Chapter 21 Drinking

I saw a lot of Jiraya, Tsunade and Shizune over the next few days. True to her word, Shizune didn't tell anyone about our heart to heart conversation. Tsunade never approached me to talk about the Jiongu or Orochimaru, but she did do something... unexpected.

Knock Knock

Who is at my door this time? Don't these people have lives of their own? "Who is it and what do you want with me?"

"Squirt, I need a few hours of your time." That's Tsunade. Maybe she wants to ask about the Jiongu after all. She is the world's best medic nin I don't doubt she wants to dissect me and figure out how I work.

"Door is open." I call out to her and she walks in.

"I need a favor." She says in a serious tone. "Can you help me?"

"Depends on the favor. What do you need done?" If it has anything to do with Orochimaru I'm shutting this down.

"Naruto needs a break. I want you to distract him for a couple hours."

I never expected that. Hold on a moment, something is wrong here. "This is so you can win your bet isn't is?"

"What? No!" She had the audacity to look offended. "He's pushing himself too far. He's training to the point that he passes out from exhaustion. He needs a break, and it couldn't hurt to spend time with someone his own age."

Hmm... I suppose we never have sparred or even traded some jutsu back like we said we would in the Final Tournament. Shizune did say I needed to hang out with friends more. It couldn't hurt.

"Fine. I'll do it." Her face lights up at my words. "Not for you though, for Naruto. This may sound hypocritical, but training nonstop is a terrible idea."

"I knew you'd see reason!" She picks me up by the scruff of my neck and throws me over her shoulder.

"Put me down! I can walk!" Not okay! What is it with people picking me up? I'm not a puppy!

"Oh be quiet."

"There he is." Tsunade is poking her head through some bushes. How embarrassing. This is supposed to be the next Hokage.

"So put me down so I can go over there."

"Squirt you need to distract him for a few hours. How do you plan on doing that?" She hasn't put me down yet. How infuriating.

"Hell if I know!" I start to squirm around to get out of her grip. It fails miserably. I have half a mind to let the Jiongu out to free me. "I've got an idea or two. I could spar him or maybe trade a jutsu with him. We talked about doing that before, I know a trick or two that he thought was cool and wanted me to teach him it."

"Good enough for me." She strikes a very bad pose, it's one I know. It's a baseball pitcher's pose, she's going to throw me.

"Tsunade no! I am a shinobi! You don't throw shino- I HATE YOU OLD LADY!"

THUD

"Alvarcus?" Perfect, I rolled to a stop right next to Naruto. At least she has good aim.

"Hey Naruto. How's things?" I haul myself up to my feet.

"You alright?" He asks with a tinge of concern.

"Yes." I dust myself off.

"But you-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I'm going to selectively forget how I got here. You know what, I walked here. That's what I'm going to go with.

Naruto rolls his eyes. "Whatever. You're pretty strange. Anyways, did you need something? You've never come out here while I'm working on this jutsu before."

"Yeah, I'm bored. Figured we could spar or something, we haven't at all this whole trip. What do you say, you up for it?"

"I don't have the time. I need to get this jutsu down to win that bet." He dismisses me.

Not good. I need him to at least do something besides the Rasengan for a bit, he's working himself down to the bone. That and I don't know what Tsunade would do if I fail. "Well... what about the jutsu trade we talked about earlier? You show me yours and I'll show you mine."

"Dude." He turns away from practicing to look at me with an scandalized glare. "Just because I know what you mean does not make that sentence okay."

"Yeah, but it got your attention didn't it?" I cheekily grin a him. "So how about it? Pick one of my jutsu or tricks or something you find cool and I'll try to show you how to do it."

"Lemme think for a moment." He takes up a thinking pose. He's adorable right now, like a puppy trying to be scary. "Those monsters you use, they were really cool! Teach me how to use those! They're way more durable than shadow clones."

"Oh." I'm surprised he wants to learn that. I thought for sure he's pick flying. "Uh... that's part of the Jiongu. I can't teach that. I mean I probably could teach it if someone has the Jiongu, but to get it you have to go through a lot of pain. A lot. And no, I won't be giving it to you so don't ask."

"I don't want it thanks. How about that giant sphere defense? That was really cool too! Minus that part where you... you know lost your head."

"Thanks for reminding me about that." I sarcastically retort. "You could pull off a more basic version of it, it depends on how many natural affinities you have."

"I'm a wind element and I can use fire." He sheepishly rubs the back of his head. "But fire and I don't really get along that well. The jutsu I use never turns out right."

"We can work with that!" I assure him. "It won't be anywhere as cool as mine though."

"Awesome!" I have his full attention now. "So how does it work?"

"Basically I make a really long chakra string and loop it around my body." To demonstrate I overcharge a string with chakra to bring it into the visible spectrum and loop it several times around me.

"Then I make an elemental change, in your case it would be to wind since you have to have a natural affinity for that to work with chakra strings." I channel wind chakra into my string, I now have a ridiculously long windblade wrapped around me.

"Lastly, I twist and twirl it around me at high speeds." I spin the string around me, slowly at first but I gradually up the speed.

"Once you can do this add more strings in." I add another, then another until I am using all ten. "Tada, that's how my sphere defense works."

"I don't get it." What could he possibly not get! I walked through each step and even demonstrated for him! "Yours was a range of colors when you used it against Kisame but now it's just white."

Okay, so he does get it. That's good, I thought he might be a knuckle head after all. "Yeah, I'm only using wind chakra right now to show you what yours would look like. If I'm doing it, it would look like this." I flip some of the elements. All but fire is being used.

Dammit I need to get a fire heart. How can I be a pyromaniac without a fire element?

"You said that it was chakra strings that you use?" Naruto asks.

"Yep!" Gotta love the strings, they're the best.

"That moves out too then. I can't make a chakra string I have too much chakra. My control will never be good enough."

"Oh come on!" I let my defense fade. "Couldn't you have said that before I went on that long winded explanation?"

"Sorry? I'll pick something else. How about flying?" His eyes shine in glee. "Oh I've always wanted to fly."

"That makes one of us. I've always hated being high in the air without a secure point of contact to keep me safe. Even then I still freak out sometimes."

"Like when we were on Gamabunta?"

"Yes. That." I harshly spit out. "Never do that to me again."

He shrugs. "I'll try not to. Anyways, if you're so scared of heights why do you know how to fly then?"

"It's not really flying. I use chakra strings to pull me around."

"Talk about a let down." Naruto mumbles to himself. "That's out too. No chakra strings for me."

"Pick something else then." Surely there's something I know that he can learn.

"How'd you make those tentacle eye thingies?"

"With chakra strings and a genjutsu. That's out too."

"Dude. What do you not use chakra strings for?" He grumbles. "How about your floating kunai trick?"

"Chakra strings."

"Come on! What is it with you and chakra strings! Don't you know any wind jutsu?"

"Yeah, most of them are low level and the only high level one I know I haven't really mastered yet so I doubt I'd teach it right."

"What's your strongest low level one then? I might as well get something out of this."

"Wind bullet. I know the other four element's versions and after some trial and error I figured out how to do that one too." I wanted to go to Asuma for some help but he was always busy with the aftermath of the invasion. All the jonin were.

"That's just perfect. I know that already." Naruto is getting grouchy. I can't really blame him. "You have the weirdest skill displacement ever. All of you cool stuff is either based on chakra strings, the Jiongu, very high level elemental jutsu, or a genjutsu. I can't learn most of that stuff!"

"Sorry? I think?" Why am I apologizing for that? "I just focused on what I was good at."

"Whatever. Anything you want to learn from me? Someone might as well get something out of this."

"You know, not really." This got awkward quick. "My monsters are better than shadow clones, I'm set on wind jutsu once I master the one I'm working on, and I know I can't use the red chakra. Not to mention how pissed Jiraya would be if you tried to teach me the Rasengan."

"Yeah he'd be livid." Naruto grins for a moment. He's picturing it. "This was a waste of time."

"Yeah it was. Our skills don't really line up at all do they?" Perfect. At best I managed to get him a break for fifteen minutes. Well that's better than nothing. "I'll let you get back to the Rasengan."

"Hey Alvarcus, thanks for trying to distract me for a bit." Dammit he figured that out. "I did need a break. It was a good idea."

"You're welcome." Can't say I didn't try.

"Even if it was Tsunade's idea." He cheekily smirks at me. "How was it being thrown over here?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, I walked over here." That bastard knew the whole damn time. "Exactly like how I'm going to walk out of here. Bye Naruto, see you around."

"Bye Alvarcus!"

Before I knew it a week was up.

"Oi. Kid. Why are you following me around now?" Jiraya asks.

That's right, I am following him everywhere he goes to try and stop Tsunade from poisoning him. I'm going to try and have him at his best when he fights Orochimaru. Maybe then Jiraya can kill him.

"You're cramping my style!"

"Whatever. Not going to make me go away." I need Jiraya to be at his best. If I keep Jiraya at 100% then he might kill Orochimaru and that will solve a ton of problems for me, most notably Sasuke won't go to him for power. He'll stay in Konoha where he belongs.

All that and I want Orochimaru dead.

"Fine! Don't expect me to change what I'm doing just because a kid is around."

"Go drinking, go whoring I don't care."

His face lights up. "Well if you insist, I hear there's a lovely bath house in this town."

Oh Kami. He wants to go spying on women. Is killing Orochimaru worth this?

"Hehe! Very nice!" Jiraya furiously scribbles something down on a notepad. "Very nice indeed."

Why am I putting up with this?

"Whoa! Now that's an idea!"

I have three options. First: Do nothing and let Jiraya continue on with this ridiculousness.

"Hmm... I could work with that. Maybe change the hair color though, she needs a bit more of a kick to her, something to make her unique. A nice green would do."

Second: Alert the women he's spying on and watch as justice is delivered.

"That is one hell of a tattoo! I have to use that!"

Third: I could-

"Hey Alvarcus, why don't you join me?" That. I could do that. "You're really missing out!"

It's time to decide. Option 1, 2 or 3. Do I allow this to continue, do I become a hero or join the dark side? Honestly I don't even know why I'm asking myself all these things, I knew the answer before we even got here.

I get up from my spot and move over next to Jiraya. "Budge over."

"I said join me not take my spot! Find your own eye hole!" Jiraya shoves me away from him without looking away from the hole in the wall.

"Wait a minute, what the hell am I doing?"

"Aww, don't back out now kid! I'm just starting to like you!"

"No, not that. I don't need an eye hole." I have the perfect combination of techniques for this. My chakra strings and Eyes of the Damned. I can arc a string over the wall with an eye on the end of it and have the best view in the house. Hell I could potentially have any view in the house!

"What are you talking about?"

"Just trying to figure out what view I want." I extend an eyeball string out of my back. "Whoa. Still gotta get used to the new visual input."

Jiraya pulls his face away from the wall for a second to see what I'm talking about. "That's a floating eye. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that's an eye on a chakra string. How on earth did you do that?"

"Trade secret." I may not have any qualms about joining him, but I'm not going to give this tool to him. That would be a major mistake. "You weren't wrong about the string though."

"I told you that you are obsessed with chakra strings. How many tricks do you have with them?"

"Good question. Let's just say that I have a lot of them. I believe we were doing something?"

"Right you are! Glad to see you're priorities are straight." He shoves his face back against the wall and I arc the eyeball string over the wall.

"Whoa. That's one crazy tattoo!"

"I know! Tell me what you think about the one with the black hair."

"You know Alvarcus you're not that bad." Jiraya casually says. We eventually decided it was time for lunch so Jiraya dragged me off to a bar. "At first I thought you would be a major pain in my ass."

I shrug. "I'm really low maintenance. Honestly the only reason I think I'm Kakashi-sensei's favorite student is because I can teach myself. Sure he might need to demonstrate a thing or two but usually I can figure it out. I mean I figured out four elemental chakra changes on my own! And he only really taught me how to make a chakra string, I've come up with most of everything else for them. Hell even the 'you are the kunai' idea was based off of what I already did."

"You are the kunai idea?"

"Yeah I move myself instead of a kunai."

"Ah! That's how you got down to the stadium floor in the tournament."

"You saw that? I thought you were off with Naruto, he never made it back to the contestant booth after his fight."

"Yeah I did. What you did was impressive and inspirational. Tentacle Eyes! In fact I might base a scene off-"

"JIRAYA!" I can't let this happen! Oh Kami what if he names the character that does it after me? I would never live it down. "No! Draw the line somewhere!"

"What?" Jiraya's confused, very confused. "That genjutsu was impressive! Wouldn't you want one of your moves to be immortalized in a glorious fight scene?"

"Oh." I thought of something perverted that Jiraya the Super Pervert didn't. "I suppose that's okay."

Our waiter rescues me from that awkward conversation. "You're drinks. Food will be out soon." He plonks down both of our drinks, they're suspiciously the same color.

"Go on, drink up." Jiraya urges me as he downs half his glass.

I've got a bad feeling about this, something feels very off. I raise my glass up and give a tentative sniff. Alcohol. That bastard spiked my drink.

"Consider that a thank you for not ratting me out to the ladies earlier." Jiraya nods at my glass.

Okay, so he didn't spike my drink. Well he did but he at least warned me about it. Still that's pretty messed up I'm twelve! This could irreparably damage my liver or something. Oh wait, I don't have a liver to damage.

"Thanks. I think?" I take a hearty swig. I forgot how bad this tastes. I wonder if I can even get drunk? "I don't know if it'll work though, I'm kinda missing a liver and all that."

"Want to find out?" Jiraya asks with a ridiculous grin. He's trying to corrupt me. First the bath houses and now this? How irresponsible.

I think I like him, at first he was kind of a dick but he's grown on me. Like a fungus. "Only if you're buying."

"Do you have any idea how depressing it is to know that a twelve year old can drink me under the table?" Jiraya whines. "Kami I bet you could out do Tsunade too."

"Not my fault I can't get drunk." The Jiongu really does to everything better, I process the alcohol to fast. "I'm going to be such a buzzkill at any party I go to. Who wants to party with the guy who can't get drunk? Oh no, that means I'll always be on babysitting duty."

"I don't think you realize how much money you cold make. Kid, you can probably out drink anyone and no one will expect that. Use it to your advantage."

"You know... I'm not doing anything for the next few hours. Want to make some money? You be my hypeman and I'll split the winnings 50/50."

Jiraya grins. "Depends. Can you act smashed?"

"Yes, yes I can."

"COME ONE COME ALL! WHO WILL BE THE WINNER? WHO CAN DRINK MORE! AFTER TWELVE MEN AND WOMEN OUR CHAMPION IS STILL UNBEATEN!" Jiraya shouts out to the gathered crowd. I know I asked him to be my hypeman but this is ridiculous. "WHO WILL BE THE NEXT CHALLENGER? ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS PAY THE ENTRANCE FEE TO HAVE A SHOT AT THIS LOVELY RING!" Jiraya holds up a beautiful ring.

That's right ladies and gentlemen, we're scamming people over by promising them this ring if they can out drink me. I'm both impressed and horrified that Jiraya thought of this and is executing it so well.

"Therres a buuucket round here, riight?" I slur out. "Hiccup! Imma need it soon."

"I CHALLENGE HIM!" Fuck me, that's not good. I know that voice.

"Tsuande no!" Oh hell they're both here? "We can't waste time doing this!"

"Come on Shizune this will be the easiest money I've ever made! I'll be getting paid to drink! It's my dream job!"

"Jiraya!" I whisper shout to him.

"I know! Get the money!" He whispers back. "SORRY FOLKS, THAT'S ALL THE TIME WE HAVE FOR TODAY! WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW!"

"I've got it all!" I whisper urgently to him.

"What are we still here for? Go go go!"

Later That Night

"Hey Tsunade. How's it going?" I casually say. Don't act like I ran away from you earlier today. That never happened.

"L-Lady Tsunade!" Jiraya is cowering away from her. Great he's scared we got caught.

Okay I need to diffuse this, I need to throw her off the scent. Something like, "Don't mind Jiraya, he's remembering your disciplinary actions for when he peaks in on the bathhouses."

Tsunade laughs, "Good! I'm glad the lesson's have finally sunk in." Thank the sweet merciful Kami it worked. "Anyways, I need Jiraya tonight. Scram squirt."

Not good. I don't want to leave her alone with him. "Please, like I care. You can't order me around yet, you haven't taken the hat."

She growls at me. "Squirt, the grown ups need to talk. Go away."

"I don't feel like it. In fact, I feel like stalking you two the entire night. That sounds like fun!" I'm not going to let her poison him! I want Orochimaru dead and right now Jiraya is my best shot at it.

"Fine." She turns to the crying Jiraya. "Get up. We're going drinking and little Alvarcus is our chaperon."

Jiraya files to his feet. "Of course my lady!" He bows deeply to Tsunade, "Where to fair maiden? Shall we take a romantic walk through the town? Maybe venture out into the countryside? Perhaps a wonderful moon gazing session?" Wow, he did a complete turn around.

"There's a sake stand around the corner." Tsunade grins to herself, "I even think they will have lemonade or something for the squirt."

"Oh come on, you have to get a better nickname for me than squirt. How lame." I huff in annoyance. Good, now I can stop her drugging him.

We go to the stand and take our seats. They actually do have lemonade there, I'm mildly impressed.

The old people talk about pointless things for a long time. I tune our their conversation. In fact I don't even face them. I have a chakra string extended to the roof of the stand and have an eye on the end of it watching Jiraya's drink. I won't miss a damn thing.

After a few minutes, Jiraya starts to sway on his seat. That isn't right, I've seen him drink way more than that. Hell he drank more than that earlier today! No, I missed it. How did I miss it? I watched his glass the entire time!

"Tsunade, why?" Jiraya falls out of his chair.

I leap to my feet and fall into a battle stance.

"You poisoned him. How?" I fucked it up. Dammit I fucked it up! Now Orochimaru has a better shot at living!

She never put anything in his drink. I know for certain, she never even came close to touching it.

"I paid off the stall owner. I gave him a coated glass to serve to Jiraya. Actually, I gave him four glasses just in case someone tagged along on our 'date.' I'm more curious as to how you are still standing. I put enough poison in each glass to knock out a team of horses."

I smirk, "Knock me out? Via what process? I don't have any organs remember?" Thank you Jiongu, you really came through for me. A pleasant shiver courses through my body.

~You're welcome host.~

"I do remember." A voice says from behind me. "That's why I made this stasis seal."

I whirl around to face the Tsunade behind me. I leap away from her and stand protectively over Jiraya.

"A clone. You had a clone with us the whole time." How the hell did both Jiraya and I miss that?

~Host! That's not the real one!~

A hand falls on my shoulder and grips it ridiculously tightly.

"Wrong. I'm the real one." Effortlessly she picks me up and smacks a piece of seal paper on my chest.

"Shit. You tricked me. You used your clone to scare me into getting closer to the real you."

"Yep." She activates the seal. I'm sucked into it.