Chapter 5

As they ate, Director Zhou made small talk with Han Yichen, asking about his studies and friends. He answered calmly and precisely.

Where he could answer with one word, he didn't use two. He sounded much older than the eleven year old he was. After he finished eating, he thanked her and put down his chopsticks.

Since they had all finished eating, he gathered the plates together and took them to the kitchen to wash.

"Chen'er, your mother and I would be in the living room. Come join us when you're done". He nodded. Pei Yueran made two cups of coffee —they both liked coffee with lots of milk and sugar. Matcha-flavored ice cream –Han Yichen's favourite, was in the refrigerator.

Pei Yueran supported her as they walked back to the living room. She then went back to bring the cups of coffee and set them gently on a side stool. Director Zhou watched her as she bustled back and forth.

Her Ran'er was a charming lady in the prime of her life, and it saddened her to see her in pain or grief. She had not been the same since Han Lei died more than eight years ago, but she looked like she had adjusted well.

Only her loved ones were privy to the grief that still sat deeply within her and the nightmares that tormented one once in a while. After Pei Yueran sat down next to her, she took and held her hands.

"Ran'er, tell me the truth, how have you been exactly?"

"Fine, or don't I look good?"

"You don't. What happened?", Grandma Zhou said bluntly —though without malice— but Pei Yueran still winced. She thought she had hidden it well. The nightmare brought back the memories, and they weighed her down.

She sighed and eventually told her what happened. Director Zhou had been her confidant ever since she was a child, and she valued her warmth.

"I had the dream again, the one where Lei keeps his back turned and walks step by step away from me, leaving a trail of blood behind. The pain felt so real and gut-wrenching.

"How can I live without him Mum? I have heard that time will heal everything, but it hasn't healed anything. I still feel as alone, abandoned and terrified as the day he left." she whispered brokenly, choking on sobs.

Director Zhou drew her closer and patted her back, trying to soothe her. "Calm down Ran'er, it will be alright Xiao Ran". After she calmed down somewhat, Director Zhou looked at her and said, "Time does heal all wounds, but some wounds take more time than others.

Give yourself some more time. Embrace all the memories you have of him, don't fixate on the bad times alone. Xiao Lei was a very good man, else I would not have entrusted my precious daughter to him.

"He was your son too", she managed to say with a smile. "Yes, but he was also the naughty brat that stole my daughter's heart". Pei Yueran laughed.

"Do you remember the time you called him into your office and spoke with him for more than two hours? I stood outside wondering if you were threatening him to stay away from me. He came out looking so sombre and serious, I thought we were going to break up that day."

"You mean the day I caught both of you hugging each other behind the rock mountain? I really did threaten him, but he didn't budge. I told him you needed a partner who will respect boundaries and be responsible towards you.

"He said he had never done anything to disrespect you and he had plans to cherish you forever. I was amazed at his conviction. We spent most of that time just looking at each other." Director Zhou reminisced.

"And he really did cherish me Mum, you know right? After we got married in my third year of university, he took such good care of me. He would cook, clean and still find time to take me out and make me happy while working full-time.

He would help with assignments and encourage me. Even when I was pregnant with Yichen, he would pamper me, fulfill my weird cravings and when Yichen was born, took care of him while I rounded up and got a job. He was perfect Mum, he was perfect for me." She started crying again.

"I know Ran'er, and we all loved him. It was difficult not to, he was such a gentleman." Director Zhou said, patting her again.

"And Yichen has his calm and steady personality, so much that it shocks me sometimes. Lei loved him so much. He would rock him for hours until he fell asleep, and make out time to take him to amusement parks regularly. He deserved to see his son grow up."

"Ran'er, you know Xiao Lei would want you to be happy. He loved you very much, and he would have wished you remained the bright, cheerful and happy woman he fell for."

"I know Mum, and I'm trying. It's just not easy."

Grandma Zhou took a deep breath and said, "Ran'er, I've suggested this to you before, but I want to suggest it again. Why don't you leave City A?

A change of pace and scenery will do you good. You can always come to check on us regularly. I fear that if you remain here, you will be trapped in this quagmire and eventually lose yourself."

"No Mum, my mind hasn't changed. I cannot bear to leave City A. All my memories of Lei are here. Even his ...body is here. Besides, I grew up here. I don't want to leave all that is comfortable and familiar."

"I know Honey, but you must do what needs to be done. Grief is eating you up Ran'er. You have fought it by burying yourself in work and now, that's not nearly enough. You need to heal."

"Don't mention it again Mum, I don't want to leave and that's it. I don't care about what it does to me, I just can't leave."

"What about me? Don't you care about me either, Mom?"