Chapter 160 — Xu Kexin's Story (2)

*****

"Zimo, I wanted to tell you— Why are you walking around like that?!"

It was another day of designing in the study. Xu Kexin had already arranged the furniture for the bedroom space and was about to start filling in the colors, when her phone rang. It was the former president of LY, Du Zimo's father that was calling.

"Hello Uncle. Yes, Zimo is fine. Yes he's taking his drugs. At his last check-up, the doctor said he's recovering well and it's only a matter of time before he regains all his memories. Yes."

She paused, twiddling her thumbs as she listened to the older man. "I'll go and tell him. He should be in his room."

Listening some more, she forced a smile, "No Uncle, he's not disturbing me. I hope he fully recovers soon.

"Alright Uncle. My regards to Auntie."

When the call ended, she gathered her thoughts before getting up to go and relay his father's message.

When the door to the study opened, Du Zimo, who was doing pushups rose up to go and meet her excitedly.

Xu Kexin had already began speaking before she looked up to see Du Zimo walking towards her. He was clad only in grey boxer shorts, a sheen of sweat on his face.

She spun round immediately and covered her eyes. "Why are you walking around like that?"

Du Zimo innocently looked at himself before responding, "I'm sorry. I was just feeling unhealthy and I decided to work out."

'What does that even mean?' Xu Kexin said in her mind.

"I'm sorry. I'll be back." He said and ran off, leaving Xu Kexin to wrestle with her unsettled emotions. She took a deep breath and tried to force the images and fear away.

"It has passed. I'm safe now. No one can hurt me. I'm fine." She did not know how many times she repeated these sentences before Du Zimo returned, dressed in a simple polo shirt and brown trousers.

He was puzzled by her endless muttering and moved to tap her shoulder, "What's wrong?"

"Don't touch me!" She flinched and shouted.

"Alright, I'm sorry." He said, backing off quickly.

An awkward silence fell.

Du Zimo trained his eyes on the carpet, subconsciously taking in the design. The cream colored lion pattern contrasted sharply with the brown background, making it look pleasing to the eyes.

What should I do now? He wondered. Trying to bring back a semblance of normalcy, he asked, "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

Unexpectedly, his question proved to be useful. Xu Kexin focused on that and found her rationality, "I wanted to tell you that Uncle called. He said you have not been picking your calls."

"Oh that. My phone is probably out of battery. I forgot to charge it again." He said sheepishly.

"Oh." Xu Kexin said and fell silent.

"I'll charge it and call him as soon as possible." He added, while Xu Kexin only said, "Okay."

Again another awkward silence.

When it looked like she would turn and leave, Du Zimo suddenly said the first thing that came to mind, "I was about to make coffee. Would you care for some?"

Xu Kexin nodded.

Du Zimo sprinted to the kitchen, made two cups of espresso and brought them out on a tray. She took one cup without talking and took a sip.

It was while they were quietly drinking coffee that he remembered something else, "That reminds me, the judgement is out. She wasn't sentenced to jail, only asked to pay a fine and go for compulsory psychiatric care. It turns out that she really had a mental disorder."

He was talking about Lin Li.

"I see. That clears things up then."

"Have you given further thought to my proposal?" Du Zimo admired himself for saying that in an even tone of voice even though his palms were sweating.

In the ensuing silence, he tried to prepare his heart for whatever reply she would give by taking shallow breaths.

Xu Kexin eventually opened her mouth to respond, but what came out was totally different from what she had planned to say.

"In the summer after I finished high school, I was repeatedly.... assaulted. By a gang."

There. She said it. And it was like peeling the scab off a purulent wound, letting the pus drain out.

As Du Zimo widened his eyes in shock, she continued slowly. "Ironically, those two sentences seem so simple in comparison to the horror and torture I experienced. The mockery, the pain, the fear. It was awful. They were human just like me, but they obviously took pleasure in my pain. My body was torn, but my mind shattered. What was worse was that I couldn't tell anyone. They threatened to kill me.

"I couldn't function properly for those few months. I was like a zombie. I felt rotten, damaged somehow. I was so ashamed of myself. I would come back from ... that and just hide myself under my covers.

"No amount of soap could wash away the feeling of filth. All the while, my heart was screaming within me, but what everyone saw outwardly was my silent and gentle behavior."

Xu Kexin was not crying, only her voice was trembling. She didn't know why she was sharing all these with him. It was the first time she had ever told anybody how she felt.

Perhaps it was the pain and genuine concern she could see in his eyes. The psychologist her parents hired didn't seem as interested in her feelings.

She was wounded all over again by the look of blame she saw in his eyes back then. It was very ironic. Why should the victim be blamed instead of the perpetrators? Thankfully her psychologist was changed later.

"My mother eventually found out and I was saved, but the memories haven't gone away. I had to defer my admission by a year, to recover from the trauma. I was even suicidal at one point."

Hatred rose up like thick, bitter bile in Du Zimo's throat, and for a moment, he only saw red. Even though he had never met them before, he had no doubt that if those r*p*sts were standing before him, he would have gladly become an intentional murderer this time.

"But I survived. It wasn't easy, but I refused to give up on myself. I refused to give up on my dreams of becoming the best designer in the country. I thought, "Why should the victim suffer in shame while the perpetrators lived without the burden of their guilt? So I stood and fought.

It was here that the tears came, but she wiped it off before continuing in a nasally tone.

"My parents did all in their power to protect me from more trauma, but they made sure the perpetrators were arrested. Unfortunately, they were only punished lightly. Not one single person went to jail, they were only given a light slap on the wrist.

"I was very happy that my university was far, far away. So I tried to put everything behind me and I left. And now I am here. I worked hard to erase the effects, but I couldn't get past that last barrier."

She took a deep breath, then turned to face Du Zimo's tearstained face squarely.

"This is my secret. Now that you know, do you still think we can make this work? Are you sure I won't see disgust in your eyes towards me one day? Are you sure you can still love me, even now?"

Immediately the last sentence fell, she closed her eyes in anguish, missing the resolute look on his face. It was the firmness and certainty in his voice that made her reopen them in an instant.

"Yes."

Her look of disbelief seemed to further strengthen his conviction. He swallowed before saying, "I love you regardless, Xu Kexin. I won't say any flowery words, but I hope you give me a chance to prove my sincerity. No, you don't even have to do anything, just watch me."

"Please don't pity me." Xu Kexin whispered, confused by the emotion in his eyes. She had gotten enough of that from her parents and everyone else. Even now, she didn't go home often because her parents still looked at her with pity in their eyes.

"I don't pity you. I mean, I feel terrible for the young girl that had to endure such horrors, but I'm also genuinely amazed and humbled. You've done so well Xinxin, you've endured so well. In spite of everything, you've emerged as a winner, and I'm in awe of your resilience."

Try as he might, he didn't have the right combination of words. He didn't think his words were comforting, but he meant everything he had said. He only hoped his sincerity would shine through.

In his eyes, she was brave, strong and beautiful, and he would be the biggest fool in the world if he saw her as anything less.

*****

The meeting with Han Jingse's family ultimately happened before their family dinner.

Now recalling it as he sat in a private room, Gao Tinghua chugged down two glasses of white wine in quick succession.

The lady who sat beside him serving him drinks was terrified by his gloomy aura. When she accidentally spilled some drops of wine on his jeans, he looked at her and spat in irritation, "Get out."

As if granted amnesty, she got up and fled, leaving Gao Tinghua with his thoughts and wine.

This marriage absolutely could not be held.