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Aurora

"I'm sorry but what part of this screams 'Criminology?' " I huff as I stare at Florence and Daisy.

"Nothing really... but it'll be fun." Daisy chimes. Daisy is always looking at the positive which is why I admire her so much. It's raining? Oh, there'll be a rainbow. Get lost in a forest? You get to take in the looming trees as you have a panic attack over the feeling that someone is stalking you, later stabbing you in the back and leaving you for dead.

I'm snapped out of my thoughts when I feel someone shove me in the shoulder. I snarl as I turn to look at them, "watch it." I look up to see Florence and my face softens and I give her a small smile, "sorry," my voice comes out breathy, "no yeah, it'll be fun."

"Hey. What's wrong?" Daisy comes to sit down next to me, "we're going to France!!!!" I look at her as her face lights up. It almost makes me want to smile at her enthusiasm.

"Just the same old," My hand comes up to cup my forehead, "it'll be nice to get away from home." I look back up at her and give her a bigger smile. This week has been hectic, to say the least. I look down at my phone to see a message pop up from my mum:

'Nothing yet x'

My throat feels tight as I try to swallow the lump that's made its way up. Nearly a year ago my dad's mum died, they were so close, and ever since he hasn't been the same. He's been struggling with depression and anxiety. My mum helped by getting him on some anti-depressants but he stopped taking them a couple of weeks after he was prescribed them.

It was her birthday 7 days ago and my dads had been on a tangent: leaving the house to go get shot up or drunk then he'd return the next morning or later the same night, only to do it again either later the same day or the next morning.

3 days ago was bad. It was just me and my sister at home when he got back. He was high and stumbling over but feet. The dog started barking at him and we went absolutely crazing, trying to grab anything he could to hurt the dog.

My sister called my mum and my dad snatched the phone out of her hand, making her cry. When my mother called me he didn't take my phone away, he rested his head on my shoulder and talked to my mum on loudspeaker.

'Sending her upstairs because I abuse your kids.' He slurs.

I tried to keep my emotions in but my body failed me as I silently cry to myself whilst my dad stands behind me.

'Sober up.' My mother says as she cuts the line.

'What did she say?' My dad lifts his dead off my shoulder.

'Sober up.'

He cranes his neck so he looks at me and I start sobbing. He takes me in a hug, 'please don't cry.' His breath hitches as I carry on my onslaught of tears.

He left a few hours later but not after he cried to me about how he'd miss his family and how much he misses his mum.

Today he hasn't come home. None of us has seen or talked to him since yesterday morning. My mum has driven all around town to find him, especially in the places he's been sleeping in town and the halfway houses. She's gone to make an official missing persons report.

I try and push all that down and focus on our trip.

'I'll be home at 5' I type to her and send it off.

Horse riding yayyy!!!!

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Florence, Daisy and I are trotting along on our horses. It took a while for us to get the hang of it. Well... Me and Florence more than Daisy because she grew up around horses.

"How do you make it go faster?" I turn my head to Daisy, looking at her peaceful frame as she gazes up at the sky.

"Daisy..." I call for her again. Her eyes widen as she looks back at me.

"Mhm?" Daisy tilts her said to the side. She never heard a word I just said.

Florence laughs to the side of me as I smile back at Daisy, "how do you go faster?"

"Oh, I wouldn't do that." Her brows knit together, "you don't know how they'll react."

I look down at my saddle. I've seen enough movies to know how to make a horse move faster.

I bring the leash up and give it a firm whip.

"Aurora!" Daisy exclaims as my horse lets out a fierce cry and starts galloping onwards. The further we go the faster he gets.

"Oh my god!" I cry. I grab the horse's neck and pull on the rein but he doesn't stop. We're heading straight to the fence.

My life flashes before my eyes as we become seconds away from flying over the metal barrier. I squeeze my eyes closed and I can feel my body go flying and then suddenly I'm dunked in freezing cold water.

I submerge with a gasp of air and look up at my horse that's stopped inches away from what looks to be a horse feeder.

I've landed in a horse feeder...

Loud laughter comes from above me. Looking up I see Florence and Daisy coming up on their noble steeds.

"Oh my god! I caught all of that!" Florence laughs her head off as she takes off her helmet that has a go pro attached to it.

"Florence don't you dare!" I get up and step out of the feeder. I'm absolutely soaking.

"I told you not to." Daisy mutters as she looks at Florence, "let me see that." She reaches for the helmet.

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Before we entered the bus to go back home our teacher stopped me to go get changed. Knowing my luck I never thought to bring spare clothes with me so I had to spend £30 in the gift shop.

The ride home was a miserable journey as my underwear was still soaked but I'm now close to the comfort of my own home.

I open the door to my house and I'm greeted by my mother.

"Anything?" I ask. She doesn't need me to verbalise anything else.

"No. Police should be in touch to make an official report." She sighs.

I go up to my room and get changed into clean clothes. I don't expect to see anyone today so I chuck on my pyjamas and chuck my hair in a messy bun.

Walking back downstairs I flop back on the living room chair as my mum's on the sofa eating a salad.

Not long after the doorbell goes. My mum shoots up and opens the door.

Police.

My mum re-enters the living room and sits back down.

"Are you the wife of John Macintyre?" One police officer says.

"Yes." My mother responds. I look between her and the two officers currently standing before us.

"I'm afraid there's no good way to tell you this-"

"What?!" My mother chokes out. Completely cutting off the officer.

My mouth drops open at the next words that leave his mouth. I stare at my mum in shock:

"We believe we've found John Macintyre deceased."

My heart rate picks up as I continue staring at my mum who is now whaling. I'm in absolute shock but not one tear flees my eyes.

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The sensitive topic of this chapter has been taken from very recent events in my life.

If you or anyone you know struggles with mental illness. Please reach out. No one should suffer alone.

SANEline:

03003047000

National suicide prevention hotline:

08006895652