Chapter 4 MUTTERSEELENALLEIN

Right at that moment, Eunae could not help but reminisce how everything between them turned bleak.

He was still in a relationship with Daeun when their business began falling apart. It started off with a slight decrease in revenue, in laying off a couple of workers, until it came to a point where they had to declare bankruptcy and would had to sell the whole company his parents had worked hard for in years. They tried everything they could to save it, but nothing worked, leaving them with one last-ditch attempt to do so.

His family needed a business entity that could help them rise once again. A partner that was big enough to cement the deteriorating foundation of their company. But with the continuous dwindling of their assets and increasing debts, no one wanted to take the risk and sign his family's business proposals. Ticking one option after the other, they got less and less hopes to salvage the bread and butter of their family.

As a best friend, Eunae tried all her best to help them—help the people whom she deemed as part of her family. The same people whom she held dear that she swallowed every bit of dignity she had as a CEO. She went out of her way and talked to each business partner she had and proposed a business joint venture with the Jungs. When no one seemed to yield her proposition, she humbly went down on her knees to beg her associates, even to the point of flexing her muscles to gain more prospect partners that could entirely sweep away her own company in a snap of a finger. Eunae would not mind risking everything she had if that meant helping the people who gave her family another shot in life. But then, her efforts went straight down drain when no one wanted to associate with a deteriorating business that was already losing its footing.

The day finally came when all they had left was a last-ditch attempt to save whatever was left of the company. Although Jaehyun refused at first and firmly held his ground, she found him succumbing to the last option they had. She knew he did not want to simply idly watch as his parents' hard work burn into ashes. And that was why they found themselves in front of the altar, exchanging vows in front of the crowd they loved.

Truthfully, Eunae was ecstatic. It was a dream come true to have and to hold the person whom she had always seen spending her whole life with. It was everything she had been wishing—the dream she had always hoped for to turn into a reality, and it finally did.

But then on top of all the felicity, there were also doubts; huge ridges of uncertainty and fright that swept her off her feet. She knew Jaehyun was in love—with someone who was not her. And the fear of having to experience everything she dreaded for rattled her bones. She did not know the whole extent of what she signed up for; she did not know what lay ahead of the life she chose. But with Jaehyun's promise of doing everything he could to make their marriage work, Eunae instantly threw away all her worries without second thoughts.

Because Jaehyun was always true to his words, he always was.

And as a best friend who knew him her entire life, Eunae had always believed in him. She had always trusted him and without thinking twice, she gave him everything she got not knowing that loving him would consumer her whole.

Just who would have thought that life she had been wishfully chasing would be the same life she had always been running away from?

"Is there anything wrong?"

Jaehyun furiously went inside their new home and banged the door shut, "You don't know?"

"I don't know why you're so angry. Tell me what's happening," Eunae almost begged, letting the hem of her wedding dress lick the floor as she chased him.

"Fuck off!" He yelled, pushing her forcefully that she fell to the ground. "I trusted you, I fucking trusted you! Goddamn it!"

"What are you even saying? I don't understand!"

"Cut the bull crap!" Jaehyun roared, pulling her up. He pushed her against the door and pinned her wrists above her head. "You planned all of this, didn't you? I can't believe you would stoop this low and take advantage of my family's misery to get what you want."

"What are you even saying? Why would I even do that!" Eunae countered. Angry tears swelling from the corner of her eyes and fear wrapping her heart. "Jaehyun, you know me! Why would I even plan this!"

His tongue poked the inside of his cheek as he gripped her wrists tighter, "Right, I know you. Aren't you in love with me?" was his striking words that rendered her immobile.

"And I guess you already know that I don't fucking love you the same. I know you so well, those fake tears won't get into me anymore. You've become so manipulative, huh?"

Eunae bit her trembling lips as she took in everything he just said. She had been his best friend since time immemorial and that was what he thought of her? Someone manipulative who would desperately use her sufferings just to selfishly be with him? Did he possibly think of her that low?

"Cat got your fucking filthy tongue?"

"All the—these years, you think I've been emotionally blackmailing you?" Eunae struggled to ask as the tears began to drip to her cheek one after the other. Her heart excruciatingly twinging as he let out a sardonic mocking laugh.

"If the shoe fits, then feel free to wear it."

"I can't believe you."

"I can say the same," he roared, pushing her against the door even further. "You've always dreamed of having a kid, haven't you?"

Her blood instantly ran cold, and her hands trembled as she struggled from his hold, "Jaehyun! Stop! Don't do this to me!" Eunae yelled loudly as he dragged her to the room. "Let me go! Don't do this! Stop!"

"Shut up! You fucked my life; I'm just returning the favor," he said, sounding almost like a promise before pushing her on the bed and turning into the monster she had never imagined facing.

That was the day her pleads began to fall in deaf ears. The day the man she had ever loved ruined her to grotty bits and pieces like irreparable glass shards yet to be disposed. The day that the marriage she had always thought to be her happily ever after, frightfully turned to the vicious nightmare and lonely battle she was never prepared for. The day suffering had molded into her life and for the past to haunt her back.

It was day of the beginning of the end.

As the sky began to weep just like she did, Eunae decided to go up to the bedroom. Her body had been relentlessly screaming for a good rest for the last hours with tiredness creeping into her bones. It was close to midnight by the time she went inside the house and the party had been long over with the caterers cleaning up the space. Walking towards their bedroom, she abruptly halted her steps and felt her felt her world crumble down before her feet.

Tears began streaming down face overhearing the filthy moans coming from the bedroom and knowing fully well who they were. Eunae covered her mouth as sobs wracked her body. Strength, for a brief instance, left her body that she found her legs wobbling weakly until she slumped on the floor helplessly.

It was not the first time it happened, yet here she was, struggling not to feel the pain. This had always happened ever since Jaehyun stop seeing Daeun behind her back and rather brought her home. This was his constant reminder that he would fuck her life—that he would never love her the same way he loved Daeun—that she was merely a toy he would play with.

And Eunae could not help but wonder just when she could eventually get used to all of these—to finally be numbed from everything that had been hurting her since the start of her marriage. Maybe if Eunae was wise enough, she would have rather went upstairs. Maybe even covered her ears and let slumber engulf her mind and body until the abominable affliction ceased to exist. But Eunae stayed rooted in front of door and continuously watched as her heart broke into a million pieces she could never put back together. She chose to hear the sins of her husband; she chose to stay—to suffer agonizingly as always. And the only time she decided to run upstairs was when anxiety rattled her bones: her mind close to blacking out, her lungs losing every sac of air it needed, and her eyes delirious that she almost threw up.

Eunae needed to get away and save herself. She needed to flee and not let him see her like this. Because little did he know that his infidelity, his atrocities, every pain he had been inflicting on her had already taken a toll on her—to her mental health just exactly as what her mother went through. History seemed to repeat itself with how she had to suffer the daunting horrors of the past, but the only difference this time around, was she had to face it alone—how she had to wear a mask of a soft endearing smile, while she died little by little in the inside.

Maybe if Eunae was wise enough, she would have already left him the very first time he tormented her with an unbearable pain. Maybe she would have done that without second thoughts. Maybe only if she was enough.

But she was not—she was as a pitiful fool for the sake of love.

Because until now, she was still clinging onto the wishful thinking that maybe someday, somehow, somewhere along the rugged path they were taking, they might hopefully find each other again.