39 First Kiss

Craige opened his eyes, despite promising not to, when he felt something soft slightly brush against his lips. It was only for a very brief moment but there was no doubt about it.

'Did she just kiss me?'

And judging by how Zeanne's pupils dilated as soon as she opened her eyes and her panic-stricken face, he became quite sure that his suspicion was not far from the truth.

Her lips parted and she breathily muttered in shock. "Oh shit."

Craige was confused by her response to her own action.

She was the one who told him to close his eyes.

She was the one who told him not to move or else he'll get killed.

And SHE was the one who moved and brushed her lips against his.

Yet she's the one who looked more surprised by what just happened.

"I--" She started with her eyes shaking as she slowly unwound her arms from his neck and took a step back. "I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry."

"You didn't mean to? What were you trying to do in the first place?" He frowned as he searched her face. He didn't mean to sound angry but his emotions at the moment have gone haywire and her saying sorry about what happened just made it worse.

"Arthur--"

"Arthur?" A sharp ting reverberated in his ears when he heard Arthur's name and he couldn't stop himself from raising his voice a bit. "Why is his name being mentioned now? What does he have to do with this?"

"You're really upset." Zeanne muttered after staring at him for a long time. Then she let out a breath, looking pained and dejected. "I'm really sorry. I really didn't mean to do it. I swear."

Seeing her like that drove him crazy and he had to take a deep breath to calm himself down. He raised his head to look at the starlit night sky and organized his thoughts before gently explaining to her. "I'm not upset at you. I'm just perplexed. Can you please explain to me what's going on right now? And what is this about Arthur?"

Zeanne bit her lower lip which set off a different yet still loud sound of alarm in Craige's head. He hastily willed himself to focus his gaze on her eyes, which he discovered were brimming with unshed tears. She then took an unsteady breath before forcing herself to speak. "I'm really sorry. I was just trying to find an answer to a question that Arthur threw at me earlier. It was bothering me and I thought that getting my answer as soon as possible would be better than to just keep on uselessly pondering about it on my own."

'Is this related to what I witnessed between the two of you in the garden earlier? Did something similar to this happen? Is that it? Were you trying to compare?'

Craige couldn't bring himself to ask her those questions even if he was aching to. So he just settled with a simple one instead, "What was the question?"

She froze and he could see her hesitating to answer him. He didn't push her to answer immediately because she looked like she was seriously about to cry. And Zeanne carefully chose the right words to say. "He asked me if what I feel for you is the same with what I feel for him."

It pained him to see Zeanne looking so small as if he was bullying her by forcing her to reveal things that she didn't want to reveal. But he knew that clearing things up about what just happened was something that he had to do if he didn't want their relationship to go awry. "And you'll only get your answer by kissing me?"

"I swear. I really didn't mean to k-kiss you. It was an acc---" She clamped her lips together then kept her gaze glued to the ground. "I'm really sorry."

The mere thought of her comparing him with Arthur bothered him a lot already. But learning that the only way for her to distinguish her feelings for both of them was through a damn kiss made him feel even worse.

'Seriously, what kind of feelings are you harboring for him for the method to have to be that extreme?'

His own thoughts pierced him like daggers straight deep in his chest. Then he remembered the favor that she asked for earlier about helping her to solve a puzzle. It never crossed his mind that it would be this kind of puzzle. "Did you manage to solve the puzzle then? Did I help you find your answers?"

There was a long silence before she finally answered without looking at him. "I did. And it's not the same. I'm really sorry about this, Craige. I really am."

'Was using me to confirm your feelings for someone else not enough? Am I being rejected right here and right now? Without being given the chance to confess first?'

He felt the urge to wrap his arms around her and convince her to think about it again before coming to a conclusion. But then he remembered how he rejected Trixie earlier and spouted coolly to Zeanne about not giving false hopes and whatnots.

'Damn you karma.'

He felt his spirits drop rock bottom as he vacantly looked down at her small frame that looked so vulnerable. He closed his eyes for a moment then forced himself to speak in a lighter tone as he put a hand on the top of her head. "Stop saying sorry about what happened. That kiss was just an accident. You can forget about it and pretend that it never happened. I'll do the same."

Zeanne finally raised her head, only to look at him with dismay. She looked really hurt and a tear escaped her eye and ran down her cheek which surprised him and crushed his heart. "How can you say that so easily?"

"Zee." He whispered her name and cupped her face in his hands. "Zee, what's wrong? I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who's supposed to be sorry! This troublesome thing that I'm feeling is what's wrong. I never asked for this. Damn it." More tears came gushing from her eyes and her lips quivered. That sight instantly broke his resolve and he pulled her into a hug. He instinctively caressed the back of her head to calm her down as she started sobbing between hiccups.

"Shhh. It's okay. You'll be fine, don't worry." He closed his eyes tight and tried to ignore the suffocating sensation in his chest.

"I'm *hic* really so--*hic* s-sorry for kissing you *hic* like that. I'm so-sorry *hic* for being selfish and stupid."

He felt the front of his shirt become wet with her tears and that just made him want to hug her tighter. He didn't want her to feel so guilty or sorry about her own feelings. "Shhh. Calm down. It's okay. I'm okay. You don't have to feel bad about it."

To his surprise, he actually meant every single word.

He didn't want her to feel tortured by the guilt of kissing him by accident during the process of her discovering her feelings for someone else.

It didn't matter if she didn't feel the same way, he just wanted her to be happy.

Even if he's not included in that picture.

And he was ready to tell her that even if it shattered him just to ease her mind.

But before he could even open his mouth to talk, he was stunned speechless by Zeanne's words.

She suddenly started speaking so fast even though she's still battling with her tears that didn't want to stop. "Can you just give me some time? It's my first time feeling this so I'm not really sure how to deal with it, but I'll figure it out somehow. After what I did, I belatedly realized how much I didn't want my feelings to jeopardize our friendship. I feel so stupid for falling for Arthur's tricks and for doing something like that to you. I'm really sorry for falling in love with you and complicating things between us. This is so messed up. I'll try to sort this out on my own, I promise. "

"What are you talking about?" He carefully let go of her to look at her face because he thought that he was hearing things.

"Huh?" Zeanne looked equally confused as she stared back at him.

Craige wiped her cheeks with his thumbs and cupped her face. "What the hell are you talking about? I'm not sure if I'm still following you."

"Ah. Was I talking too fast?" She asked innocently then she took a deep breath. "Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I will try to figure out a way to get rid of these pesky feelings that I have for you. I don't want you to feel burdened by it and feel awkward around me. I like how we are right now. I don't want anything to change. Just give me some time."

"I don't want to." Craige said those words louder than he intended to because his heart felt like it had been caught in his throat.

Zeanne blinked her eyes nervously. "What do you mean by you don't want to? You don't want to give me time or you don't want to be friends with me anymore?"

Instead of answering her, he pulled her face towards him and pressed his lips against hers.

He heard Zeanne gasp in surprise and she almost fell backwards. But he was able to quickly grab her by the waist with one hand and he circled his other hand to the back of her neck to steady her. And as soon as he felt her relax against his arms and return his kiss awkwardly, he could not stop himself from deepening the kiss.

He heard a moan erupt between their lips and the prickly sensation that ran throughout his body made his knees weak and nearly tipped him over but Zeanne pushed him back. That made him regain his balance as she grabbed onto his jacket pulling him closer.

He felt his body become feverish and that was when he finally came to his senses.

He reluctantly gave her one last peck before pulling her to his chest for a tight hug.

"Wow." Zeanne muttered dazedly which made him chuckle.

He kissed the top of her head and his voice sounded hoarse when he spoke. "Don't you dare get rid of those pesky feelings without my permission."