The Life of Your Average Mushroom Person Thing

'Who am I? Where am I?' a weird creature asked himself. It was a creature never seen before on earth. It looked like a 2 metre long mushroom.

It somehow managed to drag itself around on ground. It saw the greenery around itself, 'how beautiful!' it thought. It walked, or more accurately dragged itself, around the forest appreciating the beauty of nature. It suddenly heard a sound behind it, as he turned around it saw a deer. 'Wow! What is that?' exclaimed it, in its mind. The deer turned around, exposing its ass.

As soon as it saw the ass, it started feeling strange, its size increased and it pounced on the deer and… did some strange movements. That night it had a strange dream, something from the perspective of a deer...

The next day it learned how to crawl like a deer. It could even utter a few deer like sounds. It wandered into the forest and after a while later, it saw a woman sitting beneath a tree, meditating. It was fascinated. 'This creature looks awesome!' it thought. And then… It pounced on her.

On its second night, it saw another strange dream, still not from its perspective. The next day it found out it could talk, but at the same time it also understood that the woman also had quite a few problems of her own. It wanted to help her, but it didn't know how to or if it was even possible to help her.

It started staying with her, helping her bring food and water so that she could meditate without disturbance. And every night... Let's just say that they would battle in bed...

This went on for about a year when finally her meditation paid off. The voice of the Potato God descended unto her ears. "The only person... Ahem... Thing that can help you, is the one accompanying you!"

The creature always wanted to help her and with this revelation, it was very happy. It asked how it could help her.

"Child, for that you need to understand your past first!"

That day it learned many things. It felt confused, horrified, sad, but the most prominent emotion he had was, hatred. Extreme hatred.

5 Years Later.

A weird man was moving in the suburbs. He was covered from head to toe, even his face was covered with a mask. He entered a shady bar through a shady alley.

"Give me black toes." He said to the bartender in a professional voice. But contrary to his expectations the bartender let out a confused chuckle, "We do not have anything like that, sir." The bartender replied. As he wondered what went wrong, another man entered the bar. He sat on the other end of the table and said, "Give me a black rose."

"Right away, Sir!" the bartender replied as he took the guy inside.

'Oh it was supposed to be black rose, was it?'

When the bartender came out again the weird man said it correctly this time, "Give me a black rose."

"Right away, Sir!" the bartender replied again before taking him inside. This bar actually housed a big information network. And the code to gain access was different every 3 months. As he entered he asked the guy, "So did you find any info about Dengue Man's technology?" "Well, we found out the whereabouts of his van, although we can't guarantee you'll find anything there." The bartender, or more accurately the informant, replied.

The weird man sighed, "At least it's better than nothing." As he saw the information, he exclaimed, "Oh! It's pretty close to here isn't it?"

He went out the next morning. On his way he suddenly saw a woman jogging. Her figure could be said to be perfect. She had the perfect proportions, a beautiful face, and huge jugs. An ideal woman. More importantly, she was out jogging, meaning her jugs were bouncing around quite much. Any man who saw that scene couldn't help but stop and stare for a while.

Not disappointing anyone, the weird man also stopped as he stared. But he seemed to be a bit weirder than usual. It seemed as if he was in a struggle, but he finally let go and hurried towards the address he received.

As he entered the basement of a building a few minutes later, he spotted a van. 'This must be it.' He thought. He was about to open the van, when he saw a computer like thing outside. 'I'm already horny, so fuck it! Lets watch some porn first!'

He undressed and tried to open the computer. It looked different from the normal ones. He randomly pressed some buttons and suddenly the computer started up and the van started glowing!

Before he could process what was going on, he saw a streak of light flash past and felt something crash into him!