A lifetime of healing

Is it truly possible to recover from all of your grievances and pains within a single lifespan? If I'm lucky, I may just have a 100 years. Probably not. I'll most likely kick it when I'm in my 80's or 90's. Maybe even 70's if I continue consuming so much butter, salt and soda.

Some people are alcoholics. Others are hooked on cigarettes.

Whether it's a buzz or a high, many people look to find ways to alter their state of consciousness.

Life motivates a feeling of wanting to escape and since killing yourself is extreme, you can instead choose to ingest chemicals to throw yourself off balance. Some people need this all the time. So much so that their tolerance grows exponentially and they need to keep taking larger doses or looking for something stronger to feel the effects.

It becomes destructive.

Or not.

Depends on the individual. Some people have good relationships with mind altering substances and others just abuse it until it destroys them. It can heal you or drag you down. So choose and use carefully or you might as well be consuming poison.

I can't drink a lot. The more I sip; my throat rebels. My tolerance has gone down, simply because I drank three glasses in a row on three separate occasions. Now it's a struggle to finish 1. Just two long draws from a straw and my body has had enough. I enjoyed the buzz at first. Now, I'm over it. It doesn't feel as good as it once did.

Maybe I should try smoking cannabis. I've heard so many wonderful things about this herb.

How it can open your mind.

Give you insight.

Force you to become better.

Be the push you need to face your fears.

Help you overcome self-imposed restrictions.

Most importantly, I heard it can heal.

If my mind in its natural state cannot help me out of my gloomy thoughts and constant feelings of defeat, then maybe altering my mind will help.

I wish to heal.

I'm 26 now and I certainly do not wish to carry this baggage for the rest of my life. I wish to free myself. I want to be able to forgive myself. I'm quite good at self-reflection and self-hate.

Unfortunately, I don't know how to move past the feelings of disgust and shame and carve out a better path. How do you transition from defeat to recovery? My mind is lacking a crucial element. I feel as though I will be recovering very slowly. I may reach my elderly years and have not made much progress. I could very well spend a lifetime healing my heart,mind and soul.

The question is, was it truly a healing?

Or was it the passage of time that caused some feelings and memories to fade? Is that also considered healing? Letting go is important when moving forward. I have to make peace with my past before I can do that.

If not than I will always feel an ache in my heart.

I will always feel heavy in my mind.

It's an emotional sickness. It's worse than any physical injury because the treatment is not clear. I wish, like with a fever, I could just drink hot water, get lots of sleep and then wake up 2 days later feeling lighter.

Such a shame that psychological healing takes forever and ever!