5.

I existed. I realized it, only in those few memories, over and over again, that they repeated themselves in my mind. Slowly there was always a new memory coming along and feeling, too. I started long for something more somehow knowing that there was more, and I tried to get it, I kind of called it, trying to find out what happened next.

There was someone else in my mind, who was very happy, and worried and its feelings almost overwhelmed me, but same time, it protected me, trying to calm me down, promising that those memories would come to me and I should not try too hard. I did not know how to think, other than live in those memories, and everything was still hazy and confusing, but I was. Despite this other's reassurance, something in me kept going, and I was putting myself back together slowly. Memories were coming back, just what happened before I stopped existing.

As memory after memory started to come together, there were feelings too, and slowly my mind made the first thought that was not part of the memory and this other presence was almost crying from joy in my mind. It took time for me to realize that this other presence was Damon, who was in my mind. I realized that, and he helped. He felt tired, but I felt such overwhelming gratitude, happiness, and love when he realized I existed.

He protected my mind, trying to shush me to take it easy. He showed me scaffolding that he had built from my memories and how they were building memories. I focused on my not-ready memory and started to pull it more; it helped as those bits started to come closer and as I started to have feelings; I cast them into that void, to make those pieces combine more, and Damon helped. He was same time trying to protect me, make me whole, and help me. 

He strengthened me with his love, and he saw my memories. He saw Angelus, Nick; he saw how I defended my pack and what I did to Nick. He was very sorry, and he tried to help me, to strengthen me as my memories built up more. He cast some sort of soothing spell in my mind, so I did not work quite so hard on those memories, but he could now use my feelings that I had cast and call out those bigger clumps already in place. 

Then at some point, I opened my eyes, or I understood something, and I saw we were in the room I had made for us. I was freaking weak, tightly in Damon's arms, and as he saw my eyes actually moving and me understanding something, he whispered, "Welcome back, my love, my only one."

Damon took the music box, put it on, and played it. I sighed and relaxed. I was very weak, and I realized I was physically pretty fucked up, but it didn't matter. I existed.

He said to me when the music box was done, "You don't ever write me that kind of letter ever again, and do not do this to me. I can't exist if you do not exist."

Mariella came into the room and saw that Mimi was awake and aware. She heard what Damon said to Mimi; it was true; he was not lying, and she understood that she was not anymore Damon's whole world, but Mimi was part of it, maybe even more important than she was. It did not break her heart; it was a wake-up call, to see the complexities of their triangle drama. 

Damon had ordered her to annul that divorce by whatever means it took. He needed Mimi to be at least her wife. But there were no chakras, no magical symbol, no flank organ, and no vampire wedding, they were no more vampire married and Mariella could not help with that.

Mariela approached the bed, seeing Mimi looking at her. She was not sure how much she could understand, but she had to apologize. At least she owed her that much.

She said, "I'm so fucking sorry. I should have made sure, I should have looked into the past and asked upstairs, but I was just fucking happy when Damon dumped you. You were just trying to protect us, but luckily, Damon got you back. There have been a few other changes too, but they can wait. You know what Mimi, he chose you before me now. I needed him, I needed him, and he chose you before me. And I understand. Now I understand so much better about you, what it fucking feels like when someone doesn't help you, choose someone else before you, and you are so much stronger than me. So incredibly much stronger."

 I felt Damon hold me tighter in his arms, as if to protect me from being threatened by Mariella. I felt pretty much back to normal. All the shit was in my head, too, and the vault of my heartbreak was already there. He had not even tried to dispel anything but pull me back together all the time. 

I was very weak physically, but this creature holding me in his arms was traumatized and very protective. I remembered Damon's nightmares after I was dead, and I knew it was going to take time to recover from this and probably involve Mariella. He lost weight, too. I knew he cleaned us with magic and took care of our bodily needs the same way, but soon he would need some time with Mariella and I had no idea what would come after that.

I said to Mariella in my mind, " I'm getting pretty much back to normal, but your husband is pretty damn traumatized, so you have to deal with this. He is very protective of me."

Mariella smiled and said, "Your divorce is annulled. He's your husband too, and yes, Damon is in an awful place, and it will take some work, but he'll be fine. I just can't say when yet. But I'll put him to sleep soon. I've got a cocktail, and two will take you, my lady, my skeleton, to medbay to get some rest and food because you're not fine. Then after that I want to have a private word with you being an idiot attacking originals without telling to us, those sticks will belong to Damon, you know that and he will take them from you, so you might just tell him where they are."

I nodded, and Mariella supposedly went to see something, put on some numbing energy, and put the cocktail on Damon's back. She injected it into the muscle. But as Damon was weak, it took hold quite fast and I could feel his grip on me loosening up.

I said to him "I will be fine but you need rest too. You look like shit, you know?" 

He said to me, "God damn it, I won't let them take you, no way baby, you are mine..." his voice was starting to slur a bit.

The two came into the room and watched momentarily as Damon started to nod and swear.

He was furious, but the two said coldly, "Mimi is fine now; her mind is intact, but she needs intensive care, and so do you. You've had Mimi in your arms for almost 17 weeks now, and the drip has helped, but it doesn't help everything, so now you can go to intensive care, too. Mariella will treat you in Ireland."

I could feel his grip letting me go. He slumped against the pillow and passed out. He looked really tired, and I knew that he would need this.

The two came and lifted me gently in his arms, cursed softly, and carried me to medbay. Before he walked away carrying me, I saw Mariella teleport the one to Ireland. I understood. She needed him and had time with him. Even though it would not take so long to get him physically fine, mentally was a whole different thing.

I said to the two, " You know, I wouldn't have disintegrated if I hadn't been so hollow. I had nothing, no chakras, no magical symbol he truly had left me, but when I learned again how emotions are weakness, that's why I stopped existing."

The two said, "No, Mimi, no, you would have broken down. Too bad and strong fear demons, drugs, and Angelus's abilities on top of that. Do you know how wonderful it is to keep you in my arms, to talk to you, to feel you? It was all too much for and it was a miracle what you did with your rage, how you escaped to go out on your own terms. You wouldn't have lasted, no way, and I'm going to help you see that, and teach you that emotions are a strength, not a weakness, but now a skeleton, I have a well-padded incubator here and I'm going to put you in it, you'll get this drink, it'll help and then you'll fall asleep, rest and recover. And then maybe after that, we can do the trip again, this time to keep you properly involved."

His voice was thick with emotions, and his eyes were wet, on the brink of tears. The number two, hardest and cruelest of them all, was crying, holding me in his arms, for the joy that I existed. Once again, everything had changed from my point of view. I understood now even better their emotions for me. Their love for me. It was wonderful, scary, overwhelming, to feel that responsibility, to know that so many loved me and very deeply.

The two gently lowered me into the warm incubator and gave me a drink. It tasted like oranges, and soon I got drowsy and fell asleep, but I missed being held. That was the last thought I had. I had been in Damon's arms for months and had somehow gotten used to it, but then the darkness took me.

Mariella took Damon to Ireland, put him to bed for feeding, and went next to Damon herself, wrapped her arms around him, and fell asleep holding him. She had missed Damon, and even though she had helped, kept him on the drip, and fed him with energy, she wanted to keep Damon asleep for a week or two, maybe just to herself and hold on to this.

Those weeks had been so stressful for her and she had realized so many things about other salvatores too but as she had cared for them, no one took care of her, and she had had Damon always there caring for her, most of her existence and now she missed being cared for. She knew that it would not be easy for Damon to let Mimi sleep and get better and at some point, rage would burst out.

Damon was hers, and she was his. They were, and all the time he'd been taking care of Mimi, Mariella had suffered because Mimi was more important than she was. She understood Mimi and realized how fucking hard it had been all those years. Seeing the same thing repeatedly, Mariella realized now how hard those horrible two years were when Damien did what he did, and the original wizards did all those terrible things to her. How hard and lonely it must have been. She understood so much about these little bits of Mimi's life and now there was a need to help her.

To make Mimi's life better and maybe number four, the new version would be the good guy for that. She had not gotten any read on this. Number two had spent a lot of time with that one, gotten him to stop drinking and they had been cooking, but he was not lustful at all and not reacting when she had tried to seduce him. There were plenty more willing ones, so she had left him on his own devices and helped those who wanted her help. 

Why does Mimi have the armor? She understood it now fully. Yes, she wanted to put some protection on, so she wouldn't have to feel so fucking empty and lonely. But then again, she'd had nine salvatores, nine Damon, and she'd helped them. well eight, she felt kind she would have lost number four, at least partially. But when they didn't need her as much as number one did when they weren't number one, never had been, and Mariella realized that too.

She thought as she woke up at one point that this was a fucking lesson in life, and that's the way it should be, in fact. But that didn't mean learning was fun or easy, not at all, and Mariella was sure she'd learn her lessons pretty fucking well and pretty fucking quickly, too.

Two kept Mimi in the incubator, but he had heard the thought of her wanting to be held close, and it made him feel something he never thought he would feel because he was harder, rougher, and colder than one. This instinct, this need, was something so new and wonderful that he didn't want to fight it. He knew that he bastard, worst of them all, but still he had a heart too and this loss had been so profound that he had refused to feel it.

Until he had gotten Mimi in his arms. She was so freaking light, but alive, talking and blaming herself. Those emotions had burst out of him and he felt so overwhelmed. He kept this secret from Mariella, no need to alarm her as she needed to be with number one. 

Three had been helping to care for Mimi, and Two knew that quite a few of the Salvatores were very close to Mimi and that Mimi's death had been a hard blow to many of them. Number four was a new version of them and Two had spent time with him, gotten him to stop drinking, and instead, they had started to cook and talk.

He had learned so much from four, how he talked, and he had also gotten a few good ideas of spells that might be useful. Now when number one had destroyed his pheromone gland, so deeply that it would be slow to get it back, number two had a few ideas on how to make Mimi feel secure. Number four was very good for that. Number four had not come in medbay. He had not been yet ready to face her, to see her. 

Number two pondered how he had noticed when Mariella had noticed it and learned something new again: she was not the whole life of the Salvatores, but Mimi was a big part of it, and Mariella could do nothing about that, nothing at all. It would be a whole new time for the pack.

He was sad when he looked at Mimi's bare chest, with no chakras burned to it, no magic symbols and her palm had no mark of their vampire wedding. Even though they had not gotten that mark, it had been only number one's, and he had divorced from her, by old language, and that sticks, it was irreversible and now Mariella being here, it would not be likely that they would re-marry as vampires. But number two pondered that nothing was stopping him from marrying her...

 The two looked at the sleeping Mimi. She had been asleep for a couple of weeks and had gained no weight while they were trying to fix all the defects so that Mimi could be operated on. Her straps had been very fickle, and they had to use a strapping agent first two weeks to get those hold and recover. The jelly had changed Mimi's internal organs so that they had lost their elasticity, and everything was pressed into Mimi's chest. Smashed into there. Her organs are pretty much dead from malnutrition and whatnot. 

Her whole anatomy had been altered, but they couldn't operate yet as they needed to get Mimi's condition a bit more stable, and then they could operate and see what happened after that. Two sat for usually a long time next to the incubator, holding her hand, being there for her. Three was nearby, but number two had used his power to keep him a little further away from her.

They went to eat again. Number four was making desserts with Adam and Charles. He seemed to teach them quite elaborate things too. Two said to three. "You know what? I have a nesting instinct. I mean me. I never fucking thought I'd have a nesting instinct, but I can't help myself. I want so badly to take Mimi to the nest when she's operated on, just unbelievably hard."

Number three looked momentarily and said, "You're not the only one. I wanted to sink my teeth into Mimi's neck, keep her safe, nest. Protect, even own. And I know if number one came, I might attack if he tried to take Mimi away from the nest."

They were talking in their minds, not to alert Charles or Adam or four. They wanted to nest, not let anyone else nest with her.