Chapter 47 - Phases

(Date - June 20, 2026)

(Philippine Time - 10:00 P.M.)

(U.S. Time: 10:00 A.M.)

(Location - NASA Transcender Space Shuttle Launch Pad)

(Event - The Historical, Multinational First Attempt on Interplanetary Travel and Self-Sufficient Colonization of Planet Mars.)

(Before the volunteer astronauts enter the Transcender Space Shuttle and start their mission, their families, loved ones, and friends (As it is the NASA protocol), are given the opportunity to have a video conference with them and bid their farewells.)

This is my last chance to change her mind...

"Hi." I said, with the best smile I can muster.

No reply.

"Have you receives my text messages...? I always send them everyday. Have you read any of them...?"

No reply.

"I... visited your home last February, Nikita. But... You're not there anymore... Your family said you already went to America and staying in NASA, doing final training and preparations for the Mars Mission. Why didn't you tell me...? At least we could have said our farewells..."

No reply.

"I missed you so much, Nikita. We didn't talk or see each other for almost five months now..."

"Come on, Teslan. We already broke up! Move on, will you?"

"Please don't be like that, Nikita... You're more than a friend to me... I still love you. I still do..."

"Sigh... We're done, okay? To tell you the truth, I never actually said 'Yes' when you asked me to be your girlfriend, Teslan. I'm just being kind to you. That's all."

(DENIAL)

"NO! That's not true! This is not you! Why are you acting like this?! How can you be so cold, Nikita...?

(COMPROMISE)

"I'll change! I'll do better! I... I promise we'll never fight again!"

No reply.

(BEG)

"Please... don't leave me... Don't leave us!"

No reply.

She just stared at me. No emotion in her eyes.

(DESPERATION)

I placed my Glass Phone on a tripod, got down on my knees, opened a small red box, and presented it to her.

"Nikita, I love you! And I'll give my all to make you happy! I'll do anything to give you everything you want! I'll work hard! I'll provide for you! I'll provide for your family! Just don't go! Please... Nikita... Will you marry me...?"

(Teslan's thoughts: I'LL DO ANYTHING TO MAKE YOU STAY!!!)

Silence...

"So what if you love me? Can your love make me a star? Can your love give me fame and glory? Can your love mark my name on the history of mankind? I don't think so."

I couldn't believe my ears.

"Huh...? Is this what it's all about?! That's the reason why you broke up with me?!"

But she didn't stop there.

"Can you provide for me? As in 'really' provide for me? Buy all the things I want? Do you have a house where we can stay? Don't tell me we're going to live in your parent's house! Do you have a car? Can you provide three meals a day? Everyday?"

I couldn't speak. My whole being in utter shock.

"Let's have some REAL talk, Teslan. Are you financially stable? Can you give me a comfortable life? Can you make me feel secure? Can you give me a bright future? That's what I'm looking for in a man! But you don't even have a hundred thousand pesos on your bank account! I'm earning more than you! Can you earn a million dollars a year?"

Something deep inside me snapped.

(ANGER)

"ALL THIS TALK ABOUT MONEY! CURSE IT! JUST CURSE IT!!! MONEY GIVES YOU COMFORT AND SECURITY? REALLY?!! IT KEEPS YOU SAFE EVERY NIGHT?!! CAN IT GIVE YOU THE FUTURE?!! YOU CAN HAVE ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD!! BUT IT CAN NEVER BUY YOU TRUE LOVE!!! IT WILL NEVER SAVE YOU WHEN YOUR TIME HAS COME!!! AND THIS TRIP TO MARS WILL BE THE DEATH OF YOU!!!"

Absolute silence.

She just turned and walked away, never saying goodbye.

She left her room. I saw the door automatically open. I saw a handsome man waiting outside, an astronaut, approach her and place his arm around her shoulder.

My head... started to spin...

You know, Nikita...

You should have just told me that you don't like me or you don't love me in the first place... I can understand that. As you can see for yourself, I'm not that smart. In fact, I'm a very dense guy. I'll never figure it out unless you said it out loud...

No...

I will not cry. I'll never cry. I'll keep it all inside....

I slowly stood up, and picked the ring out of its small red box.

A small, simple, cheap silver ring...

I want to throw it away so I'll never see it again. but I didn't.

"Waste not, want not... as the old American saying goes..." I said to comfort myself.

Maybe... I can still use this...

(SURRENDER)

There's nothing more I can do...

I turned off my Glass Phone and lied down on my bed, trying my hardest to fall asleep.

(SORROW)

But sleep never came. Only tears. Bitter tears.

(SELF-PITY)

I'm such a loser...

So stupid...

Why didn't I figure it all out before...?

What took you so long, huh, Teslan...? Why haven't you realized it...? Well, we always learn the hardest way. The most painful way. It really sucks, but that's the way it is with a fool like me. She's been silent all these months, Teslan. And silence means "No". Just like all the e-mails I've sent on job websites, receiving no replies from any of them, I guess the same thing also goes with my love letters and text messages to her...

The same thing also goes with love... Silence means "rejected".

I should have listened to my gut. I knew you had another lover, you two timer. Someone whose smarter, stronger, better, and more handsome than me! So that's why you never replied! HA-HA! I knew I had no chance with someone so beautiful like you! Silly love! Silly me! Know your place, Teslan!

Know your place...

I see...

Now I understand...

Everything's clear now...

(REALIZATION)

All we ever did was work, Nikita. We always went to the waiting shed, sometimes on bars, for you to play your music. We never had the chance to go out on a date because achieving your dream is your top priority. Our top priority.

How can I ever know you have "other major priorities"?

(WHAT COULD HAVE BEEN)

I never had the chance to say "Merry Christmas!" and give your Christmas gift because you're always so busy. You never have time for me...

And now, you'll be so faraway... On another planet... It's impossible for me to go there...

I never had the chance to say "Happy New Year!" and watch the fireworks beside you. Oh no. You don't want to be near me. You became a star yourself and lit up the sky for all to see...

Did you really sang on a big concert? Have you been totally honest with me...? Or are you celebrating the occasion with someone else...?

I never had the chance to say "Happy Valentines Day!" to you and celebrate it together. Never had the chance to do those romantic stuff like, give you love letters, roses, chocolates, and a teddy bear. Why? Because you're gone!

You're so high, I can't reach you...

You'll never go down to Earth anymore...

I never had the chance to bring you to the cinema and watch a movie together.

Never had the chance to bring you to the arcade, play Guitar Freaks, Drummania, crane games, and have some fun.

Never had the chance to have our pictures taken on a photobooth.

Never had the chance to go to the carnival, ride the roller coaster, the ferris wheel, the merry go round, all those amusement places with you and make happy memories.

Never had the chance to hold your hand while we're walking back to your home because you're always holding your guitar.

Is that your excuse not to hold my hand...?

I never had the chance to place my arm around your shoulder.

Never had the chance to dance with you.

In the past, I'm just a wallpaper in the prom... I really want to dance with you...

I never had the chance to hug you, never had the chance to kiss you...

THERE ARE SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO FOR YOU! BUT I NEVER HAD THE CHANCE BECAUSE YOU NEVER GAVE IT TO ME! WHY DIDN'T I REALIZE THAT?! WHEN YOU BECAME A STAR, YOU SUDDENLY CHANGED! I CAN'T REACH YOU ANYMORE!

(BLAME)

You used me...

You just used me...

As a stepping stone to reach your dream...

And now, you've just thrown me away without any second thought...

(NUMBNESS, ACCEPTANCE, SORROW, LETTING GO.)

Okay...

Okay...

I'm okay now...

I'm not in pain.

I feel no pain.

When will sleep takeover me...?

(Author's Note: Dear Reader, are you familiar with Japanese Anime? I hope you do. There are few and select episodes in some anime (For example: Bleach, Samurai X, Soul Eater) where there's a scene, two characters are speaking to each other, and the whole screen turns black in an instant and there's just one word on that black backdrop like "FIGHT", "HOPE", "WILL", or the name of the special finishing move, etc. In this chapter, I tried to use/copy that style of storytelling. I want to convey the stages of a broken heart. I hope, you understand what I'm trying to convey. Thank you very much for your continued support.)