Amusement... or Something Else?
When I woke up from my stupor, I immediately directed a piercing glare towards the students who were gossiping.
You abandoned the prospect of Asura's and my marriage right after you found someone good looking and has a decent background? Are looks, gender, and background the only things you look for?
What about Asura's happiness? That Cassian Hall… He definitely won't be able to make Asura happy. He has no idea how troublesome she is! He doesn't get how you need to basically act as her slave to get her to even notice you!
He doesn't get anything! So Asura won't like him. Definitely won't.
Yet, even as I assured myself, there was a nagging notion that just wouldn't go away.
What if… Just what if… Asura falls for him?
Maybe he'll be an exception for her. Perhaps she'll love him regardless of how he is. Love at first sight is a thing, you know.
My face paled as I gripped the hardcover textbooks in my arms tighter.
Taking a deep breath, I walked into the classroom I was about to enter before I heard that accursed conversation.
The classroom was filled with noise that immediately quieted down the moment I stepped in, but I didn't even notice, still stuck in my sea of anxious thoughts.
Seeing a future where Asura and Cassian Hall got together, acting all lovey-dovey, eventually getting married and having a child, with Asura becoming the Queen of Marude and my sister in law… I just couldn't imagine it.
My heart clenched every time I thought of it, and for some pesky reason, I had the urge to utterly rip apart this strange and terrible future.
Should I… prevent the two from meeting? That's right! I can prevent them from falling in love!
I mean, Asura belongs to me in the first place! Why do I have to allow Cassian Hall to steal her away? I can make it so that Asura will only see me! She won't even hear of Cassian Hall's name.
In a frenzy, I was so agitated that I almost cackled out loud my grand plan.
But… Before I went too far, my consciousness pulled me back, causing me to shudder as I thought back to my plans in fear.
What was wrong with me?
I have always had a rule, a silent and unwritten principle: to pursue amusement as much as I could, but never to allow the pursuit of amusement
threaten my livelihood.
But ... right now, my thoughts ... if anyone finds out about them, my life might be endangered.
After all, compared to that pure-blooded and treasured prince who was undoubtedly highly regarded by the king, I was nothing.
Yet… Yet even as I know this, I could feel that no part of myself rejected the crazy psychopathic thoughts I just had, not even my inner conscious that have always been clearheaded and reliable.
It was scary.
Terrifying to the point of being laughable.
Was I that desperate to possess Asura?
No… That's not what I should be asking… Was this still solely for amusement?
I found that I couldn't answer that question.
Is amusement supposed to be this thrilling, this scary?