CHAPTER 13: Now Would Be A Good Time To Be Anyone But Me

HO-SEOK POV

I scoffed as I watched her ran inside the restroom. Kingsley already told me to see to the dance practice and as long as I'm concerned, that was nothing but a piece of cake.

I gave the dancers extra fifteen minutes to gather back their lost strengths in preparation of their minds to what is coming next because working with me means perfection, no pun intended. I'm always good at what I does best.

I reminded myself that I am here to work and not look at faces. Anger and tenderness my inner self, and now I strongly believed they breathe as angels, not polarities.

It's true that holding on, grieving on the past will not solve anything, however, seeing the person who caused the pains around, and by then you would feel the resentments and grudges you've been trying to swallow, but you couldn't because the deliverer is right there by your side and you can't avoid it. I think that's another level of pain.

Anytime the mastermind is around, you realized your heart keeps beating faster, and you don't know if it's the hidden anger, the emotions suppressed, or the joy of looking beyond your pasts. You then realized you are already tangled in messed up whirlwind emotions. I just don't know why every single things I does is connected to her.

I just need a breathing space, please!

It's true we don't need any logical reason for doing everything in our life. That we do things because it's fun, right? Because it makes us happy. However, in my own case, I realized I'm struggling with suppressed pain, unexpressed anger, inability to let go in as much as I tried to overlook and ignore, I saw myself falling back to that same dark abyss.

Try as much as possible to ignore her presence only to realized I couldn't. Her presence has this high effect on me that the moment I behold her, my mood drastically change. Energy doesn't lie,right? If it doesn't feel right, then it probably isn't.

They always said in order to heal completely, you must walk away from what broke you. Except in my own situation, I ended up walking inside what broke and shattered me. The thoughts alone was consuming me, slowly eating what's left of my sanity.

The millions of sleepless night, thinking of nothing but why? How did we arrive here? What happened? When will I be free from all this mess? Just when? Not only did she manipulate and neglect me, she also left me alone to clean up the mess she left inside me.

I'd say she broke my heart, but she broke much more than that. I was busy fighting demons, never knew she was the creator of them all.

I'm really exhausted, thinking it was my fault. I tried to let go but no. Pray for those that hurt you in order to heal, they said. Pray for their peace, they said, capital NO! I prayed she keeps having a bad day.

I smacked my face lightly, trying within me to pull my thoughts together, just to stop it from tearing me apart.

I huffed, exhaled tiredly, then beckoned on the dancers to line up for the next dance but before that, I allowed them to rehearse the already concluded choreography of Isabella,that once they round it up, I went ahead to introduce a new choreography since according to Kingsley and the target he was placed on,we will be needing a two videos shoots.

Each side expected to deliver their choreography. I thought K25 crew will meet at Hobified-Mind, guess there was a change of plan. Jason,sure knows how to mess with me.

I began to introduce the steps to the dancers. It was just a simple intricately complicated moves. My face scrunched up in concentration as my hands and feet synchronized with the music.

It wasn't easy for them as tons and lots of mistakes followed them, but guess who still haven't join the dance? Bella. Probably stuck-up somewhere in the restroom. I grinned, with shrugged shoulder.

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BELLA POV

Okay! Right now, I'm stuck-up in the restroom. I don't even know how long I would be here just so I could escape Ho-Seok. Gosh! This is awful. I can't be running away like this. He is my Ex for heaven's sake. How many times should I scream it?

I ruffled my hair anxiously, the thoughts of going out there to work with Ho-Seok and haven to pretend like he haven't exist for once in my life is not all moonlight and roses. Do I really shoot myself in the foot?

The world has a lot of things to offer, yet here I am, scared. Scared of the past, scared to take a move. I'm haunted by the failures of yesterday to the extent that it took the shape of a new vessel reflected in a mirror, constantly reminding me that such thing would happen again.

I felt tears in my eyes, then I wondered if it was tears of my past mistakes or tears of my fears to face what lay ahead of me. I was hugging the silence so tight until the heaviness in my heart leaves my soul. My thoughts filled with thorns of uncertainties.

It was a knock on the door that snapped me out of my thoughts and Juana voice boomed through.

"Are you okay? Did Kayla perhaps fed you spoilt Taco? Oh! She better don't mess with my bestie. You've be in the restroom close to thirty minutes or so; everyone is waiting for you." Juana's amusingly called out from the outside.

I shook my head, ignoring Juan's remark, she won't understand. The tears streamed freely as I got up and walked towards the mirror,then huffed at the redness of my eyes. I proceed to turned the tap, splashing water on my face just to avoid having to explain my gloomy eyes.

I can't let them see me in my vulnerable moment. I'm already gutted yet eagerly anticipating what would happen next at the practice room with Ho-seok.