Not In This World Anymore

Bai Yutang sits on the bed. He stares at the laptop above his desk. The silver thin laptop laid in the centre of that beige desk, surrounded by his books and his drawings. That's the laptop his father bought for him two and half years ago.

After his first semester in the university, he told his father that it would be great to have a laptop with good specifications for graphics and have enough memory to render small scale 3D buildings. He doesn't really need it that time, but it will help him in his third year.

His father asked, which one he had in his mind. His father then listens to him rambling on the laptop he wants. He didn't expect his father to buy it for him, because he knows it's expensive and he still has his computer at his dorm.

But the night before he goes to the university to start the new term, his father gives him a box as an early birthday gift. Inside, it was the laptop he wanted.

His father never bought him branded things or expensive things like other parents. His father gave monthly allowance to him like giving salary to his worker. All he needs to be bought, he has to buy it by himself using that "salary". So if he wants something expensive, he needs to use his own savings.

His allowance is not small. Since he was accepted in B city, his father gave him 3500 yuan per month. Even the average worker here in W city only has a salary of 4000 - 4500 yuan per month. But all his expenses need to use that money. Like his dorm rent, his mobile phone data and bill, or the plane ticket to go home.

Bai Yutang never needs to spend a lot. He didn't really like branded things. He only likes to buy comic books or architecture and art books. His money on the bank from his allowances is now around twenty thousand yuan. He saved that money since he's in high school.

When he hospitalised from his fever and stomach problem before, he wanted to use that savings to pay his own bill. But Jian Ge already took care of it. His original plan is to use the savings for his final project later. He knows that the final project in architecture will be quite expensive.

His father also never gave him an expensive birthday gift before, even for his 17th birthday he only got an ordinary sneaker. But he bought that laptop for Bai Yutang, because his son wants it, and needs it.

Bai Yutang flopped his back to the bed and stared at the lamp in the ceilings. The funeral is over. He is still wearing his mourning clothes. He decided to shorten the funeral, because he can't stand to see his mother weeping beside his father's coffin. She absolutely doesn't want to go home. She didn't even take a bath in three days.

His mother just weep and sob besides the coffin. From the soundless tears, into wailing. Even sometimes she screams.

"Husband, tell me that this is only a dream. A nightmare. When i wake up, you'll be beside me like usual."

"Husband, please wake up.. We still need to see TangTang and RenRen graduated and got married. You say you want to hold your grandchildren soon."

"You despicable man! A liar!!! You say you'll never make me suffer!"

"Husband, why you leave me alone…"

"Haoran, don't leave me alone. I don't know how to live without you."

Bai Yutang can't stand to see his mother like this. So he just decided to bury his father after three days.

He doesn't even remember how he spent those funeral days. It's like a hazy memory. His mind blank. But he is still walking around and doing his job as a son doing his filial duty.

He also doesn't know how he takes care of all those hospital bills, and things to do with administration after his father's death. But one thing he knows in these few days.

They had a big problem.

And now, his head hurts to think back to the day when he settled the hospital bills. Each week, he will pay the bills per week as the hospital asked him to do. He's using his father's card given by his mother. His father's hospital bill is a big sum. Total bill he needs to pay for almost one month is more than 40,000 yuan.

That number is cheaper than the actual amount, because the neurologist didn't charge him at all. He asked about why the doctor's bill is zero on the second week pay the bill. The administration office told him that the doctor put the free of charge note.

Bai Yutang suspected it was something to do with Jian Ge. But he didn't ask.

After he paid the hospital bill, he also needed to pay for the funeral and other things. He draws some money too in the ATM. That's when he realised the money left in that card is only 115,00 yuan.

Tomorrow he needs to go to the bank, and ask his mother whether his father has other savings. He can't believe his father only left them with that amount of money. He hasn't even paid this year's tuition fee.

For an ordinary family, that amount of money may be enough. But he still needed two more years before he finished his study. He already calculated, per year he will need 65,000 yuan if he lives frugally.

That money is not enough for him to finish his study, and Bai Yuren just started her university too. Luckily the tuition fee for Bai Yuren was already paid before his father collapsed. But he doesn't know how they can manage to get through the rest of her study. Bai Yutang knows that medical students will need around 6 years to finish their undergraduate study and internship.

Bai Yutang didn't know how to solve this problem. He decided to sleep and just think about that tomorrow. But he can't get himself up walking to the bathroom and take a shower, nor can he close his eyes.

Jian Ge and his friends already flew back to their own city this afternoon. They came here two days ago and accompanied him in the funeral. He can't recall what he talks about to them.

He closed his eyes, and felt the corner of his eyes hurt. His tears finally sliding down from his cheeks. He could see his father's image behind his eyelid.

His beloved father who always protects him.

The father who said "My TangTang could be anything he wants! Your father will support you. My TangTang is so smart so this stupid father can only give you the money for your education."

The big mountain that shines like a sun above the skies. Who takes him to the amusement park and holds him in his shoulder when he cries after stumbled down from the crowd.

He misses his father so much…

He wished his father would still be here ruffling his hair like he used to, and telling him that his father is bragging about his beloved son to all his clients and his friends.

His father always told him how his clients saw him with envious eyes and didn't believe how a rough man like him could have a smart and behaved son.

How he wished he could hold his father once again, to hug him like he did when he was still a child. Hold his father tight, and say to him that he also loves his father very much. And he is proud to have a father like him.

Bai Haoran is the best father in the world.

But he's gone. He could no longer see his father's smile, no longer could hear his father laugh, no longer could hold his big hand.

He's gone, and will never come back home.

When he woke up in the morning, Bai Yutang found that he was still wearing his mourning clothes. He gets up, and no sounds can be heard from outside his room. He takes a shower, and wears a white short sleeve shirt with black trousers. He decided to go to the bank today.

Bai Yutang going downstairs. He can't see his mother or his sister. He also found no dishes on the dining table. So he cooked rice, then he made fried rice for his mother and his sister to eat for breakfast.

He went upstairs again and knocked on his mother's room. His mother didn't answer him. So Bai Yutang went to Bai Yuren's room and knocked until Bai Yuren opened her door. Both of them then knocked on their mother's room until she opened it.

Bai Yutang told them to have breakfast, he already made fried rice for them. He also told them he'll go to the bank today so he needs the documents from his mother. He also casually asks his mother about his father's savings.

His mother told him his father only has two savings. One is the savings she handed over to Bai Yutang, and the other is the company related savings.

Bai Yutang knows he can't touch that company's savings. It's already his luck that he didn't have to close his father's company. Uncle Xing already told him that even though he and Bai Yutang can't continue his father's legacy, luckily the last project is almost done otherwise they need to pay the penalty for not finishing the project.

If the project is still less than 50%, then it will also give uncle Xing the headache. They're only small contractors. Majority of the project could be done because of Bai Haoran lobbying and his wide friendship with other small contractors.

Uncle Xing will close the company after the project, and need to pay the severance money too for the workers. Bai Yutang asked him about that, but Uncle Xing told him that it was his last responsibility to his friend, and Bai Yutang didn't need to think about that.

At the bank, Bai Yutang sat in the chair and silently stared at the bank statement belonging to his father. It was given by the bank's assistant.

His father sent 10,000 yuan to his uncle and 5,000 yuan to his grandfather, each month.

The house expenses and his family expenses is 10,000 - 15,000 each month.

His father transfers him 3,500 yuan each month.

And the last fact makes him didn't know whether he had to laugh or cry. No wonder their savings only left with 115,000 yuan.

His father paid almost 500,000 yuan to settle their house and his grandparents house. Bai Yutang knows most people bought their house with an instalment. Their house has four bedrooms in the city. The house pricing in their neighbourhood is around 1,5 million yuan. Maybe more, he doesn't really know.

His original maternal grandparent's house is already very old. So around five years ago his father bought the house beside his paternal grandfather's house. The house has five bedrooms, since his uncle also lived there. The house is under his grandparent's name.

His father left him without any debts, and the assets were also not small… But the money left is not enough for him to continue his study.

Bai Yutang put his hand and massaged his forehead. He said thank you to the bank's assistant. And wandering around.

He can't stop studying. If he stops now, all his hard work and his father's wish will evaporate and be useless. Without a degree, he also can't find a good job to support his family.

Maybe he can apply for a scholarship. It was too late to ask Bai Yuren to do that this year, and he also doesn't have heart to ask Bai Yuren now. But next term he can try to tell her their financial condition and ask her to apply for a scholarship too.

But this is already August. Too late for him to apply for a scholarship. He calculated, if he could be granted scholarship from the university, then maybe the money will be enough for them to hang on until he graduates.

He needs to contact the university counselor to ask them the best way out from this situation. He will graduate as an architect, no matter what. And he also will protect his family. He's the only one who could do that.

He will try to tell his uncle and his grandparents about their financial condition. It may be harsh, but all of them need to survive on their own without Bai Haoran's support again from now on.

Because Bai Haoran is not in this world anymore.