TOO MUCH

KATELYN'S POV

I had been in bed for a week.

There were days when all I wanted to was lie in bed all day without doing anything. When all the emotions became too much and I just wanted to stop thinking for a while.

I wanted to escape so bad so I didn't have to think of all the bad things that I had gone through. I never understood why people always said they wanted to be immortal.

That they wanted to leave longer and did not want to die because I think other than life it was the worst thing.

Living a long life didn't mean that it was going to be a happy one. There were times when everything was too overwhelming and I just wished that I was human.

Maybe then I wouldn't have to suffer so much. Every century it was just something new and I relived the pain every day that I remembered it like it was yesterday.

Sometimes I wonder if our mother ever thought about us. She had gone for so long I had forgotten what she looked like.

We never talked about things like this with my brothers. It was just better to assume them than talk about them and the old wounds opening up.

I often thought that maybe it was our fault that she had left. But then again she was our mother. She was supposed to stick with us till the end.

Then yet again maybe I was being a hypocrite by only thinking about myself. I never sat down and wondered the hell she had gone through being married to our father.

He was a terrible man and if I was in her shoes I would have left too. But I would have never left my kids with him.

She knew how he was and she still left us there with him for all those years without even looking back and coming for us.

She would have killed him if she wanted and we would have helped her if it meant being free from the monster but sometimes people make choices that don't favor others.

She chose herself and I was supposed to feel proud of her but I did not. All I felt was a betrayal. If she had been there maybe we wouldn't have all turned out to be monsters like our father.

We had hurt people over the years. Killed a whole village because they attacked us or tried to hurt one of us. That is what we did, always stood by each other.

We either lived together or died together.

I knew that my brothers were not the most amazing people on earth but they were all I had. I did not see the bad things they did all I saw were the intentions behind the act.

Maybe on Elijah's side, Edmund just did things because he felt like it.

They would die for me if a situation arose and that was all someone needed but I still felt inside. I felt like I was just a character in their story where I had no role.

I was just the sister that they would protect whenever trouble came. There was nothing to me than that and I wanted to change that.

I wanted to do something too. I wanted to do the things that I loved without feeling bad about it. I had dreams, I wanted to make sure I accomplished everything I wanted to.

I had never had as much freedom as I had but I still lay in bed not being able to move a muscle. I was tired.

I did not want to do anything other than lay in bed but also I knew I had to wake up. Things were not going to do themselves.

I had enrolled in school but I had not yet set foot there.

It had always been my dream to be a nurse. I don't know why I just always thought that it was good. My father always thought that it was a stupid idea.

The smile on ten-year-old me had faded so fast. I had been so excited to tell my father the things that I wanted to do. What I did not expect was for him to discourage me.

Maybe, I was just stupid for thinking that he cared what anyone of us did. All he wanted was his kids to be the most powerful vampires and we had been but at what cost?

I dragged myself out of bed and made my bed. My room was a mess but I didn't have the energy to clean it. I had to do one thing at a time and getting out of bed had been a struggle.

After dressing up, I went downstairs to have breakfast. Edmund always made breakfast even though no one was going to eat it.

It was the only good thing that he ever did that made me tolerate him a little bit.

What I did not expect was both my brothers at the table having breakfast.

"Is this a family meeting or something ?", I asked them as I sat down.

"No but we decided we should spend more time together as a family you know ", said Elijah as he served me some tea.

"Oh and you guys didn't think that you should tell me ?", I asked them.

"Well after coming to your room many times to see if you are okay and you telling me to leave you alone I figured that you wanted some time alone", said Elijah as he handed me the tea and Edmund the scones that were freshly baked.

Well, that was the other thing that I liked about him. He always knew when to stop pushing. He respected my space when I was having a hard time.

"Thank you", I said to him.

"It's no problem, is everything okay though? Am getting worried it's been a long time since I have seen you like this. The last time you were like this was when dad died. I don't even understand why you cried for him after all the hell he put us through ", said Elijah as he sipped his tea.

"Am okay, and it was just strange that I was not going to see him again", I said and he nodded his head and let it go.