The Absence

What time was that?

Outside the window, it was clear, meaning it was still daytime. It wasn't raining either. The sky was covered in crystal white clouds that were even hard to look at. Although I had a vague memory of rain, my clothes weren't wet or smelly. Searching on my memory I tried to think about the last thing that happened.

On the horizon, beyond the tall crops, I saw the giant reservoirs and drilling bots. They were dark lifeless monsters that contaminated the country landscape with a dark shade of gray. I could hear their sound. An endless disorienting noise of a predator devouring its prey.

The sound of metal digging into the earth added to the whiteness of the sky was knocking off all my senses. In the back of my mind a remote remembrance of a voice stood out. It called out for someone I did not know.

- Sato?

For most of my life I had known that name. Not once I could relate to it.

- Who's that? - the sky was so empty of life and color it was like staring into a blank programing page. I could be anywhere in the world. - I don't know that man. - I turned my head towards the speaker. - I never did! So why do you keep calling me that?!

After shouting at the woman driving I finally situated myself. The car had stopped and everyone was quiet. The whole wide world was quiet, setting my words free to echo indefinitely in the vehicle.

- I'm-

- Kid, - Louise's hand on my shoulder tried to pull my attention away from the driver's half opened mouth. - We are here.

Still, my eyes remained fixed on her. Watching closely the curves of her lips. I tried to anticipate her next words but all she did was close them and look away from any answer she had. With a single touch, the door glided up and I slipped past it.

Nature received me with a blow of wild wind and ruffled crops all around. The quiet view was unsettling, as if the earth was warning me about something that was about to happen. Carried by the agitated grass my feet followed the rhythm, moving past the white house and into the garden just to leave it behind without even noticing.

To get rid of the numbness that had taken over my body and soul I was pushing myself to go faster after every step. I wanted to feel something, anything. Good or bad I simply craved for any human reaction. Was I so defective that I wasn't able to display any kind of sentiment after what happened? How long had it been? TIme was playing tricks on me.

The more I paid attention to it the more the howling wind sounded like angry waves. The ocean was nowhere to be seen, still it was relentlessly trying to swallow me while I tried to escape by running up a hill. At the top rested one of the reservoirs. From up close the thing was the size of a five-story building. I didn't get too close to it, as soon as I made it to the top I fell to the ground with my lungs feeling like two metal plates that had just been pulled out of the fire.

Back against the grass, I felt as if I had finally made it. I had burned myself out. At last they had gotten the best of my short life. No longer I wished to fight. At that moment I had totally given up. Eyes closed, grass tickling my neck, I waited for the ocean to take me away.

While I rested, listening to the sound of the wind something dropped on my face. I didn't move. Seconds later it happened again, another drop. Soon it fell all down. Didn't take long for my clothes to start clinging on my body in a soggy hug. Not as strong as in the city, the smell wasn't enough to get me to stand up.

Drop by drop I let myself get completely soaked until I stopped feeling the cold water on my face.

- You need to get out of the rain.

Over my head was an umbrella accompanied by a cop.

- I can't- - short breathed, I struggled to pull the heavy air. In casual clothes but with her hair tied up, the umbrella holder sat down keeping both of us protected from the acid rain.

Underneath us the ground began to shake, putting the officer on immediate alert. First thing she did was raise her hand closed on a fist. Over her arm, two small barrels were coming out of her sleeve. On the other hand she held the umbrella over our heads without moving it even a single centimeter.

- It's just the subtrain. - puzzled she looked at me. As the connections between our location and the earth shaking were made, her eyebrows rested and her expression went back to being a blank page.

Quiet but still on guard, she watched the horizon while the ground vibrated.

- I'm sorry.

Sitting on that hill, imagining the size and shape of that train had become one of my favorite things to do during the time I stayed with Louise. Six times a day it would cross the country, heading to the island on schedule. Not ever late or early. The vibration was nice and as time went by you eventually forget about it.

- I had no idea how that name made you feel. - after an almost inaudible click, the two barrels disappeared. Shoulders relaxed but her eyes were still fixed on something far away. - It's a terrible cop habit.

- Well, you are a cop.

- Am I? - she squeezed her brows so hard, I had the impression her eyes were closed. - After all that, how could I?

- Why did you do it in the first place? - looking at me I could see the stiffness on her face. The strength she was putting on her sharp jaw reminded me that she was older than me even though it didn't really look like it.

- My family. - as I listened I waved my hand on the wet grass feeling an itch on my palm every once in a while. - Both my parents were in the Force ever since before I was born. I guess I never considered anything else.

- Maybe you should have.

Suddenly we noticed the absence of tremor. The subtrain had passed by us carrying all kinds of supplies to Tier-1. Once it was gone it was hard to believe we had gotten used to it in the first place.

- Maybe I am.