20 chapters
-I have read and so far the story is seriously lacking in dialogue between characters and relationship development after all, this fiction is one that focuses not only on survival but on the relationships that make up the group. Being that The Zombies are not fearsome enemies, they are slow, clumsy, they have no intention, they are that, living dead. Therefore, it remains to explain how this group goes through its transformation from a social group, to capable survivors (From "lambs to wolves").
-You do not develop remorse or conflict, whether ethical or moral, that a member may have when killing or ending another life (I understand it from your OC, he is a soldier, he has carried out missions and blah blah, etc, but the others do not ).
-You also need to develop what happens with the already established relationships, after all you maintained the Rick/Shane/Lori relationship and it still hasn't been resolved, since this triangle caused several problems and tensions on the farm. Rick is not an idiot, he suspects it and it was implied in the series. Does he have an internal conflict that he needs to resolve in order to face Shane or not?
- I hope you can write a little about hershel. He refuses to see them as non-human life forms, and his belief that zombies are nothing more than sick men and women prompts him to guard them in a barn near his home.
-Another important character is Daryl who fights against his own tendency to brutality, closely linked to his relationship with his brother. There is no proximity to this character in the story, it is almost zero. There is no talk of his relationship with Carol and how she slightly changes his vision of why he is important to the group.
- I feel like you're adding characters but not developing any and it's a bit sad since the series itself was about the transformation of the group to survive. -I have yet to see what happens with the information that Rick kept, how it was resolved, and how you handle the issue of those who still believe that they live in a society without facing the new reality (Lori).
-Grateful for a fiction of this series since there are practically no fictions of this.
PS: For me personally, the fact of putting "hershel and I talked" does not work, what happens, what do they talk about, how did you solve it. I think it is something extremely important in fictions of this type.
PSS: I hope this is of some use, since I was trying to expose what until now I have not seen, I felt that everything moved extremely fast from the meeting with Rick to the farm.
