Nostalgia.

❝ I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be,

but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see.❞

─∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗─

She gasped when she felt him nip at her neck. His lips left wet trails on her throat, making her shiver.

He could feel her pulse, fast and steady, flutter against his lips.

─∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗─

Yuki stayed wide awake that night.

'I can't believe I let him do that!'

'Why?'

'What's wrong with me? What was I thinking?'

.

.

.

'Does he like me?'

She felt a warmth rise in her chest. Her heart swelled with an emotion she took a moment to fully recognize.

But just as quickly as it had appeared, the elation dissipated, with only heavy resignation left in its wake as she recalled how Tobirama had called her "a whore" the day of her meeting with Hashirama.

'A whore...'

A sudden slap of realization hit her, making her heart sink instantly.

'He probably sees me as an easy woman. The type to open her legs for anyone.'

She felt angry with herself, for looking like the sort of person to whom such things could be said.

'What was I thinking?'

She reasoned with herself, concluding that she'd kissed that Senju in a momentary distraction when she had left her mind in a whirl.

─∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗─

Yuki shifted in her bed again and again, till she realized changing sleeping positions will do no help.

'How did my life turn out like this?'

Sometimes, she would dive deeper into this self-introspection late at night, in an attempt to understand where she'd gone wrong for her to end up as such a spectacular failure.

Her entire past blurred into a congeries of ridicule.

---------------------------------------------------

There was a distant memory in her mind when her father would lift her in his strong arms, swinging her up, smiling. Her mother would be somewhere nearby, as her sweet laughter would fill the air with cheerfulness.

Her father would have only returned home the night before, and the little Uchiha knew he would soon leave to a place called battlefield or some distant lands for a mission.

Her mind was too young to comprehend what exactly those places were, but she'd already formed a bias against those things that kept her father and eldest brother from visiting her.

Around the age of 7 she lost the two people she'd cherished the most, to those cursed battles. Her two elder brothers- Uchiha Arata and Uchiha Taka. They were like twin sunshine, always laughing and smiling. Their grandiose plans for the future captivated Yuki.

In her memories, they were cheerful. But now, looking back, she would often get filled with a poignant sadness, realizing what she'd intentionally tried to overlook back then, i.e., the way she could see their frayed façade. They were broken and scarred. They were tired of the incessant fights and pointless deaths. They wanted to live peacefully.

But now, their wonderful dreams would never materialize. Because they were finally resting in peace.

The continual news of the demise of the people she cherished, left her feeling hopeless.

She would sneak out of the house to the Naka riverside and walk along the river belt, letting the brisk wind caress her skin. She spent hours staring at the restless water, filled with some desperate longing to which she could not put a name.

But she knew deep in her heart that she wanted something. She wanted it so much that at times, it would engulf her in pain and uncertainty.

At the age of 9, she somewhat realized what that longing was. It was nostalgia for a future yet to happen. It was as though somewhere, in some alternative flow of time, she had lived a wonderful life and her soul was restless to live it again.

When she was about to turn 11, she had begun her bleeding. The awareness that she's changing into a woman made her feel trapped. In this era, women were a little more than breeding tools for men. If they were exceptionally skilled, then they would earn some respect, but they were still just tools for an alliance.

The year Yuki turned 15, her body began to show the promise of a ripening woman. She would examine herself in front of the mirror for hours on end, brooding about how to change what was reflected.

Maybe I'm not that ugly. She would tell herself. Yet she couldn't help but doubt her own words, as she started noticing the stares she'd receive from her clansmen whenever she'd walk by the training grounds to meet her brothers. She couldn't confirm if they were staring at her because she's beautiful, or because her body looks weird. But surely, she could draw attention—which she hated.

It was around this age she'd gotten more interested in that sort of stuff, but all of her teachers had told her that a women's body was as 'sacred' as a temple, and to never open her doors to random man. But some of the girls her age had already opened their doors.

Soon she realized it was because she was Tajima's daughter and had a status to maintain.

Her purity had a price; a bargaining chip.

When she turned 17, she came across a book in the library that had detailed information about the female body, and for the next whole day she'd spent in front of the mirror trying to accept the obvious changes in her body.

The girl in the mirror had a lively face with delicate features. Her hair raven black and her skin a soft, creamy white. She still looked like an Uchiha, with an exception of the gray eyes and silky hair. She somehow felt satisfied with her body now. She had a generous figure with well-developed breasts, a small waist, curving hips.

There was a strong, smoldering sensuality about her which she was somewhat aware of. She knew she's beautiful. She knew this without conceit, and finally accepted her beauty as an asset to be used, like any other asset.

Growing up, she donned an armor of indifference. There was an air of aloofness about her which she wore like a shield against the attacks by the people around her, especially the Uchiha council. Every time she was summoned before the elders, her heart would beat rapidly, her mind trying to figure out the next problem she would have to face. They always had some motive regarding her, be it selling her off to someone in the name of a marriage alliance or mocking her for her incompetence to keep up with the title of 'The Princess of the clan'

Yuki recalled the day she'd realized she couldn't depend on her father regarding her future. In the winter she'd turned 14, a proposal arrived for her from one of the richest merchants in the Land of fire; Lord Osamu. He was what rumors claimed him to be–Filthy Rich, and it was quite evident from the presents he'd sent for her before arriving on the Uchiha estate to discuss the "Mutual benefits" of this marriage.

Nobody told her what Lord Osamu looked like, or how old he is. Every time she asked someone, she'd get similar answers such as 'don't know.ʼ or 'you will learn soon.ʼ

She'd doubted if they were keeping this information from her. She got the answer to her queries when the elders summoned her to the meeting hall, to meet her future fiancée.

Yuki still remembered the shock and confusion she'd felt the moment her gaze fell upon Lord Osamu. He was an old man in his forties. A fat, balding man with small stumpy legs and a face with rat-like eyes, thin lips that constantly had a cigar clamped between them. This was the man that the council elders had decided to wed her to.

She wasn't surprised by their decision, but she was certainly disappointed in her father. He didn't raise any objection to this... To the fact that the elders had decided to sell off his only daughter to a man around his own age.

She'd kept quiet, her silence which they took as a resignation to fate. But somehow, the engagement was canceled. She had believed it must be the result of all the prayers she'd offered to the deities in the shrine, and the heavens had answered her prayers.

But later, she realized it wasn't the gods, but her brother Madara who'd refused to allow this engagement.

Back then, when she'd learned of this truth, she was happy beyond measure. She felt grateful to her brother who had always acted more like a protective father figure.

To her, for a long time, Madara was the parent that Tajima never was.

Now, her life felt like it had turned upside down. Her beliefs, her values, her feelings - everything felt like a distorted illusion. She didn't know what or whom to trust anymore.

─∗ ⋅◈⋅ ∗─