Episode 89 - Errands

Seungwoo hung up before Amari could say any more, and he slipped the phone back into his pocket. Now that his head was clearer, he realized this little smoking balcony wasn't a bad spot. It was small, sandwiched between two outer walls of the hospital, and he could feel a tall, metal fence along the edge.

The spaces between posts were wide enough to slip his legs and head through, but they caught on his shoulders, keeping him from falling the many stories to the sidewalk below. He dangled like that, head and legs over the side, staring out at the jumbled blur of city lights and breathing in the crisp winter air.

"I was worried when 'just a few minutes' turned into thirty."

Yangyang sat down next to him, his back up against the metal bars. Grabbing him by the sweater, he pulled his torso upright, his head slipping out from between the posts. "Don't hang like that. My heart can't take it."

Amari smiled gently and pushed himself back, then collapsed onto the concrete. The two were quiet for a few moments until he sighed. "I miss the stars."

Yangyang shifted to lay next to him, side and thighs barely touching, and moved an arm to cradle his head. "It's hard to see them in the city. Too hazy. Too many lights..."

"I can't see them anyway. They're too small and dim. And too far away." He looked blankly into the darkness, letting his mind empty just like his vision. "I slept outside a lot as a kid, staring up at the sky. I never wanted to go home, so I'd just fall asleep somewhere else. Anywhere else." He huffed out a laugh, thinking of his pathetic existence. "I guess I've been homeless most of my life."

Rolling over, he curled up to Yangyang's side, who turned and pulled him into a kiss.

"And now you have a home forever," his deep voice promised quietly in his ear. "It's most of your life right now, but in twenty years, it'll barely be half, and in twenty more, it'll barely be a third."

The sound was always calm and comforting, and Amari genuinely smiled for the first time that night.

"You're so good at saying sappy things. Thanks."

Sitting up, he brought Yangyang with him, then groaned and stood, helping him to his feet.

"It'd be strange for the nurses to come out for a smoke and find two grown men laying in each other's arms. And I'd really like to change out of this blood-stained sweater now."

Yangyang took his hand and began to lead him back into the building when he stopped, tugging his arm back. "Shit. I forgot to call Joe."

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Ziggy stayed in the hospital a few days for observation and to manage his pain. Joe had somehow panicked at the news and remained calm at the same time. His light voice had been clearly lower and heavier, but he kept the easy-going, gentle cadence and demeanor. Even with that unworried tone, though, he insisted on coming and staying, so between the four of them, Ziggy was never alone. Cate and Joe rotated during the day, and Amari and Yangyang watched him overnight. Yinyi and Minwoo occasionally flitted in and out, but neither were particularly reliable for long periods of quiet boredom. During the second half of his admission, Ziggy was more lucid, and by the end, he was back to his playful, cheery self.

"Do you want some tea or coffee?" Joe asked as Amari reached the hospital room for their 'shift change.' "I can go get some from the vending machine."

The man was seated next to Ziggy's bed and Amari heard the occasional rustle of a bag, along with the clinking and sliding of hollow metal, and he smiled. Joe was stress-knitting again, the only outward sign he was upset, and in only the past few days, all of them had received scarves, gloves, and hats as a result.

Then Amari heard Ziggy groan dramatically and his smile grew. "That stuff is disgusting, tsé? And I am not an invalid. If I want something, I can get it myself."

Joe chuckled, which only made Ziggy huff. "Zig, you are the definition of an invalid. I'm surprised they're letting you go home. You look like shit."

"Coudon, you could at least pretend, hein?" Stepping to his bedside, Amari was pulled in close and Ziggy cooed, "At least mon chéri is here now. He will make me feel better."

Amari rolled his eyes and greeted Joe with a little head nod. "What are you making today?" he asked as Ziggy hugged him tight and kissed him on the cheek.

"A winter cap for our friend here, since they shaved part of his head to stitch up that wound. Not that his hair was keeping him warm."

Joe let out a tiny snort, unable to stay serious, and Ziggy grabbed something off his bedside table to throw. "Ah, décrisse, hein? Before you point out every flaw I have and make me cry."

"Who said they were flaws?" Joe teased and Amari felt Ziggy's arm tense around him a moment. There was more rustling, Joe packing away his few things, then he hovered over the bed. "I'll come by in the morning to pick you up? Let me know what time."

"Oui, oui. Go away."

Amari giggled lightly at the banter and as soon as Joe was gone, the arm moved to circle his neck, weak and barely choking him.

"And what are you laughing at, hein?"

He shook his head at Ziggy's question and slipped out of the hold, just glad his friend was back to normal. They had all worried over what he would be like when he woke, but he seemed less bothered by the situation than they were. Part of it was an act, but a lot of it was surprisingly genuine and he really was moving on.

The assault was only mentioned once, when Ziggy was forced to give a statement to the police, but he refused to mention a name, insisting he wouldn't press charges, and the matter was dropped. Unlike the rest, Amari didn't argue with the decision. No matter how awful, he and Ziggy treated relationships the same way. He was sure that part of him felt guilty about ending it with Nicky, and another still had some lingering feelings for him. It wasn't a logical or healthy reaction after what happened, but Amari understood. He also guessed this wasn't Ziggy's first beating or vague police statement. They probably hadn't put him in the hospital as often as Amari, but it wasn't a new experience.

So, the group let it pass, as if it had been nothing more than some unfortunate accident. Yangyang pressed Amari to talk about it, certain there was some inner rage that needed to be worked out, but he assured him he was fine. This was something outside of Yangyang's comfort zone, something strange and unfamiliar and wrong, but Amari knew that sometimes, this was just the way relationships ended.

---------------

After receiving a boot for his ankle and a prescription for his pain, Ziggy was released into Cate's care. He stayed with his sister so he wouldn't be alone, with De Nuit en Jour closed until further notice, and life returned to some semblance of normal.

Amari had come home to a dark, empty apartment, but it was clean and no longer smelled like blood and sweat. He was sure Yangyang had done it but didn't ask. In reality, he didn't talk to Yangyang about the incident, not because he was fine, but because he knew he would be fine soon. He felt no worry or remorse over his plan, but the thought of Yangyang discovering yet another dirty thing about him added to that ever-present guilt and shame. Those feelings were controlled now, but never gone. He also knew Yangyang would panic and would definitely tell Ziggy. There was no reason for either to be involved. It was better to avoid the whole thing, as if it never happened, and take care of business in secret.

"So, I didn't bring it up in the hospital, but your name is seriously Sidney?" Yangyang sat at Cate's kitchen table, sipping on some tea, playfully teasing the man across from him. "Sidney Boucher. Boo-shay..."

Ziggy groaned, embarrassed one more person had discovered his real identity. "Ah, c'est de valeur! No one else was supposed to find out about that, tsé?"

"We've known each other for so long, but A Li knows," Yangyang pointed out, pouty and slouching in his chair.

"Mon chéri only knows because he is my emergency contact, hein? Ch'te dis, I already had to hear all the jokes from him, so I don't need it from you too. I am old and in pain, tsé?"

Yangyang sighed and Amari giggled, knowing the old man had won. Pushing himself up from the table, he hugged Yangyang's shoulders for a moment.

"I've got a meeting at the school, and then some errands to run." He kissed him on the cheek and took his now empty mug to the sink. "I might be home late, so I'll call you tonight, okay? Zig, I'll stop by on my way back." It was Yangyang's turn to groan and he just smiled. "Go home and see your son. Ziggy's fine, and I know how busy you are. Plus, Joe will be coming for his daily visit soon and you'll just be in the way."

Ziggy coughed, choking on his tea, and Amari grinned a bit wider, always happy to pick on his new 'friendship.'

"Yeah, alright. I have class later anyway."

Amari went to the door, grabbing his coat and throwing on his boots, then smiled wider at his little family sitting around the table. "I love you," he told Yangyang sweetly. Turning to Ziggy and Cate, he added, "And I love you, and I love you. I'm leaving."

He hurried down the stairs, his smile fading to a frown as his feet hit the sidewalk. Rushing to the subway station, he called Nisa quickly to confirm their meeting, then called Seungwoo to confirm the meeting after that.

It hadn't been a lie. In his mind, this was only an errand, just something he needed to take care of, and he smirked, realizing that people never really change. There were parts of him he no longer had use for in his current life – whether it was the spiteful, violent part or the antisocial, indifferent part - but that didn't mean they were gone. He had merely stored them away, boxing them up until a time he might need them again.

While it should have scared him, the thought was actually somewhat comforting, and he felt calm as he stood on the platform waiting for his train, his smirk turning to a grin.