Chapter 2: DUI

As I drove through the streets of Lagos, only one thought ran through my mind. "Why the hell did I drink that additional glass of liquor." My head was spinning slightly. It wasn't terrible but it was bad enough that I was scared of dying.

I could feel my eyes getting heavy and I knew that one wrong move would be my last. Adrenaline ran through my veins and my heart raced like a horse on a deadly mix of steroids and coke.

Every second of the drive was a near death experience. And yet for some reason, I couldn't help but drive at an unnecessarily high speed.

Blazing through the streets of the city of brown roofs at over a hundred kilometers per hour while under the influence of alcohol was deathly risky. I knew that what I was doing was stupid and yet I couldn't bring myself to slow down.

As I swerved from one side of the road, partly because I was losing control of my motor functions and partly because I was dodging potholes, I was reminded of why I hated drinking alcohol in places outside my home.

Liquor makes people do stupd things even when they know that it is stupid. It deadens inhibitions, that voice in your head that tells you not to be a stupid dickhead.

While I was risking our lives by doing something as stupid as driving tipsy at night, Uzo was showing symptoms of his drunkenness by sayings stupid things. The conversation he was forcing me into was doing nothing more than reducing our chances of survival.

It was hard enough for me to focus on the road without him bickering. With his bickering, our chances of survival were abysmal at best.

"Why were you sucking that bastard's dick?" Uzo said, opening the conversation in his distinct style of brash lewdness.

"What the hell do you mean by that," I said, as I eased my leg off the throttle, swerved to the right to dodge a pothole, and swerved sharply to the left to avoid crashing as I had swerved too far to the right.

"I mean, you were clearly trying to pacify him."

"Yes, I was. And you were clearly trying to antagonize him."

"We don't need that nigger. What is he doing for us? Getting us a keycard because we cant break the door to his bank? Bullshit. I'm sure there are cheaper ways to get into a bank than five million naira."

"He told us the day the bullion van would deliver cash to the bank, thereby ensuring that we get away with a massive loot. A loot massive enough that five million should be chicken change to you."

"Ptah," Uzo exclaimed like a true Igbo man. "We can easily get that information from anyone. We can get that information by watching the bank all through the week."

"Jesus fucking Christ man. Are you listening to yourself? Watching the bank for a week."

"Yes. We would learn their money delivery schedule and know when to hit."

"That is very foolish."

"Don't call me foolish," Uzo shot back angrily, way more angrily than was called for. Clearly the alcohol in his system was messing with his emotional balance.

"I didn't call you foolish. However, what you said is foolish and I stand by it. Banks don't have a regular schedule for delivering money to their branches. At Least not in this hellhole that happens to be our dear motherland. Imagine hitting a bank only to realize that there is less than fifty k in the vault. Look man, if everything goes according to our plans, we would be freaking millionaires. We are talking about hundred of millions here. Five million naira shouldn't be a problem."

"I can live with parting with five million naira. But handing twenty five percent to that fucking weasel just doesn't sit right with me. You know that bankers always inflate the money that was stolen after a successful heist so they can demand more money from their insurers. The bankers including Frank are going to gain from our success by simply inflating figures. Why does he have to take from us too."

"I'm getting really tired of this bullshit Uzo. What do you want?"

"Lets rob another bank. Forget Frank. There are five other banks in the area. We can rob two or three of them. Leave Frank's bank alone. Yemi's protection would still cover us if we hit those banks. We would make more money that way."

"Says who? Look man, we can hit all those vaults and find them close to empty. Banks are rarely ever cash heavy. That's why most times their ATMs don't dispense cash. Besides, you are missing the point of Frank's cooperation. He would be helpful to us in cleaning the money and ensuring that the investigation into the robbery doesn't go anywhere."

"Wouldn't it be better for us if the Bank Manager of the bank we rob doesn't know anything about us and therefore cant help the cops? Our secret is safer with someone who doesn't have it than someone who does."

I slammed the breaks and brought the car to a sudden halt. Uzo's torso lurched forward and his chin almost hit the dashboard.

"What the hell?"

"We are at your crib," I replied. "You are drunk. Go to bed and sleep. When you wake up your mind would be at full capacity and you would be able to see reason."

He rolled his eyes and pushed the door open. "Fuck you, bro," he said as he stepped out of the car and slammed the door.

"See you tomorrow," I said with a chuckle and zoomed off without saying another word. I hoped Uzo would realize that a bank manager working towards deceiving the cops was better than one working towards helping them get us.