I Transmigrated?!
"I think… I'm dead…."
The same statement kept lingering in my thoughts. No one knows what actually happens when they die, so how am I sure I died?
Well, the moment I closed my eyes, my body went into a dream-like state.
It feels like my soul is in another place, but I expected myself to be traveling to be honest.
Maybe I'll be doing that later.
For now, I think my body will show a recap of my memories. From the day that I was born until this time when I screwed up.
I can't be bothered to humiliate myself the second time.
I was expecting to watch a time-lapse of my life, hoping to see where I went wrong.
If I still had my body, I would've cuddled myself.
Since I don't have one, I shall imagine.
As I watch my 27 years of living, I will evaluate every action I did.
I will judge all of my mistakes, my wrongdoings, and everything that led me up to this death.
"I will atone for not ending her life in eternity. "
I kept my eyes closed but I feel like I'm shaking a little bit, I have lost all of my senses before I die so why am I feeling things again?
It was as if I was reminiscing about the feeling of riding a carriage. I waited and observed this familiar feeling, and it just won't stop.
"RAPHAEL!" Another familiar sound startled me.
This female's voice didn't give me chills but instead annoyance, I wondered who it was.
I opened my eyes, and there is an old lady appropriately dressed sitting in front of me. I looked into her eyes, and her gaze was so similar to that woman – my grandmother.
With a stern voice, she continued, "Dozing off is disrespectful, especially if you're escorting a woman."
Ah, I remember these days when I took several measures to escape the authoritarian parenting of my family. Successfully escaping was one of the best reliefs I felt, I was still with Lia at that time.
Out of curiosity, I looked around, and it seems that this memory-recalling is so vividly detailed.
I touched my hands, patted my hair, and even fixed my clothes just to see the extent of this memory.
The details made me question myself, "What could have been so good in this memory that it's been so vividly described?"
***
"Your father gave loads of money in order to gain the favor of the academy judge. You are required to pass with high remarks." My strict grandmother mentioned how my father indirectly bribed the school.
"He has the guts to donate money but still can't afford to pay for my entrance fee." I sarcastically replied.
My grandmother nearly lost her grace; however, she stayed the same and instead lectured me about how hard my father worked just for my sake.
"Your father sacrificed his happiness, the life he should've had, just to ensure that you can live a carefree life."
I secretly grinned because I had thought of something realistic.
My father sacrificed his future happiness for lust. No matter how abused my father is with money, I will still have the same suffocating life.
"I will repay his kindness then, grandmother." I kindly smiled with malice, she's an old woman; she's old even to notice my intentions.
Just as I expected, she did not notice anything. She even uttered a sigh of relief with an ironically reassuring statement, "It's good that you know your place, Raphael."
The main reason why I am still here is because I know how low my place is in our family's hierarchy.
Just you wait old woman, I will be someone you'll respect in the near future.
Oh, I should not jump to conclusions.
Grandmother, I hope you are still alive to see how you'll be useless in the future.
***
"Your father gave loads of money to gain the favor of the academy judge. You are required to pass with high remarks." My strict grandmother mentioned how my father indirectly bribed the school...again.
Right after I recalled what happened, it really happened before me... again.
Should I answer the same way? Or should I wait for myself in this memory recalling dream to answer?
Now that I think about it, why am I in the first person? Wasn't I supposed to watch from afar? Oh and also, I can control my actions, and it actually does not feel like a long dream at all.
"Raphael, are you listening to me?" My grandmother interrupted me from evaluating what is actually happening, but I'm back to my senses thanks to her.
"Sure, no umm... yes I guess..." I hastily uttered out of panic.
If what I remember is correct, I said something different that made her almost lose her grace and lectured me about my father.
However, even if I said nothing wrong this time, she still nearly lost her grace and gave me the same lecture or manipulation on how my father is the victim and I am the suspect.
I really don't care anymore.
I once held a grudge against them, but that was when I was in my early adolescence. The mind that I have right now is in early adulthood.
"You should know your place, Raphael." My grandmother continued her manipulative statements.
I, even having the mind of an adult, still can't stand her idiotic thinking.
I failed to realize before that my grandmother's manipulation backfired on my father. That's why she really is on edge with me.
Anyways, what is my answer to her statement before? I really can't recall, I'll answer whatever comes to my mind then.
"I should, grandmother." I kindly smiled, but this time there is no malice. She will die after a year anyway so no need for me to go so hard and curse her.
She uttered a sigh of relief after hearing my reassurance. It has been so long since I last saw her and this is the time when I am probably not contented with my place in our house's hierarchy.
Still, I ended up being lectured by my grandmother the whole ride. I don't understand this memory at all.
Who will give importance to this scenario where your own grandmother lectured you about the right manners when attending school gatherings - wait, school gatherings?
Ahh, I remember, that's why I'm in this memory!
The location we're going to is the Central Academy, an academy exclusive to every nation's representatives. An academy where an individual's social class does not matter.
The only thing that matter is what you can provide when you reached the age of adulthood.
Well, that's just basically all bluff. Their fair image is only a facade to get the favor of those from the lower class. I only realized this after I graduated from the academy.
'Bump!' The carriage bumped into a large rock unexpectedly, causing a stir inside.
"Ouch!" I shouted as my grandmother looked at me with disgrace. I forgot that I'm in my old body, and people will still judge me if I act out of character.
My arm accidentally bumped into a sharp corner so, of course, it hurts. Wait, I'm hurt?! Why am I hurt? Shouldn't I be numb?
"Grandmother, will you slap me?" I hastily requested my grandmother so I can confirm that I feel pain.
As expected, my grandmother looked at me with disgrace... again. She won't help me so I pinched my hand to confirm.
"It hurts..." I stated the same words repeatedly after pinching myself from one point to another. The same thing goes for my grandmother who kept looking at me with disgrace.
How can I feel pain? Isn't this supposed to be a dream? A dream where I'll recall my memories and one-sidedly judge my actions.
If this isn't a dream, then I transmigrated?! I'm back thirteen years from now.
So how did this happen? I can't spare to care how and why I am given a second chance, but since I promised right before I nearly died, then...
I will do whatever it takes not to have the same future.
When I closed my eyes, I thought I'd die, but no, I transmigrated.