Chapter 13 CHUNIN EXAM START!!

The Next Morning, Outside of the Academy, One Hour before the Chunin Exams

I walk up to Sasuke and Sakura. "You two will not believe the day I had yesterday."

Sakura's face floods with concern. "What happened? Did your parents do something?" Oh great, she knows about that. Who doesn't know about that?

"Nah, I did almost get kidnapped and whisked away to Suna though."

"Explain." Sasuke demands. And so I retell the craziness that was yesterday afternoon.

"Let me get one thing straight." Sakura says. "Three Suna nin approach you, ask to speak in private, you go with them, they say you're family, you prove you aren't and you invited them to eat ice cream with us after the Chunin Exams?"

"Yep that pretty much sums it up!" I merrily reply with a thumbs up.

"Are you crazy?!"

"Well... probably. It made sense at the time!" I turn to Sasuke. "Come on! They've never had ice cream before!"

"Leave me out of this." He insists.

"Sasuke you traitor! You're supposed to have my back!"

He rolls his eyes at me. "No. You're on your own."

"Yo. You're all here, good." Saved from Sakura's wrath by Kakashi! Yes! "I want you three to know, no matter what happens I am proud of you. Putting gennin with less then a year of experience in the Chunin Exams is almost unheard of. That means every other shinobi will have more experience than you. You need to be careful and plan. You don't have the luxury of being able to waltz through this no problem. This will be tough. If you work together, I know you can pass."

"Thanks Kakashi-sensei. We will pass this for sure!" Sakura exclaims with enthusiasm.

"Hn. We won't have any problems." Sasuke adds on in an arrogant tone.

"I'll look out for these two." I promise him. Unfortunately I don't know if I can keep it.

"Alright you three! You are to report to room 301. Good luck!" Kakashi leaves in a swirl of leaves. Probably to go join the other jonin sensei to bet on the kids. That's what I would do if I was him.

"Room 301. Let's go." Sasuke leads us into the Academy. We climb the staircase, only to be blocked by a mob of gennin.

"What's going on?" Sakura asks.

"Someone is blocking the door. They won't let us pass." A familiar voice tells us.

"Ino! You're here too! Oh my gosh we have so much catching up to do! How's your team?"

Sakura and Ino start talking non stop. I tune them out.

"Troublesome. They'll be at it for hours if no one stops them."

"Hey Shikamaru. Hey Choji." I nod at each boy. "You two nervous for the exams?"

Shikamaru shrugs. "Not really. I'm more nervous about what my kaa-san will do if I fail." I wince. Shikamaru raises an eyebrow in question.

"I am pretty sure my parents want me to fail." I explain to the two boys. "They... don't like shinobi. They haven't admitted it, but I am 90% sure they bitched out Kakashi-sensei when he popped by unannounced."

"That's rough. Want a chip?" Choji tries to comfort me in his own way. Bless his heart.

"Yeah. Thanks." I gesture to the gennin around us. "So what's going on here? A test of some sort?"

Sasuke thwaps me in the back of my head. "It is a genjutsu Alvarcus. You should have been able to recognize that. Kakashi-sensei taught us that much at least."

"Dammit Sasuke! Now everyone around us knows too! I was trying to keep it low key and see if our fellow Konoha nin needed assistance, but no go ahead and inform everyone." I reprimand him. "Pfft, like I didn't notice already. Please. I'm better than that."

Sasuke has the decency to look mildly ashamed. Huh. Never thought I would live to see Sasuke of all people look ashamed.

"We already noticed." Shikamaru informs us. "We were just waiting for someone else to break it for us. Underplay our skills so we have a better shot in the actual exams."

"HEY! YOU'RE NOT GENNIN! YOU'RE THE GATE GUARDS! KOTETSU AND IZUMO! THAT FLIMSY ILLUSION WON'T WORK ON ME!"

"Was that Naruto?" Choji asks. "That sounded like Naruto. Didn't he get taken by that guy with the long white hair?"

I look towards the door. "That is Naruto. No one else would ever wear that much orange."

This doesn't make sense. He shouldn't be here. He needs to be on a team for one! And he should be with Jiraya, right? Does that mean Jiraya is in the village? I hope so, because I'm 99% sure Orochimaru is going to go after Sasuke.

"Huh. It is. When did he get back?" Shikamaru rhetorically asks. "Anyways, the door is clear. Let's head upstairs now."

"WAIT!" Someone yells at us.

"Oh Kami what now! I just want to go to the damn exam room! Is that asking too much -" I turn towards the speaker, venom in my eyes "-green. That is a lot of green. Who the hell are you?"

"I am the great Rock Lee! I've come to challenge you to a spar Sasuke Uchiha!" So this is happening.

"He declines." I grab Sasuke by the arm. "If you want to fight him so bad, do it during the exams." I stomp over to Sakura and Ino with Sasuke trailing behind me. "Hey Ino. You look nice. I'm taking this, 'kay? Thanks." I pick Sakura up and toss her over my shoulder.

"Alvarcus! Put me down right this instant!" Sakura halfheartedly pounds her fists into my back.

"No! I will not be kicked out of the Chunin Exams because of you two being late! Sakura! You can talk with Ino in the exam room. Sasuke! Fight the green boy later. He's not going anywhere, he has a Konoha headband. If you don't fight during the exams, do it after. He will be more than willing."

With a great huff, I storm into the exam room. "There! Now don't leave this room unless told to by the proctors!" I release Sasuke and drop Sakura on the floor.

"OW! Don't drop me idiot!" That would be a lot more menacing if Sakura wasn't sprawled on the ground.

"Oh just go talk to Ino again. She followed us in here." I shoo Sakura away.

Sakura climbs to get feet and huffs in annoyance. "When did you get so bossy Alvarcus?"

"Since Kakashi-sensei left. Someone has to step up and lead. Both of you would be too distracted to do it properly. It was either step up or step aside, and I am not missing a chance for a promotion." Sasuke and Sakura look visibly cowed. Good. "Besides, I'm always the one that makes the plans when in the field anyways. It's not like you haven't followed my lead before."

Sakura heaves a sigh, and goes to resume her conversation with Ino. Sasuke just grunts at me. Whatever, I know if I need either of them they will come through for me.

"Alvarcus?" What do you know, Shikamaru and Choji followed us.

"Yeah?"

"I think you are my hero." Choji nods in agreement with Shikamaru. "If I tired that with Ino, she would punt me off a roof. How did you do it?"

I chuckle to myself. "You want the truth?"

"Yes! Anything to get her to listen!" Shikamaru sounds desperate.

"I saved both their lives. I protect them. I include them in my plans, I don't solo anything. Either I support them or they support me. They respect me, not because I demand it, but because I have earned it."

Sasuke dons a contemplative visage. Did he not realize that is why he follows my lead?

"I know what each of us is good at, and when each of us should handle a problem. I acknowledge when Sasuke or Sakura needs to lead, I don't always take the reins. For instance, in the middle of combat Sasuke is a genius. I haven't seen anyone his equal with his amount of experience. I'm good at the bigger picture, how to accomplish our mission objective, who needs to do what and how they should do it. Sakura, she keeps our heads out of our asses and keeps us on target. I don't lead the team, we lead the team. They just know that right now I'm the best to take the position of leader."

"So pretty much you have to work your asses off and almost die a few times to get to that point?" Choji asks for clarification.

"When you put it that way it sounds a lot less impressive." Sasuke 'Hn's in agreement. That guy needs to loosen up in crowds. He finally started acting like a human back on the Land of Waves mission, I don't need him regressing on me.

"Troublesome. That's not going to happen for a long time." Poor Shikamaru.

"Hey!" Is that Naruto? "Teme!" Yep, definitely Naruto. Only he would call Sasuke that. "How ya been? Learn any cool jutsu?"

"Hn." Sasuke looks down his nose at Naruto.

Alvarcus to the rescue. "Sasuke. We worked on this. Use your words."

"Hn."

"It's not a word. Only a select few know what you mean when you use that."

"Hn."

"I don't care if you don't want to talk to him. Be polite."

"Hn!"

"Who cares? I care! You're making Team Seven look weird! No one else talks like this!"

"HN!"

"You might work with the guy eventually! Shouldn't you at least be on good terms? I'm not asking you to be his friend, just treat him like a person."

"Fine." Sasuke huffs. "I am well Naruto-san. I have learned many jutsu. How are you?"

"Jeez. It's like pulling teeth." I leave Sasuke to talk with Naruto. If Naruto wants to talk to me he will come over. Speaking of Naruto, how did he get in here? Looking around I spot two Konoha nin in standard gennin gear. One has a red forehead protector, one has a green forehead protector. Are they his teammates? Probably, they do seem to be keeping an eye on him. Fine, from this point forward they are red minion and green minion!

I turn back to Shikamaru and Choji, who both have their mouths wide open. In fact, most of the gennin from my class are looking at either me or Sasuke. I wonder why?

"Alvarcus?"

"Yeah Choji?"

"I think you're my hero too. You actually got Sasuke to talk."

Kiba, Hinata and Shino all walk over to us. Kiba speaks up, "Dude, that was amazing! How did you do that?"

"Huh? Do what?"

"He is referring to how you got Sasuke to associate with Naruto." Shino clarifies for me.

"Oh that? That was nothing."

Quietly Hinata adds "B-but you were always so q-quiet in c-class, Alvarcus-san." Hinata pokes her index fingers together. "It w-was impressive how much y-you and Sasuke have changed."

"Sasuke was pretty quiet too. I guess I just understood him better than others. And we haven't changed that much. We've just loosened up around each other and it carries over to other people too."

"Still man that was wicked awesome!" Kiba slaps me on the back. "You're not half bad Alvarcus!"

"Hey! This is like a reunion! All of us gennin were in the same Academy class." Naruto has a good point. What were they called in cannon? The rookie nine? Would it be the rookie ten now with me here?

"You all should be quiet. You're attracting a lot of attention to yourselves." White hair. Large round glasses. Unassuming presence. Kabuto. This is Kabuto. "I'm something of a veteran of the Chunin Exams, so I know what I am talking about."

"Really? How many times have you taken it?" Naruto asks.

"He-he.. seven times. This makes eight." He sheepishly rubs the back of his head.

"SEVEN TIMES?!" The rookies exclaim. Well, most of the rookies. I already knew, Sasuke and Shikamaru don't care, and Shino doesn't react. Stoic guy, that Shino.

"Yeah. Not the most impressive thing, I admit. But! It has let me collect information about the other contestants. I have it stashed and coded on these cards. Is there anyone you have questions about? I'm willing to share." How generous of you. "Us Konoha nin should help each other."

"OH! OH! Mine! I want to see mine!" Naruto demands.

"I want to see Alvarcus's." Sasuke adds. Wow, really? He wants to see my card? Is this because he genuinely wants to know, or is he getting a base for how accurate the cards are? Honestly I could see either one being the answer.

"Gaara of the Desert." I name drop. Various people look confused at the name. "He is one of the Suna nin I invited out for ice cream."

"I still can't believe you did that." Sakura mumbles to herself.

"I also want to see yours." There. Let's see what he puts for himself. That should be interesting. "And whoever that Kusa kunoichi is that hasn't looked away from me."

"So you did notice that. Good. I was starting to think you missed it." Shikamaru says. "I too want to see Alvarcus's card. And Sasuke's."

"Alright, let's look at those first, if we have time for more I'll take more names. First up, Gaara of the Desert. Mission experience: eight C-ranks and wow! One B-rank as a gennin. And get this! He survived every mission without getting a scratch. Impressive."

"Next we have Sasuke." Kabuto flips another card over. Thinking quickly, I attach a chakra string to it and yank it into my hand. "Hey! Give it back!"

I tear the card in half. Then again. I burn the pieces to ashes. "Oops. My bad."

"What the hell Alvarcus! I wanted to see Sasuke-kun's profile!" Ino shouts at me.

"Did you really think I would let him share information about my teammate? I don't want to give away the edge of the unknown. That would be stupid. I don't want to reveal information about our strongest member." Sasuke smirks at the compliment.

"Are you going to destroy your own card too?" Kabuto asks me.

Smiling deviously, I reply "I don't know. Why don't you pull it out and we will see."

"Alvarcus Mar. Here it is." Kabuto looks at me. I keep smiling at him. "Graduated last of his class. Mission record: 47 D-ranks," Sasuke glances at me, with his hands forming the tiger sign. He's ready to burn the card at a moments notice. I shake my head. I want Kabuto to say my info. It is a part of my plan, "and get this! An A-rank!"

All of the rookies stare at me in shock. They can't believe it, the quiet kid in the back of the class has done an A-rank mission. Then they all have the same thought: just how good is this guy?

Perfect. It's exactly what I want. My plan is twofold, intimidation and scare tactics. I'm using my nin info card - courtesy of Kabuto - to let everyone listening in know we did an A-rank. Hopefully that will scare off the weaker teams. Then, we have me taking Sasuke's card which makes him an unknown. The last Uchiha, rookie of the year, and most importantly teammate of the dead last Alvarcus who was just revealed to be strong enough for an A-rank.

Collectively all the shinobi listening in share a thought. If Alvarcus, who is good enough for an A-rank mission, says Sasuke is the strongest member on their team then how strong is Sasuke? It is exactly what I want them thinking.

"That's not the end of it." The rookies turn back to Kabuto. There isn't anything else worth mentioning about me, I wonder what it is. "He is rumored to have the magnet release." Oh, yeah that rumor is going around. Pity, it is wrong.

"He has a bloodline?" The rookies whisper to each other.

Sasuke opens his mouth to correct Kabuto's misinformation.

"Sasuke." My voice cuts through the whispers. "No."

Sasuke shuts his mouth and give me a questioning glance. Well, Sakura and I know it is a questioning glance. To everyone else his face doesn't change, the famous Uchiha mask does come in handy.

"Later." Sasuke gives into my request. "Kabuto, I believe you have three more people to go? Yourself, the Grass kunoichi and Naruto."

Kabuto gives me an appraising look. Did he figure out what I did? I wouldn't be surprised if he did, he is supposed to be on par with jonin. "I didn't make a nin info card about myself. I never saw the need to."

"The Grass kunoichi then." I press onward.

Kabuto glances at the kunoichi in question. "The one with the black hair and the big straw hat?"

"Yep. She is giving me the creeps. She hasn't stopped staring at me since I entered the room. I'm worried about my virtue." I try to lighten the mood with a joke. It flops, no one laughed. Probably because once I mentioned my virtue, the Grass kunoichi smiled widely. Gross, I'm twelve lady!

"I don't have a card about her. I've never seen her before."

Impossible, he has cards on everyone. Everyone but himself and her? Himself I could ignore, but I can't ignore her. That means he is purposefully holing back information on her. But why? Kabuto is loyal to Sound, he shouldn't care about some random Kusa kunoichi.

Kusa. It all connects. Orochimaru kills and replaces a Kusa team. That's Orochimaru. He's already done the switch. It is the only logical explanation. That means Orochimaru has been eyeing me like a piece of meat since I entered the room. What the hell? Shouldn't he be going after Sasuke? That's the whole point of him coming here, to put the cursed seal on Sasuke so that he goes to Orochimaru for more power.

Then why is he staring at me?

Not good. Did he hear about the magnet release? He has to know that is false. Right? How accurate is his information network? If the Kazekage ordered his kids to bring me to Suna then a lot of people are believing the rumors.

Unless he already replaced the Kazekage. Did he order the Sand Siblings to approach me? Oh Kami, does he want to give me a curse seal too?

"Alvarcus." I snap out of my freak out episode.

"Sorry, you say something Sasuke?"

"You missed Naruto's card. You were... internalizing." Internalizing? Oh, he knew I was freaking out, but doesn't want others to know. Well played Sasuke.

I missed Naruto's card? Dammit, he's the only mystery to me. I can safely rely on my foreknowledge for everyone else since they mainly stuck to cannon but Naruto has been training under Jiraya for months. I have no idea what he's capable of.

"Yeah. I was. You snapped me out of it. Thanks."

POOF

"Alright you baby faced degenerates! Pipe down and listen up!" Once the smoke clears from the mass shunshin, a hoard of leaf nin appear. "My name is Ibiki Morino. From this moment on I am your proctor for the first exam. And your worst enemy." That man is intimidating. He got the entire room to quiet down from that short speech alone.

Wait, wasn't something supposed to happen before this? Didn't Kabuto get attacked by someone?

"I'll say this once, so LISTEN UP!" I subconsciously straighten up. "There will be no attacking the other candidates, no attacking each other without the permission of your proctor. Even then, the use of fatal force is strictly prohibited. Anyone who even thinks of messing with me will be disqualified immediately. Got it?"

No one speaks up.

"Good. You will hand in your paperwork and receive a number. That number will tell you where to sit for the written exam." Ibiki's posse breaks away from him and start taking paperwork from various teams.

"Did he say... written exam?" Naruto pales. "Oh man that is not good."

"Come on team." I urge. "Best not to take too long."

We head to one of the open chunin and hand over our paperwork.

"Here." I hand over mine, Sasuke and Sakura follow suit.

"You get numbers 17, 46 and 32." She shoos us away.

"Well. Team, this is it. Best of luck." We separate and go to our seats.

I'm number 17. Then my worst nightmare happens. The Kusa kunoichi sits down on my left. I freeze. This is Orochimaru. He's not even a meter away from me. Oh Kami what do I do?

"Hello there. What's your name, child?" She's talking to me. Calm down. Deep breaths, you won't be attacked here.

"Alvarcus Mar." I respond. Please leave me alone.

"A good name." She smiles to herself. "I can't help but notice that you seem extremely young. How old are you?" Oh Kami, she wants to know how old I am. Is that even a she? Until Orochimaru sheds that skin, it's a she.

"Twelve." Just stop talking. Please.

"Then this is your first time taking the Chunin Exams?" Why do you care? Do you find it funny to scare innocent (okay, I'm far from innocent) little gennin?

"Yes." GO AWAY DAMMIT!

"I have been through once before. If you require assistance... I will provide it. For a price."

Did Orochimaru just offer to help me? Am I crazy? Did the stress finally pop an important blood vessel in my brain?

"Thank you, but I will have to decline. I can stand on my own."

She grins maliciously. "Wonderful. It will be amusing to watch you struggle through this."

Another person sits to my right. I ignore them. There is no way they are as threatening as Orochimaru of the Sannin.

"I will not struggle. This will be easy." Oh sweet merciful Kami, I need to shut up. If I don't reply maybe she'll quit talking.

"So you say. Just know, my offer stands. Assistance, for a price."

I remain quiet. Eventually everyone sits down, and Ibiki explains the rules of the test.

It is exactly like cannon. Something went right, finally something went right. I've been thinking of strategies to use all week. I can pass this no problem!

"Begin!" Ibiki barks out.

Instantly, the person to my right starts writing away. I finally take stock of my other neighbor. Kunoichi, dark hair, leaf headband. Confidently writing out every answer to the test. Could she be a chunin plant? It's not even been 5 minutes and she is on question 4 of 9 already.

She is. She's a plant. I'm sitting next to Orochimaru and a chunin plant. Talk about some crazy odds. Now that I think about it though, I don't doubt that Orochimaru is sitting exactly where she wants to. She has the skill to pull something like that off without relying on chance. So I got a lucky seat next to a chunin plant. Yay.

At 20 minutes in, the plant finishes with her test. She places her pencil down, leaves her test facing upwards, and leans back in her chair. Confirmed, chunin plant. No one else would purposefully stay that wide open.

I need a plan. I want to switch my test for hers, but I need to not get caught. Over the last 20 minutes I have been filling in the blanks with jargon, random sentences and obviously wrong math. To switch the test I need a distraction. Once I have everyone distracted, I'll make the switch. I'll probably use my chakra strings for that. Just spawn some out the back and have them move both of our papers. Easy, I've done harder tricks with strings since before the Land of Waves.

But what do I do for a distraction? It needs to be something eye catching, yet something I can get away with. I glance at all of the proctors. No Hyuugas. That means my chakra strings should be undetectable. I can work with that. Now, what to do? Knock someone off their chair? Funny, but not what I am looking for. I want to cause everyone to go 'oh shit' and not be able to look away. Oh, now there is an idea. There is a maliciously devious idea. And it might get Orochimaru kicked out of the exams.

I start my plan. First, I connect strings from my back to both my paper and the plant's paper. Orochimaru turns towards me, interested in my chakra usage. I didn't expect to fool her, but I can plan on the proctors not being up to a Sannin's sensing level. Then, I create another string. I arc it over all of the gennins heads, and attach it to Ibiki's forehead protector. The second it makes contact, I see him stiffen. I yank. Hard. His headband rips off his head and flies straight onto the desk of a Grass shinobi.

That's right, I just framed a Grass shinobi for trying to steal the proctors headband.

There is a collective gasp from the entire room, chunin proctors included. I ignore it and quickly switch my paper with the plant next to me. Success.

Orochimaru chuckles and whispers, "Well done, child. Even I would never have thought to do that."

"WHEN I FIND OUT WHO DID THAT YOU ARE DEAD! I DON'T CARE WHAT VILLAGE YOU ARE FROM I'M SKINNING YOU ALIVE! YOU'RE GOING THROUGH THE VILLAGES MOST EXTREME TORTURE METHODS! YOU HEAR ME YOU BASTARDS! YOU'RE DEAD!"

Holy fuck I forgot about his scars. Fuck fuck fuck I am the worlds biggest asshole. I deserve everything he wants to dish out and more. Even if he was going to show us at the end of the test, having someone else reveal them to the world is never approved. It was even taught in the Academy, never make fun of a shinobi's scars.

That rule exists for a good reason. One, the shinobi is going to freak out exactly like Ibiki is doing. Two, the shinobi got wounded so badly that they became horribly scarred and then killed the person who did it to them. That means they lived through getting that wound. And Ibiki's scars... are horrendous.

Ibiki stomps over to the Grass shinobi, who is currently shaking in pure terror. "You're lucky. No one would be stupid enough to steal my headband for themselves. You get to stay."

You can see the relief flow through the Grass shinobi. Poor guy. If I ever see him again I'll help him out. It is the least I can do.

"What the hell are you looking at?! You've got a test going on!" As a collective all the gennin think 'oh he's right' and the sound of pencils scratching on paper fill the room.

Orochimaru chuckles in amusement. I look over at her and see that her paper is blank. What? Surely a Sannin would ace this test, no problem. So why is the paper blank?

I slide my stolen test over to the left side of my desk, face up. "Assistance, for a price."

Orochimaru quivers in... some weird emotion. I have no idea how she reacted. I can only hope it is for the better.

"Interesting... I accept." Orochimaru picks up her pencil and copies the answers down. Either I just signed my death warrant by implying that she needs help, or I became enough of a mystery for Orochimaru to spare me when she attacks in the second exam.

"Five minutes left." Ibiki calls out. You can feel the tension fill the room.

"Time! Pencils down, turn your test over." Everyone does as told. "The tenth question. Before I tell you the tenth and final question, there are some rules you need to know about." Ibiki grins, "These rules are for the tenth question only. Listen carefully." Another dramatic pause. "Each of you is given the right to chose to not be given the final question."

Murmurs of 'what?' 'really?' spread around the room.

"It's your decision. If you choose to not take the tenth question, you'll fail. And that means both your teammates fail as well."

"Well then we'll take the question!" Some random person shouts out.

"Let me finish." Ibiki grins sadistically, "If you choose to take the tenth question and answer it incorrectly, you will fail and be barred from the Chunin Exams forever!"

Courses of "You can't do that!" pop up around the room.

"Yes I can! I'm the proctor for this exam, and it is done my way. All Kage's agree to it when they sent you to this village! So deal with it."

That shut everyone up.

A minute passes in silence. Finally, the kunoichi to my right raises her hand. "I'm sorry! I just can't stay a gennin forever!"

"Fail!" Ibiki yells. "Get your teammates and leave the room."

Like a broken dam, teams drop out left and right. I look around the suddenly sparse room. Sasuke looks confident. No worries there. But Sakura? Sakura is shaking. Trembling with fear. Slowly, with disbelief on my face, I watch her raise her hand. She opens her mouth. Where's Naruto's speech? Where is it? Is he going to speak up? Can I trust him to? Did training with Jiraya change him that much? I can't wait.

"Sakura!" I shoot out of my chair. The whole room looks at me. "Put. Your. Hand. Down."

She looks torn. "But if we fail-"

"I don't care." She looks surprised, she must be wondering what drugs I'm on.

"We'll be gennin forever!"

"So what?" She blanches. "Gennin is just a title. It doesn't truly represent your skill. Say we fail, and we get stuck as gennin. Do you really think that I will stop improving myself? Do you not remember my dream? Sakura. Remind me. What is my dream?"

Sakura whispers out, "You want to be a S-rank shinobi." I feel Orochimaru's happiness. Oh Kami that is gross.

"That's right. If we get stuck as gennin, well fine! I'll be the only S-ranked gennin to ever exist!" Orochimaru is brimming with joy. I have no idea why, all I know is that it is a bad thing. A very bad thing, but I can't stop now. "Besides, do you really think that the other Kages would let Ibiki limit their shinobi? How would he enforce that? He is scary as all hell but there is no way all the Kages will bow to his will."

"Sit down punk. This ain't speech time." Yes it is, you waited until I was finished to tell me to stop.

"Whatever. I said what I wanted to." I plop down into my chair.

Orochimaru turns to me with the most disturbing smile on her face. "That was a rousing speech, child. I expect great things from one with such a dream."

Flags pop up in my mind. Something is wrong. This is not how she should be reacting.

"Do you really think Konoha will give you the power - the strength - necessary to achieve your dream?"

She's giving me a recruitment speech. Orochimaru is recruiting me. What is going on? Isn't she supposed to be interested in Sasuke? She wants the Sharingan for herself! Oh, that makes sense. She doesn't want Sasuke, she wants the Sharingan. The only reason she wants Sasuke is to get his eyes. Yet she is recruiting me, not because she wants to play body hopscotch with me, but because she genuinely wants me to be a Sound shinobi. How... concerning. That's bad. That is very bad. I don't want Orochimaru to take an interest in me!

"Have you heard of the shinobi Konoha churns out? All of the Hokages for starters. Then there is the Sannin. Jiraya. Tsunade."

A faint sense of utter doom starts wafting off Orochimaru.

"Orochimaru."

The feeling of doom vanishes. She looks shocked.

"Surprised I brought up Orochimaru?" I say to... Orochimaru. Wow this conversation just got weird. "Yeah, I've gotta give the guy credit even if he went rouge. Orochimaru is freakishly strong. There are very few nin today that can stand on even ground with him, but even that is not enough. He's smart. He makes sure that everything possible is to his advantage. His best weapon is his mind, and his mind is among the best. When I say I want to be an S-rank shinobi, he is one of the shinobi I compare myself to. I ask, can I fight that? Right now the answer is: hell no! Run away screaming and maybe you can breath tomorrow. I can't deny that he is strong." Here is where it gets tricky. "But I can't say I approve of how he got strong."

"Care to elaborate? This conversation has been very enlightening." I hope so, I don't want you to kill me later.

"He was driven away from Konoha for doing illegal experiments on humans. He has forsaken all ties to his village, his home." Orochimaru tilts her head in question, I elaborate "He can never come back. I couldn't imagine that. Surely even Orochimaru had friends here, family maybe. Even his sensei." I thought for sure she would react to that, but Orochimaru is too good once she has her guard raised. "Just think, if he stayed here, he could be the Hokage right now." Take the bait, ask me how. Take it!

"How would that have happened?"

"The Fourth died."

"And? Orochimaru was passed over, and the Fourth was elected instead. He wasn't up for consideration. By the time the Fourth died he was long gone from the village."

"Correct, but imagine if he stayed. He was the second choice for the Hokage. If he stayed, the Third might not have come out of retirement and trusted the village to his student."

Orochimaru doesn't react. "It's an interesting viewpoint, and one I have never considered before."

"See? That is what makes him so dangerous. He thinks of things no one else would have. That is why I say he is a great shinobi."

"You think Orochimaru is a great shinobi? Many in this village would think otherwise."

"You can't deny his achievements. It's even rumored that he formed his own village. The guy has balls, at the very least."

"You seem rather well informed." Shit. I said too much. A lowly gennin like me shouldn't know who runs Otogakure.

"Well, I assume he has balls. Maybe he lost them on a mission?" Killing intent spikes like crazy.

"Kidding! I'm kidding, jeez, for a chick you take ball jokes really poorly." Holy fuck I just made a ball joke about Orochimaru to Orochimaru's face!

"YOU ALL PASS THE FIRST TEST!" Oh thank you Ibiki! I'm getting that man a gift basket of torture tools. "Now for the second test you-"

CRASH

Something flies through the window, hits the floor, rolls a bit and throws four kunai into the ceiling and floor to display a banner.

"The world's sexiest kunoichi, Anko Mitarashi." I read out. "That is incredibly -" Anko stands up "-accurate. Completely 100% true. I support this." I hear a couple snickers and muffled laughs at my expense.

Anko turns towards me, "Aw, thanks cu-" She stops mid sentence. Her eyes bore into mine. Silence continues for a long time.

I clear my throat. "Ahem. I know I said you're hot and all, but lady I am twelve. This is just getting weird."

Anko snaps out of her daze. "Sorry squirt. You look exactly like..." She trails off. "Never mind."

Strange, I wonder who she thought of.

"I'm Anko Mitarashi, special jonin of Konoha and your proctor for the second exam!" She turns to Ibiki, "Dude, aren't you supposed to get teams to quit? There's a boatload here!"

Ibiki snorts. "Blame the kiddie you made doe eyes at. He talked most of them out of quitting." Great. I pulled a Naruto.

"I am not sorry." I blurt out. Orochimaru chuckles to herself. I shudder. That noise should never be made again.

"Moving on! Like I said, I'm Anko Mitarashi, second exam proctor. First thing is first, we need to go to training ground 44! Follow me!" She dives out the window.

"Huh. That happened. Sasuke, Sakura! Let's move!" I dive out the window too with Sasuke and Sakura right behind me.