Strange Thought

It was with surprise that Hannah found herself in the park. The moon was out and large - illuminating the swings, benches, roundabout and climbing frame. Hannah wondered why her feet had brought her here - it was hardly her usual hang out choice, she much preferred her swing in the woods. She saw a glow from the other side of the park. Hannah walked onward, angling herself so that she would walk just past it. The glow turned out to be from a cigarette and the face it illuminated was Jordan Daniels'.

He still hadn't noticed Hannah. He was sitting on the ground, his back leaning against a tree and there was two empty beer cans beside him and one more in his hand. Jordan Daniels drank at parties not by himself and he never smoked, he was the sports star. But this present Jordan Daniels had just lost his little sister. Hannah altered her course and sat down next to him.

"Fancy some company?" He had to look at Hannah for a full minute to place her in his head, then he nodded. "How come you're out here and not at home?" Jordan took a long, careful swig of his drink.

"I had to get out for a bit. My parents keep arguing." Just as Hope and Daniel would start doing thought Hannah glumly. "Want a drink?" He offered Hannah his last can.

"God yes." She took it from him, opened it and took a big first gulp.

"The funerals tomorrow," he broke out suddenly breaking the building silence.

"It is weird people always told me that funerals were where you say goodbye but they aren't. There are too many people about so instead you just have to hold everything you feel in and not ruin the day." Her voice was very bitter and Jordan gave her a quizzical look. "My mum died when I was twelve," she explained "that's why I moved here."

"I remember now. The whole village was buzzing about it - meh - just like there doing now over the widower and his son." Hannah took another swig. She had heard a little about them. It was a new family that were moving into the cottage by the cemetery. She was not aware of any gossip surrounding them but right now it seemed like a very trivial subject to pursue.

"You know I never really knew Jessica except as Lucy's mate, tell me about her." Jordan turned from Hannah and looked ahead at the moonlit park.

"She was really clever, the brightest out of the two of us. And she was really good." He sniffed, "and she was really creative. She'd just gotten this new puppy, Penelope she called it. She was all fussy over him, playing constantly with him and dressing him up in stupid little outfits and I..." He started crying. Hannah waited at first but this looked like this was going to be a long, good old cry. She moved closer and put a comforting arm around him, letting him rest his head on her shoulder, whilst she rocked him gently.

Hannah wasn't surprised that Jordan had a sensitive side. She'd always known that he was human - the cocky git just pissed her off. She'd have been shocked and horrified if he'd been so shallow that Jessica's death simply brushed passed him. What surprised her however was that he was alone. Jordan Daniels the most popular guy she knew, always surrounded by admiring followers and yet here she was - the only person available to comfort him. She hardly knew him. "Will it ever stop hurting?" He asked brokenly, in between sobs. Hannah thought about this before replying.

"Yes and no. You'll keep living.You'll go to college, party with your mates and do what you were always going to do. But you won't forget. The pain will lessen but not because you've forgotten or because you love her any less, just because that's what time does. You can't cry forever so eventually thinking about her won't make you cry."

"Do you think about your mum a lot?" He was looking at her face now. His brown eyes were very bloodshot and his nose was running.

"Yes."

"And your dad?" This reminded Hannah of Lucy's question. Her cousin had asked about her dad also, completely out of the blue since she already knew that Hannah didn't know who he was. Why had she asked that? These thoughts made Hannah slow to answer his question.

"Hmm? Oh no, not really I used to as a kid but now I guess I have my uncle as a sort of replacement." They sat in silence for a bit after that drinking their cans as both mulled over their thoughts. Again Jordan was the one to break the silence.

"How is Lucy doing?"

Hannah had a struggle answering this question also.

"She's...I don't know. I'm not sure how to treat her, she seems suddenly so angry at the world. Sometimes it's like she's a different person. I hope this is just her way of coping, that she'll just snap out of it soon." Jordan nodded sadly. "Are you really worried about your parents?"

"No. Am I pissed off with them yes but I know they'll be fine. Well not fine but they'll stay together."

"Pissed off?" Hannah had finished the can by now.

"They don't even notice me. I mean they're my parents surely they're supposed to look after me." He was starting to sound truly sorry for himself. "I bet they haven't even noticed that I'm missing."

"You slipped out with out telling anyone?!" Hannah was aware of a certain amount of hypocrisy in her outrage but felt that Jordan had acted worse than she had. "Jordan your parents are going through enough hell about Jessica, can't you imagine what they'll go through if they realise you're not in the house!" She could tell that he hadn't thought about that.

"I should go home shouldn't I?" He looked around him at all the empty cans, his expression guilty.

"Yes. And give me your cigarettes." He handed the carton over and Hannah got up and chucked it in the bin. Even holding them for that brief moment she was tempted to return to her old habit. Jordan got up stiffly and had to work on straightening and bending his legs. Christ how long had he been missing from home!?

"Thanks err..."

"It's Hannah and no problem."

They said goodbye and Hannah watched him go for a bit just to check that he wasn't at the no -legs drunk stage. He seemed to be alright so she left him to it and returned home. She still had her own problems to figure out.

When she returned Daniel was hovering in the kitchen, waiting anxiously for her.

"Hannah look I swear - about before it was nothing absolutely not what it looked like." Hannah's expression showed clearly that she wasn't buying it. "Okay it was something but that was a one off I promise you." Could she even belief that? Hannah knew that Daniel loved Hope, but how could he be such a....a cheat! "Please don't tell your aunt." Should she or shouldn't she? Hannah still had no answer. If she was Hope then she would want to know but she wasn't Hope, she was Hannah and Hannah seriously didn't want to see Hope hurt.

"Daniel?" Daniel and Hannah spun round and Daniel's insides lurched unpleasantly. Lucy and Hope were both stood in the doorway. Lucy had told her mum everything and Daniels words to Hannah had just confirmed it. Hope looked so small all of a sudden. Her posture was sagged and her face was a horrible grey colour. Daniel didn't say anything. Hope leaned heavily against the door - her breathing coming out funny. She was making the most hideous noises but suddenly it wasn't her making them. Hannah saw her dead mum leaning against the door frame, her heart breaking. Hannah could hear her heart pounding in her ears and white dots filled her vision. And then...

Hannah punched her uncle in the face. He fell back and hit his head on the counter. He was fine really except for a nose bleed. Hannah's anger seemed to wake up Hope and suddenly she was furious at him too. And she was Hope again. Whilst the shouting and tears started Hannah looked to Lucy. Her white-blonde hair was a mess, and her lower lip was trembling but it was her eyes that got to Hannah. They were black with no distinction between iris and pupil and right then they were blazing with wild intensity. A strange thought passed across Hannah's mind, this was Lucy, right?