Strange feeling

We were sitting there, in the middle of the forest, as far as possible from the battlefield. After the battle, we were so exhausted that we could even sleep standing like that. But even so, we decided to leave this hell place after searching for any survivors.

In the end, it was only one battle. We weren't even officially at the front lines but the 11 Infantry Regiment was already destroyed. Maybe it was the best time to flee?

Of the 500 soldiers being part of our regiment, 284 were now dead, with almost a third of them being part of the fourth Company. And among the survivors, 12 were fatally injured, and wouldn't survive for a long time.

All the others were injured and only a few lucky ones like Jimmy were without any wounds. Only a battle and we were now only two hundred or so poor souls.

But even so, even if our mood wasn't the best one in the world, we still achieved victory. The enemies were as numerous as us, and almost four hundred were dead, killed by our blades.

The others, sadly, had flown as fast as they could, and of course, we weren't in the capacity to chase after them. If one of our officers would give this order, I would have spit on his face without a doubt.

We were too tired, and we were on the enemy's land. They could have reinforcement not far from there.

In any case, our 5th company was the one with the best shape along with the first and second companies. My sergeant was sadly still alive, the corporal Manguy only had a few injuries and my captain was still able to talk.

As always, it was never those you wanted to see dead that would die first. My lieutenant was also still alive, although a large cut could be seen on his right arm.

My team was plenty operational, albeit tired of course. The team of the corporal Manguy wasn't as lucky, and two of them were now dead. I knew them, they were good guys. They had sadly taken a bit of the same behavior from their useless corporal, but still, drinking with them was always funny.

It was at that moment, when I was sitting on my ass and looking at the sky, this sky that Jimmy always found beautiful, that the reality caught me back.

That day. We all had killed someone.

I lowered my face and looked at my guys, who were just there, a few distances away from me.

Dereck was sitting with a knife and piece of wood in his hand. He was cutting here and there, as the wooden sculpture was taking form inside his large hands. I couldn't see it from where I was, but I knew what he was sculpting. It was her, without a doubt.

Jean wasn't talking. A curious feat from this man who couldn't stop chattering every second. He was lying on his back, looking at the treetops overlooking us.

Jimmy was asleep on the side, with a peaceful expression as always. Sometimes, I couldn't help but think that the one with the most resilience in my team, and even the whole company, was this young man.

Anis was sitting on a rock, playing with a knife while looking in the void. Sensing my gaze, he looked toward me before nodding his head. He knew why I was checking them.

It was my duty to be sure that my guys would be okay with that, but I didn't really know how to do it. I didn't even know how I was myself after this battle.

I have killed, I have bathed my body in their blood. But I feel that something was missing. I didn't feel anything about it, I didn't even remember the faces of those I have killed.

They had all the same expression, with hatred directed toward us, toward our emperor, but that was all I could see.

Suddenly, a strange need spread all over my body. I couldn't fight back, I couldn't restrain myself. For a reason I couldn't tell, all I wanted to do right now was to return to this battlefield.

To go back, and to look at those I had killed.

Why couldn't I remember any of those? It didn't make any sense.

When I first have been enlisted two years ago by force to wage this stupid war, I thought that the first battle I would participate in would either kill me or destroy me mentally.

But here I was, feeling as if I could forget everything in a single night. I couldn't anymore.

I was exhausted, but still, I needed to do it. I stood up, while Anis looked at me with a questioning expression. But I didn't care, I just nodded at him, and headed toward a direction.

It wasn't the one on the battlefield, as I wanted to go without alerting them. That way, they would just believe me to have left to pee or something.

Once I was sure they couldn't see me anymore because of the lush, I changed my direction and headed straight toward the battlefield. It was like a call that my mind couldn't reject.

I walked a few minutes, alone in this huge forest, surrounded by tall trees and creating a path through the branches and leaves. The forest cracked under me, as I advanced with a steady pace.

The more I approached this place, the more I felt the visceral need to find out my victims.

After a short time, before I could even see anything, it was the smell entering my nose that told me I was there. The smell of death. The smell of blood.

After a few more steps, behind a large branch I pushed away from my face, the terrible sight welcomed me. Bodies, blood, limbs. It was a different world, a disgusting one. My eyes darted through this area, and my heart tightened under my resolve.

My boot made once again a step on this river of blood, now coagulated.