XXXV

Knowing that the mangled gate will soon be jammed up with a flood of people trying to depart, I immediately move to escape this courtyard. Trying not to display my exhaustion too clearly, I pass through the gate right in front of the two commanders. Both look as worn out as I feel, but from the content look on Reinhart's face, I surmise that he was most likely the victor.

Of course, it could be possible that he lost the duel and is only happy because his force won the battle, but that would be out of character for him - I just can't imagine him looking at all happy when he had recently suffered defeat in any form.

I intend to pass them by, my destination Lector's abode, but Reinhart surprises me a bit by calling me over.

I immediately change my heading, going straight over to where commanders Reinhart and Belfrost are standing. I expect some criticism for Reinhart having to step in, so I am a bit surprised when Reinhart says "You did quite well today. Resisting so many attacks for such a long time, truly impressive. I heard from Commander Eradicus Lector that you were actually new to magic, at least in formal study, when you arrived here less than a week ago. Is this true?"

"I see my master has been speaking of me. Yes, I am quite new to magic. Though, if I am being truthful, I was not nearly so happy with my performance today as you claim to be. I was locked into a position of being unable to counterattack and was only moments from dropping out before you stepped in."

"Even so," Belfrost interjects, "being able to resist the attacks of so many mages, most of which have received far more training than you, is very impressive. I was admittedly quite skeptical when commander Lector took you on as an apprentice; he must have seen something that I did not, because he appears to have a prodigy upon his hands."

"I'm hardly a prodigy; besides, my focus and strengths are far more on swordsmanship than on magic."

"Even if that is the case, you are already becoming very adept at elemental manipulation. As for swordsmanship, you must realize that that is something you will never learn from your master. His ability in swordsmanship is below even the most unskilled noble child - so far as I am aware, he has never beaten even a single opponent in a duel."

I can't help but feel that he is twisting this interaction into an opportunity to criticize Lector - a bit bold in front of his apprentice. Still, I wouldn't want to be rude to a commander, so I simply ask "What is your point in saying this?"

"Nothing much, I am only lamenting the fact that a commander such as he could be lucky enough to stumble across such a prodigy. Perhaps, if you were a noble, I would offer to take you off his hands. As it is, however, I can only feel some disappointment that such gifts have been bestowed upon someone who doesn't even know their value."

Sensing some strong anti-commoner sentiments, I do what I do best: increase the power of my wrath core! [Thank you, foolish noble commander, for through you I can further cultivate myself], I think with mock solemnity, while saying "With all due respect, I am sure my master employed his keen insight to know of my potential before taking me on as his apprentice. Still, I wouldn't want to oppose the view of a powerful noble commander such as yourself, so it is quite likely that you are right." I add in a bow deep enough to not be considered mocking, before turning back to Reinhart.

"I assume that you won your duel?"

"Of course," he answers, continuing "While very close, my ability as a swordsman won out in the end and the victory went to me."

"Yes, I saw the start of your fight and I must confess to underestimating you. I hadn't realized that you were limiting yourself so severely in our duels."

"The point of our duels is to increase your ability, not to crush you utterly. In my experience it is best for a teacher in duels to always be one level above his student, to appear difficult to beat but never insurmountable. Of course, there is a minimum to this. I am honestly unable to lower my ability to a level that your comrades could beat, so I spar with you. In addition, I have taken a liking to you, so I would like to do whatever is within my power to increase your ability."

At this point Belfrost snorts and walks away, leaving just Reinhart and I. [Perfect timing], I think to myself, saying something to Reinhart that I can only hope won't make him think less of me.

"Uh… commander?"

"Yes?" he asks, appearing a bit confused.

"May I ask exactly why it is that you have taken a liking to me, as you say? It is no secret that I have failed to demonstrate the appropriate level of respect towards you since our first meeting. Actually, knowing how powerful you truly are, you even could have struck me dead in our first duel with a single blow. Why didn't you? Based on my attitude towards you, you would certainly have been justified in doing so."

"I am rather simple in what I look for in a soldier. The soldier must follow basic commands, the soldier must demonstrate an adequate degree of bravery, and, most importantly, the soldier must be skilled with the blade. I care not for status, noble or commoner, nor do I care about wealth or even an individual's actual power. No. I have dedicated my life to the blade, and I search for those willing to do the same. That you treated me with disrespect when we first met, that I can get over. Still, I may have killed you during our first duel, if not for the fact that you were among the strongest new recruit swordsmen I have ever faced. Killing you then, as you are right to say I would have been fully justified in doing, would simply have been a waste."

"Well, whatever the reason may be, I am happy to be alive. Like you, I desire to increase my ability with the blade, and under you I have had the opportunity to do so. Even magic cannot compete with the majesty of the sword, and so I thank you for furthering my knowledge of it."

After thanking Reinhart, I leave him to finally return to my master's dwelling. It is still only about noon, determinable from the sun directly above in the sky. General Lion had said this morning that we would be free from obligations for the rest of the day. Of course, I am not really part of that 'they'; my master would never consider giving me time off of training, and even if he did, I would train on my own.

And train on my own, I must. My failure today (and, despite Reinhart's claim, it was a failure) shows that I am nowhere near the level of power that I will need to enact my goals. Forget my loftier and rather undefined goal of punishing this world for its wretchedness; at my current level of power I may very well die in a battle against mere soldiers.

If I cannot even reach the level of General Lion, how am I to ensure that I survive? And though he is the most powerful man that I have encountered in this world, there is certainly no guarantee that there aren't far stronger beings out there. Considering that this world seems to universally regard the gods as actual existences, with even the Arenese Empire regarding the gods of the church as factually real, I can only conclude that there are beings that are powerful enough to vaporize me with a thought. Even being at General Lion's level likely wouldn't be enough to oppose such a threat.

But how can I, someone who can't even beat a group of my peers, even hope to surpass General Lion? Such a question leads me to that which I must do: train! Only through training, whether it be fighting skills, like swordsmanship or elemental manipulation, or other useful skills, like reading and critical thinking, shall I be able to accomplish my goals.

Of course, this is far from the first time that I have resolved to train with all my strength to grow stronger. However, thus far I have merely been trying as hard as I can; if I am to grow at the desired rate, I must train both with great effort and with great efficiency. It is not enough to just throw all of my strength at an obstacle; it will often not be enough. Take today, for example. For all my strength, for all my cheat abilities, I was unable to come out on top. Yet if I had had a plan, a trump card, a method to turn the tides back towards my favor, my victory could have been truly achieved.

My lack of intelligence and critical analysis skills can perhaps be blamed on my infuriating madness skill that subtly messes with my thoughts. While not as bad as it was when at its 'greater' stage, it is still causing a definite weakness to my thinking processes. However, just because I have a valid excuse does not mean that the issue is at all negated. Despite the difficulties it brings, if I am to succeed I must overcome the negative effects of my madness.

Weaknesses in my skill set are not my only shortcomings: my continuous subconscious overvaluation of my abilities is also of great concern. Despite my efforts to limit this shortcoming of myself in my conscious mind, I cannot help but fear that I am still subconsciously overestimating myself. I entered into a battle on the front line without any pre-prepared methods worth being confident over, nestled in the errant belief that I would be powerful enough to brush off enemy attacks while cutting through thick iron bars with my sword. It is said that actions speak louder than words; while I may say to myself that I ought not be overconfident, in my [actions] I do not live by that belief.

Any way that I look at it, I have many things to work on. Thankfully, I have time. My combat and general usage abilities are uniformly in need of improvement, and my mindset must be restructured to that of someone exclusively seeking greater power. While my goal of ravaging this world is important to me, it cannot be furthered if I die. And to keep from death, I must grow in power. With that in mind, it would be best to put my goal of punishment on the back burner while I pursue the goal of increasing my own strength. [Still, I vow, this world will one day be made to regret the evil with which it operates.]