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The Wandering Calamity

It’s not everyday the universe needs saving, and it’s certainly not everyday someone like Ares is tasked to save it. Born with unique ‘destruction’ magic, Ares, a young man bursting with character (despite his propensity to annoy), has his work cut out for him as he, alongside five others with unique magic, must set out to prevent the end of all existence. Will he succeed? Or will his obsession with blowing things up simply speed up the process? Follow along in Ares’ adventures through bizarre worlds rife with magical mayhem, fierce fights, colourful characters, and plenty of perilous plots. This is an arc by arc fantasy romp that you probably won’t want to miss, regardless of whether you’re familiar with cultivation or not. All are welcome to witness Ares, ‘the wandering calamity’ himself, go on this long and exciting journey fraught with chaos… Even if he’s the one responsible for most of it.

TWC_Guy · Fantasy
Not enough ratings
360 Chs

Chapter 249: RATatouille? No, AngELFish!

With a novel event in store for him, Ares walked arm in arm with his two dates through the lamp-lit streets of Red Sun. The place he was taking these lovely (sometimes) ladies to was on the east side of town, a part he didn't exactly frequent. He hardly visited it just because the amount of people he knew over on that side of the city was considerably smaller than every other cardinal direction. Also, the centre of Red Sun wasn't technically in the middle. Town hall was near the 'centre' but it was a bit more eastward than it was smack bang in the middle. To that end, the amount of city east of it was fairly small in comparison to every other direction. Also, Hans hadn't send Ares on many missions to the east when he was younger anyway so everything Ares found over there was mostly a result of his own curiosity-driven exploration in his spare time.

The trio chit chatted about various matters and most of the conversation was about the sect's future. Enyo and Bellona had already been informed about his plans way back but now that he had confirmation with Hans he was thinking about the future with them. They were offering him suggestions and he was considering each of them carefully... Apart from Enyo's request to add a brothel. Not that she would ever visit it, it's that she was adamant it would boost the efficiency of the sect's disciples and elders if they could relieve pent up stress. It actually wasn't a terrible suggestion but the real reason Enyo wanted it was twofold, even if she hadn't directly said it Ares knew what she was really after. Pleasure pillar mana swamping the air as well as easy access to even more sex-related items. Toys, aphrodisiacs, lingerie, etc... If there was a brothel, the amount of these items that would be purchasable in the local area would skyrocket. Having Bea around was great but Enyo was pining for more and Ares was not born yesterday! This sneaky woman was hiding her degeneracy behind reasonable suggestions! Ares was still occasionally shocked by how sly Enyo could be given how she used to act before he got to know her... What a drastic change... Not that it disappeared or anything. On the way to the restaurant Enyo had already applied some heavy handed justice with her barriers and performed civilian arrests on a bunch of ne'er do wells hiding in back alleys. She resembled her old self during these busts and Ares enjoyed watching that same old stoic side of her lay down the law from time to time. As for the criminals she dragged around inside a floating square of barriers, she dumped them all off with a few nearby guards who'd all been forewarned in advance about Enyo's proclivity for justice. Hans was in control now so guards actually did the job they were paid for but that didn't mean they weren't grateful when a helpful citizen did their job for them. In this case, Enyo was well known, thanks to Hans, as an incredibly talented criminal catcher who worked for free very now and then. She wasn't in her tell-tale armour but she was well-enough known thanks to the tournament and, let's face it, the most beautiful woman in Red Sun, bar none, was naturally recognisable in a heartbeat.

It was a pleasant walk and talk that lasted a little longer than it should have as they walked slower than normal to enjoy their time together. Ares made sure to relay Hans' message and say hello on his behalf while Bellona talked at length about some different bubble tea flavours she'd been experimenting with as of late. Enyo was mentioning some arts she was working on here and there and it was just a good catch up session to find out what everyone had been doing between tournament matches recently. Apparently Rhea wanted to get the family together again one more time before everyone went their separate ways. It would happen shortly after the tournament ended and, supposedly, Calla wanted to do the same thing. Ares couldn't attend both, and he wouldn't have interrupted the Legion family's parting meal anyway, so he was only going to be crashing one of the parties. Well, he was invited so he wasn't really crashing anything but it did feel weird attending a 'family dinner'. Yes they were family but it was such a strange feeling as it wasn't very familiar to Ares who spent most of his life having 'family' dinners with Aejaz in a back alley somewhere. It's not that he didn't enjoy it or anything, it just felt different to what he was used to. Even compared to the meals he cooked for Enyo, Appa, Aejaz, and Allie before the families arrived as he'd internalised the original four as 'his family'. Now he had another 'his family' although really they were all just the exact same big family and not separate. Perhaps the problem was that he just had to start treating random strangers as family the day he met them regarding the other revenants. Again, not a problem, just not something he wasn't used to. If anything, to alleviate the problem, Ares wanted to spend more time with them and get to know them better. He'd done a good enough job of socialising and mingling with them earlier but more couldn't hurt!

Roughly thirty minutes. That was how long the walk took before they arrived at their destination. The restaurant was tucked away in a side path which could be located by following cobbled steps twisting upwards and to the left, leading round the corner to a well-hidden sanctuary. The owner was a pretty... interesting person and they wanted nothing to do with foreign visitors who would consistently be loud or annoying, which was incredibly ironic, so they built it intentionally in a spot that was pretty far out the way. Even when reviewers came by they were asked not to disclose the location of the shop as the owner made up some bull-crap excuse about 'part of the joy lies in finding this place by pure chance and treating it like a stroke of luck'. After one famous reviewer said as such the restaurant instantly gained a sort of leprechaun status in that finding it randomly out in the wild was considered good luck. Nobody wanted to ruin the little unique thing this place had going so none of the other reviewers who found the place and stopped by ever gave away its location either.

Despite the fact the international was underway not many people had come here yet, even though plenty of rich folk were dying to, they just weren't able to sniff it out. One of the reasons this place was famous was because of the game of hide and seek you had to play to find it, the other was because of how damn good the food was. It was worth scouring the entire city to find it as they had some of the best food available and it wasn't even really close. Some of the aforementioned rich people even hired people to scout out every inch of the city just to get a taste. They also tried to bribe the locals but none of them ever budged because they were familiar with the owner of the restaurant, and more specifically the chef, her daughter, so they kept their mouths closed no matter how high the price got. After all, whenever these people left dejected the owner would treat them to some free meals here and there as thanks. If the locals sold them out they would never get to eat there again so the choice wasn't a hard one. Food reviewers used a pretty consistent metric for places that sold high-class cuisine, a scale from 1-10 that was highly functional. Anything above an eight was rare but this tucked away place was a unanimous nine. It was fine dining through and through so it could be said that Ares was really going all out with his treat today.

As for the restaurant itself, it was called Little Miss Remmy's and was named after the tiny chef herself. It was all black on the outside, making it easy to tell if you got the right place or not as there wasn't any other building in Red Sun quite like it. Just pure black with the bronze lettering above it, that was all. Ares had been inside before so he knew that it was dimly lit with leather seats and a quiet atmosphere was expected. If you were too loud, you were kicked out regardless of how far into your meal you were. Some people tried to exploit that and get free food but the owner had started charging up front a while back due to her foresight on this matter and so, if anything, the rude diners were the ones getting robbed. What were they supposed to do? Complain? To who? Hans' previous location at town hall wasn't far from here and he would be more than happy to come and arbitrate! Granted Hans was in a different place right now but the threat of him was still enough to keep diners' mouths shut. They could speak, they just couldn't yell.

Of course this was all painfully ironic given that Gavel, the thuggish woman who owned the store and had adopted the homeless orphan Remmy at a young age, was definitively the loudest person in Red Sun. She had some serious outbursts which would have been fine if it weren't for the fact that Remmy was a little autistic. High functioning, definitely, but loud noises scared her and so the relationship between Remmy and Gavel could occasionally be quite dysfunctional... Still, it was thanks to Gavel that Remmy had a place to cook and that was of utmost important to her. Remmy was a jumpy scaredy cat when it came to loud noises but she could be calm and confident specifically when she was cooking. She went into her own little happy world that brought her immense joy as she meticulously crafted exquisite dishes from scratch. It was very much a labour of love but she needed to not be distracted by loud noises otherwise the spook would throw her focus off and then all messy hell would break loose. Gavel had been responsible for a lot of such incidents when they were starting out but Remmy was progressively getting more and more used to these occurrences. Loud noises were still a no go, and Gavel got her good often, but she could ignore her adoptive mother sometimes and filter her out due to her familiarity with her loudmouth parent.

Remmy was only around fourteen so the fact she was already such a talented chef, and had been for at least the last five or so years, was a staggeringly jaw dropping accomplishment. She had a strong affinity for the cooking pillar so it was to be expected in some ways but it didn't change the fact that she was undeniably prodigious. Plus the locals all really liked her as she was a sweet and quiet, innocent girl who never got into any trouble. Sometimes, when the nearby elderly were ill, and Remmy found out, she'd make some healing soup for them without even being asked. In a way, she was almost like a female Phobos, just less generally frightened. She could stare down a fierce lion with only a slight quiver of the lip but make a BANG and she would start like a wimpy dog. Gavel was very protective of her so it wasn't all bad as she shooed away potential troublemakers real quick. She did feel repentant and guilty whenever she was responsible for the scare herself though but there wasn't really much to be done about that...

Ares gave a brief rundown to Enyo and Bellona so they could be polite and not make any loud remarks during their time here. Speaking with a raised volume was ok but a sharp or sudden yell was too far and would get them kicked out no matter who they were. No amount of apologising had ever worked. Even a poor old man who sneezed was booted out once but he was allowed to come back because it wasn't really an intentional thing. Since then, guests were warned to not sneeze too loudly and avoid it if they could. They weren't kicked out for such a thing anymore, at Remmy's behest, but Gavel would give you one hell of an evil look if you let a sneeze slip. Enyo and Blo Blo were cultivators, like Ares, though so the chances of an unwanted sneeze were incredibly low. Funnily enough it had happened to Are back in Baja but he was a lower realm cultivator back then and more susceptible. Even if he magically needed to sneeze here today he would just put up a disintegration barrier to prevent any sound leaking. Actually, if Gavel had been any good at using magic, she could have created a sound cancelling barrier around Remmy's workplace but neither of them were capable of it. There were no artifacts or treasures for sale in the auction house either that could provide a similar effect so they just had to put up with it for now but they had put out an unofficial bounty for such a thing. Runemancers were also an option but the two didn't know any. Julio would have been more than happy to do it had he ever stumbled upon this place but keeping it relatively hidden had its downsides too. The disciples and elders from the sect, who spent more time there than in the city, weren't all exactly aware of this place's location either for the most part. Still, Ares was here today and could make an offer Gavel couldn't and wouldn't refuse so there was that!

With all the pre-warnings out the way, Ares led the way inside and headed past some diners to the front. The trio got some side-glances, as they weren't exactly dressed for the occasion, but the diners knew better than to raise a fuss here even if they really wanted to. Plus there was the recognition factor and these three were well known even to people who weren't locals. Or rather people who weren't local were infinitely more likely to know these people as they were almost definitely here for the tournament at this time of year. Ares and Enyo were obvious and the whole marrying two sisters thing was already spreading to everyone's ears at rapid speed so Bellona wasn't hard to guess. Coming in such casual clothing was an insult to fine dining but if they were locals then maybe they were visiting Gavel or were on close enough terms that they could show up in such a fashion and not be reprimanded. Truthfully, what these people didn't know, is that gavel didn't give a single shit about what anyone was wearing. She was an ex bandit, biker-gang-esque thug who beat people with a bat in a back alley during her younger years. A person's attire did not fuss her at all. And who else was going to complain? Remmy minding her own business in the kitchen? Some of the hired staff who were just locals and also didn't care? This whole high-class fashion thing was entirely self-imposed due to this place's high rating so, if anything, these guys were the weird ones... Of course you could argue getting dressed for the occasion set the mood, and that was fine, but it wasn't the crux of these people's argument so it could be ignored. Plus it was an optional thing anyway and nobody in the Ares trio felt like it tonight. Also... Bellona really couldn't wear a nice dress... There were repercussions to such an act and Ares would not hesitate to pounce...

The trio made it to the front and Gavel, who'd been reading a magazine, looked up to see who was here for some grub. She was 'wearing' a white shirt, not dissimilar to Enyo's, but it wasn't tucked in everywhere properly. It had either come undone, in which case she couldn't be bothered to redo it, or she hadn't done it all in the first place because it was uncomfortable. She also had a cardigan wrapped around her waist which kinda ruined the professional look she was going for but also made her look like a more traditional chef so the posh diners simply thought her appearance was novel and not a result of her slovenly nature. It was a glorious misunderstanding but it worked for everyone involved so Ares had no intention of spoiling the magic. When Gavel spied Ares, a small cheeky grin appeared on her mean face and she gave a friendly greeting. "Ares!"

"EEK!"

CLANG

BANG 

BONK

BOINK

Accompanied by Gavel's loud shout were the sounds of a girl screaming and pots and pans tumbling to the floor, making an even larger ruckus which presumably frightened the girl in question even more. Gavel's right eye twitched and a wry, regretful smile appeared on her face as she bowed slightly to everyone in the dining area and quickly left to go sort out the problem and apologise, leaving the trio stranded high and dry and, honestly, a little dumb struck to boot. This woman was seriously a klutz when it came to throwing her voice around... To be fair, the environment she grew up in was one in which louder voices prevailed. If you weren't dominating the conversation, you weren't eating that month. You were losing territory if you were being polite so as not wake up the neighbours. You were getting pushed around for being a softy if you showed any such weakness. Gavel's booming voice was a deeply ingrained thing and warm, hearty welcomes to those she knew was a instinctual reaction. It was this specific trait that earned her the nickname Gavel which eventually stuck and became more than that, a permanent fixture. Her random outbursts, that would make anyone unaware of the upcoming vocal storm jump in fright, were akin to the sudden aggression of a banging gavel in a courtroom and was incredibly fitting to base her name around.

Ares left Enyo and Bellona temporarily to go and see what was going on in the kitchen. He had business in there anyway and Gavel wouldn't mind his presence. He arrived in the kitchen to find Gavel hugging a tiny elf with ginger hair who was struggling to escape from the arm sandwich she had unwillingly become an ingredient in. The ginger elf was Remmy and, although she'd been frightened by Gavel earlier, she'd recovered pretty quickly and gone back to work... Or tried to, anyway, but Gavel was insistent on apologising thus the current situation came to be. Remmy was wearing a pure white apron that had a yellowish splotch on it which was likely a result of the earlier spillage. Whatever she was working on was now decorating her work uniform but she didn't seem to mind. Ares waved hello and gave greetings, softly, to the tiny elf who he'd met a couple of times before. "Hello Remmy. Sorry about the whole thing with Gavel, I should have seen it coming really."

"Yeah yeah..." Gavel nodded. "... See? I told you it wasn't my fault! It was all his fault!" Gavel's voice caused the elf to huddle up in her arms because she was being a little too loud again. Ares could only stare in disbelief at the punk who was blaming him for her own mistakes! Anything not to feel guilty... Ah well, Remmy and Ares knew better and Gavel was always like this.

"S... Sorry you have to see... This... Sorry Ares, are you here for some cooking suggestions again? I'm a bit busy right now but if you want to wait for an hour or two we'll be closing up then..." Remmy was a soft spoken little lady but there was a kind of natural flow to her way of speaking that ramped up as she got going. A rocky to start to her speech was normal but, by the end of whatever she was saying, she'd be able to speak continuously without pause or interruption. Again, her volume was a little low, but she had no issues with confidence or anything of the sort.

"Thanks for the offer Remmy but that's not quite it today. I'm here for two reasons. First, I was hoping to eat here today 'cos I'm on a date. Second of all, I think I can help you out and put up a silencing rune in here so that no noise disturbs you from the outside."

"Really!?" Remmy found some pep in her soul and it unintentionally invaded her voice. Her moderate increase in volume managed to cause her to somehow spook herself and she immediately shrunk a bit and fiddled with her knuckles after curling her hand into a ball. "really?" Remmy tried again with a smaller voice but the hope in her eyes was self-evident.

"Yep. I've gotten extremely good at runemancy. Convenient I know but the talent just sort of fell into my lap one day. In return, would you mind if I could get a private booth for tonight? I'll still pay and everything, I just want a little privacy."

Gavel pat Remmy on the head and stepped forward as she was the one with the final say regarding stuff like this, although her answer was pretty obvious before she'd even said it. "If you can put up the runic formation, you can borrow a booth whenever you like. Hell I'd be willing to kick people out for you so yeah, the sooner it goes up the better."

"Cool, then I'll get to work on it now. I'll even make you the owner of the rune. In emergencies, that will mean you can disable it and call out to her if there's anything life-threatening like a fire you need to evacuate for. It'll be voice activated so I'll go over the specifics after I've installed it and teach you both how to use it. Oh and don't mind me Remmy, you can keep working while I put it up. Wouldn't wanna interrupt your business just for this... One more thing, sorry Gavel. Could you show the ladies waiting in the dining room to the booth? Wouldn't want them to stand around waiting for me while I'm in here doing this..."

Gavel nodded and was about to leave but then it hit her that there were two ladies and yet Ares had said he was on a date... "You brought another lady along on date with your partner? Look, kid, I know you're new to relationships but that's really not a good idea... When did you even get a girlfriend anyway?"

"Uh, I think there's been a misunderstanding... I'm dating both of them and they're both my fiancés."

"..." Gavel was momentarily stunned but then let out a wide grin and pat Ares heavily on the back. "Well look at you, you sly dog! Didn't expect ya to be a real playa like that! Smooth moves Mr Boombox. Two at once? That slippery tongue of yours was good for something after all. Now I'm kinda curious as to what sorta snake oil you've been selling those two chicks. Hehehehe, maybe I'll hang out with 'em and have a little chat while you're stuck in here!" Gavel fled the room whilst rubbing her hands together in mischievous delight as Ares simply sighed to himself and shrugged. There was little all else he could do about the situation and it wasn't a problem either anyway. Gavel wanted to be nosy? Fine, Bellona and Enyo could entertain her and have a girl's chat. In the meantime, Ares got down to business with the runemancy while Remmy quickly scooted back to work.

Ares checked on Remmy occasionally because he was always fascinated with how concentrated she became whenever it was time to cook. Her single-mindedness was impressive and it was like the rest of the world faded out of view for her. She would delicately place a single drop of liquid from a pipette after nearly a minute straight of close-range eyeballing the exact position she wanted it to land, that was the level of dedication she had for every single ingredient and step in the cooking process. It led to decently long wait times for anyone who wanted to sample her food but it was definitely worth it. She was perhaps even more cautious than a scientist conducting experiments with dangerous reactants but she wasn't nervous or anxious, no she was in a fantastic mood. The smile on her face was infectious and just watching the tiny elf take such joy in her creations made Ares want to go over and pat her head just like Gavel had done. Remmy had real passion and a bright future ahead of her... So Ares was stealing some of that talent with his Omniscience! Correction, it wasn't exactly stealing, that was what Aejaz did. He was just copying her precision and methodology. She lost nothing from this but Ares had everything to gain. The way she handled various kitchen appliances and pieces of equipment was something 100% worth mimicking so this was yet another way Ares could improve his own cooking skills and he wasn't going to hesitate.

Kid though she was, Remmy was one of the best around so Ares wasn't going to be polite! Not that Remmy even noticed or would even care if she did, as long as her own cooking wasn't affected then she really wasn't fussed. She may even encourage it as thanks for the whole rune thing... Which Ares had distracted himself from for long enough! Ares copied what he needed to from the ginger elf and went back to drawing runes into the kitchen walls with some disintegration magic. It did damage the walls but it also meant the runic formation couldn't be smudged, ruined, or covered up as the shape was permanently etched there. This would take another twenty or so minutes to cover the whole room but, when he was done, he could go back to the booth, pick his meal from the menu, and get the night underway. Unbeknownst to him, though, a certain young master had just begun his evening stroll in search of a restaurant to dine at and, coincidentally, it would take him a little over twenty minutes to happen across Little Miss Remmy's.