Omake 5: The Insane Warzone

"Cowardice? Nothing of the sort! All you need to do in fights is win!" – Shirogane Noel

While it was unusual for me to be pulled inside my mindscape, it wasn't that rare of an occurrence for me to spend my time sleeping dealing with the old 'divorced couple' inhabiting my soul.

Ozma and Sally were, by definition, stuck in relationship limbo. They were no longer married, but they didn't have each other as much as Ozpin and Salem would in a normal setting.

There was no real reason to be pissed at each other, and this only added more irritation to the daily life of a certain former headmaster.

Ozzie was genuinely annoyed by the lack of reason to be pissed at his ex-wife. Even for once, he just wanted to have a reason to bicker and create debates to try and work this stalemate out instead of wait out for an unpleasant closure.

This idea was stupid, and even telling him that got just a shrug and some empty promises to 'mind his manners' while doing this.

Much to my eternal grimace, my lack of intervention helped in sparking a specific issue between the two 'mindmates'.

Imagine a tired Bukharin yawning as he tried to find rest after a long day at work. Sienna was nuzzling close to my face, I was in pure bliss at the warmth of the bed as I tried to attain something that not even DIO's [Heavens] could grant.

The perfect sleep.

It was there, it could be reached with proper dedication and devotion to the banner of resting.

It was so close and-

"Take covah!"

The loud explosion that drove me out of my 'sleepy mood' saw me stare around at the most confusing scenario I could've expected to wake up to.

Gone was Sienna, gone was the bed and its warmth.

Instead, I was sitting on a grassy patch in the middle of a massive battle between several characters all around me.

All of them I could recognize, with mostly none being related to RWBY.

They were yelling, they were clashing and… is that a Stuka!?

I dove down for the ground as my ears started to ring as the JU87D dropped its payload over a large chunk of the territory.

Shivering in a mix of confusion and irritation, I looked around for the possible culprits behind this maddening scene I had been yanked in.

Despite the large presence of vicious fighting, no harm came my way as I moved towards two individuals I knew about and that I could tell were behind this insanity.

"It's so stupid!" Sally shrieked furiously, looking rather furious about the topic they were discussing about. "Of course Kiritsugu was in the wrong by killing his family for some unfounded Wish-granting device."

"The information spread by his clients and the rest of the world he lived in confirmed it was a legitimate tool that granted all wishes," Ozma calmly remarked, still narrowing his eyes at his ex-wife. "His family's death was tragic, but it was a step needed to go through an inhuman ideal of bringing peace everywhere-"

"The fuck is going on here?!" I demanded fiercely, finally close enough to call them out. The two turned to glance at me and… nod.

"John, Unlimited Blade Work or Heaven Feel?" The blonde asked, ignoring my early demand.

"Illya Route," I remarked without hesitation.

"There is no Illya Rou-" The former headmaster tried to rebuke.

"In my heart, there is," I replied with brief sadness before returning to my previous state of mind. "Also, the fuck is going on here?!"

"Oh? It's just… Ozma and I are having a bit of a quandary. A quarrel-"

"Not much romantic, I can tell that much," I sarcastically interrupted.

"And he is being rather silly about proving some arguments by… displaying all of this."

As to emphasize her point, I saw LAATs gunships from Star Wars rushing from above our heads and around through the air, gunning down numerous individuals at once in the distance.

"Why?" I asked quietly, turning to the calm-looking Ozma. "Why the hell did you make all of this?"

"It's all going to fix itself up, John," The man assured without hesitation. "Of course, my wi- Salem has to accept the fact that she is being rather silly and emotional about some simple opinions and perspectives."

"So you did all of this to one-up your own wife," I dryly summarized.

"She is not my wife."

And yet you didn't say anything about the accusation. I facepalmed at this stupidity. While I wasn't going to lose hours of sleep like this, I was getting mighty pissed about this whole disposition.

I couldn't just allow my mindscape to be ruined in such a way. I just couldn't. It was wrong, it was aggravating.

I was vexed and particularly murderous the more I saw characters from various fandoms being slaughtered against each other.

I wasn't going to stand for this!

"I guess I will have to intervene myself about this since you're being the dummy here, Ozzie," I fiercely admitted. "In fact, I have something that will work just fine."

"I've been living for centuries," The headmaster pointed out with a pseudo-smug tone. "There is nothing that-"

"Good morning mother f*ckers."

The man jumped in fright as he turned to see that someone had appeared on his left side. Someone that he knew little about since he wasn't the kind of person that would mind this genre of people.

Long orange hair, a pair of horns that stretched by the sides of her head, and inquisitive neon-violet eyes that were now staring at the three of us.

"Good morning to you too, Kiryu Coco."

She smiled, nodding at my greeting.

"You see this man, his name is Ozzie. He has some wrong opinion of a character you like a lot," I said with a calm tone, making the dragon girl look at Ozpin with a confused look. "Ozzie, what do you think of Kiryu Kazuma?"

He scoffed. "An overrated character that doesn't deserve to-! W-What are you- No!"

Sally was surprised that the new character, despite her modest size, was easily beating the crap out of her former husband. I sat down at the tiny table, enjoying the scene for a while before forcing the Vtuber out of my mindscape.

Ozzie was shivering on the ground, part of his clothes torn apart by the mauling he had received.

After that, I had the entire realm cleaned up and made the poor headmaster promise that he wouldn't have tried to do something like this ever again without my permission.

Who would've thought that threatening a centuries-old being would've been that easy by summoning a potty-mouthed vtuber 'idol'.