Chapter 33 Ah Crap, I'm Going Through Puberty Again.

Two Weeks Until Chunin Exams

Currently I am in the lounge with Sasuke. We're the only two here, the Sound Four are out doing something for Orochimaru. Probably something despicable like acquiring new test subjects.

"Alright. I've had enough of this." Sasuke's displeased voice breaks the silence. He stands up out of his chair and stomps over to me. "What has been eating at you?"

"Uh what?" I intelligently respond as I look up from a book that I haven't bothered to read the title of. I haven't even bothered to read a single word. I've been staring at the pages.

"You've been off for the past week. You're eating less. You're losing focus. You get distracted easily and stare off into space. Hell you're sleeping less, which is good but you're doing it for the wrong reasons. Something happened. What was it?"

"Sasuke nothing happened." I calmly assure him. It isn't like I'm going to say: Orochimaru, the person who I'm pretty sure is literally getting off on torturing me everyday this week, made me kill a Konoha gennin that was only a child. So yeah, sorry if I'm a little distracted.

Sasuke glares at me. "Bullshit. I know you. I know your tells. You're lying. Tell me what happened."

I can't meet his eyes. I don't trust myself to not break down and confess everything. I'm vulnerable. "I don't want to." I weakly whisper out.

"Alvarcus." Sasuke sternly says. "You didn't let me get away with keeping things to myself in the Land of Tea, I'm not going to let you get away with it now."

"Don't make me. Please. I don't want to remember it."

"Come on." He softly urges. "It can't be any worse than my outburst back then."

"Sasuke... I killed an innocent." I can hear Sasuke take a sharp inhale of breath. "Orochimaru wanted to test a theory with the Jiongu. The test subject was an innocent. That's what's been bothering me. Everyone else I've killed has done something wrong. Thieves, bandits, murderers. I can rationalize killing them, they're a blight on society. Hell I can even rationalize killing someone who is attacking me with deadly force! That's our occupational hazard. But... not this one. Not this one."

"Oh." Sasuke quietly says. That's not even the worst part. I didn't tell him that he was nothing more than a child. "I hate to say this, but it will happen to everyone eventually."

My head snaps upwards to stare at him in disbelief. "How can you possibly say that?"

"People make mistakes. Sometimes bakers burn their bread. Or a carpenter will measure wrong. Or... you get the idea. The difference is we're shinobi. When we make a mistake, someone could die. Sometimes it will be an innocent."

"Yeah, but I didn't make a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing the whole time."

"Do you feel remorse? Do you regret it?"

"Of course! How is that even a question?"

"Then quit calling yourself a monster." Sasuke demands.

"When did I do that?"

"All damn week." Sasuke tiredly tells me. "I know you better than anyone. I know what goes on in your head. You've been calling yourself a monster all the damn time. You're not."

A small smile forms on my face. Arrogant prick is right. I have been calling myself a monster. "Fine. I'll stop for a bit. Can we go back to when we would sassily try to best each other at something? I'm not the biggest fan of this 'tell me your feelings' stuff."

"So Alvarcus." Sasuke blandly humors me, "On a completely unrelated topic, I finally hit Orochimaru today."

"Really? What did you do, punch him in the face? Because I would have liked to see that." That would be much better therapy than whatever the hell Sasuke just put me through.

Sasuke's proud tone falters for a moment. Obviously he didn't get a true hit in, neither have I. The best I've managed is a handful of glancing blows and the one time I managed to crush his hand. I don't count that as a hit because we were both not thinking straight.

"During a kenjutsu session I managed to cut his robes." Sasuke is trying to brag to me.

"Well done! That is a big achievement, to land a near hit on a Sannin is very impressive." He's smug with pride. It is really sad, I managed to hit Orochimaru weeks ago. Am I that far above Sasuke now? Is Orochimaru's insane brand of training pushing me that far that quickly? That is a great question, how far have I advanced? Orochimaru is holding back less and less every day, that's a good thing. If you count constantly being dismembered as a positive.

"Have you managed to get him yet?" Sasuke asks the question I was hoping to avoid. I have, a few times already, but I don't want him to know that. I don't want him to realize there is a gap in our skill levels, that he is still behind me.

An earsplitting ring echoes throughout the room. "Alvarcus, come to my office." Orochimaru's voice calls out over the PA system. I'm saved by my enemy. How ironic.

"We'll have to finish this later." I rise from my relaxed position and put my book away. I nod a quick goodbye to Sasuke as I make my way to Orochimaru. No one dares to keep him waiting, not even one of his prized pupils. I get to his office in under five minutes.

"Okay." I shakily say to myself. "You can do this. Just do what you normally do and put on a mask. He got to you. Don't let him know that he did. Just act normal. Be your usual snarky sarcastic self. Oh hell this isn't going to work. Fuck it, I'll just wing it."

I poke my head through the door and take stock of all the changes. There's only one change. There is a chair across from his desk this time, one for me. How considerate. "You called?"

"Yes, yes. Come in and sit down. I need to discuss something with you." Alarms and warning bells sound in my head.

What could he possible want to talk about? I've covered all of my tracks, there is no way he knows I'm reporting to Tsunade. He doesn't know I have a way to contact her, we've never discussed the abilities of my summons in length. He wants me to discover their uses on my own.

"It is about Sasuke." Oh. That changes everything. I'm safe, I get to breath another day. I walk in and take a seat.

"Sasuke. Nothing is wrong I hope." If Sasuke is going to be experimented on again, I dragging him out of here and back to Konoha. Spying be damned, I'm here for him.

Orochimaru sighs. Sighs. I've never seen him this animated before, well excluding his crazed blood thirst for knowledge and battle. I've seen those first hand too many times. "No, nothing is wrong. Per say. I'm worried he many sustain grievous injury during the Exams. He's overconfident and it will be his undoing."

"That is what this is about? You don't need to tell me that. I was there when he attacked his brother. You know, Itachi the S-rank missing nin from Konoha? I still can't believe Sasuke thought he could win that. Besides, this is a bunch of gennin we will be facing. Surely he won't have any issues with anyone sent. Except for me maybe, I doubt that we will be forced to fight though. Not until the finals. We're good enough to work around each other. Besides, our last conversation with the three of us you made it pretty clear you wanted us both to put on a show. We can't do that if we go after each other."

"Gaara of the Desert will be there." With those few words, Orochimaru suddenly has a very strong argument. I can see Sasuke seeking him out as a challenge, Gaara is one of the opponents that Sasuke struggled with. Needed help with. He might challenge Gaara to prove to himself that he's improved.

"Ah." Is my intellectual reply.

Orochimaru sighs in exasperation. "Now you see my problem. Sasuke is strong but rash. He challenges those who are out of his reach. Gaara is one of them, for now. I want you to protect him, curb his enthusiasm, keep him on a leash."

I laugh, the sound startles Orochimaru. "You really think anyone can keep him on a leash? Have you met Sasuke? He doesn't submit to anyone, not even you." Orochimaru raises an eyebrow, saying that was a really bad idea. I need to think what I say through more. "Do you honestly think that he came to Sound for you? No, he came to get stronger. He would have gone to Iwa if it meant he would improve. Surely you remember how much Konoha and Iwa detest each other."

"You're right, not anyone can keep him on a leash, only you. You can, I've seen it. He listens to you, he values your opinion and will accept your reasoning. Only you can keep him from doing something he truly sets his mind on doing." Orochimaru has a twinkle of victory in his eyes.

That smug bastard pisses me off. I hate when he's right. "I can promise nothing. We could be split up during the Exams."

Orochimaru waves a hand dismissively. "Please, both of you are skilled enough to ensure you're always near the other. If there is a team section I have no doubt you'll both be on the same team. I'm not asking you to fight his battles for him, just keep Sasuke safe from himself."

I roll my eyes at Orochimaru. "I do that anyways, I'll keep him out of trouble. It is hands down the most stressful thing I have ever done. You wouldn't believe the trouble we get into."

A wicked gleam sparks in Orochimaru's eyes. "I suppose it is time to step up your training again. After all, how can taking care of a lowly gennin be harder than fighting a Sannin?"

"Oh you asshole! Only today have I managed to avoid getting a limb cut off!" I'm not lying, Orochimaru has been especially vicious this last week. Probably from our scuffle, he really stepped his game up. Before it was just extreme maiming and maybe a loss of a limb. This past week I lost a limb every session, sometimes twice.

"Kukukuku, you're right. Maybe it is time for something new? You have very little experience fighting larger opponents. I might have to summon a few snakes for you to fight."

"Nope! If I didn't hear it, it didn't happen!" I leap out of my chair and sprint out of his office.

One Week Until Chunin Exams

"LAZY ASS! UP AND AT THEM!" Tayuya's voice forcibly pulls me from my afternoon nap. Why is it always her? Why can't it be Kidomaru or Jirobo or even Sakon? At least they don't yell at me. All I want to do is take a nice nap after training, but no. Tayuya has to ruin it. "NOW!"

"Ugh, fine. Just quit yelling. I swear you could give me permanent hearing damage." Not only is she loud, we're close quarters. Her voice echos, I have to hear it multiple times. It is annoying.

Tayuya scoffs at me. "Good. I'm getting Red-eyes then we're going to Orochimaru. He wants the three of us for something." She exits my room to go get Sasuke.

That's new, usually it is only Sasuke and I summoned to Orochimaru or the entire Sound Four. What could he want the three of us for? Especially considering the Exams are so close. It can't be a mission, I doubt he would have Tayuya try to advance our training since both Sasuke and I have built in genjutsu defenses.

After I finally drag myself out of my room I meet both Tayuya and Sasuke in the hallway. "Any idea what this is for?" I ask her.

"Nope!" With that very detailed explanation Tayuya takes off down the hallway at a sprint.

"This must be serious if she's willing to run." Sasuke idly comments to me.

"We're a bit late, so start running pansies!" She calls over her shoulder.

"Or that." I levelly reply.

Sasuke and I both follow after her. We make it to Orochimaru's office in record time.

"Good, you're all here." Orochimaru says upon the three of us entering the room. The chair I sat in last time is gone, we will have to stand this time. I wonder if that is his way of showing favoritism? "Now, guesses as to why I called you three? I do love to see how you think."

"I dunno, you find it amusing to have Tayuya wake me up?" I sarcastically reply. "At least there was no bucket this time."

"You want me to test them on genjutsu?" Tayuya guesses. It isn't a bad idea, especially since she doesn't know that we have defenses in place already. It's not like we go around blabbering about our strengths and weaknesses.

"She's going to be our chaperon for the Chunin Exams." Sasuke blandly retorts. "It is the only option that makes sense, we can't go alone."

Orochimaru gleefully claps his hands together. "Well done Sasuke! You're correct, Tayuya will be your handler for the Chunin Exams."

"Oh Kami no. Why her? Choose someone else, anyone else. Please?" I whine childishly at Orochimaru. I don't want to deal with her for that long.

"No. She's the best fit for this." Orochimaru begins to explain. "Both Sasuke and you are very gifted in ninjutsu and your taijutsu is nothing to laugh at. Sasuke's kenjutsu is not something to dismiss either, for the short time he's been working on it he's made very good progress. Between the two of you very little will be able to threaten you on the road to or from the exams. What your team is missing is a genjutsu specialist, hence why I chose Tayuya. Genjutsu is her strongest point, she's a backline fighter. A supporting fighter while you and Sasuke are front liners."

I groan. He's right, it does make sense to pair us with her. Not only his reasons, but of all the Sound shinobi we know the Sound Four's skills the best. We won't be working with an unknown. "Fine. But if she annoys me too much you may be down a member. Fair warning."

"Please like you could actually hurt me! You wouldn't even be able to touch me!" Tayuya brags. I swear we've done this before.

"Ahem." Orochimaru's voice stops our argument before it could take off. "Any questions? No? Good. You all leave for the Land of Grass tomorrow. I want you three there before the day of the Chunin Exams to get a feel for the terrain. Now go do something else, I have business to attend to." We leave his office.

Works for me, I can set up a spider network to get some info on the competition. Now that I think about it, I should check in with the spiders around here. They haven't sought me out with any information. Maybe I should specify what I meant when I said spy on people? What would spiders consider strange or abnormal, especially if they've been living here for a long time. They could grow used to the freakishness here.

Actually, I should talk with Shirokumo about setting up a spy network that could encompass the entire Elemental Nations. Sasuke had a good idea when he wanted me to find out where his brother is. I could keep tabs on all of the Akatsuki, that way when they finally make their move I can be better prepared. I have a feeling that Tsunade will attempt to keep me out of that mess. Plus if I'm still missing nin at the time how would I know when go help Gaara or the other jinchuriki?

"You're thinking too hard." Sasuke's voice yanks me from my thoughts. "Please say you weren't plotting Tayuya's death. As much as you two argue, you know that Orochimaru's wrath would be extreme."

I chuckle darkly. I'm intimately acquainted with Orochimaru's wrath in ways that Sasuke couldn't imagine. "Oh, I could easily frame another country. I'm confident Konoha or Suna would love to kill a Sound nin. All I need to do is convince you to collaborate my story." Tempting, but I better not. "I was thinking about using my spiders to gather information on the contestants at the Chunin Exams, then I remembered your idea of trying to find Itachi. Figured I could use the Exams as a sort of test run."

Sasuke eagerly turns towards me. If I didn't have his attention before, I certainly do now. "You're going to start a spy network?"

I casually shrug. "Might as well. The Spiders would excel at it and it would help me never be caught off guard. I'll have to summon Shirokumo to ask him about it. See if there is a special spider that does that and all that nonsense."

"Can I watch?" Sasuke requests. This is important to him, I could help him find Itachi. "I can describe Itachi to your Spiders." He's even offering to be useful.

"Sure. You should meet Shirokumo at least, that way you two will recognize each other. Then I can use him to get messages to or from you."

"He can do that?" Crap, I might have said too much. I have to remember that there are things I can't tell Sasuke.

"Yep. It is pretty neat, but I don't really have many people to write to." I need to distract him, throw him off a trail a little. Oh I know! "You know, I could probably convince him to get a letter to Ino. I bet you miss her."

A hand firmly grasps my shoulder. "Alvarcus." Oh boy, he's mad. "You need to understand this. Ino and I have never been and will never be a thing."

"Whatever you say loverboy." I break out of Sasuke's grip and step into my room. "Now, if you want to be there when I ask Shirokumo about my possible spy network get inside. I'm not going to wait for you."

Grumbling obscenities under his breath Sasuke enters my room and plops down on my desk's chair. Then he looks up. "Holy crap. Your ceiling is covered in webs."

Huh, he's right. "What do you know, it finally took up all of it. I knew he was getting close, but damn." That is an impressive feat for a single spider of Shirokumo's size. I do have him over a lot though so it is explainable. "Summoning Jutsu!"

POOF

"Sup Al." Shirokumo greets me like usual. He lackadaisically climbs up the nearest wall to his web. "You need something? A lett-"

"I have a few questions for you." That was close. He didn't notice Sasuke in the room and almost let slip that I'm sending letters to Tsunade. "Well, we do sorta. It was his idea to begin with." I gesture to Sasuke who has an open mouth. "Shirokumo, Sasuke. Sasuke, Shirokumo."

"Ah, so you're Sasuke. I've heard a great many things about you." Shirokumo says in a disapproving tone from the ceiling. Ouch, he's barely met the guy and he doesn't like him. "You're a Snake Summoner."

"And you're a giant talking spider. Alvarcus, that is a giant talking spider. How are you so calm?" Sasuke is on edge. Maybe he lied to me when he said he wasn't afraid of spiders?

"Are you scared of your snake summons? No. Same thing." I explain in as few words as possible.

Sasuke stares at me in disbelief. "Giant spider, no issues with that at all?"

"Do shut up. I'm not even a big one." Shirokumo reprimands Sasuke for his blatant dislike of his species. I don't blame him, Sasuke is being very rude. Shirokumo turns to me, "I can't believe you are friends with this guy. Anyways, you have some questions for me? There isn't much you don't already know about me."

"Nah, it isn't about you. It is about the Spiders in general. Sasuke gave me a good idea a month or two ago that I'm finally getting around to working on. Basically I want to know if the Spiders have a spy master. I want to use the spiders of this realm to gather information on important people and the things they do. Is there a spider that specializes in that kind of thing?"

Shirokumo says nothing for a minute. "Yes, there is. That explains so much."

"Sorry, what?" I ask in confusion. What would that possibly explain?

Shirokumo lazily repels down from the ceiling to hang at my eye level. "My subspecies are the information gathers. It must be why you summoned me, you subconsciously knew what you wanted in a summons."

That does explain a lot. I needed someone to help me spy on Orochimaru, who better than a spy master? It also explains why Shirokumo conveniently has the ability to summon himself to other spiders, it is so he can get reports easier.

"Unfortunately, I am the last of my subspecies. I can set something up for you, but it will take time. A very long time, a year at the least. I'll need to convince the spiders in major villages and towns to report to me, that will be difficult. I haven't done something like this in generations!"

Generations? How old is Shirokumo? And a year? That is incredibly quick to set up that large of an information network, I'm impressed. "Would it help if you told them I was the one asking through you?"

"Why would that help?" Sasuke cuts in. I forgot he was here. Oops.

"He's the Spider Summoner." Shirokumo dryly retorts. "Use your head next time."

Sasuke bristles at the insult. I speak up before they can really start insulting each other. "Yeah I know I'm awesome. On my travels I can ask the spiders myself, that should help. Can't promise I'll be getting out that much though."

"You misunderstand, it isn't convincing them that will be a problem. It is getting a system in place, a chain of command and organization. That is what will take time. I'll need to teach the others how to structure reports and what is deemed as relevant information. The spiders of this realm really like to talk, it is bothersome. Lack of social lives I think."

"Train others to teach for you." Sasuke interrupts again. "Train a batch of ten, then send them to teach the others. Simple."

Shirokumo rolls his eyes, which is very creepy since he has eight of them. "I already though of that. That is why it's only a year and not a century. Why are you here again?"

"Because this was all my idea." Sasuke haughtily replies.

"And to tell you a description of his brother, the whole reason he want's me to make a spy network in the first place." Playing peacemaker is difficult with these two. I don't understand why Shirokumo is so antagonistic to Sasuke.

"Don't bother." Shirokumo cuts in before Sasuke can speak. "It is too early to be looking for specific people. That will have to wait until I have at least a exoskeleton crew set up, someone in every major village at the minimum. Hopefully most of the minor ones too."

"Fine. How long will that be?" Sasuke demands.

Shirokumo pulls himself back up to his web on my ceiling. "I don't know, six months? Eight? These things take time."

"Perfect, we still need to train before we can take on Itachi and Kisame again. Last time I lost my head, we need to be much better than we were." Even if Shirokumo does find out where Itachi is in six months I'm not telling Sasuke. We need to be way more skilled than we are to actually survive through another encounter. "Actually, could you start working in Kusa? The Chunin Exams are in a week, can you have it ready by then? I want information on the contestants."

"Sure, I'll start there." Shirokumo agrees.

"Acceptable." Sasuke eagerly says. He's already envisioning his victory, the arrogant brat. "I need to go pack for the Chunin Exams. Come find me when you're ready for a description of Itachi, I'll tell you everything I can." He rises up from his chair and leaves my room.

"What's the real reason you want this spy network?" Shirokumo asks from his web. Great, he's expanding it downwards now that it covers the entire ceiling. He's going to take over the room at this rate. "I don't believe you would do something this extreme for something so petty."

"You're right. There's a group called Akatsuki that his brother is apart of. They wanted Naruto to extract his bijuu, the nine tailed fox. I plan on stopping them, the spy network will help with that. Plus it will help Konoha out if I can send tell them 'Hey the Raikage is going to try to kidnap a Hyuuga again.' Also I will be better prepared for my missions if I have that resource. I can walk into any town and ask what shinobi are present, where is the one am I looking for, and who should I avoid." And now I can let some of my future knowledge slip and I have something to blame it on. Why wouldn't an aspiring spy master know certain unique pieces of information?

"You try to do too much. Not only are you here to protect Sasuke and spy on Orochimaru for Konoha, you want to take on this Akatsuki group. Please tell me that Akatsuki is less threatening than Orochimaru."

I wince. "Well... probably not. Orochimaru used to be one of them. Their ranks are small, only ten, but each member is a S-rank shinobi."

"You are insane. Do you realize how crazy that sounds? You want to take on ten S-rank shinobi?"

"Yeah I know. It isn't going to happen soon, that's not until years later. I have a little under three to be ready for that. It is also part of the reason I came here. Say what you will, but Orochimaru is training me quickly and effectively. I'm growing at an insane rate."

"You're also submitting yourself to torture. In any other situation what he does to you is torture. The only reason it isn't is because you're allowing it to happen, and even that excuse is flimsy at best." Shirokumo sounds concerned for me. Very concerned.

With a heavy sigh I say, "I know. Believe me I know, but I need to do this. If I don't my friends will die and my village will burn. I need to get stronger quickly. Orochimaru is doing it."

"If you keep doing this you might die."

"I know."

Shirokumo repels down onto my head. "I know you do, just like I know you won't leave no matter how much I ask you to. You won't leave unless Sasuke does too. In the end, he's the only reason you came here, isn't he? Everything else comes second to him."

"Yes, yes he is. He needs someone to look after him, he's vulnerable. He's still a blank canvas and I don't want Orochimaru to mold him into a monster like me."

That's what I am, a monster. Even if Sasuke thinks I'm not, I know the truth. I'm no longer innocent, no longer a good person. Not when I have so much blood on my hands, blood of innocents. There is so much blood I don't even know how many lives I've taken anymore. Twenty? Fifty? A Hundred?

"You're not a monster." Shirokumo assures me. "I've seen monsters, talked with them. You're not one of them."

"If you say so." I weakly reply. I know what I've done.

"Say, I'm already here. Do you have anything for Tsunade?" Shirokumo asks.

"Actually I do." I open a drawer of my desk and remove the false bottom. Gotta be safe, someone could search my room. I pull out a thin stack of papers and stuff them into an envelope. "Here, a profile on Orochimaru's second in command, Kabuto."

He takes the envelope and pauses. "No letter for her?"

"No." I grimly respond. "Not this time."

"You sure? I have no problem waiting."

"What's the point? All I do is waste a few minutes of our time. The reports are more important. Besides, I don't need to send a letter every time. I'm sure she has more important things to do."

"She likes reading your letters." Shirokumo says from his perch. "She just gets distracted with work and forgets to reply."

I sigh, "Fine. I can whip something up quickly. Don't expect a masterpiece. Will that get you off my back? Er... head."

Shirokumo screeches in laughter. "Sure, I'll get off." He jumps down to my desk.

I pull out a blank page and begin to write.

"Done." I call out as I place down my pen. I fold the letter up and hand it to Shirokumo. "Until the next time."

Shirokumo smacks himself on the head with a leg. That was funny to watch. "I forgot the weavers are done with your new order. They have been for days, I've just forgotten to tell you. I can drop them by after I give Tsunade the report. Shall we say an hour?"

I laugh at him. He forgot? How hilarious. "Sure, see ya in a hour."

POOF

He's off to see the Hokage. I lazily lay down on my bed and open a book. I've got an hour to kill before I can sleep.

The Hokage's Office

"Hello Tsunade." Shirokumo says upon his entrance.

"Drinking buddy!" She happily calls out to him. "Can you stay this time? I know we didn't end our last conversation on the best of notes, but no one else is willing to drink with me!" She whines to the heavens.

Shirokumo climbs up to her desk and sets down the papers."Maybe, I do have to go back to the Nest and pick up some clothes for Al. He's getting a whole new look just for the Chunin Exams. He's taking going incognito to a new level."

"Good enough for me!" Tsunade picks up the letter and opens it.

Lady with the Hat,

Spider and Snake are leaving for the exams tomorrow.

We'll see people we know, friends. I don't know how I'll react, but I do know that I need to avoid them. I don't want to see them. All they will see is an enemy, an enemy that could have information about their lost leafs. I fear that they will confront me, I fear that they will attack me. If they do, I have to put them down. Violently. If I don't, I could be found out.

I don't know what to do! Half of me wants to reach out to them, assure them that I'm okay. The other half demands that I keep them in the dark. I have to choose between talking to my friends and risking my life or utterly ignoring them and watch as other shinobi defeat them. Maybe even kill them. I can't protect them, I have to watch as they are beaten. I have to watch as they are broken. I have to watch them suffer knowing that I could stop it at any moment, but the moment I do I damn myself.

Sorry, you don't need to deal with my problems. I'm sure you have your own dealing with your job. I just needed to tell someone that, get it off of my chest. I'll be fine, once the exams are over all I have to worry about is making sure these letters aren't found. Simple really. I should learn how to make a storage seal and put it on my body, that would be much better than what I'm doing now.

As usual I've included a profile. This one is on Orochimaru's possible second in command, Kabuto Yakushi. This one is more speculation than the last, so take it with a grain of salt. He's a medic nin, so maybe you can fill in some of the blanks I couldn't figure out.

Spider

Her mood does a complete 180. "He's going to have a rough week."

Shirokumo snorts. "That's an understatement."

Tsunade pulls out a blank piece of paper. "You said you were going back in an hour? You up for delivering a letter?"

Shirokumo gives Tsunade the spider equivalent of a grin. It is very grotesque, not at all how it is supposed to be. "You took my advice! I'll take as much as you're willing to write."

"Finished." She tenderly puts the letter in an envelope. "Let me know how he reacts, will you?"

"Sure. Now we only have forty five minutes left. How much can you drink in that amount of time?" Shirokumo eagerly asks.

A wicked grin takes over Tsunade's face. "Enough." She gets up and walks over to a painting. It swings open on hidden hinges to reveal a mini fridge stocked with high quality alcohol.

"Tsunade, I think I'll have to visit more often!" Shirokumo says with glee. "Is that an Iwa bourbon?"

"Yes." Tsunade pulls out a bottle and glasses. "Yes it is."

One Hour Later, Alvarcus's Room

"Summoning Jutsu!" I slam my hand to the ground.

POOF

Shirokumo appears in the usual puff of smoke. "Heyyy budddy." He's staggering around on top of a carefully wrapped package. My clothes most likely. "How're ya *hiccup* doin?"

"Are... are you drunk?" I ask in disbelief. Can spiders even get drunk?

"NO!" He falls of the package in an uncoordinated heap. "Maybe."

I sigh, "Tsunade got to you. Wonderful." He attempts to climb up the wall to his web and fails miserably.

"Oh... she wanted you to have this... this... this thingy!" He aggressively throws an envelope at me. Well, it would have been aggressive if it went towards me. He was off by about 60 degrees.

I pick up the thrown envelop and open it. "Is... is this a letter?" I ask shakily.

"Letter! That's the word I was lookin for! Letter!" Shirokumo gave up on climbing the wall, he's lounging in a corner on the floor.

I go back to the letter and read it.

Spider

I won't sugarcoat this. It will be difficult, it may be one of the hardest things you've done. If you want to stay with the Traitor you'll need to ignore your friends. You'll need to let them stand on their own, which they are more than capable of.

Did you think only you were improving? I've never seen them more motivated. They want you and Snake back. Not just one, all of them. Every single one wants you home and every single one is waiting for the day you walk through the gates. It isn't just them either, your sensei is waiting. The Interrogator. The Serpent. The Senbon. The Smoker. The Illusionist. The Green Beast. The Messenger. No one thinks you abandoned us, they just want you back. I want you back.

Know that as long as the hat is mine, you have a place to welcome you home.

Lady with the Hat

PS: Thanks for the letter to your sensei. It pulled him out of his funk, even his hair was disheveled! His hair never gets disheveled! I swear that man loves his hair more than his books.

Tears are flowing down my face. I'm not ashamed at all. My friends want me back. Not only them, Kakashi, Ibiki, Anko, Genma, Asuma, Kurenai, Gai, Konohamaru. They all want me back.

I can still go home. I can go home!

"Tsunade, thank you. Thank you so much." I hold the letter at arms length and burn it. I can't afford to have it lying around, the risk is too great. It took a surprising amount of effort. I faintly hear a small poof, Shirokumo left.

I curl up on my bed with a smile on my face. I fall asleep to one very happy thought.

I can go home.

The Next Day, Seven Days Until Chunin Exams

"UP AND AT THEM LAZY- oh. You're up already." Tayuya flounders like a fish out of water. It is uncommon for her to actually find me awake this early in the morning. Or in general, I spend a ridiculous amount of time sleeping ever since my training with Orochimaru started.

"I'm even packed and ready to go. Crazy right? You can put the bucket of water down now." Dodged a bullet there. I get a devious idea. "Better yet use it on Sasuke!"

"No need for that. She got me up first." Sasuke idly says from out in the hallway. My plans have been foiled! I stride out into the hallway while muttering about ruined schemes. "Whoa. What's with the new look?"

I'm wearing my new attire. A long black coat with dark green trim around the edges and a matching dark green shirt beneath. I have a black hood pulled up on my head and a vibrant crimson scarf wrapped around my neck. I also have a pair of black shinobi pants and standard footwear. I even have my hands covered by a pair of dark green gloves. I have my mask strapped onto my belt, there is no point in wearing it yet.

Also, I'm covered in bandages. It took me a half hour to get all wrapped up. I had to wrap everything. Chest, back, arms, legs, hell I even wrapped my neck in case I lose my scarf. I'm taking zero risks. I'd rather sweat ridiculously than risk being recognized. The only thing visible is my face and even that will be covered once I put my mask on.

"I'm rather memorable due to my scarring and features. Mainly the scarring. I needed to hide those so I had the Spiders make me this. I think I look intimidating. Bad ass."

"The Spiders made that?" I suddenly have extra weight on my back. "Mmmm... So soft. So smooth."

Sasuke is openly staring at me. Tayuya is hanging off of my back, she's pressing as much of her body against mine as she can. "Alv... Alvarcus? Is this... uh... normal?"

"Unfortunately it is. I gave her one shirt made by the Spiders. One. She won't leave me alone, she's constantly asking for more or trying to touch me. Honestly I worry for her sanity." This is getting ridiculous, it is time for extreme measures. "Tayuya, either release me or I zap you with a lightning jutsu."

Her arms clamp down around me which has the added bonus of pinning my arms to my sides. "Can't do that if you can't make hand signs." She rubs her face into my back. "Can I have your coat?"

"Final warning." She responds by rubbing her face quicker and harder.

ZAP

Electricity courses into Tayuya's body, jolting her off of me. "Fun fact of the day: I don't need to make hand signs for a few jutsu. Thankfully that is one of them."

"Fine. I'll just take it later when you're asleep." Tayuya huffs in anger and stomps down the hallway. "Come on. We should be leaving."

Sasuke and I follow her to the front gate. It is more of a trap door, this isn't the main Sound village it is one of Orochimaru's bases. There is no way Orochimaru is stupid enough to have Sasuke and I parade around the public Sound village.

Speaking of Orochimaru, he's waiting by the exit for us.

"You're leaving for the Chunin Exams." He unnecessarily states. We all know what we are doing. "I expect a good show from you both. I can't wait to see you two in the finals. It promises to be memorable." I roll my eyes. We've covered this stuff weeks ago. "Now, put on your masks. You should not take them off at all, only when needed. From this moment forward, Alvarcus's code name will be Green and Sasuke's will be Red." Simple enough, our masks depict that fairly well. "I know you two will pass, make sure that you show what you can do. Dazzle the crowd."

"Sure thing. Can we go now?" I eagerly ask. I finally get to be out from under Orochimaru's thumb for a little bit. It promises to be very refreshing.

"Impatient. Go ahead, I will see you when you return." Orochimaru graciously steps out of our way with a grand flourish.

Tayuya, Sasuke and I walk out the gate. We stand in the sun for a minute, basking in it's warmth. We're not in it enough, Orochimaru keeps us confined underground.

"Come on, let's go." Tayuya takes off towards the Land of Grass. She sets a rather slow pace, by slow I mean she's walking.

Sasuke and I share a look. We've run all the way from Konoha to the Land of Tea before. "You want to walk to Grass?" Sasuke asks in mild disbelief. I don't blame him, I thought the point of us leaving almost a week early was to get there way ahead of time.

"You want to run to Grass?" Tayuya dryly retorts. "Hate to break it to you boys, but I'm not a stamina freak like you two."

"It will take days to get there at this speed." Sasuke irritably tells her.

"Unless one of you two wants to carry me, we're walking. There is no way I'm running all the way there and that is final. I'm the leader of this mission, I set the pace. I make the rules. Deal with it."

Sasuke turns to me. I can feel the thoughts forming in his mind. Thoughts I don't like. "No. Hell no."

"But it makes sense. It was her idea!" Sasuke pleads to me.

I glare at him, the effect is lost because my face is covered. How unfortunate.

"Just think how much better your spy network would be with a few more days to prepare. We would have more information on all the gennin participating. Isn't that worth it? You won't even be tired thanks to the Jiongu."

I step in front of Sasuke, forcing him to stop. "I'm sorry, did you not see her practically molest my back earlier? And you want me to willingly carry her for hours? Are you insane?"

A weight settles on my back. Please no. "Great idea! It's perfect, I don't have to run, we get to Grass sooner and I get to snuggle with this amazing clothing." Sure enough, Tayuya is dangling off of me.

"You know what! Fine! If we're doing this I'm setting the pace." Sasuke nods in agreement with my demand. "Tayuya, hang on." She wraps her legs around me and I help hold her up with my arms. This is ridiculous, I can't believe I'm doing this. "If you fall behind, just yell or something." I say to Sasuke.

I sprint off towards what I believe to be Grass. Sasuke is right beside me. Tayuya is currently rubbing my shoulders with her hands.

"So nice. I simply must have a coat like this."

"OI. Miss leader, you need to make sure I'm going the right way. I don't want to get lost due to you being distracted." She doesn't respond to my words, she's enamored with my coat. It is time to bring out the big weapons. "Make sure we get to Kusa and I'll give you another shirt."

She crushes me in a hug. "You mean it?"

I'm not even surprised that worked. "Yes, now make sure I'm going the right way and I'll give you one once we get there. Deal?"

"Deal!" She eagerly agrees. "Follow this road for a long time, I'll tell you when to change course."

"Good." I blandly say. She hasn't stopped rubbing my clothes at all. This is going to be a long trip.

Eight Hours Later

"You're from Otogakure?" One of the two gate guards says in disbelief. "You sure?"

"Look at the headbands dumb ass." Tayuya bristles at the guards tone. "No shit we're from Oto. Here for the Chunin Exams. You know, the ones that your village is hosting?"

"I'm sorry, it is just that... well..." The guard trails off and doesn't finish his sentence.

"That the idea that I carried her all the way from Oto is ridiculous and rather embarrassing for her worth as a kunoichi?" I drawl out in a bored tone. That's right everyone, I carried her all the way up to the gate. Then I dropped her on her ass right in front of these guards. Serves her right.

"Well yeah, but I didn't want to say it like that." The gate guard replies sheepishly. "Isn't she supposed to be your jonin escort?"

I hang my masked head in shame. "Yes, yes she is. I hate that she was chosen, she drives me crazy. Wakes me up by dumping water on me, insists I get her new clothes, and her voice is annoying."

"Green, we are here on business. Talk with the Kusa nin later." Sasuke reprimands me. He's right of course, I should be more professional when we are trying to get into another hidden village, but this guard understands how crazy Tayuya is. He empathizes with me, knows my burden.

"Fine, fine. You're a slave driver Red." I turn back to the gate guard. "Do we need to fill anything out?"

"I've already filled out the paperwork while you and the guard had your bonding moment." Tayuya says in a perfectly level tone. Uh-oh, she is mad. I might have to sacrifice another shirt to calm her down. "We can go in now. They've kindly provided us a general map too. Restaurants, tourist stores, and our hotel." Tayuya boldly walks right past the two guards and enters Kusagakure with her head held high. "Come on, I'm tired. We're going to the hotel first, then you two can do whatever you want."

I fall in step beside her. "You're tired?" I can't believe her. "I carried you here. You wanted to walk! Walk! How ridiculous."

Tayuya rolls her eyes. "Oh shut up. You know you enjoyed it."

"How would I possibly enjoy lugging you across country?"

She turns her head to face me with a gleam in her eyes. "You're a guy."

"That doesn't explain anything."

Tayuya drapes herself across my back, pressing her whole body into mine. She sensually whispers into my ear, "You didn't like me doing this? Pressing myself against you? Rubbing against you?" Oh Kami this is so embarrassing. Is she coming on to me? "Don't think I didn't notice where your hands were the entire time. I didn't expect you to be an ass man."

"I didn't mean to!" I quickly stutter out. "Well I did, but not in that way! I needed to hold you up somehow!"

I hear a snicker from off to our sides. "Green, I didn't know you and Tayuya were a thing. How long has this been going on?" Great, even Sasuke is joining in on teasing me.

I'm thankful for my mask right now, my face is a brilliant shade of red. "WE'RE NOT A THING! Ahem. We're not a thing." Oh Kami, I'm acting exactly how Sasuke did when I teased him over Ino.

"Not yet." Tayuya purrs into my ear. She releases me and saunters ahead of us with a scandalous sway in her hips. Sasuke's and my eyes are riveted to her form. Tayuya looks over her shoulder and grins. "Come on boys, we have a hotel to get to."

I ignore how suggestive that sentence is and say to Sasuke, "Never mention Tayuya and I again and I'll never bring up Blondie."

"Deal." Our eyes never left her.

I can't believe it, but I'm actually looking forward to the return trip. I didn't think about it before, but she's right. It was oddly pleasant in a strange way. The closeness, the warmth, the contact.

Ah crap, I'm going through puberty again.