II

I wish I could explain what I feel about him. It's not just love, I feel like it's something greater. Something far grand and indescribable. I feel as though he is my only purpose in life...

Pathetic, isn't it? I talk about him who doesn't know me, like he's everything I have ever known. I want him to be what he isn't. He's got insatiable habits that go against everything I believe in. I don't blame him, he's been through hell. Drugs, money, alcohol, girls and boys with low self esteem are probably all that got him to the other end of the tunnel.

I care though. He doesn't know it, but I do. Just as I wouldn't leave things that have me bound, my beliefs and my spirituality, I shouldn't expect that of him. I'm guilty of expecting others to change when I'm stubborn and entitled. I think it's my expectations of others that need to change first and foremost, and then perhaps I will start to recieve everything I prayed for.