Chapter 28 Am I A Fool?

Nakahalumbaba ako habang tanaw ang unti-unting pagkubli ng ulap sa araw. Madali kong natapos ang exam sa first subject kaya mahaba-habang daydreaming ang ginagawa ko ngayon. I don't know but suddenly, I feel so lonely. I sighed.

Walang dahilan para malungkot.

I am currently clearing my mind and ready to go back to earth when Vyra suddenly talks beside me which made my eyes open wide.

"Hoy, Girl, kanina ka pa tahimik sa kotse. It's not so you whenever you're with me, take note, since I became intimate with your brother. You always go berserk as if being lovey-dovey with my fiancée is the worst thing you've ever seen."

"Am I like that?!" bulyaw ko, not even bothered if there is still a professor around.

And honestly, hindi ko alam na ganoon nga ako, tulad ng sinasabi ni Vyra.

"Yes, Bitch. I shouldn't bring it up. Seems like I am waking the sleeping beast in you again. Go ahead. Go back to your lala land. I won't bother you again. But we are in the middle of exams, you better pay attention na," sabi niya.

I rolled my eyes at her and sighed.

Do I really have that bitter looks that hate intimacy?

Oh my gosh, I was just teasing them! And besides, I was like that with Kuya Nico, too. Why does it feel like I am the only person they see as a bitter person?

Out of nowhere, I get my phone, typed bitter with an emoji of a laughing devil, and send it to Kuya Nico.

"Lei, hindi ko alam kung kailan ka uuwi from your little lala land. But don't you think you're being too much? You look weird. Oh, you're weird, to begin with. My bad."

Hindi ba nauubusan ng sasabihin itong si Vyra? Ang lakas na rin ng boses niya, hindi niya ba alam na we are in the middle of the class?

Nahampas niya ang table ko. Tiningala ko naman siya. Wala na ako sa mood magtaray, so I just look at her with bored look.

"Oh, come on, bitch! It's break time, ano bang iniisip mo?"

"What?" Tiningnan ko ang wrist watch ko. It's twelve na.

Bakit ang bilis ng oras? Parang isang minuto pa lang ang lumipas para sa akin.

"Are you still thinking about the kiss this morning?"

Sabay kaming napatingin ni Vyra sa gawi ni Ken.

Walang hiya talaga siya kahit kailan. Maraming tao, at hindi rin dapat malaman ni Vyra ang tungkol doon. So why is he bringing it up now?

"Vyra almost lost her composure in front of everyone as she tried to wake you up. You owe her an apology. Maybe a meal will do, don't you think?" patuloy pa ni Ken.

At ang tahimik kong mundo, bigla na namang nagrambulan sa likod isip ko.

Did he just call my sister-in-law Vyra, the pet name only I use?

"Ah, you're so kind, Ken."

Lumipat ang tingin ko kay Vyra. She even calls him Ken, with that flirting tone.

What is happening? It hasn't been that long nang magkakilala silang dalawa. At engaged din si Vyra kay Kuya Liam!

"Are you ok? You're lost in thoughts again. Shall we grab something to eat first and have some fun this afternoon?" tanong Ken at hinawakan pa ang noo ko.

"Ken, I didn't know you're such a bad influence. But it's a good idea. How about you, bitch? Wanna come?" sabi naman ni Vyra at hinawakan ang mga kamay ko. Pinisil-pisil niya iyon. This is her way to convince me.

"Nope. I want to go home and rest for today," sabi ko.

Tumayo na ako at kinuha ang bag ko. I walk away as fast as I could.

I can't bear to see them so close, like how we used to be.

Am I a fool?

What am I thinking all this time? Our past, our precious memories together– with just a kiss, they all flash crystal clear in my mind. I thought naka-move on na ako, pero bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko?

Nagwawala ang puso ko sa loob ng ribcage ko. Namamasa na rin ang mga mata ko. At kasabay ng pagpatak ng luha ko, kumawala sa labi ko ang isang hiling na hindi ko dapat hinihiling.

"I want him back…"

I reached the first floor without any sense with my surroundings. Basta nakatuon lang ang mata ko sa harap at diretso lang sa paglalakad. I started heading for the gate.

Mayamaya pa ay nakarinig ako ng mga pagtawag sa akin. Hindi ko na lang pinansin. I just want to go home now, and have a good rest, hoping that these memories will fade away as I dream of another dream without him in it.

"Are you crazy? Walking in the rain? Gusto mo kantahan pa kita? Haranahin kita. What about Walking In The Rain by A1, para naman damang dama mo ang paglalakad sa ulan."

"Ako magvi-video. Let's just say we are shooting some dramatic scenes and Lei is the leading lady. Oh, how about a kiss in the rain? That would be great!"

I can hear voices but I ignore them. I am lost. Can someone hold my hand and tell me I am fine?

"Sitting by the window, singing songs alone, wishing you were here because the memories are not enough. When I mess the silence, pretending I'm alright. If you could see then you would be there standing by my side. It may be hard to believe, girl you're the only one I need. It may be hard along a way, 'cause this feeling like heaven blue skies turn to rain…"

I feel like these lines are made for me to say to that man. But no, I won't! Minsan niya na akong niloko. Minsan na ring sinaktan. Ang maulit pa iyon ay isang malaking kahibangan.

"Feels like I'm walking in the rain. I found myself trying to wash away the pain. 'Cause I need you to give me some shelter cause I'm fading away. And baby, I'm walking in the rain."

Malinaw ko nang naririnig that someone is singing it. And how come, it's Ken's voice?

I am slowly losing my sight. My head is so heavy and I can't feel anything. I am numb all over and I can see myself falling.

"I've got you. You're fine, Ash."

Ken…