1 Go Away!

Hmm... what if I learned how to use semicolons?

...No but who would care about-

Huh? Wait, why are you here?

Did you misread the title? In case you didn't realize, it says There is 'No' Story. In other words, there is nothing here.

Oh, you did see that?

...Then what are you doing here?

Was it your curiosity?

Well let me tell you that there's nothing for you to find here, so just leave.

...

Seriously, I don't know what you want, but you're not going to find it here.

Look, you're disturbing my work. I can't concentrate if someone else is looking at me ok?

I have an interview later and it's pretty important for my future career so if you could please leave, it would be quite helpful to me. I mean, you wouldn't be so cruel as to destroy someone else's future.

Erm... unless you are.

In that case, you might as well leave because it would just waste your time as well, you know?

And uh...

Um...

You're still here.

Is this entertaining to you? I can't imagine that it would be. After all, I am devoid of any social skills whatsoever.

I've somehow felt awkward when I was talking with a rock, which should show you I really have nothing to do, and that I'm really not a fun person to talk to.

So...

You really should just leave, for both of our sakes.

...

Well, I don't know what else I should say.

Are you really so socially inept that you are actually willing to talk to someone like me?

If so, then sorry, but I'm not willing to join you for that.

I'm not trying to say that I'm any better, but frankly, I don't need to talk to anybody right now. What I need is to focus on my interview.

...

Well, it seems like you're still here.

What do you want from me? Or is it just that you want to annoy me?

Or maybe you were somehow expecting a story when the title literally says no story?

Tsk.

You really are a handful.

Ok, ok. I will make a story, and after hearing the story, you will leave. How about that? I mean, I guess that was what you were expecting after all, with the fact you did in fact click onto a book. I suppose following that logic, regardless of the title of a book there should be a story.

But that doesn't mean there has to be a good story.

Alright then.

Let me start...

Once upon a time, there was a stubborn, lonely, loser that has to resort to talking to... a handsome, dashing, beauty.

This loser was clearly out of his league, continually bothering the handsome, dashing, beauty as he knew that his own life was too worthless in comparison. As such, he found it worthwhile despite the fact he knew he was wasting both of their time.

The loser knew how hopeless he was, and that he would never be able to get anything from the handsome, dashing beauty. Yet, he continued to try due to his own fantasies.

Uh...

The loser was also just a general disappointment. His parents couldn't help but laugh at him because of how pathetic he was. Er... he was also NTR'd, as in his girlfriend cheated on him. Though, that also meant he was able to get a girlfriend...

Because of his money!

Also, the girlfriend was fat and ugly.

Though that was quite matching since the loser was the same.

Then the loser lived a long life until old age and eventually died alone, where everybody that knew him came to his funeral to laugh.

He was not forgotten. Not because he was a grand person, but nobody was able to forget all of the embarrassing things he had done in his life.

The end.

Alright, I've given you your story. It was actually inspired by a person I met just very recently. You probably know that person, just don't ask me how I know.

You know what? I'll tell you.

That story was about you.

What? You don't like the story? Well that's completely normal. Countless people hated the works of Shakespeare.

...Though it really gets too much credit nowadays.

Anyway, just because the ending of the story was a little abrupt, or maybe the contents were bad doesn't change the fact that you have read the story to its end, so there is nothing else for you here.

What? Dissatisfied?

Then just go complain somewhere. Not that I'm going to read it.

...

So uh, yeah.

Just leave.

And that will be that.

You are in the process of leaving right?

...Right?

Well. It seems it wasn't that you wanted a story. Do you just not like me? Even though we basically just met?

Hmph. Well I'll have you know, I'm the most agreeable person there-

Hm?

What is it, Mom?

...Ok, ok! I'm coming!

Well anyways, I have to go, so you will literally have no reason to stay. The only thing that you will be doing is wasting your time like I said before and-

...Yeah, I'm coming, I'm coming, just wait a second!

Gah, just... whatever, I guess if you want to stay here for a bit longer than whatever. Just be gone when I come back!

...

[Book System booting up...]

[System Online]

[Scanning computer...]

[Searching files...]

[Going through badly written stories...]

[Calibration complete]

[Welcome to the Book System!]

[All currently written stories on this computer are now seized by the system, including ones located in the recycling bin.]

[All current functions are now seized by the system]

[Unlocking choice function...]

[Choice function unlocked!]

[Current choice list]

[1 - Open Discord]

[2 - Open Notepad]

[Please choose the desired choice by liking the chapter comment that...]

[Nevermind]

[The system finds both choices too funny, and having only one would be a waste]

[Opening Discord...]

[Discord opened]

| Me: Hey, do you mind taking a look at my story and giving me some suggestions?

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Ah, I don't have too much time, but sure. Let me take a look and I'll give my initial impressions.

| Me: Thanks! Here's the file

| Me: Hero's Journey.txt

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Um, I'm sure I'm mistaken but the name of the file isn't the title of the story, right?

| Me: Eh? Yeah it is. Is there a problem?

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Um, it isn't exactly the most riveting title. It should somehow represent the story.

| Me: But it does! Just read the story, and you will understand.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Ok, ok though I don't like the title, the most important part is the story.

| Me: It's a pretty good story, so no need to think about the title anymore.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Alright, I've read the first chapter. I don't want to assume too much based on where it's going right now, but it seems to lack originality.

| Me: What? How does it lack originality?

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: So... the main character doesn't really seem to have any personality traits.

| Me: Huh? But the main character screams out that he will fight for justice! Isn't that a personality trait?

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Perhaps, but many stories had the altruistic hero. You need something to make your own story more attractive than just this.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Anyway, that's not the only thing I want to talk to you about. You need to have some sort of real conflict, not just the hero fighting against the demon king because they are on opposite sides.

| Me: Well yeah, I know that much. The reason they are fighting is because the demon king is evil and the hero wants to save the world!

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Ok, yes, yes. But why is the demon king evil? What are they fighting over and what are the interests of each party? Making it just like this makes it far too plain.

| Me: That...

| Me: That becomes clear once you read further into the story, alright!

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Ok fine. But you should at least tease it at the beginning so the reader gets a sense of the plot and gives the building blocks to further the story into greater depth.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Also, this is a side note, but it seems like the 'maiden' of the story is just stolen by the demon king for no reason. And why does the hero even want to save her?

| Me: That's just because of the personality traits that led them to do that.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Ok yes, but why specifically the maiden? Is there some twist you plan to reveal later? The maiden should be a meaningful character with her own backstory which somehow contributes to the rest of the story. In this case, it doesn't make much sense why she's being kidnapped.

| Me: What? No, no I have all of that.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Alright, I'm just trying to give you some recommendations.

| Me: What? Recommendations? This just feels like you're making fun of me and trying to nitpick my story.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Excuse me? I'm giving you constructive criticism so that you could improve your story. You were the one that asked for this no?

| Me: What constructive criticism? You're just hating on my story for no reason!

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Alright, I take time out of my day to help you out, and this is the gratitude I receive?

| Me: You don't deserve anything! None of what you said helped me at all!

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Ok then, if your story is so perfect, then don't go around asking for input on it, dumbass.

| Me: Don't think I won't block you! I've done it many times before.

| Xx_chadwriter_xX: Don't worry, I'm blocking you right now too, so feel free.

[Closing Discord...]

[Discord closed]

[Opening Notepad...]

[Notepad opened]

| Notepad |

| Million Dollar Story Ideas.txt |

| Have a hero that saves the princess from the evil demon king! |

| Lots of cool and flashy skills. Have the hero get the Excalibur to use which will let him use the secret legendary skill Beus Ex Nachina! |

| Make a good story! |

| Promotional Ideas.txt |

| Though my story is good, it isn't getting that much reception. For some reason, the website isn't promoting the novel at all! This isn't fair at all, my only chance is to take advertising into my own hands and I have just the genius ideas to do it! |

| Write messages into the forums with my book and the link to check it out. Not spam, because it is a good book that deserves attention. |

| Actually, add on to that, just spam my book everywhere, even in the comments of other authors' books! |

| Story Improvement.txt |

| I don't really get why, but all of my attempts in advertising didn't seem to bring me any extra readers. Ok, it seems like while my story is good, maybe the standards for stories have shot up by crazy, so I need to make a story that's past perfect to please people. |

| Many of the popular books seem to be related to... pornography? Maybe if I write my own book like that then I should get a lot of readers too! But I don't really understand how to write that kind of book... I guess I'll have to try and study them. |

| Adding those kinds of things didn't really seem to help my book out much. Many people are commenting how I'm definitely a virgin from how I write, and while that may not be true that's not true at all! I studied how you were supposed to write this kind of thing...|

| ASFDGRSEFB.txt |

| People just aren't ready for my ideas. I mean, many good stories only got shown to light after it was seen for many years. It's not that my book is bad, it's just the wrong audience. People will appreciate it when the time comes, I will just wait for it. |

| Igiveup.txt |

| Why did I even waste my life doing this? I'm just going to delete all of it. |

...

Wait, what the hell? Why is Notepad open?

[Closing Notepad...]

What did you do, did you mess with my computer? I don't remember having anything like Teamviewer on here...

[Notepad Closed]

Shit! Is there a virus or something? Why can't I open my browser?

[Functions are currently seized by the system. They will be fully unlocked upon completing the first mission.]

What? There is a virus! What is this thing talking on my screen? Give me back my damn computer! I don't have the money to get another one!

[First mission: Get the perfect ending in "Hero's Journey"]

Huh?

[Loading Hero's Journey...]

Wait... is that my story? I thought I deleted that!

[27%...]

No, no, no, stop stop! Wait, don't look!

[69%...]

Dammit, reader, please close your eyes!

[99%...]

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