I don't want to start it again

Aether and Mana had many differences, but also similarities in essence. A lot tried to find out their origins throughout history, but none of the theories were accepted by the people nor were they proven true by other theorists.

Unlike how humans rejected the analysis results, they deeply believed in the religious origins of these powers. After some time, even some highly respected scholars backed the religions' ideas, helping the churches spread their beliefs wider and deeper.

For a long time, mana was treated as an evil energy. The people capable of wielding it were often punished, banished, killed, or held in prisons till the end of their lives. It was mainly because monsters were capable of using mana. Mana beasts, creatures of evil, punishments of the gods; the monsters had many names throughout history.

It was only after the belief in the Goddess was established that people gradually began to accept mages as a part of human society, treating them as equals and not blaming them for the sins they had not committed.

Contrary to how mana was treated by people, Aether has always been regarded as a holy and radiant power, the blessing of the gods, the gift of the heavens, and the savior of the world.

Aether, with its signature golden color and brightness, was treated as the opposite of the devilish mana. It could purify monsters, light up the darkness, and ease people's minds and souls. It was as bright as the sun and as cleansing as water. There was nothing more holy than this power in the world. They believed it to be a gift of the Sun, praising the Sun Deity and believing in its benevolence.

For a long while, people with the ability to wield Aether fought against the mages, causing great calamities and losses, however, that too came to an end once the Goddess made an appearance and rose in power. With the mages gaining power and protection, the people calling themselves 'saints', the ones with the capacity to use Aether, lost a lot of their authority.

Still, Aether never lost its brilliance, and the saints were never overpowered even after the Goddess's appearance. The Sun Deity's belief had roots too deep for the newfound Goddess to cut them all in such a short time.

The people capable of controlling Aether were always treated the best throughout history. They could gain power and attention at any moment if they desired. However, things have been different for the past decade.

With the rise of The Empire, the faith in the Sun Deity gained more and more power within the nation. Saints were treated with the utmost care, and any kind of privileges were bestowed on them if they registered their names under the churches inside The Empire.

Things were great that way, but not all the saints liked to live in The Empire. After some time, the nation that held the power to destroy the whole continent, The Empire, enforced a law. A law that restricted any human with the ability to wield Aether from being active in any nation besides the empire, unless granted permission through the churches.

Since then, up to this day, anyone with the Aether was captured and forced to live in The Empire. Anyone who resisted would be punished in various ways. Their family, friends, and anyone helping them out weren't safe either. The churches of The Sun gained more and more power within The Empire, almost ruling over it with The Emperor's approval.

As a result of all of that, hiding one's power wasn't a surprising or rare thing to do.

Ian watched the young girl order some men around. He could clearly sense Aether flowing around her. It wasn't too strong, nor too weak. The Aether's nature felt different from most of the saints. It wasn't pure Aether that she could wield but another form of it. She probably had one of the various abilities that Aether gave to its host.

'Hmmm... None of my business.'

Ian laid back down under the tree and stared at the sky. He wasn't responsible for every person with Aether in this world so why would he bother himself?

After a while, his two companions finally walked out of the inn while being accompanied by a middle-aged man. The middle-aged man, who was holding a bunch of papers in his hands, called the guards and gave them an order.

"Go to this location and search it thoroughly for the goods."

"Understood!"

The guards halted before rushing to their horses and out of the inn.

'Oh, he's the merchant.'

He sent out the guards to bring back his lost goods immediately. It seemed that the mercenaries had to stay at his side until the guards were back.

"Father, were the goods found?"

The young girl turned around in a pleasant surprise, her green eyes sparkling under the dim light.

"The only thing we know is their probable location, my daughter."

"Ah," gasped the girl. "I hope they're found soon enough."

Ian, who had raised his upper body at some time and was leaning at the tree, observed the woman once again, this time, having a different thought running through his head.

'She is the daughter of a wealthy merchant... and has Aether...'

And Ian was the only one who knew of it. The daughter of a wealthy merchant would do anything to hide that power and keep it a secret, right? What if someone found out about it? What would she offer to keep that person silent?

'She can be helpful if I use her weak spot properly.'

But he then shook his head.

'Nah, never mind.'

"...."

To his side, the dark-blue-furred wolf pup moved its body closer to rest its head on Ian's arm.

-Why?

Ian's answer to the abrupt question was immediate.

-I'm not planning on doing anything this time, Lior. I'll just play along with the events and see what happens.

Pat pat

The child's paws shook Ian's arm.

-Why are you like this, master?

-Like what?

After making sure that no one was watching him, he secretly picked up the child and held him in his arms.

-You don't even know what you want to do.

The child's voice was confident as if he could clearly read through the human like an open book.

-And you are so scared, master.

-I'm not scared.

-You are.

Lior puffed his cheek and rubbed his nose against Ian's chest.

-One second, you are eager to move forward, the next second, you take a few steps back in fear. You act so cautiously as to not take a book out of the shrine, afraid that it'll have an impact on the events, and the next second, you disregard important factors as if you don't care about what happens next. You act all serious about one thing then become too lazy to even properly think about the other. You can't make a firm decision. 

-....

Ian didn't object to the child's words nor did he disagree. It was because what Lior said was the truth. He knew Ian too well, probably better than Ian knew himself.

-Don't be scared, master.

-I'm not scared.

-You are. And you are also confused.

Lior raised his body and put his paws on Ian's cheeks.

-You aren't like before. Something must've happened that I'm not aware of, something that made you doubt the life you chose to have. You want to live a carefree life as before, but you can't. I see how uneasy you are, trying not to leave the safe zone you've created for yourself but also unable to ignore the changes around you.

-.....

Everything Lior said was true, and it made Ian feel even more ashamed of himself, to be so easily read by a child. How could a little creature like him have such an understanding of human emotions while it wasn't a human itself? How could he talk in such a mature way? Lior always left Ian surprised.

Ian had struggled many times and failed all of his attempts. He had died miserably, unable to achieve any of his goals. No matter how many times he came back to life, he could do nothing. Even when he was so close to success, he'd die and turn back in time. Nothing he did was of any help. None of his struggles had any meaning.

Time has taught him that nothing he accomplishes will ever bear any fruit, so he better not try from the beginning, he better not have his hopes high, he better not dream of the future, he better not think of what it would be like if he succeeded. He better stay put and await his death without any quarrels.

However, the events of this round were making him uneasy. He was seeing things he'd never seen and going through events he'd never experienced. His curiosity was bothering him, for the first time in a long while, and the desire to do something was bugging him day and night.

Yet, he hesitated to take action. He desired to only go by the flow, to only watch from the sidelines, to be outside of the circle of events.

-You want to give it a try, don't you?

Ian ignored the child's gaze.

-I'm scared...

-Of what?

Lior licked the young man's chin, making Ian's lips twitch slightly.

-I don't want to experience another failure. I can't. I've had enough.

-Hmm... But you'll regret it later if you don't give things a try. I know you will.

He was right, again.

-So what if you fail another time? Hmm? We've already experienced that many times, one more won't hurt too much!

Giggling, the child put his chin on Ian's shoulder while wagging his tail.

-Isn't it boring to live like this? Let's go all out! Let's have some fun! Let's blow up the whole continent!

-I don't have such powers, Lior.

-Weee will blow up the whooolee worldddd~

-....

Ian ignored the child's scary comments and shifted his gaze back to the people having a conversation in the yard. He made a brief eye contact with Raven but ignored the man instantly.

'Should I really give it another try?'

Was he allowed to try again? Was he allowed to dream?

Could he set himself free of this curse, of these regressions, of eternal life? Would his wish be fulfilled this time, his wish of a real death with no return?

Even thinking of it made his heart palpate in expectation and hope.

'Don't have your hopes up.'

But

-Just one more time.

'Do whatever you can without yearning for the results.'

Ian got up to his feet. He would give everything one last try.

"Hey!" Ian waved a hand, yelled out loud, and stumbled towards the two mercenaries. "Are you done? Can we go?"

Disregarding his palpating heart, he wrapped his arm around Raven's shoulder, ignoring the man's stunned face and cursing his life in his head.

"We need to stay here until the good's whereabouts are confirmed. We will spend the night in this city." Eleen's light-hearted answer came immediately. "Don't worry, we'll make it on time to your group."

"Sure!"

As his lips curled up to an exaggerated smile, the young man's eyes shifted to the side, glancing at the middle-aged merchant and his daughter.

"Of course, I wouldn't want to disturb my friends' business. Take as much time as you like."

At his remark, even Eleen's gaze wavered slightly in suspicion.

"Well then, we'll take our leaves. Please notify us if there is any news."

"Are we leaving?" The blue-haired youth who was almost dangling from the taller man's shoulder asked with widened eyes. "I thought we'd spend the night here to protect this group!"

Ian turned around, staring right at Eleen. "Didn't they send most of their guards away? What if something happens to them without having anyone to protect them?"

"Uh?" Eleen pulled back a few strands of hair and smiled with embarrassment. "True, but we were only hired to locate the stolen goods, not to protect this sir."

"Oh!"

Eyes colored like the nightfall, deep and tranquil, opposite to the surprised expression of their owner, shifted to the merchant.

"I see."

Even though the tune didn't imply anything, the pupils of the young man were filled with a sense of disapproval. The merchant was suddenly left uncomfortable and ashamed, feeling the blue eyes gazing right at his soul. He stepped forward before the group could leave and grinned awkwardly.

"What if I hire you guys to guard us tonight? Your room and food expenses will also be paid by me."

"Ah!"

The three mercenaries looked at each other for a second before the woman nodded her head.

"Alright then, we'll be at your care, Mr. Golton."

Ian watched as the two people agreed upon the payment and heaved a sigh. It was easier to convince the merchant to hire them than he imagined.

'Please, hurry up!'

He prayed that things would end sooner so he could stop this 'we are good friends' act and let go of Raven. He was sweating buckets even while ignoring the man's piercing gaze.

"Evelyn, dear, are you done with loading the merchandise?"

"Yes, Father."

"Well then, let's head inside."

The young woman named Evelyn checked things for one last time before following others into the inn. The room next to the merchant was rented for the mercenaries for a night and dinner was ordered. The food was of high quality, fitting for an inn of this size. Night fell faster than expected and everyone prepared to rest, except for the ones keeping watch.

"Where are you going?"

Raven, one of the people keeping a watch in front of the merchant's room, held his sheathed sword up in a horizontal way and blocked Ian's path.

"To get some fresh air."

Ian's gaze was glued to the ground, not lifting for a single second.

"Not permitted."

"What?"

Mustering his courage, Ian sent a single one-second peek at the man before looking elsewhere. He intended to look furious and resistant, but he failed miserably.

"Because I say so. Go back."

"No!" Ian took a step back, preparing to run for his life at any moment. "Who are you to stop me? M-move aside!"

The scabbard didn't move even an inch.

"What do you want to achieve by doing this?"

"Um..." Ian tilted his head at the strange question. "...Some fresh air?"

What else can someone gain from taking a walk at night?

"...."

Raven didn't seem satisfied by the answer as a vein popped out on his neck.

"Answer properly."

A threatening pressure, thick and heavy, emitted out of the man, causing the already scared Ian to get even more frightened. He took two small steps backward and yanked a strand of his hair.

"S-some fresh air and a little bit of exercise?"

He'd seen the young girl, Evelyn, taking a stroll in the garden through the window without anyone nearby. Ian saw this as a perfect chance to strike up a conversation with her, however, this dude was blocking his path.

"Let me pass, will you? You aren't my guard or anything, so why are you bothering me?"

"..."

The dark-colored pupils shrank down as his eyes narrowed to a line. The answer spoken through gritted teeth was contrary to the threatening aura that was getting more suffocating.

"Go."

Ian ran.

"Huuuuuuu...."

He only stopped racing once he was out of the building.

'Seriously, this dude is so annoying. What's wrong with you? Brats these days think they can look cool if they act arrogant!!! Tsk!'

Compared to Ian, who has lived through numerous regressions, all these people were considered little kids. Sometimes, he couldn't tolerate them at all. Why were youngsters like this? Just state your business and get lost!

Nagging in his mind, Ian walked into the garden, stumping his feet in frustration from time to time.

-Master, that man is still staring in the direction that you disappeared into!

Lior's comment didn't help him feel better in any way!

'Calm down, calm down. You are here for another thing!'

Reminding himself of his plans, Ian smoothed his hair and eased his mind, strolling around at a slow pace with his hands in his pockets. Not long after, the silhouette of a young woman came into view. The green-eyed young girl seemed to be searching for something while sitting down beside a tree. She raised her head and cast her gaze at Ian once she noticed his approach.

"...Is there something you want?"

Ian raised an eyebrow, "Why would you say that? I'm out for a walk."

Evelyn raised to her feet, patted her hands, and dusted her clothes.

"Out for a walk but directly walking in my direction?"

Ian hadn't walked towards her straightforwardly but tried to seem as if he was wandering around, but it looked like he was read through so easily. An amused smile formed on his lips upon hearing the girl's response.

"You are pretty sharp!"

"State your business."

"And impatient!"

-No one is nearby, master. I'll tell you if anyone passes by!

Having a creature capable of concealing its presence from humans at your side can be quite beneficial at times like this.

"I wondered what you could offer to me."

Confusion gradually dawned on the girl's face.

"What I can offer? To you? For what?"

"For me not to reveal your Aether to the empire's soldiers, that's it."

"....."

As those words were spoken, a deadly silence descended in the area with Evelyn frozen from shock and Ian waiting for her response.