4.5 Keep your Dangerous Self
“Hey…Alex Calm the hell down!” I couldn’t see anyone but a silhouette of an adult person who was cowering above me. My sight gradually became clear and saw Benjamin up in the air while I’m holding him up, holding his janitor uniform.
“Wha…What…?” letting him go my head started to ache again.
“Calm down Alex…What was that all about!? You scared me there…” I sat on the ground while Benjamin patted my shoulder. “Do you want water!? Or you need to go to the nurse’s office?” I vomited hard, so hard that Benjamin stood up and ran to fetch me some water.
My hands are trembling I couldn’t even stand…
“Ugh…I this one of the effects of the ‘Drift’ he’s been talking about…?” So…All this time, I’ve been entering my head all this time…? Is that even scientifically possible…? My other-self has his own world in my head, that he said that “I made”. I don’t know what the hell is happening to me, I can’t even open it up to anyone because they might think I’m a weird-ass person, I’m already branded as a perverted photographer, So, being a weirdo with a personality disorder being added in my life will be hard to deal with. And besides…I don’t want any of my loved ones to know that I have a dangerous entity in me… That I actually made, well if he’s telling the truth.
I leaned on a wall beside the smelly dumpster, I don’t care if it’s smelly, I just need to rest my head out because everything I see is like a rollercoaster ride.
“Here kid…Jeez what the hell is happening to you? Where the heck you came up with that strength of yours…?” Benjamin arrived with a bottle of cold water fresh from the cafeteria. I drank every inch of it until the bottle gasps its last breath.
“I don’t remember what happened…Can you tell me why did I end up like this…?”
“Well…After you dumped the trash in, your body suddenly stiffened and you just stood in front of the trash bin for a while…You didn’t answer once I called your name out loud…Then I tried to make you turn around by force…Then you suddenly held my arm and twisted it…I tried to fight my way back at ya…but you held my shirt up…” He then averted his gaze to me.
“Then…Your eyes were just dead…just…blank…It was so creepy thinking about it…You told to to ‘Shut up’…Your voice was kind of distorted…it was like a real-life experience of some kind of a horror movie…” Benjamin’s eyes were trembling…he’s a huge guy that if he had the chance to beat me up right now, I can’t even fight back, nor run…but in this case…this is just nuts that he’s scared at me.
“I-I…” I murmured. Benjamin's curiosity written all over his face and stared at me.
“You what…?” Benjamin replied and sat beside me and leaned on the wall also.
“I-I have another…self inside me…I know it’s weird telling it to you but…It’s up to you if you want to believe me…you can laugh at me also…but believe its true…” But Benjamin didn’t say anything he just sat there…
“…So…let me get this straight…? You have another self this…other self of yours…is all violent and stuff…and while you? Are the opposite of him…? Is that right?” I nodded and rested my forehead on my knees and hid my face.
“…I don’t want any of this to happen…when he’s trying to consume my mind and everything…I Always fight back, I’m worried that I might hurt someone unintentionally…”
“…After all that issue and bullying that every student’s been rubbing in your face…You don’t want to get back at them even a little…?”
“Well…A part of me wants it but…what good will that be? I’ll just be like one of them all selfish and only thinking about themselves…”
“You…know…My wife cheated on me when she was working abroad…”
“Wha?! Wait…didn’t you tell me that you live alone and you have nobody…!?”
“Hehe, that's a lie…” He gave me an awkward smile.
“She…brought the guy home in front of me…and told me that she had enough and we should break up…”
“Oh…That’s just really horrible…”
“Well…I didn’t do anything I just let her go…but, before he could go out of our house and get his new life in her new life…I asked her…Why did she do it? Why did I do?” his eyes are still the same but I can see that his experience is painful.
“Then…What did she say?”
“She…said: ‘I don’t feel anything anymore…I’m sorry but I can’t pretend to love you forever…’ I was so angry at that time…I wish she would talk about it… our marriage but she didn’t…While I’m here grieving as a failure husband…she’s in America having a wonderful life…with her new family…”
“Did you hit her…?”
“No…I just hugged her and let her leave our house and that’s the last day that I saw her…”
“Why didn’t you fight…? Or even just kick the balls of the man who took your wife…!?”
“Oooohhh…I really wish! I did…but the thing is, what good will that deliver…? I’m glad that she’s happy and thriving out there…but if I fought and won…it won’t be the same…”
I didn't reply.
“Your problem with your personality is like my marriage…”
“Failure…?” He punched me in my arm. “Idiot…”
“My point is…If you continue to gain your self-control…it will lead you into a path of peace…but with consequences just like mine…but if you give in into your darkness…well…you’ve seen what you can do…? Like if I punched the man…that had an affair with my wife I could get sued…It will be satisfying but…it will have a dire effect on my life…do you get what I mean?”
“Maybe your right…” Benjamin stood up and offered his hand.
“You’ll do well kid…Just remember to hold it as long as you know…You don’t hurt yourself…”
“Thanks…Benjamin…I’ll keep that in mind” He help me stood up and assist me towards my class…
How long could I keep myself from falling into that place again…I got to think quick to prevent him from controlling me…
“Good luck with that…” He whispered…he’s distorted voice surrounded my head. This is going to be harder than I thought.