Bear

Looking at him, all the painful memories flowed into my mind like a river running rapidly toward the waterfalls. I tried to stop the pain brought by those memories, but it was like a strong current pulling me down, and my strength was not enough to fight the drift.

I remembered the day when I came home and Mrs. Langley told me that Mitch was hit trying to save Jessica and the baby. I felt like a bomb ready to explode; all I needed was an additional trigger. I forced myself to do necessary things. I was preparing our stuff for the hospital when I saw the pregnancy test in my bags. I used all five of them and dumped them in a bin.

I drove to the hospital, and my heart was painfully compressed, like something had been crushed on it, when I saw Jessica and Mitch in their embrace. "Thank you for everything. I will make sure that the child grows with love and care." I silently left them and walked away from them without noticing me with my blank mind, and I felt like I was floating in the air.

My knees were shaking, and I looked for the nearest seat to rest. I felt like my mind was empty; I couldn't think of anything. I only felt the pain, and my brain recognized it fully. I saw a pair of boots, and when I raised my head, Jessica was looking at me seriously. "Let's talk," she said, and I just nodded. We went to the cafeteria and occupied the table in the corner.

"I am sorry for making Mitch suffer; he was harmed because of me. I don't know what to do. He told me to tell the truth to my parents, but I did not listen to him. People have high expectations of me, you know," she grimaced. I stared at her with my thoughts, drawing conclusions from the scenarios she presented to me. "I apologize for misleading you last time. I decided to face the outcome of the decisions I made. I will bring the baby into this world and nurture him. I don't care what people will say." She rose from her seat and walked towards the lobby. I never said a word to her. I stayed at the cafeteria for a long time; I don't know how much time I spent there.

I walked towards Mitch's private room and found Jessica's father having a heated discussion with Mitch. "I trusted you for a long time, but you dumped my daughter after you knocked her up and married a rich brat. I will not let this pass; I will do everything to ruin you, Mitchell," he said furiously. Mitch looked at him with a blank expression and said, "Please ask your daughter first, sir, before you make any conclusions." He stomped out of the room, and when he saw me, he gave me a fierce look and went outside. I stared at Mitch, asking him in silence, but he avoided my stare. He was silent, and he closed his eyes. I looked at his face, and his stubble was very visible. I wanted to touch his face and cry in his chest, but his behavior implied that he wanted to be alone.

The delivery came in, and I arranged it on the table. Mitch was still sleeping or just closing his eyes. I decided to rest in the sofa bed, and maybe because of my condition, I fell into a deep slumber. I woke up in a bed; I remembered I slept on the sofa. I frowned when Mitch was not in his bed. I went outside looking for him when I saw him outside the operating room with Jessica's parents. He was still wearing his hospital gown.

I asked the nurse at the nurse station what happened; she said that Jessica had an accident and there was a big possibility that she would lose the baby. My feet brought me to my car, and I cried there silently. I went to my unit and thought of how my life ended like a mess again. I stared at the ceiling with tears running down my face. I felt the familiar feelings—a mixture of suffocation and numbness. I bolted from my bed and decided to do what I did before when I felt the same thing. I ran away from the people and isolated myself from them.

He is standing in front of me; he looks haggard and has lost weight. I unconsciously touched my belly, and his gaze fell on it. I saw something in his eyes for a few seconds, but it was replaced by anger. I have a feeling that something deeper than anger was in his eyes—closer to madness. I stopped doing what I was doing and sat on the bed. I felt my knees weaken. I gathered the pillows, and I let my legs rest on them while I lay on the bed and closed my eyes. I copied his behavior when he was in the hospital and when I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to take rest and escape my reality, and I knew soon... Zach and Simone will try to reach me, and I don't want confrontation right now. I fell into deep thought, and my mind took rest from my reality.

I woke up feeling refreshed. I went outside; my hunger was killing me, and I wanted to eat now. I went to the kitchen and planned to eat whatever I saw that was edible and cook later. I smelled something delicious and saw Mitch in the kitchen cooking. Pom was helping him. I am famished. I saw the sliced ripe mango and sticky rice on the dining table. I grabbed the mango and the sticky rice, and I ate them alternately and in no time.

Mitch was looking at me, but I avoided his gaze. Pom served it with Khao Pad, the Thai version of fried rice, and she added my favorite sea foods—shrimp, squid, and cucumber—on top. I am still starving; the mango and sticky rice just pacified my stomach for a few minutes. I moaned at the taste of the food. "You really did great on this pom," I said without looking at her. "Your husband cooked this time," she said with her Thai accent. I just continued eating. Someone sat in front of me, but my gaze was focused on my food. I know I am childish, but I can't help it. His presence brought mixed and contrasting feelings. The emotions were fighting inside me.

My annoyance at him made me revengeful, giving him the silent treatment like he did to me before. But at the same time, I miss him. I want to touch his face and hug him. I want to smell his familiar scents. Speaking of scents, I get back what I said about his familiar scents, which I craved before. I got a whiff of him when he gave me the juice, and my stomach wretched. The food I ate wanted to come out, so I ran into the toilet and threw all the food I ate. Someone helped me get my tangled long hair away from my face.

"Don't... please leave; you stink!" I said before that I put my head in the toilet again. I heard his footstep away from me. I sat on the tiled floor and turned; the door was still open. Mitch was outside looking at me with something in his eyes that was hard to read. I wiped the tears with the tissue and stayed in my position for a few moments. I waited for my stomach to subside. I rose up from the floor and slowly walked towards the door.

Mitch immediately walked away from me. "I am hungry again," I murmured. I don't have morning sickness; I was just sensitive to the smell of perfume and food. I went to the dining table and started eating again. Pom served more fried rice and orange juice. Mitch stayed in the living area. My unit was not as big and sophisticated as my unit in Zach's building. I decided to stay low and just enjoy the culture and the country.

"Where is the paper?" I asked him. His brows furrowed, "the divorce paper, I will sign it now," I said. I was sitting on a single sofa on his right side. He stared at me with pain in his eyes. "Is that what you want?" he said, his voice shaking. I breathed deeply. "Then why are you here?" I asked with annoyance. It was my defense mechanism; thinking about divorce hurt me. Thinking about Jessica and their baby hurt me more.

"Please let me stay in your life, pepper," he said as he stared at me.I want to be part of our child's life. My life was miserable when you left me. I will do anything to make you stay with me," he said, his eyes full of tears. I was surprised; I didn't see it coming.