12 Death

After that chat with his uncle, Gawain's mornings consisted of arduous training with the veteran mercenary. Ralof showed another side of himself, the happy-go-lucky uncle was replaced by a harsh and stern teacher.

He had no mercy on his great-nephew, each lesson ending with Gawain covered in bruises. The redhead endured the pain without even complaining, because he knew what his uncle was trying to do. Being very harsh with him Ralof tries to get Gawain to reconsider his plans, to abandon the ideas of revenge and move on.

Unfortunately for Ralof, the fire that burns in Gawain's heart cannot be put out with words or actions, only death will put out that fire.

"Tomorrow I'll start teaching you how to use polearms," Ralof said as he put the axe and shield away.

Gawain nodded from where he was sitting on the ground. A thick layer of sweat covered his entire body and his muscles ached so much they seemed to be on fire.

"The Kingsguard has warriors capable of taking on half a dozen men at once and coming out victorious without taking a scratch." Ralof narrows his eyes at him.

"I know," Gawain replied, still catching his breath.

Ralof snorts and turns away.

`Sorry uncle, but I won't change my mind even if I have to fight gods and dragons. My path is set. Blood and fire are their words, I shall give them that and more.` Gawain thought as he watched his uncle walk away.

"Time to stretch." He growled as he picked himself up from the ground.

After spending half an hour doing stretching exercises, he left the clearing in the woods and walked towards the sawmill.

Coming out of the woods he saw Genna walking towards his home and suppressing a grimace.

`Father and Genna are spending a lot of time together these days.`

Since both of them lost their spouses they understand each other's pain. Gawain understands that but he also feels a restlessness in his bones when he sees Genna near his brothers, he sees the signs and doesn't like it. He doesn't like it one bit. In short, he sees Genna as a usurper, as someone who will steal Marian's place in his family.

Galahad and the twins are too young, in ten years they will barely remember Marian so it would be easy for Genna to slip into that role.

Or at least that is what the most treacherous and shadowy parts of his heart tell him, in truth Genna has not shown any romantic interest in Gareth but-

`Not now, or even next year, but they are heading in that direction.`

Gawain sighs and turns around, heading towards the sawmill. On the way he passes the smithy and greets Willem. He returned to his job as an apprentice but reduced the hours to focus more on his training, at first the blacksmith wasn't too amused but since Gawain now equals him in skill and there isn't much work to do he accepted it.

Upon arriving at the sawmill he sees his uncle already working, Ralof is cutting some logs and chatting with his assistant. Seeing Gawain arrive, his uncle looks at him for a moment and goes back to work.

`Someday he will accept that I will not change my mind.`

Gawain sighs and walks towards the house, upon entering he sees Gertha and the twins having breakfast.

"Gawain!" The twins greet him happily.

"Morning," Gawain smiles weakly at them and sits down at the table. "Where is Galahad?"

"He went to feed the chickens." Gertha informs him. "Your father has a lot of work to do in the fields."

`-and he has no time to take care of the animals.` Gawain thinks what his aunt did not say with pursed lips. `But I saw Genna going there, didn't she agree to help with the animals?`

The redhead decides not to dwell on the matter too much and eats his breakfast in silence. The twins babble about this or that and the redhead nods every two minutes encouraging them to keep talking.

At the end of breakfast, Galahad has not yet returned and Gawain begins to worry.

"I'm going to work." He says goodbye and almost runs out of the house.

`I'm sure it's nothing- But!` He accelerates, passing in front of the smithy he ignores Willem who called him and keeps running.

He saw the fence that surrounds his house and without stopping to open the gate he jumps over the fence.

"Galahad!" He calls his brother, first looks at the chicken coop and sees no one, then checks the barns.

"Loki, Thor!" The dogs come running at his call. "Where is Galahad?" Loki walks towards the cabin and Gawain quickly follows him.

When he is at the door he freezes in place, the redhead just realizes where he is and closes his eyes. He can still see and hear them:

("A peasant will not satisfy a blood prince twice, Ser Harlan." Aerys looked at Ser Harlan with a smirk.

"But this one is rather special, wouldn't you say that, my prince? Just look at that crimson hair of hers, it is like the flames. Very fitting for a dragon`s cow."

"Ser Harlan-"

"Seven hells, Aerys." Steffon said already tired of waiting and wanted to leave already. "Bring the damn woman, she can entertain the men while you fuck someone else.")

Gawain swallows hard and shakes his head.

"This is not the time for that! I have to find Galahad. I promised her I will take care of them." Opening the door he hears the sound of sobs coming from the children's room.

The redhead gestures for the dogs to stay where they are and walks slowly towards the bedroom, gently opens the door and sees his little brother hugging a pillow and crying.

`Oh, Galahad.`

Gawain's eyes are full of sorrow when he sees his little brother in that state.

"Is alright, Galahad." Gently he takes the child in his arms and hugs him against his chest. "Let it all out."

Galahad wraps his arms around his brother and buries his face in the crook of Gawain's neck. The boy's body trembles in the redhead's arms and he gently caresses Galahad's hair.

"I miss her!" He says between sobs, "I miss mama!"

"I know, I know." Gawain whispers. "I miss her too." The redhead buries his face into his younger brother's hair as tears begin to fall from his eyes.

"It's not fair!" Galahad tightens his grip around Gawain and screams in pain and fury. "It's not fair!"

"..." Gawain can only hold him in his arms. There are no words that will calm Galahad's pain. The child is right: it is not fair.

Nothing that happened is fair, for in this world there is no such thing as fairness.

`I will change that, I will burn this world to the ground and build a new one from its ashes. For her, and for him.`

Gawain hugged his brother and let her cry in his arms until he fell asleep, and even then he did not let go.

"I won't be able to be by your side for long, little brother. My path will take me to far away lands but I promise the time we still have together I will be the best brother I can be." He whispers to Galahad as he tucks him in.

***

Gawain fulfilled his promise, he learned to accept that the guilt he felt is irrational and he stopped avoiding his little brothers. Gawain took a much more active role in the lives of his little brothers and spent as much time as possible with them, for he knows their time together will soon come to an end.

The redhead knows he will have to say goodbye to Greenwood and his family soon, and that is why he treasures all the time he spends with them. He repaired his relationship with his father and came to accept his growing relationship with Genna, which was not easy for him but seeing that she was not trying to usurp Marian's place in his brothers' lives he began to accept her.

After his twelfth birthday, Gawain made the decision to leave, to go south and put his plans into action.

***

Ralof twisted his spear into a spinning strike, Gawain ducked and swung his spear forward to stab his uncle but the veteran leaped to the side. After dodging, Ralof attacked again and the redhead slowly backed away, parrying some blows and dodging others.

As his uncle aimed at his chest Gawain deflected his uncle's spear to the side with his own and leapt at Ralof. The redhead unsheathed his dagger and placed it at his uncle's throat.

"My victory." Said the redhead breathing heavily.

"I'm getting old, boy." Ralof complains with good humor. "If I still had the swiftness of my youth you would already be on the ground begging for mercy."

The redhead grins.

"That's called being a sore loser, uncle." He joked.

"Yes, yes." Ralof looks at him fondly. "In only three years you have learned more than I have in ten. Swords, polearms, axes, maces, bows,... You are quite a warrior, your skill is admirable but do not forget that you are still young; your strength and stamina are your weak points."

"I know," the redhead nods in agreement. "You've been telling me that for years."

"I keep telling you so you can put it in that thick head of yours." Ralof looks at him more seriously. "Never forget that honor will only kill you in combat. Throw dust in your enemy's eyes, kick them in the balls, use hidden weapons, do whatever it takes to win."

Noticing the sudden seriousness of his uncle, Gawain smiles bitterly.

"I won't forget." The redhead sheaths his dagger and picks up the spear he dropped earlier. "You noticed, huh?"

"It's impossible not to, you weren't very subtle." Ralof puts his spear down on the weapons rack.

In recent years this clearing in the forest has been transformed into a proper training area: it has shelves with a wide variety of weapons, all created by Gawain, targets hanging from the branches of the trees at different angles, as well as different training equipment intended for physical strengthening.

"Uncle, I need one last favor."

Ralof walks over to where his grandnephew is standing and smacks him on the back of the head.

"Don't say last, idiot. I'm not dying and neither are you, we still have many years left."

"But not together." Gawain says regretfully.

Ralof looks down and snorts.

"What favor?"

"I need you to help me die."

"WHAT?!" Ralof grabs his shoulders. "Have you gone mad, boy?!"

"To fake my death!" Gawain quickly clarifies as his uncle shook him violently.

"What?" His uncle asks again, this time calmer.

"My goal is similar to my grandfather's, you know that." Gawain explains. "To achieve this I will become the enemy of all the noble houses of Westeros, from the Wall to Sunspear, many will want my head. That does not worry me, I am prepared to die fighting for my ideals but I do not want my family to be involved. My enemies will try to use my bonds against me, they will target my family and friends. To keep my family, and Greenwood, safe Gawain needs to die."

"Fake your death..." Ralof looks at him dumbfounded. "I thought you'd just leave, no- Gods, boy, do you know what you're asking of me?"

"I know, uncle."

"You are asking me to break your family's heart! Your father, your brothers, my wife! They will all think you are dead, they will mourn yous and I-"

"You will not be able to tell them the truth. You will have to take this truth with you to the grave. You will see the nephew that you consider a son mourn the loss of his firstborn and you will comfort him knowing that I am alive."

"...won't you change your mind?"

"No."

"Damn!" Ralof grabs him by the collar of his shirt and shakes him from side to side. After a few minutes he calms down and looks at his grandnephew with tears in his eyes. "You will never return to Greenwood, we will never see you again. It will be as if you had really died."

"Gawain of Greenwood will die, that is not a lie." The redhead wraps his uncle in a hug and Ralof doesn't fight back the tears anymore.

"Once you fulfill your goal you will return, right? Even if it is many years from now." Ralof mutters weakly, his tone sounding so hopeful that Gawain closes his eyes in sorrow.

"...I'm sorry." He can't make promises he knows he can't keep, that wouldn't be fair to either of them. The only thing he can do is comfort his uncle and apologize.

Gawain knows that fulfilling his goal will take decades, and he also knows when that day comes he will be someone his family won't recognize. He will kill and manipulate, steal and cheat, he will be a criminal and a hero, a demon and an angel.

In truth he does not want the memory of Gawain of Greenwood to be sullied by Damian Artois.

***

NOTE: MCs journey as Gawain has reached the end.

***

NOTE: There are advanced chapter in my p@ tre on if you are interested.

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