Deception and Deadly Consequences

Vizzini cackled aloud in anticipation.

The man in black busied himself a long moment. Then he turned again with a goblet in each hand. Very carefully, he put the goblet in his right hand in front of Vizzini and put the goblet in his left hand across the kerchief from the hunchback. He sat down in front of the left-hand goblet, and dropped the empty iocane packet by the cheese.

"Your guess," he said. "Where is the poison?"

"Guess?" Vizzini cried. "I don't guess. I think. I ponder. I deduce. Then I decide. But I never guess."

"The battle of wits has begun," said the man in black. "It ends when you decide and we drink the wine and find out who is right and who is dead. We both drink, need I add, and swallow, naturally, at precisely the same time."

"It's all so simple," said the hunchback. "All I have to do is deduce, from what I know of you, the way your mind works. Are you the kind of man who would put the poison into his own glass, or into the glass of his enemy?"

"You're stalling," said the man in black.

"I'm relishing is what I'm doing," answered the Sicilian. "No one has challenged my mind in years and I love it… By the way, may I smell both goblets?"

"Be my guest. Just be sure you put them down the same way you found them."

The Sicilian sniffed his own glass; then he reached across the kerchief for the goblet of the man in black and sniffed that. "As you said, odorless."

"As I also said, you're stalling."

The Sicilian smiled and stared at the wine goblets. "Now a great fool," he began, "would place the wine in his own goblet, because he would know that only another great fool would reach first for what he was given. I am clearly not a great fool, so I will clearly not reach for your wine."

"That's your final choice?"

"No. Because you knew I was not a great fool, so you would know that I would never fall for such a trick. You would count on it. So I will clearly not reach for mine either."

"Keep going," said the man in black.

"I intend to." The Sicilian reflected a moment. "We have now decided the poisoned cup is most likely in front of you. But the poison is powder made from iocane and iocane comes only from Australia and Australia, as everyone knows, is peopled with criminals and criminals are used to having people not trust them, as I don't trust you, which means I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

The man in black was starting to get nervous.

"But, again, you must have suspected I knew the origins of iocane, so you would have known I knew about the criminals and criminal behavior, and therefore I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

"Truly you have a dizzying intellect," whispered the man in black.

"You have beaten my Turk, which means you are exceptionally strong, and exceptionally strong men are convinced that they are too powerful ever to die, too powerful even for iocane poison, so you could have put it in your cup, trusting on your strength to save you; thus I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

The man in black was very nervous now.

"But you also bested my Spaniard, which means you must have studied, because he studied many years for his excellence, and if you can study, you are clearly more than simply strong; you are aware of how mortal we all are, and you do not wish to die, so you would have kept the poison as far from yourself as possible; therefore I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

"You're just trying to make me give something away with all this chatter," said the man in black angrily. "Well it won't work. You'll learn nothing from me, that I promise you."

"I have already learned everything from you," said the Sicilian. "I know where the poison is."

"Only a genius could have deduced as much."

"How fortunate for me that I happen to be one," said the hunchback, growing more and more amused now.

"You cannot frighten me," said the man in black, but there was fear all through his voice.

"Shall we drink then?"

"Pick, choose, quit dragging it out, you don't know, you couldn't know."

The Sicilian only smiled at the outburst. Then a strange look crossed his features and he pointed off behind the man in black. "What in the world can that be?" he asked.

The man in black turned around and looked. "I don't see anything."

"Oh, well, I could have sworn I saw something, no matter." The Sicilian began to laugh.

"I don't understand what's so funny," said the man in black.

"Tell you in a minute," said the hunchback. "But first let's drink."

And he picked up his own wine goblet.

The man in black picked up the one in front of him.

They drank.

"You guessed wrong," said the man in black.

"You only think I guessed wrong," said the Sicilian, his laughter ringing louder. "That's what's so funny. I switched glasses when your back was turned."

There was nothing for the man in black to say.

"Fool!" cried the hunchback. "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is 'Never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line.'"

He was quite cheery until the iocane powder took effect.

The man in black stepped quickly over the corpse, then roughly ripped the blindfold from the Princess's eyes.

"I heard everything that happ—" Buttercup began, and then she said "Oh" because she had never been next to a dead man before. "You killed him," she whispered finally.