The Forever Child

Tale of the Forever Child

Written by Anais Kusanagi

There once lived a child named Ayano. She was a beautiful young girl with hair as red as a rose and eyes as blue as the sea. Ayano was always a happy little girl who tried her best to look on the bright side of everything. However, one day Ayano was abandoned by the people she thought to be her family, and her heart was shattered into pieces. Despite the pain she felt deep within her, Ayano kept a smile on her face and went on living by herself as if nothing bad had ever happened. Much to her own surprise, she was able to survive on her own for a very long time without much trouble. She was able to make friends with the creatures living around her and found herself at peace. One day, however, Ayano noticed something strange about herself. It was years after she had started living on her own, and Ayano happened to catch her reflection in the ocean when the waters were still. Her face hadn't aged at all, and she appeared not to have grown in the slightest. Ayano became deeply concerned for herself and immediately went to seek help from her friends. Although, upon soon realizing her only friends were creatures of the wild, she knew that she couldn't expect any help from them. Ayano decided to wait another couple years, just in case she was imagining things when she had seen her reflection.

Three years later, Ayano found herself standing at that same spot, directly in front of the ocean on yet another still day. She was frightened to find that not a single feature on her face had changed at all, and she was the same exact height from the last time she checked. A little over four feet...with the face of an eight-year-old girl. Ayano was very scared, but she didn't know what to do. She tried to convince herself that it was a dream, yet she knew that it was all the cruel reality. Ayano fell to her knees and began to cry, nearly drowning herself in her own tears as loneliness and fear swallowed up her heart and soul. "All I want is a real friend," she wished silently. "A real friend who will promise to always be by my side. A real friend who will tell me that everything will be alright. I want someone to look me in the eyes and tell me that I'm worth something. Is that too much to ask?" Ayano then looked up at the sky and grew ever sadder as her words were met with merciless silence. She fell asleep that night lying in a puddle of tears, gazing up at the stars and hoping that she would dream about them.

Ayano awoke in the middle of the night and found herself staring into the eyes of a handsome stranger. He had a ghostly pale complexion, yet his beautiful blonde hair and sparkling red eyes seemed to light up his entire face. Ayano was confused, but she couldn't help but smile at the boy. He looks to be about my age, she thought, though the truth was, Ayano had forgotten what her real age was. "What's your name?" she asked him.

The boy smiled at her and whispered, "My name is Hayato. What's yours?"

"I'm Ayano," she replied, getting to her feet. "How did you find me?"

"I heard you calling out," he said. "You sounded very lonely, so I wanted to come and cheer you up." Hayato threw out his arm and gestured for Ayano to take his hand, so she did. Next thing she knew, Ayano was running along the beach in the dead of night with this boy, unaware of where she was being taken. She felt as though she was walking on air. It was almost as if her broken heart had been repaired in an instant, and the mountain of sadness that had once weighed her down had withered away like dust in the wind.

Before long, Ayano and Hayato had reached a clearing, where a beautiful silver Pegasus stood waiting for them. Hayato helped her mount the mystical creature, and the two of them were soon flying through the starry night sky. It was just like in her wildest dreams...Ayano found it almost too hard to believe. Her wish had come true. She wasn't alone anymore. And even though they had just met, she felt like she really could trust Hayato. She let her guard down, but somehow she didn't feel afraid at all.

They rode on the back of the Pegasus for quite a while before finally touching ground in a land that was unknown to Ayano. It was a breathtaking place with a magnificent castle and an enormous field of green grass that was soft to the touch. Ayano took her time to prance around happily in the soft grass, smiling and laughing while Hayato watched over her. The sun soon began to peek over the mountain that was located in far beyond the castle, and the brilliant light that illuminated the sky lit up the grass as well and caused it to grow warm beneath Ayano's feet. This made her ever happier. "Thank you so much!" she said to Hayato. "I've never felt this way before."

Hayato smiled kindly at her. "Would you like to go inside the castle?" he asked. Ayano nodded excitedly. "Follow me."

Hayato led Ayano to the castle, and the large, golden gates were immediately opened to them. The two entered the castle and walked up a long staircase, then went into a room that Hayato opened. "This is my room," he told Ayano. "In my opinion, it's the nicest room in the entire castle. Well, besides my mom and dad's room."

"You mean this castle belongs to your family?" Ayano questioned, and her mouth fell open in shock. "That's amazing. Are they the king and queen of this land?"

"Yup," said Hayato proudly. "But mom and dad are almost always busy, and they rarely have time to spend with their son. I get lonely a lot. What about you?"

"My family abandoned me."

Hayato gazed into Ayano's eyes with deep sympathy. "I'm so sorry," he said, his voice quiet and gentle. His expression filled with great sorrow just from hearing her utter those four words. "Would you like to play a game with me, Ayano?" he asked her.

"What kind of game?"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "As long as it will make you happy."

"Anything will make me happy," she told him, a smile appearing on her face that, to Hayato, was brighter than any sunrise he had ever seen.

From that day on, Ayano lived a happy life in Hayato's castle. She was able to enjoy and experience many new things, and before she knew it, Ayano found herself falling in love with Hayato. The problem was that she knew little to nothing about love. She wanted to tell him...but she didn't know how. She wanted to tell him, but she was afraid of rejection. She wanted to tell him, but she thought that he would push her away, and that the two of them could no longer be friends. The thought of this actually happening terrified Ayano, and she was kept awake many nights imagining what her life would be like without Hayato.

One cold, December night, Ayano ran away from the castle, hoping that by being alone, she would be able to clear her thoughts. Much to her dismay, she found herself only sinking deeper and deeper into the ocean of her negative imaginations. Staring up at the starry sky, she wished that there was a way she could tell the boy her true feelings...without suffering from the fear of rejection. Hayato meant so much to her, and despite the fact that her physical form never aged, he still accepted her, even when she called herself a freak.

It was then that a meteor shot across the sky, capturing Ayano's attention immediately. She felt herself become filled with confidence, almost as if the stars had already answered her wish. Ayano then ran back to the castle with overflowing hope in her heart, her mind finally being set on what she had to do. She would confess to him...but only when the time was right. She would put aside her doubts and keep a smile on her face, no matter what Hayato would say.

The following day felt right to her...it was bright outside, even though there was snow gently falling to the ground. Ayano felt happy, and she wanted today to be the day for Hayato to find out what she had been keeping secret from him for such a long time. However, when Ayano went to find Hayato, she was greeted with horrible news.

"Something has come up," Hayato informed her, a saddened look on his face. "Now that I'm 18 years old, my father wishes for me to go to war."

"But you can't!" Ayano pleaded. "What if something happens to you? You could very easily be killed out there!"

"I have to!" Hayato shouted, tears filling up his eyes as he turned away from her. "I don't want to, but I can't disobey my father. I'm sorry, Ayano. I really am. But please don't be sad. I won't die...I promise I won't. I'll come back as soon as I can, okay? And when I do, I want you to be waiting by the door for me. Can you do that for me, Ayano?"

Ayano fought back her tears long enough to give Hayato a reassuring smile. "Of course," she told him. "I'll be waiting for you. I'll be the first person you see when you return to the castle."

"Thank you, Ayano."

The next three years dragged on mercilessly slow for Ayano. Hayato's mother was still staying at the castle, but Ayano still felt incredibly lonely. Her lonesomeness often drove her to leave the castle and go far enough away to get herself lost. She always found her way back, though, just before the sun set. Even still, Ayano felt afraid. "Hayato promised he would come back," she told herself many times. However, with each time she said these words, the more doubtful she became. She wanted to believe that she would see him again, but the confusion that wrapped itself around her heart continued to put her through immense pain.

Eventually the fifth year of Hayato's absence came around, and poor little Ayano couldn't take it anymore. She made the decision to run away from the castle to find Hayato on the battlefield. She didn't care about her own safety anymore. She just wanted to make sure that Hayato was alive and well. So, without informing the queen, Ayano left the castle to search for the man she had fallen in love with.

Through forests and valleys she traveled alone, with nothing but the clothes on her back and the will and determination in her heart. She knew not where she was going, only where she was headed. She allowed the stars to guide her throughout her journey, though she couldn't be sure they were leading her the right way. Finding herself with little options, Ayano tried not to think about it too much. "The stars are the ones who brought Hayato to me in the first place, so I have no choice but to trust them."

Ayano traveled for days...for months...and before she knew it, her journey had been going on for several years. Every day was like a nightmare. Without knowing it, Ayano gradually started to slip into a state of insanity. The stars were trying to manipulate her...and she was completely vulnerable. They began to whisper things in her ear...bad things...until eventually, Ayano stopped moving. She stopped moving...and her heartbeat stopped, too. And just as her eyes began to close, Ayano felt something grab onto her. She screamed and begged for it to let go, but before she knew it, she had been dragged down by the stars into a prison of darkness, and there she would pay for her gullibility...of trusting the stars.

+++

Held by the strings of fate...I cannot escape. I am confined to this forsaken place, and those who watch over me are nothing but monsters in the form of humans. Never before have I seen their faces, but never has that mattered to me. Nothing in my life is important. Nothing ever has been. I can't remember how I ended up here. I know of no childhood I experienced. I know of no emotions other than emptiness. Pain had become a regular feeling for me. Every day I am tortured by the monsters that watch over me. But the pain I once felt has become a constant numbness.

My situation is far worse than amnesia. I am not just a bird in a cage. I am alive. Whether or not I want to be freed is not of importance. Death is not something I dread. It is not something I am looking forward to. It is something I am unsure of. Does it even exist? Is it possible for me to die? Or am I to truly meant to stay held by these strings for all of eternity?

I have never heard my own voice. I have never seen my face. What does it look like? Will I ever be able to sing? I don't know what light looks like. I don't know what it feels like to have the sun beat down on my face. I am ignorant to the concept of warmth. And I don't know what it is like to desire these things. I have never once desired anything. I once believed that I wanted to escape wherever I was, but now I am not so sure. What would the outside world be like? Would it be even more frightening than the place I am in now? Are there monsters waiting out there to hurt me, too? I don't know what to think. I feel as old as time. I forget what it was like to imagine, to have happy thoughts, to have hope...probably because none of these concepts ever existed in my empty shell of a head. However, though I claim now that I am empty, there is but one question that remains as a permanent echo inside of me...one that I long to capture and uncover the truth....

Who am I?

+++

What is this? This strange, unfamiliar sensation...I can move my muscles now. The strings are caught between the cuts in my flesh, but still...I can move. I feel a sense of accomplishment. This is new...should I be happy? Should I be scared? What is happiness? What is fear? What does fulfillment feel like? Whatever it is, should I be feeling it?

I am walking now. I was unaware I knew how to. I can't feel my feet, but somehow I know I am walking on solid ground. I can feel the strings still attached to my body as I walk farther. I am like a puppet, but I know I am not one. These strings are a trapping device. But I am moving. Am I escaping? Am I being lead to worser things? Then again, how could there be something worse than this?

Yes...something is definitely happening to me. These thoughts, these questions, these hopes that I've never had before...they're flooding my mind all at once. I am reaching forth my hand now. Am I expecting someone to take it? Or am I reaching for possibilities?

No. I have stopped moving. The strings are pulling back, stronger than ever. I can hear the monsters' cries. Did they mean for this to happen? Did they want me to escape?

+++

Now...I hear a soft voice. A quiet...innocent...beautiful voice. It's calling out to me. But what is it saying? I believe it's saying my name, but I can't quite make out the sounds. If only I could ask them...

It is a child. A child is calling out to me. I want to see their face. I want to know what their name is. Can they give me the answers I'm looking for? Can they tell me who I am?

"H-..."

There it is. I can hear just a little clearer now. Maybe...if I strain myself...I'll be able to make out an entire word.

"-e..."

It's working.

"-l..."

Now I can tell that the child is a boy. What is he trying to say to me?

"-o."

H-...e-...l-...o? What does that mean? H-..e-..l....o....he-lo...helo...hello-...

Hello.

He was trying to say hello. This is the first time in my entire life...that anyone has ever said that to me. Hello. It's a greeting, and by the sound of his sweet voice, a pleasant one at that. He means well. But I still have to wonder...why is he here? How did he end up in this place? Someone like him shouldn't have to suffer being in such a dark and lonely place like this. He should be able to go outside and feel the warmth of the sun. Doesn't he have a family to go back to? Or maybe...

Maybe he's like me. Maybe he is unsure of where he came from. Maybe he is trying desperately to find out who he is.

He's trying to speak to me again now.

"F-..."

He sounds like he's trying hard to reach me.

"-r..."

I appreciate his efforts.

"-e..."

This kindness in his tender voice.

"-n..."

I want to see him. I want to meet him.

"-d."

F...r...e...n...d. Friend. Friend? Is he calling me her friend? But why? I don't even know who he is. But if this boy has a kind enough heart to want to be my friend, then that makes my desire to meet him even stronger. I must break free from these strings. I must reach him.

"Come and see me."

Yes...I want to. I must find a way to see your face. But I can't right now. My eyes are sealed shut. But please don't stop talking...I want to hear your voice more.

"I miss you."

Miss me? But isn't this the first time you're seeing me? The first time you're speaking to me?

"Please don't give up."

Give up...I've never really given thought to that. For what seems like forever, I've been allowing these strings to keep their hold on me. I've never tried to fight back. Until now. Now I have something to fight for. I will find a way to see him. I know I will.

"You can do it."

These words...these words of encouragement...I still can't believe I'm hearing them.

"Hurry up and find me."

Hurry up? Why would he tell me to hurry up? Will something bad happen if I don't make it on time? Is he counting on me? Or is he simply being impatient?

"They can't wait any longer."

I hope it's the latter...

"We don't have much t-..."

His voice is fading...I can't hear what he's saying anymore. This is bad. Why did he sound so urgent all of a sudden? Is he in trouble? Wait...I can faintly hear her...he's trying his hardest to say one last thing to me...

"H-..."

Come on, you can do it...

"-e..."

His voice is breaking.

"-l..."

H...e...l. Is he trying to say hello again?

"-p."

H...e...l...p. Help. I was right. He is in trouble. But why did he come to me? I don't understand...what could I do? How could I possibly help him? I don't even know who I am. How could someone who doesn't even know their own name help anyone? I'm lost. I'm lonely. And I've been forgotten.

+++

And thus, once Ayano was able to escape the prison of darkness, she was thrown into reality, only to repeat the miserable life she had experienced...over and over again. Each time, she had no memory of what happened before the prison. Each time, she thought she was starting over. And each time, she lived her life believing that she would end up happy. Poor little Ayano...the girl who never ages...the girl who never dies. This is the tale of the Forever Child.