CHAPTER 10: Change Is Constant
BELLA POV
I was thunder-struck when Hoseok scooped all those delicacies inside my plates, still twitching with what to do and not understanding myself.
Deep down all I wanna do is disappear.
I looked at him whilst still debating if I should eat the food or if I should ignore it.
I know he was spitting on me because he shouldn't, did he really detest me to dish me my poison? I looked at his unapologetic eyes and I could hear his mockery.
I felt lonely as all the memories came flashing across my eyes, vividly, like it all happened yesterday. they said, remembering is a gift but why does it feel like a curse on my bone? Remembering always feels like continuous grieving over the deaths of me.
With a quivering hand, I picked a chopsticks, and thank goodness Hoseok was quick to remind me not to expose myself.
Unbelievable right?
I breathed a sigh of relief and dropped it like a hot potato.
I clenched my fists amidst cringing, before picking a fork and extending my hand towards the Gochujang honey shrimps which were piled for me and took a few bites, my eyes focused on Hoseok as I bit from the shrimps and I could see regret and something like fear flashed through his eyes but it settles down to that I-don't-give-a-fuck-look.
Juana and the rest were busy feasting on their delicacies judging from the slurping and chucking sounds that filled the entire room.
"Wow! This tastes nice." K25 complimented whilst sucking his teeth as he slurp on his juice.
A horrible sight for me.
"You shouldn't agree to the K25 contract." I managed to say something, at least forcing myself to start a conversation.
"And what right do you have to tell me what to do?
I heard him loud and clear, and he was right. Just what right do I have to tell him what to do?
It hurt hearing it from him and now I wonder why I'm pained when I should be jubilating that we aren't together.
"The headline, think about the headlines."
"Do I know you? I'm here for my business, get over yourself." Those were the words that left his mouth before he stood up and did a slight bow to the K25 and the rest before exiting the room.
I don't know how to describe how I felt about his statement, saying I was embarrassed was an understatement because it felt like a fucking knife pierced through my heart. Painfully dumbfounded.
He is right, he doesn't know me. It's all over, but why did I feel like it's just the beginning?
Why am I hungry for him? I'm trying to control my emotions but I can't, tears stung in my eyes so I have to excuse myself.
Juana and K25 gave me that look of
"Are you okay? And I nodded before quickly excusing myself.
I was walking down the stairs, my body already reacting to the shrimp and I can see the allergic reaction speeding up because I was already scratching my body which was itching me as I walked not knowing where I was going but I wasn't myself, I'm fucking broken. My memories are back and this time, they came ten times just to hurt me. I swiftly turned left and followed the corridor by my left to heaven knows where. I could hear the painful ringing in my heart, my tears streaming freely as I walked through the hallways. Every single part of my life is shit. My career about to crumble, my life was becoming messier with each passing day, and everything I thought I overcame came back in ten folds just to hurt me. I can't even drink water and drop the cup peacefully, everything I touched reminds me of my shitty past.
Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Jaeyoung mocking me with his gangs, I saw them pulling my hair, and swearing never to let me be, I heard Becky menacingly shouting and screamingly cursing at me, I saw my parents awfully leaving me, everybody I loved left me, now my estranged fiance is back, I'm getting scared each passing day, struggling every passing day as an artist only to see your estranged Ex is the scariest thing ever; knowing fully well how things ended up between you two.
I'm now suffering every single day, living in fear, what if Ho-seok ended up exposing me and making the world know of how a fraudulent I am? That means everything I've worked in my entire life will be in vain, now I'm no longer afraid of the terrors at night but the arrows that fly by the day.
The thought of having to work with Hoseok is creepy and scary, knowing fully well my life is in his hands. It's not as simple as it seems. Who should I run to if he happens to expose me, not even Becky nor my parents will stand up for me.
They all hate me after the disgrace I brought upon them. I broke down and sobbed as my heart couldn't contain the pain.
It hurt right there. My life is so messed up.
The more I tried to hold back my tears, the more I was exploding. My emotions wrecked.
It unbelievable, unbelievable how it took me years to heal, only to let someone tear me back into pieces again. All the past traumas and pains I thought I had overcome, returned heavier like a broken lead, heavier than before.
I'm very scared, I've become vulnerable again. The mighty wall I thought I built around was shattered. I saw myself falling in the midst of the air with no hand to catch me.
I was bawling my eyes out when I felt a hand on my shoulder and I quivered, the touch sent a signal and familiar feels. I was too embarrassed to lift my head to behold the person.
"Are you alright? I heard his voice and I recognized him immediately.
Not now, please! I pleaded mentally, I just couldn't face him in my worst state, I tried to bury my face under my bosom but he didn't step an inch, he was still standing at his spot.
I'm a grown-up lady for goodness sake why should I be scared of someone? I struggled to mask my fear with courage but I lacked the guts.
"Breaking down on hallways where legs frequently use is not the flex you think it is." I heard Ho-seok's lectured me.
I know he is here to spite me because just what does he mean like I did what I did on purpose?
I hate his guts for real.
I quickly cleaned my tears, slowly standing up, my skin burning red with rashes, so I had to back him.
"Just leave I never call you." I blurted out without tearing him a glance.
"This is my company and as the CEO, cost demand I moved around to inspect the building." He scoffed at me.
"Since when did you start the inspection of the building, Hoseok?" I speedily turned around, almost yelling and he chuckled.
He was leaning against the wall, his arms crossed.
"Bella."
"It's Kathryn." I corrected through gritted teeth.
"You can fool others, but you ain't tryna fool me."
I don't know what he meant or whatever he was planning but he is somehow right. I clocked my fists and cleared my throat before summoning the courage to face him.
"Do you have any problem with me, Ho-seok? I asked and I could see those charming eyes of his, luminously burning my skin and setting my system ablaze, those eyes of his that loved taunting me in the past were fixed on me.
"You seriously asking that, after what you did ?." Were the words that left his mouth and why does it hurt so much hearing it from him?
"You horribly changed." He points a finger at me, every word menacingly leaving with its own bullets and piercing through me.
It hurts. It fucking hurts standing there with him looks like I was in the judgment seat.
It has been five fucking years, change is constant, I changed, so does he.
"It been five years Mr. Kang Ho-seok, you aren't expecting me to remain the same Kathryn of five years ago." I slowly dragged out the words.
"I don't know who the fuck is Kathryn, I only know of Isabella." He spitefully yelled and I chortled a mockery, a laughter I know didn't cross my heart. A peal of laughter I know was full of regrets and had I know. The chats were getting interesting and I could feel my confidence gradually enveloping me.
"And I don't need to remind you that the person you will be working with is Kathryn Howard, not your Isabella." I saw something like pain flash through his eyes before they settled into a scowl.
"Yeah! You are right because nobody can stand that miserable girl named Isabella." He spat ruefully.
"I'm sure you didn't come all the way here to blabber that rubbish?" I hissed, then rolled my eyes, my self-confidence skyrocketed immeasurably and I could see the shock on his face.
I deserved a bottle of Hennessy for my boldness.
I know he is saying that just to spite me and I know he hates me and my presence repulsed him, but he doesn't need to make it obvious for me to notice the burning smoke of hate he has for me.
The way his face pulled up disgustingly when he uttered that name was heart wrecking, not that I was expecting him to say something nice about Isabella, nor a good thing about Kathryn.
"You are still allergic to shrimp. Not a question." He scoffed, then dipped his hand inside his pocket and brought out a capsule and an ointment, then moved forward, took my hand into his which I quickly wanted to yank away but he held it tight, then stilled for a moment whilst looking at my hand, then lifted his face and stared briefly om my face, before placing them in my hand.
FLASHBACK.
As if the reaction sped up she started scratching herself more and more.
"See Ho-seok...I think I need to sleep on the chaise sectional, my body is speeding up and I feel uncomfortable" she reckoned.
"Come here..." He said grabbing her hand and bringing her towards the chair. "Yoongi-hyung give you this anti-allergy ointment in case your body itches you."
Bella was speechless as she stared at the ointment in his hands. She couldn't believe herself, how can these men treat her with all the godliness in the world? They keep pampering her, just today of seeing them. Her face brightened up.
"Bella, can I...I apply it on your face and hands?" he stuttered and silence fell within them.
After what felt like a minute, he cleared his throat when she didn't say a word.
"Never mind, you can do that yourself; was just teasing you" he playfully flicked his fingers on her face, snapping her out of her thought.
"Thanks so much, Ho-Seok, I will do it myself" she replied.
He smirked at her and walked past her to the bed.
FLASHBACK END.
History repeated itself, just that this time, Hoseok purposely offered me shrimp and also got me my allergy tablet and ointment.
Standing here with him, I just wanted to dig a hole and cover myself, It's not even cold but I could literally feel my whole body shaking, the tears I was fighting, broke loose like a kanji dam and flooded my face. I was sobbing whilst staring at the stuff he placed in my hand, but he just stood there unfazed.
"I will cancel the Pre photoshoots today."
He looked like he was having a conflict within himself as his hands slid inside his pants pocket.
He wants to kill me with kindness today.
"And why will you do that? I questioned amidst tears.
"You already looked like a mess, go home and put yourself together."
He scoffed before walking out, leaving me in my moment of shock, fears, and countless unexplainable emotions, then he stopped for a moment as if everything he does today just to spite me wasn't enough, and then he said
"Between, Jimin and the rest sent their greetings." He flashed me a smile before exiting the room and I lost it, the heart I was managing was shattered again by the same person as I broke down awfully in tears.
The fear of facing Jimin and his eldest brother,or any of his reputable friends is pain-striking. I don't even know how to face them and the only prayer I could utter was
"Heaven please let these photoshoots end without me having anything to do with them."
I was filled with regrets and it wasn't until Juana called out softly at me, that was when I stood up and quickly wiped my tears.
The look Juana gave tells me she wanted to know what happened but I was quick to fake a smile and thank goodness I have my designer metal frame sunglasses, so I quickly draft it over my eyes, at least I won't be explaining why I'm bawling my sockets out.
"Mr. Hoseok canceled the Pre-photoshoots practice, according to K25, he said he will reschedule the photoshoots after the meetings with Hobified-Mind and K25 shareholders.'
Juana briefly relayed to me as we walked towards where the driver packed my car and was already waiting for me.
Is not until Juana told me that I realized I would also be attending this share holder meetings as a K25 artist and also a part of the share holder of the company.
K25 is just one confused Label owner.
Immediately I reached my car, I turned around just to take another glimpse of the building that reminded me of who I was.
"Everything have changed." I shook my head before hopping inside.