It's For The Best

The only person who could ever succeed in making me fall back asleep and stop crying was Snape. and he didn't love me anymore. he'd told me himself. " he doesn't look at me, he doesn't talk to me at meetings and he never acknowledges anything i say!" i cryed a little more at the pain in my relationship with him. "he hates me now, he only ever loved Lily... he told me himself." mom loosened her grip on me and looked at me with sorrowful eyes, I think she felt bad for me, mom never new what I saw in him(neither did anyone else), but I new, I new who he really was, he'd loved me at one point or another, he just didn't anymore and I could live with that, I could watch him move on and have a family with someone else but I wouldn't be able to take it if he got hurt or died. I just needed him to be ok. with that I wiped my tears. by the time me and mom left my room it was already 9:00am and everyone else was already up. Tonks and Mad-eye would be going to get Harry with a couple other Order members around 7:00, and then we would have a order meeting before dinner. I volunteered to go get Harry but Mad-Eye denied my request and said "I don't think you have the mental capacity to go at the moment" and to that everyone in the meeting stared at me, except Severus who stared at the table, he'd clenched his jaw there was anger in his eyes at what Mad-Eye said but I didn't know why. I decided to just brush it off. I heade to the bathroom to go get ready, once I got to the kitchen everyone had already finished breakfast, everyone was in there, all the Weaslys but (Percy Charlie and Bill) Lupin, Sirus, Hermione and Tonks. Everyone stared at me, Sirius either told everyone what happened or they heard it for themselves. Tonks rose from her seat and ran to give me a big hug, she looked at me with a  sympathetic smile "just so everyone knows I don't need to be treated any different than any other morning . It makes it worse I just want to forget about all of it and move on with my day!" to that mom announced that we would be doing some cleaning, there was a synchronized "ahh" and grunts of anger. "We clean this filthy house all the time!" announced Fred to which George said "it get dirtier the more we clean it!" to which Sirius whined "just let Kreacher to it!" to which Hermione gave a "hmph!" with that mom sent us a list of things to do and sent everyone on there way. (other than Tonks and dad who had to go to work) "hey, Vivi"(his nickname for me) said Sirius "yeah?" "you wanna go clean the room with the family tree?" "sure?" I said uneasily, I had a feeling he was gonna ask me about Snape. We walked up the stairs with muggle cleaning supplies and got to work scrubbing the floor, avoiding looking a the family tree which made me uncomfortable. The awkward silence was unbearable, I new we where were both thinking the same thing, was he gonna ask me about Severus, and he was thinking should I ask her about Severus. It's like he new I was thinking about it. He let out an awkward cough, and started to scrub the floor along with me. "so.... what happened with Snape?" there was a long silence untill I let out a sigh "umm...ahh.. I loved him and then he pushed me away cause he didn't want me to be involved with him." there was another pause and then an "ohh!" I sighed again and then went on. " We got in a fight and he told me that he would never love me the way I wanted him to," tears weld in my eyes, and then it was like I was there and the memory was playing right in front of me, I continued to say what had happened "it was the night Cedric died...we left after Harry was safe, I couldn't find him, so I went to his office assuming he would be there....he was there. He sat at the table with his sleeve rolled up to reveal his dark mark his face looked in pain," I flinched at the thought of him in pain as i began to tear up. Sirius just listened with wide eyes, probably thinking "how could anyone ever fall for Snape!" but he kept listening to me " I closed his office door behind me, my eyes had been red from crying about the death of my best friend" my voice got quite, a whisper " I asked Sev if he was ok, and he seem aggravated and upset. then I don't even know if I spoke but I saw it all "im, fine!" I flitched "im just checking on you, I don't want you to hurt and worry" I was getting sad and he was getting angry. I wanted to de-escalate it to distract him. I was barely able to speak loud enough for him to hear me "hey, look at me" he turned his head and his eyes softened for a small moment and then went dark again, "I love you." he turned his head no longer looking at me, I kept talking as I walked closer " I just want you to be careful, I don't know what I'd do if I lost you" I went to touch his arm and he pulled away. he avoided eye contact and his voice was a whisper, barely audible but I heard it loud and clear. " I will never be able to love you, the way you love me." I flinched back as my eyes got blurry "what are you talking about..y..you said you Loved me m..more than anyone." He looked at me with an angry face, his voice raised "you don't lisen! can't you just shut up and lisen for once! i don't love you and you need to leave me to do my job!" and after that tier's ran down my face close to breaking down, his face softened in pain and regret but he looked away. "fine, I'll leave" as i opened the door i stoped in the door way my face looking through the class i had once watched him teach with such passion and attention. and then i said "well...good luck on y...your new job." and with that i stormed put of his class to go to my room slumped to n my bed and cryed about the loss of my best friend and the love of my life.

everything was clear again, I'd stoped cleaning the floor and was sitting back on my heals staring at the ground scrub in my hand and tears down my cheek, Sirius was staring at me. I'd told him the whole story. He looked sad, but angre I think he now hates Snape more than before. With that we finished cleaning the floor and by the time we'd finished the whole floor we had missed lunch.

A/n

I'll probably be adding a chapter every Wednesday