Troll on the Mountain

Chapter 350

Extended before them was a long, narrow valley overseen by steep cliffs. Pebbles and rocks slid down the slopes, barring any regular humans from hiking up the walls. But this was the only path to the Circle of Elements.

Halfway through the path, a dumb voice called out to the witchers. "Oi, Troll own mountain! No outsiders! Leave, or Troll smash you!"

Roy raised his head and saw three humanoid creatures staring down from the top part of the slope. They were as tall as they were wide, and Roy thought he was looking at three wobbly stone slabs looking down at him. Their limbs were made up of nothing but muscle, the skin on their chest was yellow, but their backs, necks, and top of their heads looked green. Stones and pebbles grew on them like a layer of natural armor.

Roy was reminded of a certain clay golem.

The creatures' beady eyes looked lethargic and listless, as if they would close at any moment. Their noses were flat, and their teeth were yellow. For some odd reason, they looked adorable for a moment.

Roy stared at the leader of the trolls and cast Observe.

'Stone Troll

Age: 120 years old

Gender: Male

HP: 250

Strength: 20

Dexterity: 7

Constitution: 25

Perception: 4

Will: 7

Charisma: 4

Spirit: 8

Skills:

Regeneration (Passive): Every troll has powerful self-regenerative abilities. Their metabolic rate far surpasses any other creature's, giving them immunity to bleeding and quick healing of minor injuries. Weak to poison.

Stone Wall (Passive): Trolls possess immense strength and thick hides. They are resistant to physical attacks. Any attacks with sharp weapons will dull and damage the weapon. +10 to Constitution and Strength.'

***

Roy heaved a sigh. Once again, he was filled with delight. News about trolls wasn't new to him. Rumors said they were loyal, honest, and naive to a fault. They used to hunt humans, but not so much anymore.

It was the first time the young witcher was meeting a troll face to face. He waved at the small pack of trolls and tried his best to sound polite and gentle. "Hey, Trolls! We mean no harm! We just wanna go to the Circle of Elements. Not here to take your turf. Let us through!"

"No!" The second troll tossed a boulder at the witchers. It hit the land and formed a crater around it. The troll protested, "Witchers kill monsters with pointy sticks! Trolls monsters too! You want kill Trolls!"

"I thought you said they were stupid, but these guys don't look stupid." Roy asked Lambert, "So what now? How did you guys pass this trial?"

"This is a trial of reaction speed. They didn't really mind us, since we weren't big threats to them. We just rushed through this valley."

"What are we waiting for then?"

The witchers exchanged a look and cast Quen at the same time. Once the shields covered them, the witchers broke into a sprint, much to the trolls' dismay.

They shouted, "Stop! Bad witcher, stop!"

"Bastards!"

The witchers ignored their shouts and went through the valley easily. They managed the hundred-yard travel in just seconds. The trolls had magnificent strength behind their throws, but they were no professional pitchers. Not a single boulder they threw hit the witchers.

They slid into a passage and blasted the rocks that blocked their way with Aard, but what greeted them almost made them reel back.

The trolls were standing right outside the entrance to the Circle of Elements. Their arms were crossed, and they were glaring at the witchers like they were invaders.

"Didn't listen. Witchers, bad!" The leader pointed at the witchers. "Nowhere run! Count ten… six!"

"Leave!" The other trolls picked up rocks the size of human heads and took a throwing stance. "Or heads smash!"

"Throw in cauldron! Eat with mushrooms!"

***

"Six…"

"Have they ever killed any witchers?" Roy suddenly asked.

Lambert shook his head. "But a lot of poor bastards got knocked out by their rocks."

"Five…" The leader curled one of its six outstretched fingers up.

Lambert shot them an icy look and unsheathed a silver sword. He had no plans on entertaining the drivel of a troll.

"Four…"

"Step back or I will kill you."

"Wait, Lambert. Let me talk to them!"

"Three…"

The trolls were getting more vicious now. Their muscles tensed up, and they crouched. These monsters were ready to battle. No longer were they the dumb, friendly creatures they were a moment ago.

The witchers held their breaths. Tension was filling the air, heralding an inevitable battle.

"Two…"

The trolls tensed up even more.

Roy took a deep breath and roared, "Ten!"

That shocked the troll. It forgot to count down and froze up like a statue. The vicious air it was radiating a moment ago disappeared like a puff of smoke.

It turned its gaze to its hands. Six fingers were outstretched again, and confusion rose within its eyes. "What number again?" it muttered under its breath.

"Ten!" A female troll poked the leader's chest adamantly.

Another female troll opened its hands and counted six fingers. "And then what? Six?"

"Ahem. Believe us, trolls. We come in peace!" Roy whipped out a puppy from his hood and pressed it close to his face. And then the witcher and his dog stared innocently at the trolls. "Witcher and trolls friends. Like me and the dog!"

"Woof!"

Roy tucked the dog away into his hood and whipped out a bottle of uncorked liquor. He swirled the bottle and unleashed the liquor's aroma into the air.

The trolls tossed their countdown out the window and bent down to sniff the air like oversized dogs. And then they closed their eyes.

Lambert gave Roy a weird look, but he remained vigilant.

It worked. Roy heaved a sigh of relief. He was going through that book Serrit taught him—How to Deceive an Innocent Troll Using the Art of Conversation.

Trolls love booze and bridges. They're naive, and violence isn't the only way to deal with them. Roy came up with a little plan, and he said, "You're good trolls. We only kill bad monsters. We're here to make some friends. Here, this liquor is a gift."

"Liquor?"

"Gift?"

The leader trembled for a few moments and finally processed what Roy said. Poor guy wasn't the smartest thing in the room, and its jaw dropped in surprise. They had been living all by themselves in these parts for more than fifty years. They had no friends, nor did anyone give them any gifts. The troll felt like crying, but it shook its head. "You broke rules. Ran."

"Don't hold your promises. Bad people," one female troll agreed.

"We couldn't wait to give you this gift! You guys were on the mountain, and I was in the valley. I couldn't toss this all the way up, so I had to come right here."

The troll scratched its back like a gorilla and asked, "Why Circle of Elements?"

"The grass and fruits around it are needed to make the best vodka." Roy's eyes shone with genuine friendship. "Here, have some."

The troll grunted and hesitated.

Roy gave Lambert a look that said, 'Relax. Sheathe your blade.' The young witcher bowed and held up his left hand as he slowly took the liquor to the trolls. He stared at them once he got closer and thought they'd be adorable if they didn't move or talk. Compared to Old Speartip, they looked absolutely beautiful.

Roy placed the liquor before them, the liquid within the bottle swirling and glimmering. Eventually, the trolls were intoxicated by the liquor's scent alone, and they gulped.

"Have some Novigrad vodka, trolls. We're friends forever!" Roy beamed and invited them to drink.

"Vodka? Friend…" The leader looked at his companions. They gulped and nodded quickly, and then the leader turned to Roy. "Drink, witcher. Friends drink vodka!"

Lambert couldn't believe what he was seeing. Roy and the trolls were sitting down in a circle and drinking vodka like friends. The trolls took big swigs, while Roy took little sips. Every time they finished one bottle, Roy would magically produce more booze. Vodka, beer, dwarven liquor… He had everything. What is he trying to do?

"How long have you been here, trolls?"

"Six… Six… Six…" The leader kept saying 'six' like a broken record while letting the booze flow from the cracks between his teeth. Apparently, it couldn't count over a certain number, much to Roy's dismay.

"Very well, friends. Come closer. I swear I will teach you how to count over ten!"

"Over ten?"

The trolls were stupefied. They opened their hands and put all of them together. Then they started counting from one to eighteen.

"If all of you are together, you can count up to eighteen!"

The shocked trolls kept trying and counting a few times. Once they memorized how to count until eighteen, they looked at Roy as if he was a god. "Roy, you give wine. Teach us count. Good witcher."

"Helper!"

"Friend!"

"Drink!"

Roy burped. "I thought you guys were monogamous." Serrit's theory stated that trolls practiced monogamy for life. If their partner were to die, they would not marry again. Trolls were a lot nobler than humans when it came to love. But there's obviously one male leader and two females here. Did this guy go against tradition and start a harem?

"This, wife. Big Sesame." Troll pointed at his wife, and the female troll grinned at it.

"This, daughter. Big Mushroom." Troll smacked the head of his slightly fairer daughter, and she thumped his chest playfully. The stones on Troll's body flew everywhere.

Roy cocked his eyebrow. If that hits me, I'd be looking at a few broken ribs. "Do you know the Old Speartip, the cyclops in the cave?"

"Old Speartip dangerous!" Troll shook its head. "Don't fight it."

"Okay, I won't. Are you guys interested in going around? The world outside is a beautiful one. Liquor and stew everywhere."

"Troll like mushroom," Big Sesame said.

"And there are mushrooms too. Flavored mushrooms. Frogs, snails, slugs…" Roy almost gagged, but he kept going through Serrit's thesis in his mind. "They're nice."

If I can get these trolls to Novigrad, nobody's going to trample on us again. Even if I don't make enough to support them, the merchants will be more than willing to pay handsomely for some troll bodyguards. And then I'll just make a small profit from the price difference.

The trolls were tempted. They sucked on the bottles and stared at each other for a long while. But they shook their heads in the end. "Kaer Morhen, home. We protect home. Cannot leave."

That's a shame. Roy didn't press any further, but he said, "The rickety castle there is filled with pretty stones. Is it your home too?"

"Castle many stones. Not boring. Choice of home. But four witchers there. Too powerful. Agile like rats. Stone can't hit them. Pointy sticks hurt." Troll stared at the castle with longing and wariness.

Oh, I can use this. "If someone tries to attack the castle, will you help?"

The trolls held their hands together and hesitated.

"I live there too. The castle is my home."

"Friend's home?" Realization struck the troll, and it thumped its chest. "Troll help Roy protect. Chase invaders away. Roy welcome at mountain anytime!" the troll promised.

That's what I wanted to hear. Roy grinned happily and gave the trolls another bottle of booze.

Half an hour later, alcohol overwhelmed the trolls, and they fell asleep, snoring as loudly as elephants.

"Man, you are cunning. You managed to take them out." Lambert approached Roy and put his palm against his neck, and then he drew it across his throat. "Their metabolic rate is really fast. The alcohol won't knock them out for long. We should kill them while we have the chance.

Roy wondered about that suggestion. He stared at the defenseless trolls that were showing their bellies at him. Their mutagen was tempting, of course. It was perfect for the Manticore's Trial.

But he eventually decided not to do that. Roy wasn't an emotionless robot that would kill anything for EXP. "Didn't you hear? They promised they would protect Kaer Morhen if it were ever under attack.. You can ask them for help if you need it. I spent a lot of time and effort just to get that favor from them. And you want to waste it all?"

"You sure you wanna let them go, kid?" Lambert looked horrified. He was too grumpy to even communicate with any monsters, let alone befriend them. "What kind of witcher doesn't kill monsters?"

"We only kill bad monsters," Roy said. "You've hung out with Geralt for so long. Didn't you learn how to befriend monsters from him?"

"We're two different people."

"Don't just go straight to murder every time. You should visit Oxenfurt's SPA and learn from them a little. Change your mind."

"The hell kinda place is that?" Lambert reluctantly left the trolls behind and went to the Circle of Elements with Roy.

"A place of knowledge."