ένας

The universe was known as a simple star Collection innocent to its shines, purity was the rainfall that the world was blessed with. But with history upon history, there came a time when the sins chewed at each other's nerves so much that they harmonized into a chaotic tragedy. But even to this night you can still look up at the sky and see the beauty.

Does it make you wonder? How we brought the world to war, but the sky stays the same, dusk and dawn, colourful clouds and shiny stars.

It makes me wonder, even if I'm in Hell. Literally.

If you want to know my story, it won't be settling for your stomach. But I suppose all of us have a story that you will hear about. Whether it's good or whether it's hideous, they're all our weaknesses.

Sunday. It was the first day in many months where I could finally breathe through both of my nostrils. Even on my 6th birthday last Thursday I was in bed, listening to nothing but the tire swing in our backyard hit the tree branches with every gush of wind, heck, that tire swing had more energy than me that whole Summer. It was September now and it was breezing off the nights with zero below.

Even at the youngest age I could remember I hated it, I wished on my already burnt candle that I could cast off, into nothingness, into purity.

I shared a room with 3 of my sisters but I shared a house with 5 siblings, a mum, and father. My 3 sisters were always wanting to braid my hair and twist it into a bun, like they see on hostesses in the village, but they would always get called to help with dinner table arrangements and leave my braids to untwist into lazy loose curls they were sweet, they were amazing.

Piper.

Winslet.

Lucy.

My two brothers were a different case. They were tough but sensitive, they always played with me late at night when I couldn't sleep, they would always whisper to me my favourite bedtime story.

They were sweet, they were understanding.

Victor.

Aiden.

And it didn't help that I was the youngest of the bunch. I was very slow with words and thoughts. One time it took me three hours to decide if I was hungry or not, then another hour to figure out what snack I wanted to sneak into my bedroom.

We were always alone, until we weren't, and when we weren't, it was like a feeling in my heart, it felt like raining inside my chest, it was a storm in my brain. I would squeeze my hands tightly together until they turned red with cramps and nail marks. When I would look down at the redness I would feel darts of guilt rush through my body. I wanted to run. I wanted to be alone, away from the unwanted, the unwanted adults.

Mum and Father worked late nights, they would come home smelling of bitterness and smoke. My brothers told me that they worked together at a bar, where people went to escape the world, to escape their problems. It felt like some place I wanted to visit, but when my brothers saw my smile at what they told me, they said those places were just for older people and not for me.

I felt broken, I felt like a missing piece in a puzzle.

I was always watching when my mum would become silent when my Father would walk in. He would wiggle his nose around and sniff as he glanced at her, but he wouldn't smile as I smiled at him. He would glance down at me and just look at my hands, where my book was. He would keeps his eyes on it until he slumped into his grimy chair. It had tears in it from our cat, Octavia.

I called her Octo.

Our mum told us she ran away one night to find other cats just like herself. I knew if we got a second cat and named her Squid she wouldn't have to run away and find friends.

I was jealous of a cat.

I would always sleep with my sister Piper. She was the oldest of the bunch, she had so many responsibilities I couldn't even imagine being in her shoes. Since our mum and Father worked late nights, whenever they were not sleeping in the mornings, they would get all tired by drinking in the afternoon, and if they didn't pass out from it they would fight, and then my Father would leave to go to work early.

It was weird.

But my sisters would make sure I ate and slept good, Piper was like our real mum. When I would sleep at night with her I would sometimes wake up to the sound of footsteps outside, to the sound of laughter across the street. It gave me the feeling in my chest; it got tighter as if I couldn't breathe on my own. I had to tell myself for the first time that I could breathe, I don't need to think about it.

That I was safe.

I held my sister tightly but realized I might wake her up as well. I raised my head and looked at her to make sure she was still asleep, and so she was. I rubbed my tiny fingers along her arm, only to feel a huge bump on the back of her arm. I carefully leaned on her side to look at it and it was a bruise, one that just appeared.

One that I didn't notice before.

I mean she would randomly get bruises on her legs, but Piper loved running for sport. I always figured she might've fell or tripped on her run, but why does she have a bruise on her arm? She didn't go running today, instead our Mum grounded her for arguing with her and Father.

I felt bad, maybe Piper was upset about not being able to do what she loved.

The next morning I slowly woke up to the smell of something burning, but it still had a tasty smell. I got up straight away feeling the other side of the bed for Piper, but she wasn't there. Maybe she was cooking breakfast for us again before we had to go to school. I put on my mustard yellow pajama shorts and ran down the narrow stairs.

They were wobbly and so I was wobbly, almost tripping on my own clumsy foot.

I looked around the corner to the kitchen and saw my mum facing her back to me, flipping something in the pan on the stove. I was surprised, she hasn't cooked us anything for weeks, it's usually Piper. She tends to sleep in and get mad at us if we find something to eat on our own.

My mum turned around and was startled by me just standing there near the dining table. She looked me up and down and straight back into my dark green eyes.

"Your shorts are outgrowing you now, wear something else," she said as she slapped the eggs onto one of the tinted blue plates.

I looked down at my shorts and twisted my foot to express I was uncomfortable. I looked back up and mum and knew exactly what I was going to say.

"Mum, I was wondering if you can not keep Piper home for another week. I think she misses runnin-"

"Is that any of your business, Pea?"

"Well, no but... She's upset." At least I think she is. "Please?"

"Pea, just go call your brothers for breakfast."

"But I don't want Piper to be upset, I want her to be free-"

And that's all I remember before crying, before feeling a sharp sting on my cheek, and a screech from my mum.

"You need to learn to listen! Have you no shame of not being smart? Pathetic." Mum dropped the pan on the dining table, letting it clank into the empty plates, then stomped upstairs to wake up my siblings.

I shook my head a little feeling the dizziness come upon me and the rain inside my chest.

I couldn't do this again, I couldn't feel this tremble upon me again.

I ran away.