36. Dreams

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Chapter 36: Dreams (by Fleetwood Mac)

"Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom. Well who am I to keep you down? It's only right that you should play the way you feel it…"

. . . . . . . .

Earlier Monday Morning

She'd spent the weekend avoiding him but she'd known as soon as she got to school, he'd find a way to talk to her. She'd needed the time to think, to figure out exactly how she was going to handle this situation. It was getting to a point where she couldn't ignore the way her skin tingled when she was around Jonathan or the way her heart seemed to jump in her chest when their eyes locked. There was something electric there and the more she tried to fight it or ignore it, the more powerful it became when he was nearby.

Also, she was still technically with Steve and she was definitely not the type of girl to be with two guys at once. ...Was she really thinking about being with Jonathan? The idea sent a shiver of nervousness and excitement up her spine.

But she needed to figure out what to do about Steve. If she was honest with herself, she'd been growing apart from Steve steadily ever since November. Her affection for him had spiked and gradually dissipated but she liked having someone to be around, someone who cared about her, even if she didn't look at him the same way anymore. Before Steve, Nancy would spend most of her free time on the phone or hanging out with Barb. While she was well-liked at school, she didn't really have many strong relationships with her peers. She spent a lot of time studying and she tended to blend into the background against some of the more prominent, popular personalities at her school. Barb hadn't cared about any of that and actually encouraged Nancy's studious nature. They'd bonded years ago and it'd been one of those friendships that just stuck. Maybe because of their shared interests and perspectives. Maybe because other people didn't notice them much. Either way, Steve's sudden interest in her had not only thrown her for a loop but it had been new, fresh… exciting.

Now with Barb gone, who did she have if she didn't have Steve? Who would call her out of the blue just to check in? Who would she hang out with on the weekends or eat lunch with at school? The idea of being alone terrified her, now more than ever.

But she didn't really have Steve. She kept him at arm's length emotionally and she knew that even if she really opened up, he wouldn't get it. Especially since there were some things about everything that happened that she just couldn't talk about. Like how and why she knew Barb was dead in the first place. It wasn't like Steve was a bad guy or anything. She couldn't certainly admit his faults and his mistakes but she knew he had a good heart. It says a lot about a person for them to come back and risk their lives fighting a monster when they could have easily escaped unscathed. But was that enough to sustain a relationship that had become notably surface-level and unfulfilling?

Jonathan understood though. He'd been through this ordeal with her and while Will was alive, he had the best understanding out of any of them as to how she was feeling about Barb. They'd both been taken by that monster. They'd both been trapped in the Upside Down. The only difference being that Will managed to survive and Barb…

Why did everything have to be so difficult? So complicated? She'd thought the minor annoyances of teenage life had been something until her entire world came apart at the seams. There was a time when the worst thing that could happen to her in a given day was Mike being as asshole at breakfast or getting detention for passing notes with Barb. How had so much changed over just a few months? How had she changed so much? She didn't want to hurt anyone…

The sudden presence of an arm over her head startled her out of her thoughts and she reflexively jumped.

"Jeez Nance," Steve said, looking down at her with a mixture of concern and confusion. "You okay? I've been trying to reach you all weekend but your mom said you were busy?"

"Oh…" Nancy said. "Yeah, um, I've just… got this research paper for Brofman that's been killing me…"

"Bummer," Steve said sympathetically. "Anyway, look, I just wanted to apologize for how I acted at the dance. I was a total ass and it just wasn't cool…"

Nancy's mouth curved in a small, tight smile. "Thanks,"

"So we're okay?" Steve asked, tilting his head and giving her that half-smile that always brought out the dimple in his cheek.

Nancy took a deep, subtle breath and exhaled. "Sure, yeah, we're okay," She said hesitantly, almost losing her nerve. "Actually can we uh, maybe we can talk after school? Take a walk or something?"

Steve furrowed his brow slightly. "You're sure everything's okay? 'Cause if you're still pissed at me, I totally get it,"

"No, I'm not mad," Nancy said honestly. "Just… meet me by the office after the last bell, okay?"

"Okay…" Steve said with mild apprehension as the first bell rang throughout the hall. "I'll see you later, Nancy," He said, giving her a peck on the forehead before heading off down the hall.

. . . . . . . .

Flashback

Time is an elusive concept. In quieter times it seems to pass with the lackadaisical effort of a tortoise yet when it is needed, coveted, it slips through your hand like grains of sand on a beach.

The weeks passed so quickly and Hopper could barely comprehend how his once vibrant little girl had deteriorated into the sunken form he saw before him. He'd spent just about every night at the hospital, unwilling to leave her side and risk the possibility of anything happening and him not being there with her.

He and Diane were barely speaking, neither of them ready to discuss the trajectory Sarah had taken as both of them grieved internally, in their own ways. He'd let her take the lounge chair at night and he'd sit on the floor, propping himself up against the wall when the call of sleep became too strong. Sarah was spending less and less time awake these days but the steady beep of the heart monitor was a reassuring reminder that his little girl was still there.

It was almost dawn when an erratic, high-pitched beeping noise and the sound of his wife frantically calling his name stirred him from sleep and he jumped up almost immediately.

"What? What's happening?!" He said as the sleep fell away from his eyes and a slew of doctors and nurses rushed into the room.

"No! My baby!" Diane cried out, her face crumpled as a nurse guided her away from her daughter's bed. "No!"

The hospital staff surrounded her, checking vitals and administering CPR to their seemingly sleeping child.

"Blood pressure keeps dropping," A nurse said as Hopper gathered Diane in his arms, both of them standing back at the foot of the bed as they watched the inevitable. "Her pulse ox is falling,"

Hopper could feel Diane's tears soaking through his shirt and he fought to keep himself together, to be the man she needed, even though his legs felt like they could give out at any moment and his face felt like it was twitching from the force it took to keep from completely losing it.

The incessant, fast-paced beeps coming from Sarah's EKG monitor suddenly melded into one long, steady beep as the peaks and troughs on the monitor came together in a single line.

"Flatlining!" A nurse said and the world felt like it was spinning. Everything felt far away and nothing felt real. Hopper realized he was clinging to Diane just as tightly as she was holding onto him. He could feel her shoulders shaking as sobs overtook her but it was strange. Almost muted. He'd watched the doctors pound on his daughter's chest, desperately trying to revive her, but she never woke up. She never opened her eyes. And she never would again.

He jumped when Diane wiped his face and he only then realized he was crying. The doctors and nurses looked at them with sympathy, whispering their words of apologies as they quietly left the room to give the grieving parents some privacy. But Hopper barely heard them. Their murmured words of condolences were like distant echoes and all he could hear was the loud, piercing, steady beep of the EKG ringing in his ears.

. . . . . . . .

All he could hear was that damned beeping, a sound that haunted him since his daughter's death just as the memory that plagued his dreams. As he gradually woke up, he could still see his daughter in that hospital bed almost as vividly as the day it'd happened.

The beeping of Sarah's EKG morphed into the shrill call of his phone in the next room and when he looked at the clock on his bedside table, he already knew it was Flo calling to tell him he was very late. More than usual. These long days and late nights were draining him but what choice did he have? He had to keep going.

. . . . . . . .

El spent much of the remainder of Monday afternoon at Trish's hanging out and watching music videos on MTV until she needed to get home for dinner. The clouds outside were growing thicker, threatening the impending rain. The girls lazily chatted as they watched the a Culture Club music video on the small TV in the corner of Trish's room.

"So…" Trish said after a moment of silence. "I've gotta ask, Gabby. What was up with you and that kid Dalton?"

"Who?" Gabby sat up, looking at her with a confused expression.

"Dustin," El corrected quietly.

"Crap, yeah," Trish said, snapping and pointing. "Sorry, Dustin, I mean," She gave Gabby a pointed look. "I totally spaced on asking you about it over the weekend but you guys were kind of talking a lot at the dance…"

"No we weren't," Gabby denied adamantly. "I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Pfft," Trish scoffed. "Yeah right, your face totally gives you away, you know that right?"

"Whatever, Trish," Gabby rolled her eyes, intently turning her attention back to the TV.

"That's the one!" Trish pointed and laughed. "That whole 'deer-in-the-headlights-thinly-veiled-ignorance' face. Nevermind the googly-eyes you had on Friday night,"

"There were no googly-eyes!" Gabby defended.

"They sang together," El piped up with a small smirk.

"El!" Gabby exclaimed. "Ugh! Traitor!"

For a second, El felt a pang in her chest. She'd been called a traitor before and it wasn't a nice thing. She cast her head down, scrutinizing her statement and wondering about her mistake.

"Relax, El," Trish said, patting her on the shoulder and El looked up. "It's not a big deal and Gabby's just being defensive," She said with a devilish grin. "So, what's this about singing?"

"Will told me they were singing 'Bohemian Rhapsody' along to the radio in the car," Emma chimed in and shrugged at Gabby who gave her an incredulous look. "Oh come on, Gabby, after all the teasing you and Trish have dumped on me for liking Josh?"

Trish simply chuckled in amusement. "I am loving this," She said with sigh of contentment. "I can see it now, the tortured romance of a long-distance relationship,"

"Oh my god," Gabby groaned. "You're so full of it, Trish. Besides, why aren't we focusing on El? She's the one who's actually in a long-distance relationship with Mike,"

"Hmm, you may have a point," Trish said, tapping her finger to her chin and wiggling her eyebrows. "They were awfully cute and snuggly at the dance but that's also not a surprise. How is everything with your leading man, El?"

El scrunched her eyebrows, not understanding the term but understanding that she was at least asking about Mike.

"He brought me soup," She said, after thinking a moment. "But no crush,"

"Ha!" Trish guffawed. "Yeah, right. No crush. Like we're gonna believe that!"

El shook her head. "I asked. He didn't say,"

"You asked?!" Gabby asked, her eyes wide and mouth agape. "Are you serious?"

"That takes some balls," Trish commented, impressed.

"What did he say exactly?" Emma inquired.

El shook her head again. "Nothing,"

"I don't buy it," Trish rolled her eyes. "He so obviously is completely into you,"

"You probably caught him off-guard," Emma said. "Did he look surprised or scared, maybe?"

El considered this for a moment. He had looked a little bit like he did when the Demogorgon came into the classroom.

"Pale," She answered. "Scared,"

"Well, first off," Trish said confidently. "I hate to break it to you but that boy is as pale as Emma's mom's lace curtains on a regular day. As for being 'scared', I bet he was if you just blew his secret wide open like that!"

El mulled over this for a bit. She couldn't tell if it was a good or bad thing that she'd asked Mike about having a crush. She didn't think it was something to be afraid of… it was a good thing, wasn't it? Liking someone a lot? Being someone's favorite or having a favorite? But she didn't want to scare Mike so maybe it was best not to bring it up again. She didn't want to upset him. Still, it made her chest feel heavy to think that she might not be Mike's favorite the same way he was hers. Even if her friends disagreed, why would Mike lie? Friends didn't lie and at least to her, she was pretty sure he was more than just a regular friend. That had to make the truth even more important.

. . . . . . . .

The school cafeteria was full to bursting at lunch time. By the middle of the week, a heavy series of storms had settled over Hawkins and everyone had to cram into the cafeteria as opposed to being able to eat lunch outside. Even despite the time of year, plenty of students preferred to hang out in the courtyard during lunch just to get away from the crowd. With the perpetual thunderstorms that had been present since Monday night, that option was no longer on the table unless students wants to sit in wet puddles on the benches or stand in the rain.

Mike could barely hear Dustin and Lucas talking over the roar of the crowd in the cafeteria but that didn't make much difference because he wasn't really paying attention anyway. He couldn't stop thinking about what El had said last time he saw her. She actually asked him if he had a crush on her. Just remembering the encounter was enough to clam him up and make him feel like a bumbling idiot. How did she even know what a 'crush' was? Or maybe she actually didn't and she'd heard it somewhere, misunderstood it, and then was asking him about it? His mind was racing faster than he could keep up with it even though it'd literally been days. He obviously had told Dustin and Lucas because a) he didn't want to deal with their teasing and b) they would've given him so much crap for not answering.

It was beginning to feel weird that he hadn't talked to her in days. It wasn't that he hadn't wanted to but he couldn't exactly get in contact with her unless she called him by supercom or he called her on the phone. He usually didn't have to call her himself because she'd use her powers at least once a day and they'd chat over their supercoms. But she hadn't called him… granted, yeah, she'd been sick over the weekend and was probably recovering but what about the first half of this week? Shouldn't she have called by now? Unless she was mad at him. She hadn't seemed mad when he saw her, just disappointed… ugh… The guilt and anxiety was gnawing at MIke's stomach and completely ruining his appetite.

Maybe he should call her today after school. Just to make sure she wasn't mad at him. But then again, if she was, was he ready for her? He felt like a doofus for not responding to her question but now, that feeling had only snowballed into an intense fear that she wouldn't want anything to do with him anymore. She was obviously learning new things, new terms, and had new friends, all without him. Maybe she didn't really need him anymore? He didn't want to think about that. He had to talk to her and make sure everything was okay but what if she asked again? What if he screwed up all over again? He had to be honest with her. That's what friends did and she was definitely more than just his friend.

"Hello?!" Dustin waved his hand in front of Mike's spaced out face. "Dude, there's five minutes left in lunch,"

"What's with you?" Lucas asked, scooping a piece of fruit out of his fruit cup.

"N-Nothing," Mike said, snapping out of it and looking down at the untouched slice of pizza on his tray. "I just… didn't get a lot of sleep,"

"Mhm," Dustin said, one eyebrow quirked in suspicion. "Whatever, man,"

"Anyway," Lucas said, sipping the remaining juice out of his fruit cup and dropping the plastic container on his tray. "Will's supposed to come home tomorrow,"

"I thought he was coming home Friday?" Mike asked.

"Apparently he's doing really well and they're letting him out early," Dustin shrugged, half-heartedly scooping red jello out of a plastic cup as he shook his head in dismay. "Man, I should've gone back for the chocolate pudding after El killed the Demogorgon," He stabbed the gelatin with his spork. "Same shit, different day, Phyllis!" He said loudly, tossing the half-eaten cup onto his tray, his voice lost in the sea of conversations in the cafeteria.

Mike and Lucas rolled their eyes at their friend's outburst as staff began dismissing tables to head back to class.

"Hey, check out who just walked by without saying a damn thing," Lucas said, nodding toward Troy and James who were passing their table on the way to the trash cans.

"El really did a number on them," Dustin laughed as the three watched the two bullies dump their trays in the trash and leave the cafeteria. "I thought it'd been pretty quiet around here lately,"

While it was true that Troy and James had been keeping their distance from them ever since the day El came to school, Mike couldn't help but wonder how long their avoidance would last. After El broke Troy's arm, it hadn't taken too long for them to go back to making him and his friends' lives as miserable as possible. He couldn't have known that El was missing or that she was in the Upside Down so their fear of El and what she could do was relatively short-lived. Still, it made sense to enjoy the reprieve while they could.

"That's us," Dustin said, grabbing his trash and stepping out of the lunch bench as an administrator called their table number. As the trio left walked out, weaving through throngs of classmates entering and exiting the cafeteria, Mike found it easy to drift back into his inner world. He wasn't sure how exactly he would start his conversation with El but he had the rest of the school day to work up the courage to call her and tell her how he really felt.

. . . . . . . .

It wasn't that late in the evening but the storm, coupled with the shorter days of winter, made everything dark. Light from lamp posts along the road bounced and reflected off the puddles in the pavement. The roads were relatively clear post-rush hour but this particular sect of road, this particular patch of woods, this particular dip in the earth that was offset from the road… it wasn't well populated during even its busiest hour.

She'd been out for a quick grocery run. Just some essentials to last until the weekend when she'd go on a more substantial trip. Her sister was supposed to be with her. She was supposed to have a doctor appointment. The one late day that the doctor offered evening appointments. The one day that fit best with her work schedule. But at the last minute, the office had called to say the doctor needed to cancel. She had been planning on being out anyway, why not pick up the milk? The bread? El's Eggos that always seemed to disappear almost as soon as she got them home?

The rain outside roared like a pride of lions, obscuring the view through the windows as the engine sputtered and croaked until it died.

Somewhere in the distance, red and blue lights flashed and a siren screamed, racing to the scene described by a good Samaritan on the side of the road. But they were already too late.

. . . . . . . .

"But listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness; like a heartbeat drives you mad, in the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost, and what you had, and what you lost…"