10 Chapter 10: Con lessons

"But I'm too young to be married!" Harry argued. The young boy resumed his pacing around the room, but at a much faster pace than before.

"You won't get married immediately Harry." Minerva placated the panicking boy. "Being betrothed means that you will get married when you grow older."

"I don't want to get married." Harry said, crossing his arms. "No way."

"I am pleased that you agree with me Harry." Albus said. "I do not think it would be beneficial for you to be under the care of the Delacours, a family that you are not even familiar with."

That remark immediately caught the boy's attention and he narrowed his eyes at the Headmaster. The old man had warned him repeatedly of the old coot's manipulative ways and he could see it now. He decided to consult the old man and Penny about this and thought for a way to get free.

"How long will it take for Mister Delacour to arrive?" Harry asked.

"A few hours I expect." Griphook replied. "I received word that Lord Delacour is currently in a meeting with our counterparts in France."

"Can I go to the alley?" Harry asked as he turned his green eyes at his Transfiguration professor. "I've visited the alley once... and that was with Hagrid." The young boy stuck out his lower lip for added effect.

Minerva smiled softly as she stroked young Harry's messy hair.

"Of course you can, and I'll even go with you. It's a good idea, isn't it, Albus?" Minerva said as she narrowed her eyes at the Headmaster, daring him to say otherwise.

"I think it is marvelous idea." Albus Dumbledore said after seeing the look in his deputy's face. "Why don't you show Harry around the alley, and get an ice cream while you're there. I doubt Harry here would enjoy spending hours listening to the adults' negotiations."

"Let's go then Harry." Minerva said, standing up. "Now where do you want to first?"

"The bookstore!" Harry said eagerly, earning a smile from McGonagall and Dumbledore.

**********************

"Now don't wander outside the bookstore okay Harry?" Minerva said as her young charged looked around with wide eyes. "I'll just be at the café in front of the store. Don't spend all of your money, understood?"

The young boy nodded and headed towards the charms and jinxes section and the Trasfiguration Mistress headed towards the small café right in front of the bookstore. As she gave out her order to the waiter, her thoughts wandered back to young Harry's betrothal to the heiress of the Delacours.

Minerva was confused on what James Potter thinking when he arranged for a betrothal for his son. She grudgingly admitted that it would be better for the boy to experience proper love and care from a family, and the Delacours could provide him that.

Harry made sure that his current minder was busy reading the morning paper before he enacted his plan into action. He knew he had a small window to visit the old man and seek his advice. The young thief made sure that no one was watching him before he vanished out of the bookstore. There was much explaining to do.

****************

"BOO!"

Nicholas Flamel sprayed the tea in his mouth to the morning paper he was reading and he immediately started coughing as the tea went into the wrong pipe.

"Harry! I told you to stop doing that! Do you want me to die?" Nicholas Flamel scolded the young boy.

"That was for not telling me what betrothed means." Harry said as he sat on the chair. "Now we are even."

"Who told you then?" Nicholas asked as he vanished the mess on his desk with his wand. A moment later his cup of tea refilled itself and he inhaled its aromatic scent before taking a sip.

Harry waited until the old man was happily taking a sip before he replied. He was still annoyed at the old man from hiding this from him. "From Professor McGonagall and the old coot. They told me at Gringotts where they would decide my guardianship after they caught me 'running away'."

The Boy–Who-Lived smiled as the daily prophet was once again soaked with tea. The picture of Minister Fudge was grumbling as it was soaked and started doing obscene hand gestures to the Master Alchemist.

"Would you stop doing that?" Nicholas complained as he vanished the mess again. He turned to the young boy and looked at him with concern. "What happened?"

"I was collecting the last of my toys from Privet Drive." Harry explained. "I was saying goodbye to that place since I figured I've found a new home here and my other safe house."

Nicholas smiled briefly when Harry said that he considered his house to his home. "What happened next?"

"The old coot happened." Harry muttered. "He explained to me that while I still considered the place where my mother's blood dwells my home, I would be protected from Voldemort."

"Blood Wards." Nicholas speculated. "Let me guess, when you said goodbye, the blood wards unraveled, drawing the attention of Albus."

"Yeah." Harry answered. "Then he brought me to Gringotts to discuss who would be by new guardians. I was about to go some family the old coot picked when the Goblin discovered I was betrothed to Fleur. Julian would take me as his ward."

"In a way, that betrothal helped you against Albus' plans." Nicholas said. "Would you rather live with some family you don't know about or the Delacours?"

"I'd rather stay with Julian." The young thief said. "But I don't like how he tricked me into agreeing to marry Fleur."

Nicholas laughed. "Treat is as a learning experience then Harry. Never forget, that there is always someone else that is smarter than you. Overconfidence can lead to your downfall."

"I've better get back." Harry said after he contemplated the old man's words. "Professor McGonagall might be looking for me."

"Go on then, and be sure to visit tomorrow. Penny's making pie." Nicholas added.

The young boy's face broke into a smile when he heard this and he waved goodbye before he faded out of sight. The Master Alchemist immediately headed to his floo and tossed a good amount of Floo powder.

"Delacour Mansion!" Nicky called out. He had to hurry and warn Julian of Dumbledore's plans.

**************

The young boy was enjoying the alley, careful not to be spotted by his current minder who was just seated at the café in the middle of the street. A gleam of something shiny and colorful caught the young boy's attention, and he decided to investigate the commotion.

"Can I have an autograph Mister Lockhart?" A young witch asked, holding a quill and a thick book. The other witches were doing the same as they jostled for position around a tall man with a golden cape wearing a charming smile.

"Settle down ladies." The man said as he combed his hair, earning a sigh from the dozens of witches surrounding him. Instead of using the quill offered by the previous witch, he drew out from his robes a large quill that Harry thought was made from a peacock's feather.

The young thief's sharp eyes noticed that while the flamboyant wizard was busy signing autographs, his other hand was discretely copping feels of a particularly voluptuous witch's assets.

'Gross.' Harry thought. The young thief soon lost interest and decided to return to his minder, wondering if he could have some breakfast.

"Professor." Harry greeted the Transfiguration Mistress busy reading the daily prophet.

"Harry." Minerva greeted her young student. "Have a seat. Did you find any good books?"

"I found a few, but I decided I will buy them later when I shop for my school supplies with Hermione next week." Harry replied.

"Make sure to buy the Advanced Theory of Transfiguration." Minerva suggested. "I know it is not required in the book list, but it will help you understand the advanced concepts in my class. Would you like to order something dear?"

"If they have good sandwiches... I didn't have breakfast yet." Harry said.

"You should have told me that earlier." Minerva chided her favorite student's son as she called for the waiter.

"I forgot." Harry said as he looked at the older witch. The old man said that she was a decent witch and a good person and decided to ask advice on his current predicament. "Professor, what do you think of my betrothal to Fleur?"

Minerva removed her glasses and placed them on the table. "I must confess I was surprised at what your father was thinking when he arranged for you to be married."

Harry remained silent, eagerly listening to what the older witch thought. He had listened from both parties and he thought McGonagall could give her unbiased opinion on his predicament.

"But after thinking things through... this might not be such a bad idea. There are students in your batch that have betrothal contracts and yours is not a unique case." Minerva said. "I have not met the Delacours personally, but from what I heard, they are a good family."

"I read about them in the bookstore." Harry lied. "They are among the oldest families in France."

"Yes they are." Minerva agreed. "And like your father, Julian Delacour decided to break with tradition and marry a halfblood."

"You don't approve of that?" Harry asked.

"Of course not Harry." Minerva said immediately. "I don't share the same views like the traditionalists in our society. Magic is magic, and blood and ancestry does not necessarily mean you are a better witch or wizard."

"So you approve Professor?" Harry asked. "What about the Weasleys? The family the Headmaster was suggesting that will take custody of my guardianship."

"The Weasleys are fine people." Minerva said. "But like all families, everyone has flaws. After seeing how you were treated at your old home... I'm starting to question Albus' judgment."

"The Weasleys are very loyal to Albus, like I am. But Molly Weasley tends to see everything in black and white. There is only light and dark for her and no middle ground." Minerva said cautiously.

"I think I understand Professor." Harry said after a moment. "Thank you for sharing your views."

Minerva smiled as she patted the young boy's hand. "Just come to me whenever you need more Harry. My door is always open to you."

"Professor McGonagall!!! It's a surprise to see you here!"

Minerva closed her eyes for a moment when she heard the voice from the wizard. "Gilderoy."

"Have you bought my book yet Minerva?" Gilderoy Lockhart said as he seated himself on the free chair, ignoring the young boy with the transfiguration professor.

"I did not have time Gilderoy. I am busy preparing for the new school year." Minerva said politely.

"Ah yes! The new school year! I am excited to share my experience and wealth of knowledge to the students." The wizard said, taking a sip out of Harry's tea. "Of course, I have yet to make an official announcement, or else Hogwarts will be flooded by new transferees!"

"You better prepare your lesson plans then Gilderoy." Minerva said.

"Of course. Molding the minds of the future generation is a sacred calling." Gildeory Lockhart said looking far away for effect. "I better be off... I have a book signing to attend to. I'll see you at Hogwarts then?"

Without bothering for a response, the flamboyant man stood up, flourishing his cape as he did so.

"Who is that?" Harry asked watching the man disappear into Flourish and Blot's

"That is Gilderoy Lockhart." Minerva thinned her lips. "Your new Defense against the Dark Arts Professor."

"He's very strange." Harry observed.

"I wonder what Albus was thinking hiring that man." Minerva said. She realized that Harry heard him and tried to explain her earlier statement. "I mean... It's not proper to talk down a colleague..."

"You don't like him." Harry grinned. He enjoyed this side of Professor McGonagall who wore her emotions on her sleeve. She was not the strict disciplinarian he knew at Hogwarts.

Minerva sighed and nodded. "I taught him when he was a student in Hogwarts. He is not a very accomplished wizard... Imagine my surprise when years later he is suddenly famous for writing his journeys in a series of best-selling books."

After a moment of thinking, the transfiguration professor searched her robes for a quill. "Do you have a quill Harry? I will write you another book list for Defense against the dark arts that can help you for independent study of the subject."

"Here Professor." Harry handed a long blue peacock quill.

*****************

The door to Griphook's office opened and the Headmaster of Hogwarts looked up as the Lord of the ancient house of Delacour entered, with a few goblins wearing the Gringgots branch seal of Paris following behind him. Not Good.

"It is a pleasure to meet you Monsieur Delacour." Albus stood up and offered his hand.

"The pleasure is mine." Julian Delacour replied. He sat down on the other vacant chair while his vault manager from the Gringotts branch in Paris greeted Griphook in Gobbledook.

"I heard you are contesting the custody of my daughter's betrothed?" Julian asked.

"Not contesting Monsieur Delacour... I am merely looking out for young Harry's interests." Albus replied.

"So am I. Harry Potter will wed my eldest daughter Heiress." Julian said. "I am confident that I can provide him a suitable environment to live."

"Then if you will sign this documents Lord Delacour, custody of Harry James Potter will be turned to you." Griphook pushed a stack of Papers towards the French nobleman.

"I must protest." Albus said, his voice a little louder. "Harry was distraught when he learned of his betrothal to your daughter. I doubt the young boy would enjoy living in an unfamiliar environment."

Julian Delacour struggled not to smile as he continued to maintain his Occlumency shields. On the contrary, young Harry enjoyed staying at the Delacour mansion, following his daughter Fleur and trying to get a rise out of her. If he wasn't doing that, the young boy was usually sleeping under a tree in Apolline's garden, enjoying the gentle breeze.

"The head of the house of Potter and I had an agreement." Julian replied as he accepted the blood quill from Griphook. "Harry Potter's betrothal to my daughter stands, and I will accept him as my ward. Our home is a comfortable one, and I am sure Harry will learn to adjust in this new environment."

"I protest." Albus said when he saw Julian was about to sign the stack of papers.

"Your protests and objections have been noted, Chief Warlock." Griphook said. "But Lord Delacour has accepted the guardianship of Harry Potter."

Albus sighed, but he was not giving up. He had another tool, and he was going to use it. "Very well... but as Headmaster of Hogwarts, I cannot allow Harry Potter to transfer to Beauxbatons Academy of Magic."

Julian Delacour regarded the powerful wizard for a moment. He would have liked to have Harry with Fleur in Beauxbatons, but he knew Albus would never agree to have the Boy-Who-Lived transferred to a foreign school. Hogwarts would lose face, and so will its Ministry of Magic.

"I would have liked Harry to study at Beauxbatons with Fleur, but it seems I have no choice." Julian Delacour replied after he finished signing the documents. "Now where is Harry?"

"He is with his transfiguration professor at Diagon Alley, shopping for books." Albus said. He was able to salvage the situation after all. Harry was still in Hogwarts, and he would ask the minister to help him in gaining back custody of The-Boy-Who-Lived.

"Very well. I will collect my ward." Julian Delacour said. He turned to Griphook and bowed. "I thank you for your help, Master Goblin."

"It is our pleasure to be of service to the house of Delacour." Griphook replied as he bowed back in respect.

"I would like to offer my services to increase the protection of your home, Lord Delacour." Albus offered.

"I appreciate the offer, but it is not needed." Julian Delacour said as he glanced back at the Headmaster of Hogwarts.

***********************

"Are you still mad?" Julian asked nervously as they appeared at the reception area of the Delacour mansion.

"Yep." Harry said as he looked up at his new guardian. "You tricked me."

"But it worked out in the end, didn't it?" Julian argued. "If I hadn't offered you a betrothal to Fleur, you would now be under the control of Albus Dumbledore."

"That's true." Harry replied. "But I'll have to get even."

"Excuse me?" Julian stopped walking and looked at his new ward.

"Do you know how to play spot what's missing?" Harry asked as he smiled. There were many, many shiny things in the Delacour home and he hadn't played that game in a long while.

"I haven't heard of that game before." The patriarch of the house of Delacour confessed.

"Oh you'll have fun with it. Just ask the old man." Harry said sweetly.

"There you are!" Apolline said, spotting the two wizards. "How did it go?"

"Harry's our new ward." Julian smiled.

"That's wonderful news!" Apolline said as she kneeled down and hugged her 'son'.

"That's not all." Julian added.

"What is?" Fleur asked as she entered the room, drawn in by her mum's earlier outburst.

"Harry here knows what betrothal means." Julian said as he patted his future son in law's shoulder.

The young boy immediately stared at his toes, embarrassed and unsure of what to do with Fleur. He didn't want to get married, but as long as he was still engaged to Fleur, he was free of the old coot's influence.

The older girl immediately spotted the change in her future husband's demeanor and an evil smile crossed her face. "Oh look mama, dear Harry is embarrassed!"

The young boy glared at the older girl and stuffed his hands on his pockets. "I'm not embarrassed."

"Oh yes you are." Fleur said as she stood beside Harry, enjoying the change of roles. She hooked her hand on his elbow and flipped her long silver hair.

"Would you like to play with my hair Harry?" Fleur asked teasing the young boy.

"No." Harry replied as his eyes tracked the wisps of silvery hair flying as they were lifted up by a faint breeze. He suddenly tensed when the older girl planted a chaste kiss on his cheek and he pulled away, shocked with the unexpected act of affection. Without wasting another second the young thief faded leaving an amused quarter veela witch behind.

"I think you went too far dear." Apolline said.

"It is a nice change to see him realize that he and I will wed someday." Fleur said. "I find it refreshing to see him act shy like that. Usually he tries to annoy me to no end."

"Don't push things to quickly Fleur. You don't want to scare off your future husband." Apolline warned her daughter.

"I promise." The older girl said, grinning from ear to ear. She couldn't wait to see her future husband again.

*******************************

"You'll never guess who I've just met" Tonks said as she dumped her shopping bags on the couch beside her mother.

"Who did you meet dear?" Andromeda asked absently as she continued watching her favorite television program.

"The Boy-Who-Lived!" Tonks said. "I saw him in Diagon Alley, with Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall."

"Really?" Andromeda asked his attention now focused on her daughter.

Tonks nodded. "I never really met him properly when he and I were at Hogwarts. I just saw him from a distance, always reading a book like all Ravens do. It was weird mum, he felt strangely familiar and his eyes remind me of Kit."

At the mention of her pet, she looked around looking for the growing kitten. "Where's that lazy kitten?"

"He went out this morning after you left." Andromeda replied. The topic of their conversation suddenly appeared through the flap at the back door.

"Hey Kit!" Tonks said brightly. She patted the spot on the couch beside her but the young cat ignored her and jumped on the plushy chair.

Tonks looked concerned and she stood up and sat on the armrest, looking down on her cat. The Metamorphagus felt that her pet was feeling nervous and unsure and she scooped Kit into her arms.

"Something's strange with Kit." Tonks said as she inspected her pet for injuries.

"Is he sick?" Andromeda asked in concern.

"No... but something's bothering him." Tonks replied. She smiled when an idea sprang up from her head. "I know! This will cheer you up! Oh I can't wait to see you wear it!"

Kit's ears suddenly stood at attention when he realized what Tonks was planning. With all that happened today, and Fleur's teasing of him, he completely forgot what Tonks bought for him.

The older girl dumped her pet onto the couch and started fishing for the cat clothes she bought.

Mrooowwrr...

"Stay still!" Tonks shouted as Kit arched his back, the hairs on his back raised in irritation.

Andromeda saw what the poor cat would be forced to wear and laughed. "I don't think Kit likes what you're planning to do."

"He'll like this, won't you Kit?" Tonks insisted. The cat in question let out another low moan in his throat as he backed away from the shopping bags and into Andromeda.

"Oh C'mon!" Tonks complained. She pulled out the purple socks and showed it to her pet. "See Kit? It's very comfortable on your paws."

Kit backed further, until he hid in the gap between Andromeda and the back of the couch. Only his reflective green cat eyes were seen and Andromeda laughed as she felt the young cat squirm behind her.

"I spent so much time looking for these." Tonks said dejected at her pet's reaction.

Kit sighed as he saw Tonks' mood drop. He slowly crawled back out and jumped on the older girls' lap and rubbed his head on her thigh.

Tonks brightened and scooped her beloved to her arms. "You'll wear it then Kit?" The Metamorphagus asked.

The cat shook his head sideways and stared back at his owner causing Andromeda to laugh and rthe older woman resumed watching the telly.

"You won't know for sure until you try." Tonks said, rubbing Kit's favorite spot behind the ears. The cat closed its eyes in pleasure, enjoying the sensation on his nape.

The older girl smiled. This was the perfect opportunity. She started tying the straps of the small blue hat under Kit's chin while at the same time continue to distract him with his other hand.

"See Kit?" Tonks clapped her hands in delight. "It looks good on you! I can't wait to have my friends get here and see you Kit!"

The young cat opened its eyes and it felt the strange sensation under his chin and over his head. He tried to remove it using his paws but Tonks stopped him by hugging the young cat to her body.

She knew her Kit wouldn't try to hurt her with his claws. Despite all the hissy fits he usually had during bath time, inside Kit was just a big softie... to her at least. She once saw Kit scratching the nose of a dog that got too curious and sent the poor mutt running with its tails behind its legs.

Tonks smiled as Kit stared up at her and she giggled when the young cat pressed his ears flat on his head, showing his displeasure.

"You smell different." Tonks said as she smelled a strange scent on her pet. She sniffed Kit by pressing her nose over the cat's head and she was puzzled to smell an unfamiliar scent instead of his strawberry smell.

Meow.

"Hmff, I bet some girl picked you up didn't she?" Tonks guessed. "You should have scratched her Kit. I don't like just anybody picking you up. They might kidnap you!"

The young cat struggled from his 'owners' hands but once again Tonks remained firm. "Let's give you a nice bath to get rid of that awful smell. I can't wait for my old classmates to see you!"

**********************

"He's adorable Tonks. He is so cuddly!" Lisa Kingston said as she stroked the black kitten surrounded by four older girls.

"I know." Tonks said fondly. "He sleeps beside me on the bed."

"He never tried to scratch you?" Anne asked. "Mr. Tibbles was very hard to train when he was a kitten. He always ruined the furniture and my shoes."

"Kit's well behaved." Tonks said proudly. "Mom said that Kit might be my familiar."

"That's rare." Anne replied. "Very few wizards and witched manage to find their familiars in their lifetime."

"Well, I'm lucky then." Tonks said.

"He's adorable..." Lisa said. "Do you think you can have him stud?"

Kit's ears perked up when he heard the unfamiliar word. He thought the word meant a positive description for an older man.

"I don't know." Tonks frowned.

"He's a rare breed." Lisa said. Those eyes are very beautiful and his black fur is soft and silky. "You could make money from that, many owners would like to their future pets to inherit Kit's traits."

"I don't like using Kit for money." Tonks said as she possessively hugged the curious cat.

"It's up to you. It's just a quick way to make money, and sooner or later Kit's going to look for a mate." Said Lisa.

"Kit doesn't need a mate, don't you Kit?" Tonks turned the cat around. "I'm your only girl."

Meow.

The four girls giggled and started petting the Kitten who was enjoying the sensation.

**********************

"Cobra lalalalalala"

"You'll never get me Cobra Commander."

The figure jumped and swung his trident and tried to impale the villain. The other figure wearing a blue outfit and a silver mask dodged and fired imaginary laser bolts, forcing Duke to look for cover. "Snake Eyes! I need help!"

From the shadows of a wooden box a black figure leapt and slashed his katana, dislodging the weapon from Cobra Commander's grip.

"Blast! I'll be back again! I will have my revenge!"

"Why doesn't Snake eyes speak?"

Harry looked up and saw Fleur watching him with amusement from the doorway.

"He doesn't." Harry said as he stopped the animation charms. "He's a ninja, and he has taken a vow of silence."

"Your animation charms are wonderful Harry." Fleur said as she knelt down beside her future husband. "Can I join?"

"Suit yourself." Harry replied as he resumed the charms. Cobra Commander resumed his cowardly escape before he was suddenly swiped clear of its feet by the appearance of a massive female giant.

"That's not am action figure. That's a Barbie doll." Harry said, looking at Fleur.

"It's the Veela Goddess." Fleur sniffed as she tossed her silvery hair, drawing Harry's attention to it.

"Very well, attack the veela goddess!" Harry resumed Duke's voice and directed all his remaining forces to confront the giant menace.

"Go Joes!"

The Joes were losing as the Veela Goddess proved too strong. Harry decided to bring out reinforcements and he tried the complex animation charm the old man taught him. The action figures dropped to the ground as they lost their magic while a new hero leapt from down from the desk.

"By the Power of Grayskull!"

Fleur looked on with amusement as a heavily muscled man confronted her Veela Goddess.

"Battlecat!"

Fleur was shocked when the muscled man suddenly leapt into the back of a black kitten. It dug its legs behind the cat's shoulder joints and waved its massive sword around.

Hsss!

The kitten tried to roar but it only let out a very cute snarl before it pounced on the Barbie, knocking it to the ground.

*************************

"Old man, what does stud mean?" Harry asked. The Delacours were in Harry's headquarters helping him pack his possessions, and at the same time they were having a quick family reunion with Penny.

"Stud? Surely you know it's meaning Harry." Nicky replied.

"I heard a few girls talking about making my animagus form Stud." Harry said.

"Is this related to your mysterious safe house?" Nicky asked as he moved another chess piece, destroying Julian's knight.

"Maybe..." Harry replied as he observed the chess match. The two older wizards exchanged smiles and stopped playing to the protest of their chess pieces.

"Harry, have you ever heard of the talk before?" Julian Delacour asked.

Harry nodded and he was puzzled as the old man played rocks and scissors with his new guardian. Nicky won and let out a triumphant yell while Julian's shoulders sagged in defeat. The French Nobleman turned to Harry and stared at him in the eyes while Nicky poured two glasses of wine.

"You see... when a man and a woman love one another...."

**********************

"It's clean now Professor." Hagrid said as he brought in the sorting hat to the Headmaster's office. I even used my personal soap that I make myself. He's as clean as a brand new robe."

"Thank you Hagrid." The Headmaster said.

"Clean my ass, if I had one." The Hat grumbled. "He nearly scrubbed me to destruction!"

"It was necessary Franz." Albus replied as he warily took the sorting hat from his groundskeeper. The hat looked distorted, even stretched. Perhaps he should have asked Argus to clean it. "Cleaning spells don't work on you, because of the inherent magical properties you posses."

The Headmaster noticed a foul stench inside the hat and he looked up to Hagrid who busy petting Fawkes. "You make your own soap Hagrid?"

"Yes Professor." Hagrid said proudly. "It's my own invention, and I gather the ingredients from the Forbidden forest. The unique smell helps me against the more aggressive creatures there when I patrol. Smells natural, doesn't it?"

"It certainly smells... natural." Albus said as he immediately shoved the complaining hat to his drawer.

*******************

"So that's the sorting hat..." Hermione whispered as the ancient artifact finished its song. "It looks old."

"I forgot that your batch was not sorted traditionally, and it's the first time for all of you to see it." Cho Chang, a third year Ravenclaw commented. She halfway stood up from her seat and observed the sorting hat closer. "It looks different."

"It is?" Hermione asked.

"Yeah... I can't see much closer... but it looks like it has a lighter shade... I remember from my sorting that it was pure black." Cho Chang replied. Similar conversations took place around the great hall, wondering what happened to the recently recovered sorting hat.

"Abercomb, Paul!" Minerva read from her scroll and a young boy shyly stepped forward and headed for the hat.

The young boy sat on the hat and the Deputy Headmistress, determined to make sure that the artifact was not to be stolen again, placed it on top of the first year's head. Unlike the previous sorting where the hat just lay on a student's head, it now encompassed the whole head inside its body.

"Ahckk! It smells!" The young boy's voice muffled voice was heard, causing most of the students to laugh.

"What do you expect." Franz the Sorting Hat grumbled. "Try having gallons of mucus poured down your throat and let's see if you still smell like daisies. Now shut up and let me sort you."

Paul Abercomb just remained quiet, holding his breath and hoping the hat decide quickly. Finally after half a minute it shouted "Hufflepuff!"

McGonagall removed the hat and the young boy fell on his knees gasping for breath. "That was horrible." The young boy said.

"So is your hair." The hat snapped back. "Wash your hair properly, you have dandruff."

"Perhaps I can help you with that... here Mister Abercomb." Gilderoy Lockhart tossed a small bottle and the first year caught it.

"It's a free sample of my hair care product. That should take care of your Dandruff problem, and give your hair the smooth sheen like mine" The Defense Professor combed his hair with hand for effect, and it glinted at the torch light, drawing a certain thief's attention to it.

The young boy nodded as he pocketed the bottle, while the new Defense Professor gave a charming smile causing most of the female population to smile.

"Merlin help us." Severus Snape muttered. Inwardly, he contemplated asking the Defense Professor for a sample to analyze it, but he would never admit that to anyone, even to the Dark Lord.

The next students to be sorted had the same reactions, until the first girl to be sorted was called out.

"Brown, Adelle!"

The blonde haired girl wearing pigtails cautiously sat down and McGonagall immediately placed the hat over her head. Like the others the hat slid down, the lips of the hat touching her shoulders. Immediately the girl lifted the hat out of her head.

"What is the matter dear?" McGonagall asked.

"It's smelly!" The girl declared.

"You just have to endure it Miss Brown." McGonagall said as he lips thinned.

The young girl decided that she will do something about the smell and pulled out a small bottle of perfume.

Squirt

Squirt

"Ahck! What in Merlin's name? Stop it girl!" The hat shouted as the girl continued spraying a generous amount of perfume on the inside of the hat.

She took a sniff of the inside of the hat and finally decided it was doing its job masking the previous smell. She placed the hat back down on her head and sighed as she smelled her own perfume.

"You little bitch..." The sorting hat said.

"Franz!" The Headmaster warned amidst the muffled laughter inside the hall. It was the longest sorting by far, but the students were not complaining about it since they were enjoying the spectacle, even the Slytherins.

The next few Girls to be sorted thought that Adelle Brown's actions were brilliant and they too started to spray or dab the insides of the hat with their own perfumes. It was fine for the girls, but the boys to be sorted found the concentrated smell of perfume to be far worse and they held their breath for the duration of the sorting.

"Creevey, Colin!"

A small first year boy, walked eagerly to the stool, eager to wear the magical hat.

"Hmm yes... very difficult..." The hat said as it looked into the young boy's memories.

"Could you please hurry it up mister hat?" Colin asked loudly. "I'm getting dizzy from the smell of perfume."

"We must not rush this Mister Creevey..." The Hat said. "Ahh yes... very brave... and very loyal. Difficcult... quite difficult."

"I'm getting dizzy." Colin said weakly as he swayed on his seat.

"Just a few more minutes." The hat replied.

"I think I'm going to be sick." The young first year said.

"Sick... oh HELL! Minerva! Remove me from the boy's head!" The hat screamed. "Quickly!"

"Are you sure?" Minerva hesitated. "You haven't shouted his house yet Franz."

The Deputy Headmistress' hesitation made it too late as Colin Creevey started puking as he tried to remove the hat that had a snug fit over his head.

"Aw Shit!" The Hat swore. "That's it! I quit! I can't take more of this abuse!"

The hat continued to squirm as it was held by a disgusted Minerva McGonagall by the tip. "I shouldn't have returned! Steal me again! To anyone who is listening!"

The students watched in fascination as vomit poured down the neck of the young boy who was struggling and finally Minerva removed the hat from the boy's head.

Bleerghhh!

Colin vomited one last time, in front of the assembled students of the four houses.

"Ewwwww." The assembled students from the four houses said in unison, while the yet to be sorted first years watched in horror and fear knowing they had to wear the hat.

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