Most convoluted isekai introduction ever

School had just ended for the day. I was walking down the sidewalk minding my own business, listening to music when I heard a commotion coming from around the corner of the block. Intrigued, I walked forward casually. I saw a huge crowd of people forming around the busy street. As I made it to the edge of the crowd I heard the shouts and cries of the people from the crowd.

"Move out the way!"

"Look out!"

It was a lot of these types of shouts that permeated the area. As I was looking over the shoulder of one of the guys that formed the crowd, he moved toward the right, allowing me to see what was happening. I was confused when I saw nothing on the road. They were just shouting at the air. Bewildered, I turned to walk away when I suddenly lost my footing and stumbled out in the middle of the street. I looked around confused and slightly panicked when I heard the sound of a vehicle driving down the street. I looked back to see a pickup truck barreling toward me at high speeds.

Using fitness and energy I didn't even know I had, I rolled out of the way, barely dodging the truck in time. Recoiling from my near-death experience, I watched as the truck crashed into the front of the local bodega and then explode. Still slightly shivering, I sprinted past the stunned crowd, running home as fast as I could. Jumbled thoughts shot by at lightning speed in my brain.

Around a mile from my home, I was panting and sweating at the physical exertion. I started walking the rest of the way home. As I was walking and shaking off my shock I heard the sound of shrieking tires on the pavement. I whirled my head around and saw a red car about to run into me.

Using a trick I saw in a youtube video I was able to successfully roll over the top of the hood, windshield, roof, and trunk before landing behind the car as it crashed through the fence of a construction site and right Into a stack of propane and gas tanks next to electrical equipment.

What is with today? I thought frantically as I ran away as fast as my tired body would allow before the truck and propane would inevitably explode. I was half a mile from my home before a large explosion rang out in the distance. I was standing around looking at the fire and trying to recover when I saw a shadow over me. I looked up to see a wrecking ball coming straight for me.

What the fuck? I thought as I once again rolled away, narrowly missing another gruesome death.

"Seriously, what in the fuck?" I said aloud in frustration in between gulps of sweet air. I was just about a hundred feet from my home when I noticed an even larger shadow coming from above. I immediately started running in the opposite direction. My efforts were being proven vain as the shadow just kept getting bigger and bigger. The only things keeping me going were the adrenaline and the track practice. In a burst of morbid curiosity, I looked behind me. It was a Boeing 747 commercial airliner, it seemed as though the engines and wings were fucked.

"A FUCKING PLANE, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!!" I cried out as I tried to desperately increase my running speed. All the people in front of me were screaming in terror. I had no time to worry about them though, just myself. I was given no time to think as the airplane crashed into the building beside me. It plowed through the brick and mortar with a vengeance, one of its broken engine propellers that didn't hit the building was right on my heels! To add insult to injury it exploded. Blasting shrapnel everywhere. I was able to dodge most of it but some embedded themselves in my right arm and shoulder.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH, FUCK!!", I screamed out in white-hot agony. The shrapnel was very sharp, spiky, and hot all at once. Despite the pain, I continued running. My instincts were screaming at me to run and keep running. Run and survive. Survive. I didn't question it. I listened to my instincts and thanked myself dearly because of it. It seemed wherever I went misfortune would follow and temptation with it.

I was running toward a building with an electric water fountain on the side. The urge to drink fresh and clean water welled up from my throat and mouth. Just as I was about to turn and head for it my instincts screamed at me. I obeyed and ran past the fountain. Seconds later a massive fiery explosion rang out. It seemed a gas line exploded a few feet away from the fountain. If I had paused there I would have been cooked well-done and crispy.

Situations like this kept happening. Temptation and Death kept pining for me. Luckily I employed continuous use of the Joestar family secret technique! This song and dance continued for hours until I had run the entire distance of my city from end to end. From the suburbs to the urban area and to the highway routes. Of course, lady luck followed her most despised all along the way.

Eventually, my continuous sprint turned into a run and then a jog and then a walk and then a crawl. My limbs felt heavy and numb like I was under the effect of ten times gravity. Muscles shivered in protest at the tiniest movement. I looked like a right mess. My previous pristine school uniform turned into rags fit for a beggar. The dirt, grime, and blood were like a second layer of skin. The blood on my body and clothes was a mixture of my own and from others. My mouth, throat, and sinuses felt dryer than the Sahara desert. My trachea felt like it was on fire and breathing was a herculean task.

As the sun started setting on the horizon, I collapsed. It was going to happen eventually. After all, I am only human. The fact that I lasted this long was a miracle unto itself. I rolled myself into my back and just laid there. Despite the fear, pain, and melancholy, I couldn't help but smile. Although it was stressful, today was the most exciting and fun day I had ever had.

I glanced around at the destroyed highway. Cars were piled up and bodies were laid strewn about. The blood pooled around in a congealed mass. The highway I was on cut through a rural area so I took my mind off the gore and enjoyed the beauty of nature. I was interrupted by blaring sirens off in the distance. From here they sounded quite beautiful if a bit haunting. The sky turned gray and dark as a funnel-shaped cloud began to descend from the clouds and form into a tornado.

Hmmm, isn't it getting a bit ridiculous now? It seems even nature wants a piece of me. If Death want's me so bad, it's gonna have to work a little harder than that. My depleted fighting spirit rekindled. I mustered my will and got up. I shambled forward like a zombie as I started to scavenge the debris from the disaster that took place here. I was able to acquire a few bottles of water and granola bars from some of the cars. I ignored the pleading of those around me. If I stopped to help, I would most likely run out of time. From what I could see the tornado wasn't slow and more were forming. At the end of the Highway pile-up, I spotted an SUV.

Its owner was nowhere to be found and the driver's door was open with the keys still in the ignition. I inspected it for caution and found nothing out of the ordinary. I deposited my loot on the next seat over and got in. I got my driver's license a while back and was practicing even before that so I was pretty experienced for a 16-year-old. My right arm was still pretty fucked up but the adrenaline did a pretty good job of nullifying pain. I stepped on the pedal and floored it out of there.

I could see multiple tornados gunning for me and more sirens activating as I fled. I weaved past other cars on the road, uncaring about their convenience. At one point I think a state trooper turned on his lights and started trying to pull me over but quickly changed his tune after the tornado started shredding the asphalt and pulling up cars into the sky. Soon, both he and I were parallel to each other and his lights were off. I rolled down my window and he did too.

"Hey man, How's it going!?" I yelled over at him.

"Why in the fuck does look like that Tornado is specifically gunning for you!?" he asked.

"I don't know maybe an enemy Stand user!?" I said to him.

"Ah, so you're using the Joestar family secret technique!?" He said back. We both smiled a little at each other. "It seems we both are!" I replied. We both started making references at each other as we weaved through the small amount of traffic.

"By the way what's your name kid!?" He asked.

"It's Jason Mackenzie, but my friends call me Mack! What's yours!?"

"Franklin D.Roosevelt!" A cat flew past my windshield.

"Nice!" I crossed my arms, referencing Joseph.

"You know you're a pretty cool kid, if you make it out of this alive wanna hang?" I said yes as he pulled out a piece of paper and wrote something down and showed it to me. It was a discord id. I snapped a few pics and he put it away.

"As much fun as I had, I'm gonna have to go now!"

"See ya, have a good one!"

"I wish you the best! Arriverderci!" He said as he left via an exit. Hmm, what a pleasant experience. I continued driving on the highway all night, trying to lose the tornados. Eventually, I succeeded but ran into another problem, gas. I rummaged around the car and found a wallet belonging to someone called William Wallace. I stopped at a gas station, refueled, and gathered food&water. The cashier looked at me very funnily when he saw my blood-covered form and tattered clothes I ignored her and left the money on the counter.

"Keep the change, " I called out as I walked away. I unlocked the back door of the SUV I commandeered and found a briefcase, a baseball bat with a few baseballs, a baseball uniform, forest green sweatpants, running shoes, a green t-shirt, sunglasses, and a bandana as well as other clothes. I left them in there and drove up the road. The road was empty and the world seemed still. I used this opportunity to change into the aforementioned clothes and clean myself with towelettes and baby wipes.

I put on the sunglasses and bandana before opening up the briefcase. To my surprise, the briefcase contained a handgun, ammo, rolls of cash, and what seemed to be cocaine. I threw away the coke and then put on the holster I found in another compartment of the briefcase and slid my loaded handgun in. I rummaged around some more and found a dark red jacket I could use to hide my gun. I put it on and hit the road.

I am quite on edge right now. One thing I noticed through my hours of running away was a pattern. There was always a gap of time in between each instance of misfortune and the bigger the gap the worse the misfortune. So far this has been the biggest gap I have experienced and I can only dread what will happen. What am I even supposed to do now anyway? I can't go back home because I will just be endangering the lives of my family, friends, and all those I know. If my hypothesis is true, and the misfortune is increased the longer the gap, I wouldn't be surprised if a satellite or even the ISS(international space station) fell on me as dumb as that sounds.

So I drove. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do when I got there. Eventually, I made it to around the coastline. I stopped for a little break and began eating all of the junk food I bought as well as all of the water. I enjoyed the colors of the sunrise as I ate. I was interrupted by a strange phenomenon. The tide seemed to be receding at a rapid pace. Before long I could see dozens of feet of the coastal seafloor as well as the fish flopping around. I finished my last bag of Doritos and started drinking from a water bottle when my eyes widened.

Water flooded my sinuses and escaped through my nose before I sprinted back to my car. Other knowledgeable people on the beach began to book it too. I started coughing as some of the regurgitated water made it down the wrong pipe. I put the keys in the ignition and turned. I made it back onto the road and began weaving out of traffic. The cops were on me like white on rice but I simply ignored them and continued to weave around. A massive rumble tore through the earth. Even the largest and most well-built building in this coastal city were wobbling like trees. The winds were loud and fast. The sky darkened once again. Funnel clouds were forming and off in the distance the largest tsunami ever seen was barreling toward the coast. Lightning flashed and thunder boomed.

I drove past women, children, the elderly, disabled, it didn't matter to me. I swallowed the morals cultivated by society and continued on. I turned the corner necessary to leave the city, I looked back one last time and nearly choked on my spit. Franklin. Both he and his family were running away. Damn it all just leave Mack, you barely know him! My face turned a variety of colors before I sighed and turned around. I arrived just in front of them and rolled down the window.

"Come with me if you want to live," I said in my best Arnold impression, I then pulled down my bandana and took off my glasses. Franklin seemed a bit surprised but lightly smiled in the end and obliged.

"Come on, get inside. Quick." He and his family got in and I beelined for the highway. Due to the time spent saving Frank, the tornados finished forming and made a mad dash to my car. I weaved past crashed cars, those on foot, and those in other cars. I adjusted my rearview mirror. It was hell on earth. A giant 2,000-foot tsunami, fire whirls, waterspouts, tornados, earthquakes, and gas line explosions, just to add insult. Damn, Truck-kun is very mad he failed. To calm down, I turned on the radio. Rick Astley's Together Forever was on so I turned up the volume. I bobbed my head to the beat slightly. I'm surprised the radio station is even broadcasting with all the shit happening.

Surprisingly, this Misfortune event was pretty tame on me. All I had to do was do some precision driving. No running for hours straight with no food or water. Maybe whatever is doing this is trying to guilt-trip me into accepting death by bringing other people into this. Unfortunately, that's not going to work. Unless you are even superficially close to me I wouldn't try to help or care. It's not like I could do anything anyway, I still am only one human. Against nature what can I do? Nigerundayo, that's what. Oh, 'Video killed the radio star' is on now.

"Kid." I turned to Franklin. "I cannot express how thankful I am for what you have done for me and my family."

"Your welcome, it was no problem." I smiled at him. Franklin turned to the backseat.

"This is my wife Michelle, and my son Franklin Jr." I adjusted the rearview mirror.

"Hello, back there. My name is Jack Delson Mackenzie but you can call me Mack for short."

"H-hello, Mister Mack," Franklin Jr. responded. His facial features resembled his father, with dark brown skin, black hair shaped into a mini fro. He wore a red t-shirt with a Super Saiyan 2 Gohan design on it, black shorts, and multicolored light-up Skechers. He looked to be 5-6 years old. He seemed to be shaken up by the natural disasters he witnessed. Michelle was a Latina with light brown skin and straight dark hair. She was very pretty too.

"Hello Mack, thank you for saving us. Do you know my husband from somewhere you seem to recognize each-" she was cut off short by her jostling around the car. A car was thrown in front of my car by a tornado. I had to drift around it. I didn't even know I could do that.

"KANSEI DOOORIFTOOO!" I couldn't help scream that out. Deja Vu was playing in the background and the inner weeb in me couldn't be contained. After that was over I turned a little sheepish.

"Yoooo, sorry about that. You should put on your seat belts, Hehehe." Franklin was chuckling at that and franklin Jr. seemed a little less on edge.

"That's a good idea, we should have down that from the beginning," Michelle conceded.

"And yes, your husband and I had met before. We were actually driving away from tornado's kind of like right now." She nodded at that.

"DO THAT AGAIN THAT WAS SO COOL!!" Franklin Jr. called out. I chuckled at that.

"Why not, Eurobeat is still playing on the radio." Instead of just completely dodging obstacles, every once in a while I would inertia drift around an obstacle. I stooped when the tornados started closing the gap quicker because of that, although to Junior's disappointment. We all started talking as hours passed. The tornados had already long since dissipated. Michelle and Junior eventually fell asleep. Franklin had just told a nice joke, we chuckled some more and fell into a comfortable silence.

I pulled over into a gas station to refuel and buy more supplies. As I did so Franklin and I talked.

"Where are you and your family going to go?" I asked.

"We are most likely going to stay at my parent's place. They live over in Georgia." I nodded. My face turned grave as I turned to him after paying.

"Listen, Frank, this is serious and I'm not joking when I say this." Franklin's face turns serious. "Take the car and go to your parents." His eyes widen as I hand him the keys to the car as well as all the supplies I bought. I see the confusion in his eyes and explain.

"I'm sure if you look it up right now, you can see a pattern of bizarre and dangerous events happening across multiple states near this one. For some reason, I've been experiencing events I call 'Misfortune Events'. The purpose of these events seems to be to kill me, regardless of the casualties. The first one happened nearly two days ago when I was almost run over by a pickup truck with no driver. From then more shit keeps happening to me. There is a gap of time between each event and the longer it is the more dangerous it is." Franklin's face seemed shocked and disbelieving.

"Man, I thought you were joking when you said an enemy stand user was coming after you. What would be the stand name of a stand that can cause misfortune?" He chuckled a little at that, "I would be calling you a lunatic right now if I hadn't seen how persistent that one tornado was at trying to catch you when I first met you." I'm glad he believes me.

"But what are you gonna do with the next event?"

"I'll figure something out, don't worry about me. Just get as far away as possible from here," I said back. He looked to be contemplating but finally nodded. He accepted the keys.

"By the way." He turned to me. "That car is not mine, get rid of it when you can. Its owner was most likely swallowed by a tornado." He nodded at me before walking out. Before he drove off I got back my sunglasses, bandana, and baseball cap.

"Arriverderci, Franklin!" I said as I waved him off

"Arriverderci, Jason!" he called back out to me. I watched him speed off over the horizon. As soon as he left, I fell to my knees in exhaustion. Despite my damaged and overtaxed muscles, I mustered my will once more and began walking away from the nearby town using support from the highway railing. Normally, I would have at least jogged but I was both physically and mentally tired. I hadn't slept in nearly 70 hours. My body has overexerted itself continuously. My right arm was numb and I could barely move it. The shrapnel from that airplane might have even caused nerve damage. I put on a brave face in front of Franklin and his family but I was tapped.

I know I said previously that death would have to try harder to catch me but after the last event, I thought it over and realized facing it would be the best option. The thing that worries me especially is the escalation. The universe seems to want to kill me very badly for reasons I cannot comprehend it tried to do this through things that could be passed off as unlucky and unfortunate but now it is being direct and using the power of nature. If I survive, what will happen later down the line? Wouldn't the apocalypse happen because of me? What would happen to my mom, sisters, and brother? Would a meteor equivalent to the one that ended the dinosaurs come down? Would Yellowstone Super Volcano erupting and destroying most of the continental US? The pressure I'm under right now is insane. I was broken from my thoughts when sirens blared out again.

Unlike last time when they were distant and sounded haunting yet beautiful, this time they were close, loud, annoying, and overbearing. I listened to the warning they were giving out.

"WARNING! WARNING! NUCLEAR MISSILE LAUNCHED! WARNING! EVACUATE!" Followed by loud siren blaring.

Damn. It seems the universe, god, heaven, truck-kun, or whoever are finally bringing out the heavy firepower. Not gonna lie, it's pretty embarrassing that to kill me they had to use a nuke. A bolt of lightning fired off nearby even though it was bright and sunny with not a cloud in sight. Seems it is mad too. Not sure why it didn't just smite me with lightning, to begin with. A few more bolts went off as a result of my thought. I bust out a smirk. Even more lightning.

Teasing heaven is fun. More lightning, this time closer as if warning me. I burst out laughing, this is truly too funny. It caused all that destruction and death but all it had to do was smite me. Lightning coiled around the forming clouds in anger. Despite myself, I couldn't help but laugh even more. From the outside, I must look like I have gone completely insane with my joker-like laughs. Truly, heaven is very temperamental. The only question I have now is why? I was never going to get the answer so I didn't dwell on it.

After a few minutes, I saw the missile streaking across the sky. As I watched it approaching I slipped on my earbuds and started eating a few pieces of junk food starting with a honey bun as a last meal. I selected the song, "Atom Bomb Baby". It seemed very fitting. The missile was now directly overhead. Thirty seconds before it touched down I finished my last piece of junk food and last sip of Gatorade.

Damn, I needed to piss. Dying while having to piss is not a good way to go so I pulled down my pants and started to relieve myself right then and there. 10 seconds left. I finished and pulled my pants back up. I thought of my gun. Hmmm, I didn't get to shoot it even once. I pulled it out. I'm going to fire it right as the missile lands. That'll be my last action before death.

"By the way, heaven?" Five seconds left.

"Is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister?" Although I couldn't see it I felt that it was confused. Three seconds left.

"No, but since he's dead he'd have to come back to life to do it!" I sensed that the presence was befuddled. Nice, I had that stored in my head for years.

I pointed my gun into the sky and pulled my trigger. At the same time, a blinding flash of light struck my retinas, and before I knew it my consciousness faded. My only regret is that I didn't get that three-foot hoagie. Just thinking about it made me hungry.

A/N:--------------

Where have I been for the last seven months you ask? Not gonna lie I was being lazy. I'm sorry ok, my bed was just too comfortable.

In return, have a rewrite of my most popular and most complete work. I believe I have grown as an author so a rewrite is justified.

In truth, I do have draft chapters of the old version and might still update the old version if you guys want.

I'll try to have consistent updates again but no promises.

Also, be sure to interact. Review, comment, critique. doing so keeps me motivated, I think that was one of the reasons I stopped updating. As I updated I saw less and less reader interaction which caused me to get disheartened and be sidetracked by video games.