Chapter 1: The Way to Express Emotions

" Oh-ho, you talking about that? " { Two High School Boys Having Conversation In Hallway } ( Seimen )

"Yeas, That was hilarious, the way you opened the door of girl's changing room and shouted -Pantieman have arrived to grab--Hahaha- "

" Lol, that was a long time ago. " -At that time we were in middle school ( Tokugawa )

Humans, They are without a doubt dominating species on this planet. But, There is this -Emotion, The natural communication device that doesn't need any external help, unlike language. When a human meet another human, they can read each other's face and decide whether the person standing in front them -is actually Worth something-

" By the way, did you see Mitsuhashi? How he always- " ( Seimen )

" get behind us, I know right. it's pathetic " ( Tokugawa )

A Person who has a bad personality, his expressions on his face are different than who has good intent. We also use it to deceive people, By showing a false expression on our face to others, we can also deceive ourselves by putting up a smile on our face.

" Putting a fake smile on his face, thinking that we don't know anything. I hate that Mitsuhashi " ( Seimen )

Expression of someone could tell us a lot, about the feelings they have, about their mood, if they are happy about something or sad. Expression of someone is the one that makes us pity someone -sympathies, it is a way to relate to each other.

It's a crucial part of life.

" Don't worry, one day he will show his true intent. until that day comes, Aoi will have to entertain us " ( Tokugawa )

But What about people who cannot show expression at all? What about me? -I am special.

That Crucial part of life is something that, I don't possess.

" Isn't this great? he doesn't cry nor show any sort of expression on his face. we can enjoy all we want and never feel guilty. Oh, There is he is with his apathetic face " ( Tokugawa )

"....." ( i walks by them with silence )

All I can do is, be ignorant and keep a low profile. all I can do is endure this unfairness of treatment since.

I, Aoi Kichiro, People call me apathetic. I've always been alone, everyone ignores me, I am not someone whom you would like to interact with, my sickness might get to you. whoever did approach me with their pity, they changed their minds after a day or two. there is this saying, " you don't want to be with someone whom you can't smile with " thus, I became the "someone" whom you don't want to be with, Someone you can't smile with.

"Hey! Where do you think you are going without greeting Tokugawa and me? " ( Seimen, Grabs my shoulder )

Greeting, a way to express what?

I could hear these guys talking about Mitsuhashi and me while I was coming to the 2nd floor. even though they were not that loudly talking to each other. maybe my hearing is better than everyone else, maybe this is compensation of my inability to show expressions on my face. that's what I've always thought of it

" Let him go Seimen. Well, Aoi we will see you later " ( Tokugawa )

"..." ( I, Continues on walking to the classroom )

High Schools are second-home to a student. Homes are supposed to provide you comfort, feeling of -similarities, Friends and fellow who should be as part of a big family, treating each other with respect, sometimes tease each other, few develop bonds between each other and, some make unforgettable memories here.

Class = 3-A ( Last Year of High School ) - Homeroom

" This should be it. study hard for your mid-term. Dismissed " ( Homeroom Teacher )

Unforgettable memories, those memories aren't always filled with happiness. sometimes those unforgettable memories are more like a curse, Hunting you all the way to the grave

" Lonely as ever, just look at him. hiding the apathetic face of his on the table " ( One of mine fellow classmate, talking to her friend )

" Shhhh- Reeya Be quite, He might hear you. " ( Her Friend, In slow voice )

" So what if he does? It's not like he feels anything " ( Reeya )

" You.. " ( Reeya's Friend -Their Conversation didn't last long)

-Emotionless. You know, I also feel them. it just that I cannot show 'em on my face. ( Thinking to myself )

Those memories haunt you Until The End, An end that never seems to comes for me. I was a single step away from reaching that end, yet

People call " Coward " who commit suicide, Without even knowing how much courage it takes to take that one single step. I know because I already died once.

3 Days Ago

At My High School, On Rooftop - Evening

I always ate my lunch on the rooftop, alone. This is the only time when I felt a little safe and comfortable in the school but I also come here, whenever I feel down. mostly at evening, since there is no one comes here at this time.

-Mid-terms are coming, I have to try my best to stay in the middle of ranks. Since I don't want to stand out in either way (Aoi)

" There you are, talking to yourself huh? " ( Seimen )

-I should've stayed home. ( Aoi )

My personality, it has changed a lot in the last three days.

" You, you almost never speak. do you? I think you doing a good job Since your emotionless voice hurts everyone ears!" ( Seimen )

I had accepted my fate, for sake of my parents. To Live as a person who cannot express his feelings, a person who cannot express any emotions on his face.

" Plea.. Leav.. Me... Alon... " ( Aoi )

( BAM )

I felt- like something has hit my head from behind. When I reached the back of my head, my hairs were wet.

" Huh? Blo...d?" ( Aoi )

I don't know how I was still standing even after that hit. I looked at my back and saw Tokugawa with a bat in his hand, covered in blood

" Who said you could speak, Bastard! " ( Tokugawa )

I was horrified at that moment, scared. I was not able to move a single muscle of mine when I saw him with a bat.

"I...I..m...so..y..." ( Aoi )

-I don't know what I wrong I've done, why I am being hit? for what reasons? I don't understand!

" Don't you dar- say a word " ( Tokugawa )

( BAM )

"I.." ( Aoi )

( BAM )

" you emotionless bastard! Just Die! " ( Tokugawa )

( BAM )

I tried, I tried my best. I did what I could, everything I could. for two humans who didn't think of me as a nuisance but

He kept on hitting me, even though I fell on the ground after the second hit on my head.

Seimen, He stayed in front of the door so, I wouldn't be able to run.

my vision got blurry by every second that passed because of blood and trauma. I was not able to hear anything, a ringing sound in my head, that's all I could hear at that moment

" Is he dead? " ( Seimen )

" *Pheff *Pheff Yea. I think so, let's get out of here before anyone sees us " ( Tokugawa )

I am only a human, there is this limit to how much of emotions I could contain and could keep them to myself. on that day, those bastard broke that limit of mine.

1 Hour Later

When my consciousness returned, I found myself lying on pool of blood but somehow, I was still alive -I survived.

" H...h..a.." ( Aoi )

I tried to open my mouth to speak a few words but the words that came out were broken words as always. just like me.

I stood up from that pool of blood but, as soon as I got back on my two feet, I fell on the ground again.

-What did I do, to deserve such a thing? I never hurt anyone in my life So, Why?

I could go back to my life since I survived, but that won't change a thing. they will come back, to hit me. they always did. It is like a never-ending circle. as if-

As if it is my fate, written by gods. to make me suffer more and more.

-So, It's their fault after all. Since they the one that made me this way.

they are enjoying my suffering, aren't they? but not anymore. I will end it all.

I gathered all the strength that I had, to stand up on my feet, to walk to the fence that I barely see before me. This time, To End It All

-Everything is blurry

Everything was blurry but for this step, that I want to take. I don't need to see anything clearly. Those Gods, Humans, who made me suffer should be the one to watch. How I ruin their fun!

-I am a single step away to end it all.

Will this step that I am gonna take will really end it all?

{ Jump }

"Please, end it all "

I didn't realize at the moment when I jumped but my last words were actually not broken-