A Love Against Fate

In the Xinyang Palace, only Feng Jiulan and Jun Pinyu sat at the table facing the window. 

The winter morning sun poured in through the window, unobstructed, filling the room with warmth. The pungent scent of herbs that had lingered in the palace was dissipating in the breeze, much less oppressive than it had been a few days prior. The quiet, somewhat desolate Xinyang Palace allowed one to hear the sound of the wind rustling. 

Feng Jiulan poured a cup of tea. "Do not take Qinghen's words to heart," he said, handing the cup to Jun Pinyu. "I apologize on his behalf." 

The tea was freshly brewed that morning, warm to the touch, still emitting steam. 

Jun Pinyu accepted the cup and took a sip. "From the very beginning, my approach to Xianyue was intentional, with ulterior motives. He did not wrong me." 

Setting the tea cup down, Jun Pinyu looked up at Feng Jiulan and smiled. "However, at that time, I was unaware that she was the princess of Feng. I merely noticed her accompanying Lan Yixuan, and how Lan treated her with exceptional care. Only Xianyue remained oblivious." Perhaps she had seen through it but chose to feign ignorance. 

"For Xuanyuan, despite years of investigation, the details remain elusive. We have always been wary of Lan Yixuan. If Xianyue were to ally with us, it would certainly strike a blow to him. He might think twice about his actions in her presence. Even if she does not officially side with us, we cannot allow her to be with Lan Yixuan. They are both far too exceptional; if united, they could become a significant threat to Xuanyuan. Hence, during my time in Yanjing, I had my people inform her of Lan's collusion with the Third Prince at Yanyu Tower. As I expected, Xianyue and Lan Yixuan separated, only to fortuitously meet me afterward." 

Jun Pinyu spoke with calmness, while Feng Jiulan listened intently, the sunlight casting a gentle glow on his smiling face, pristine and untainted. 

Jun Pinyu chuckled, albeit with a hint of bitterness. "She asked about the snow toad again during the carriage ride, with unwavering confidence. I questioned her why she was so certain she could acquire it when it was something everyone in the martial world coveted. Do you know how she responded?" 

Feng Jiulan pursed his lips, contemplating for a moment before shaking his head. 

Jun Pinyu smiled lightly. "She claimed she had to have the snow toad, willing to risk everything for it, while others would not." 

"She said her father was a deeply affectionate man who loved her mother dearly, and he blamed her for her mother's death during childbirth. His resentment towards her was profound; he abandoned her in a vast courtyard with a few servant girls, indifferent to her plight. Later, under familial pressure, he married another woman—beautiful but cruel-hearted. At that time, her brother was the only one by her side, caring for her and protecting her." 

Only later did he realize that the father she spoke of was the late Feng Wang, the courtyard was Xuesang Palace, the servant girls were palace maids, and the cruel women were those vying for favor in the harem. 

"As a physician, I have long grown accustomed to the cycle of life and death. Yet, when I heard her mention it so casually and carelessly, I felt an unexpected pang of sorrow. Her calm demeanor was laden with conviction because of another person, making her genuine feelings all the more precious amid the usual intrigues." 

Feng Jiulan wore a faint smile, perhaps reflecting on Xianyue, his expression tinged with sadness and tenderness. He turned to gaze out the window, sighing softly. "When my father was alive, he always understood him. During those years, I witnessed my father's love and adoration for my mother. For him, losing the one he cherished was an enormous blow, and he vented his anger onto Xianyue. Although it was excessive, I could still empathize with him; he loved Xianyue. She bore a striking resemblance to my mother. Since my father's passing, Xianyue has shouldered the burdens of Feng, while my health declines day by day. Especially when you informed me of her being afflicted by the love flower poison, I couldn't help but resent my father. Had he cared for her as he did for me, Xianyue wouldn't have poured all her feelings into me. Even if one day I were to leave, she would merely be saddened rather than devastated, and perhaps we wouldn't be suffering so much now." 

Jun Pinyu looked at Feng Jiulan, beginning to understand why Xianyue would be willing to risk her life to secure his chance to live. Who would willingly let go of someone so understanding and devoted? The true feelings in a large family are invaluable, especially among royalty. 

Some individuals are simply too precious to harm; Feng Jiulan is one of them. Being around him fosters a sense of honesty, and those pure eyes resemble an expansive sea, evoking a feeling of forgiveness. 

"I actually have some regrets," Jun Pinyu said, standing up and walking to the window. "If I hadn't appeared on the official road in Yanjing, if we had merely brushed past one another, perhaps that would have been better." 

If not for fulfilling Uncle Fu's last wish and ensuring his peace of mind, if she had not agreed at that time, everything would have been different. That proud, independent woman would find it hard to remain untouched. 

"At the Archery God Conference, I pushed her towards Hao. The heart-wrenching feeling lingered with me throughout the night. I truly did not want her to see me as an enemy; I wished to avoid hurting her." 

Jun Pinyu's brow furrowed, his handsome eyes tinged with deep pain. "I contemplated many alternatives, but having her suffer an accident seemed the simplest and most convenient. You care for her, and so does Lan Yixuan; I do as well. When I made that decision, I convinced myself my heart was already dead. Yet, when I saw her fall off the cliff, my heart bled. Even breathing became painful. At that moment, I wished I could follow her down like Lan Yixuan, but what right did I have? Over the years, I've witnessed too much life and death; I hope for a peaceful and prosperous dynasty. I promised Hao I would assist him, and open warfare brings immense casualties." 

How long had it been since he spoke so freely, mentioning the heartache but feeling a sense of relief? 

He did not want to see the bustling capital reduced to ruins, nor did he wish to witness vibrant smiles transform into cold corpses. He wished for minimal casualties while achieving Xuanyuan's unification. 

Jun Pinyu turned to face Feng Jiulan. "Do you not blame me? I nearly harmed Xianyue." 

How could Feng Jiulan, who cared so deeply for Xianyue, not harbor resentment? 

Feng Jiulan stared at Jun Pinyu, a slight frown on his face, hesitating before responding. 

"If anything were to happen to Xianyue, I would hate you. I would pursue you relentlessly, just as I did when I did not understand the reason behind it. Had it not been for these days spent together, I would still hate you. Fortunately, she is safe. In fact, I should be thanking you. If it weren't for you, how could I have entrusted her to Lan Yixuan without concern? Should there come a day when I leave, I would undoubtedly remain troubled." 

To him, Jun Pinyu seemed to suffer more than anyone else. If not for the guilt in his heart, why would he be present in the Feng palace? 

"You must have made a tremendous decision to act as you did; your suffering surpasses that of anyone else. Everyone has their own responsibilities and unspoken burdens," he said, much like he himself, who cared so deeply for Xianyue yet had to hide potentially hurtful truths from her. 

"Do you fear death, Your Highness?" 

Jun Pinyu stepped in front of Feng Jiulan, asking suddenly. 

"I do." 

This time, Feng Jiulan's answer came without hesitation. 

He was human; how could he not fear death? Yet, over the years, he had grown accustomed to it, and with that familiarity, he had come to accept it. But in his heart, there were still things left unresolved that he could not abandon so soon. 

As long as one has no lingering attachments, death is not frightening. Throughout these years, has he not been struggling on the brink of death time and time again? 

"Your Highness." 

Jun Pinyu returned to his original seat, gazing earnestly at Feng Jiulan. "I hope Xianyue can find happiness." 

Whether she knows or not, whether he had ever done anything for her, those matters were irrelevant. All that mattered was her happiness; over these years, he had already done enough for Xuanyuan. He had repaid Hao's kindness, and from now on, everything lies in fate. Yet deep down, he still wished for Xianyue's happiness. 

"If you regret it now, it's not too late. Just stop and focus on your recovery." 

"How many more years can I live?"

Feng Jiulan smiled, his demeanor as composed as ever. "If one day, Yue'er discovers everything and chooses me, even with her by my side, I know she still wouldn't be happy. None of us would find happiness. After all these years, it has been enough, do you understand? I live with such weariness; if it weren't for Yue'er, I would have long since given up. I do not wish to be her burden. I have already encumbered her for over a decade, and I cannot continue to weigh her down for the rest of her life. As her brother, I have merely fulfilled my duty, while she, as my sister, has borne responsibilities that were never meant for her. My Yue'er has endured too much." 

His voice was soft, almost a whisper, laden with self-reproach. 

"I will not relax my efforts regarding Xianyue's medicine. As for Your Highness, I will exhaust every means to draw the sub-poison from your body." 

Typically, as long as the method is correct, poison can be extracted. However, the sub-poison within Feng Jiulan had lingered for far too long, over a decade, merging with his very bones and blood. To extract it was not a trivial matter; in fact, it was exceedingly challenging. 

"There is no need to force it." 

If the situation were as simple as he suggested, he would not appear so utterly at a loss. "Until the antidote for Xianyue is ready, I will ensure I do not come to harm." 

Feng Jiulan turned his gaze toward the direction of Xianyue Mountain, a smile gracing his lips as he spoke. "Soon, the winter snow on Xianyue Mountain will melt. I truly wish to go outside and see it."