MISERY

"He is your father, isn't he?"

"Are angels clairvoyant or something? He asked, rather raddled, yet a bit amused.

"Just good observers. You have your unique senses. and we have ours. I still don't understand why..." He didn't let me finish my question, that he interrupted me and continued with his answer, guessing my dilemma.

"You don't know much about my species, do you?" He darted a frowning glance at me and then started to move slowly towards me until he reached the bed. He then sat down next to me and continued to stare at me, and I - looking back at him - did feel pity for him, reading on his face the struggle his spirit was facing at that moment.

His soul was in great torment.

Whatever might have happened, I'm still an angel, and a part of me will always stay pure enough as it was in the beginning, unaffected by pain and war - allowing me to have enough empathy to feel sorry for him, even though in another circumstance I may not share the same feeling as now - Now, there were no swords pointed at each other's throats. But it was just a pity, the hatred didn't go away.

He grabbed my left hand with his and began to unchain it, and after this, he did the same with my right hand. The silence was heavy, at least for me it was.

This time, I could see clearly the marks on his face, four on each side, running down across the cheeks, and his eyes missing any spark, exactly like the eyes of a dead person. His pale skin. His cold touch. Night-walker in his purest form. Moving his sight away from me, he continued to talk on a lifeless note.

"When it comes to our family, our blood ties are really strong - It's a... Bond, some loyalty residing deep down in us. I could bring a knife to his throat, and be unable to even scratch his skin as if some force would take control over my body and stop me from pushing that knife to hurt him. But his eyes would still see everything, and I would probably end up dead. Mostly because he has an army, and I don't."

"So you want me to go on a suicide mission to ease your burden?!" I exclaimed without even thinking. He looked surprised, but at the same time unfazed by my words, hard to explain that moment.

"Consider it a sacrifice that you will be making for the sake of your people. And... I'm giving you my word that I will allow you to live the rest of your life in peace after all of this is over. I won't hunt you down and neither will others."

"I won't make the same promise to you."

"For a species that was created to protect, you have quite the killer spirit." He smiled with warmth and understanding, which sort of bothered me since he was clearly trying way too hard to be nice to me. Snake with human form - sweet words spat with a venomous tongue. Even with knowing his reasons for his hospitality, it is still unsettling getting the nice treatment from your sworn enemy, and at the same time constantly waiting for a knife in your back, when your mind is carved with images of them murdering people like you. Graves that you dug too deep and too recent; piles of bodies left and right; blood as far as the eye can reach - They are all there, and no smile could ever erase that. Not yours.

"There are times when only a killer holds the power to rid the world of another killer." Saying that I leaned forward and my silver eyes met his, not to appear aggressive to him, but to assure him where I stand in this game of his, and that I don't plan to be just a pawn, that he can overtake later after he gets what he wants.

"Is this what you tell yourself to be able to sleep at night? That you had to become a killer, that you really didn't have any other choice? You followed the easiest path, because, let's be honest, it's not that hard to respond to violence with violence, is it? Too bad for those pretty eyes."

"Who says I get any sleep? What would you know?!" I yelled crying and pulled myself away from him. Tried to get out of the bed, but I barely touched the ground with my feet, that I lost my balance. The poison that I had in my system was still holding me back, having the whole room spinning around from the pain that I've felt when I tried to stand up. I didn't give up, and tried once more to get away from him, but with no luck. I felt my knees failing, and I was ready to hit the floor, if not for him to catch me.

My hands instinctively grabbed his arms, holding his shirt firmly in my fists, while his arms went around my waist.

"Easy there! Whenever you become agitated, and your blood pressure rises, the poison activates itself. You need to wait for it to get out of your system. You can't leave right now."

"Just let me go."

"Done." Immediately he retreated his arms and let me fall on the ground, without even a warning or a flicker of hesitation. I hit my elbow really bad in the fall, as I landed on my side, and I hardly contained my screaming, but I did turn around facing the floor in an attempt to hide my expression of pain. "You are dirty anyway", he responded, pointing his fingers at my clothes and skin that was painted red from spilled blood and blood coming from my wounds.

"Lux erit invenire..." I began to whisper, so softly that I could barely hear myself, and my eyes started to light up with a bluish color. I could hardly endure all that mockery that was coming from his part, the fact that he had the upper hand, and that the only thing that I could do was to bear with him. My glass was almost full enough for me to use my magic... But I mustn't. No one must know. Not yet.

"There is a small lake further in the cave. Since you obviously don't need my help, you can crawl there and wash off the blood, while I grab some clothes for you." He turned around and left me there, all alone, broken and in despair. My whole world collapsed in front of my eyes, and I was unable to do anything to save it from crumbling; the pieces of it slipped through my fingers, forever losing themselves in nothingness.

Lies. Betrayal. Murder.

Is this what we became? Is this another punishment from you, Father, or is this our true nature, unveiled by freedom, when we had no more of your sacred rules to follow? I don't know who I am anymore... Or what I am. Looking back at all that I've sinned, can I still call myself an angel? As I regained my calm, my breathing started to go back to normal, and the pain wasn't that intense anymore, but there was still something that would press with so much force on my soul, that my body would refuse to listen to me. I was frozen..

*

Minutes have passed until I was finally ready to regain my senses. This time, it wasn't that bad when I tried to stand up. I was still weakened, but I could easily move around slowly, and that was good enough for me. I began to make my way through the long corridor of the cave, supporting myself with the help of walls. It was pitch black and I was trying not to hit anything along the way, mostly because I still didn't know what I might find here, besides the night-walker.

At some point, I could notice in the distance a dim light, and I loosened up a little. The part of the cave in which I found the lake, was huge, with a high ceiling, and torches everywhere you could see, that were beautifully playing games of color and shadow on the red flowers that were growing all over the walls. Life finds a way to be, even in the most unexpected places and conditions. I smiled with my heart, for the first time since I was there.

A chill wind was blowing from my right, possibly an exit that I didn't see yet, but I wasn't anymore in a hurry to find one since I needed that small moment of peace that I've found. I looked around for a second, and seeing that there was no one else around, I let my clothes fall down, revealing a body that bears the mark of war, with scars scattered on it, and wounds that were still raw. I got closer to the water, and I tried it with my feet. It was cold, freezing actually, but I'd rather ignore it than feel that dirty for another minute. I spread my wings, and I watched as a few feathers fell down, broken from the fight.

Or maybe I don't deserve them anymore...

I grabbed one of my wings with my hand, and I gently let it fall back behind me, while it flowed through my closed fist. They don't feel the same at the touch like they are changing after my soul. Tell me my wings, do I get to keep you, if I become someone else entirely? Will you still choose me, if I don't choose you?

I closed my eyes and I started to sing quietly a harrowing song, one of those that we learned in this prison that we call Earth; one of those that we chant at burials when we are forced to say our final goodbye to pieces of flesh because they rarely left their bodies intact. I was carefully moving through the water, feeling it ticklish against my skin, sinking deeper and deeper, physically and emotionally, as I was aching for catharsis.

If the night-walker speaks the truth, what are my chances to get my people to listen to me? Not many remember my implication in this war, but even if they wouldn't, they would still follow the elders, instead of following me. They are all so sick and tired of fighting for these many decades, that they would give up their everything, just so they'd sleep in their beds for at least one night without worrying for tomorrow. It's not that I don't understand them; it's that I find it unfair and undignified.

But how could I ask them not to accept what they are being offered, when I can't give them another way out of this?

"Oh, Ennyel, what have you done?" I sighed. You closed all of my doors and windows, and you left me with the sole solution of going against everyone that I know, but for the sake of them and to repay all my debts, I'd move mountains and run dry oceans. The question is if you will give me some time to do it. "I have to return fast."

"I see that you've found the lake." That voice. There goes my moment of peace. It's already set so deep inside my mind, and not in a good way - it's capable of jarring on my nerves. I turned my head a little to the side and could catch a glimpse of him from the corner of my eye. He put a pack of clothes on the brim, and then slipped his hands in his pockets while continuing to watch me.

"I really hope that you will allow me to have some intimacy while getting dressed."

"Don't worry, I am not a pervert. I am a murderer, right?" He chuckled, and this time I could hear his footsteps as he went away.

I sighed. As soon as the sound of his walking disappeared, I got out of the water, dried myself quickly, and started getting dressed. Surprisingly, his choice of clothes wasn't as bad as I thought it would be, it was rather fitting. The shirt may have been a little too revealing for my taste, but the cut back of it was perfect for my wings. Did he cut it for me? I shook my head and proceeded to put the pants on and the long leather boots. In minutes, I was ready.

**

When I walked back into the room where I woke up earlier, he was sitting at the table, playing with a knife. He would twist it between his fingers, not worrying that he might cut himself, if he'd not pay attention for a second, and seemed to be lost in his thoughts, ignoring my presence there. I quietly sat on the bed, without saying anything; I guess I was waiting for him to start whatever conversation he might want to. I didn't really care anyway if he wouldn't.

And I waited and waited... and waited - And waiting while being trapped is not the most pleasant way to spend your time.

"Thank you for the clothes", I broke the silence. "They are... decent."

He stopped, and put down the knife, but he kept quiet.

"If you aren't letting me leave, then you might as well share with me your plan in dealing with your father", I said annoyed.

"Oh, now you believe me!" He responded sarcastically, changing his mood to 180 degrees in a second.

"I don't. But if you are telling the truth... And I know there is a chance you do..." I couldn't continue, feeling a sudden sadness overwhelming me and I began clenching the covers in my fists. I was looking down, trying to suppress my emotions, when his boots entered my field of vision. His hand grabbed my chin, and lifted my head, while he stooped down.

"You've been down here for so long, and yet you refused to learn anything. You keep hanging on to who you used to be. If you are a mess right now, is because you didn't think your people would be capable of a choice like that."

"I...", I wanted to say something, but he didn't even let me finish my idea, that he continued his, on a calm, and condescending tone.

"Why? Because you are angels and you'd always stick together and protect each other? Because you are all brothers and sisters? If you were able to rebel against God and be sent down here, this means God gave you free will. And if God gave you free will, then you might turn out to be an awful person. But I think that deep down you know all this. I know your disappointment is great, but you were able to accept that you had to kill others in order to survive. This is the same thing, just heartrending for you."

"Why are you so nice to me?"

"I am not nice, I am selfish. Because I need the warrior that I've heard stories about, stories that praised his skill and his courage, not the whiny angel that I have in front of me right now. Yes, your race is turning out to be your worst nightmare, but if you can avoid that happening, deal with it!"

I knew he was right in every way with what he was saying as if I was an open book on a table in front of him, and he read me just like that, without even trying to learn the language. Interesting. Somehow, his words did manage to strengthen me, not because I wanted to help him, but because of my desire to save my kin, and because I knew what I am capable of. Maybe that's why I am afraid to face this situation - Because the outcome might be disastrous for everyone, angel and demon.

"I asked you what your plan is. Do you even have one?" I asked him, looking him in the eye.

"One of the angels that I was torturing one of these days for information mentioned something. He didn't say much, just these words - the ancients. Do you know..."

I think he kept on talking, but I wasn't processing anything anymore. The moment I heard those two words, my heart started to pound like a drum, and I was really taken aback, not knowing what to respond. Thousands of words, ideas, were running through my head, a total chaos that I didn't need in those circumstances.

"Hey!" He yelled at me while grabbing my arm and shaking me back to reality. "Who are the ancients?" He continued, accentuating every word, in the hope that I might understand better.

"They are legends," I lied. Actually, I didn't. We never saw them, but we did find in the library, before our fall from grace, books are written by them and about them. But that was all the knowledge we had about them, we don't where they are now, or if they're ever to return to this world.

"OK, besides being legends, what else are they?" He insisted, probably sensing that I was telling only half of the truth.

"The ones before us. The ancients are the first angels."