my fault that I love another woman." Dad answered in a cold tone without concern towards mum's tears.

What dad's got another son? But I don't have any other brother. My 8-year-old mind couldn't think of more than that. I let go of those thoughts and eavesdropped again.

"Yes, it is. How can you cheat on me? You promised that it's over." Mum said in between her sobs.

"I did, but I got a son out there and I don't want him to grow up without father," Dad said in a low tone.

"So, you thought of cheating on me again?" This time she wasn't crying instead her voice sounded anger.

"Speak quietly. What if Kiet listens" Dad tried to calm her.

"Let him know. Let him know what his father is, let him see your true self." Mum shouted again.

"I am who I am, but you aren't. It wasn't my fault, I slept with her. It's your fault that I love her." Dad replied in frustration.

"My fault?" Mum said in a quiet tone

"Yes, yours. You didn't love me like you used to. You stopped caring for me, she showed me the love I wanted, that's why I loved her." Dad grunted.

"So it was all my fault, huh?. Fine, I wasn't loving you enough. But I never cheated on you, as you did to me." Mum replied.

"Don't make a scene. I will be back in a month." Dad said while checking his watch.

"There's no need. I can live without you. If you want to be with her, then stay with her. Let's get a divorce." Mum asked wiping her tears from her face.

I don't know what divorce would mean, but it's something, something that parts the ways of two loved ones.

"Fine, if that's what you want," Dad replied.

He canceled his flight and after few days, they got a divorce. They didn't care about anything when they were getting a divorce and I was their last topic. I fell asleep lying on my bed after crying for hours. But downstairs something else was going on.

"I have a flight tomorrow morning. I want to take Kiet with me." Dad said to mum.

"You are getting your love. Why bother taking the burden of previous ones?" Mum asked in a low tone.

"Don't act like I never cared for you guys. I love Kiet. I can provide him a better education and a good life than you." Dad replied with a stern face.

"I didn't ask you anything at the time of our divorce, will you give me, if I ask now?" mum asked with a pleasing tone.

"What is it?" dad asked after a sigh.

"Please let me be with my son. I lost you, I can't afford to lose him too. " Mum pleased with tears in her eyes.

Dad saw her for a second before speaking.

"Okkay. But I will take care of his education, I don't want my son to face problems because of money. Agree with my condition and I'll agree with yours."

Mum didn't answer she simply nodded her head in agreement.

The next morning, I woke up and went downstairs only to find dad getting ready to leave.

"Dad, are you leaving?" I asked going towards him.

He pulled me closer and held me in his arms.

"Yes. I will call you every week, take care of yourself. Okkay?" Dad said while ruffling my hair.

"Okkay," I said with a smile, not knowing it's my last talk to him in person.

We both had breakfast together and he got ready.

"Goodbye, Kiet," Dad said kneeling in front of me and kissed on my forehead.

"Bye-bye, dad." I waved happily.

He stood up and turned towards mum, who was on her verge of crying.

"It may be the last time you see me. Goodbye, Maliwan. Take good care of him." He said and took the cab and left without waiting for mum's reply.

Mum came inside the house, she went into her room and closed the door. She didn't open it even I called. I slept by the mum's room door after knocking on it continuously. I woke up in my bed, in the evening and went downstairs only to find mum with swollen eyes.

I tried talking to her, but she didn't respond. It felt like I was the only one whose having dinner. From that day onwards, mum wasn't like she's before. It felt like she's lost in her own world, the world where I didn't exist. I didn't know the reason for her behavior until I was 10.

That's when I knew the reason why mum and dad don't talk, why dad never visits me and why he only talks to me over the phone. I thought mum forget about him like he forgot mum, but I heard her muffled cries almost every night.

It always felt like they didn't leave each other instead they abandoned me. I couldn't stay in the house that's filled with cries and sorrows, so I asked dad to make me stay in the school dormitory.

Mum was lifeless, she even forgot she has a son. But dad, his life was going well. He shifted his business to Singapore which became a huge success in less time. That company made him wealthier than he was before.

It's not like mum and I are living a miserable life. All these years, I learned to do was to give a fake smile and make others believe that you're happy even if you're not, and to never show your problems to them.