Sorry, Ainz! Averting Progress By Potion!

The image of that smug, clown-faced god, the one who'd cursed that poor salaryman bastard with an eternity of suffering, flickered in my mind.

For a fleeting moment, a surge of white-hot rage pulsed through me, and I considered tearing through the void, hunting him down, and shoving my sword so far down his throat that it tickled his nonexistent balls.

Ah, yes, I have foiled your evil plan by simply existing, doesn't that infuriate you? Isn't it so super-angry-making, you whiny baby with a god complex? Well, the real god's here now, and he has a good reason to have a word with you!

But no, revenge would have to wait. We had more pressing matters to attend to. Like, for instance, the fact that we were currently operating on a budget of zero. I mean, sure, we could probably just walk into the royal treasury and help ourselves to a few chests of gold, but where was the fun in that? Besides, we had a reputation to maintain. Foreign royalty didn't resort to petty theft, even if they were literal gods in disguise.

"Looks like we need to make a quick trip to the money-making machine," I muttered, my gaze sweeping across the crowded guild hall. The place was a chaotic mess of boisterous adventurers, overflowing tankards of ale, and the lingering scent of sweat, straight from anti-sunshine land.

Not exactly my ideal hangout spot, but hey, beggars can't be choosers.

Asuna, who was browsing through the lower-level quest postings with a look of amused disbelief, raised an eyebrow at me. "Money-making machine?" she echoed, her voice laced with a dry sarcasm that only I could fully appreciate. "You mean that piece of paper on the board over there that dispenses 10 copper coins for collecting ten rat tails? Sounds thrilling."

"Nah," I said, shaking my head. "I'm thinking about something a little more… efficient."

I'd noticed something interesting about this world's currency system. Gold, it seemed, was gold. No matter where you went, no matter what realm you found yourself in, a gold coin was a gold coin. And when you took it out of your inventory in a real-world setting, the digital gold of my 'col' turned into actual, physical gold.

Handy, that.

So, selling a few gold coins to be melted down seemed like a safe bet. No chance of crashing the market in a country that had a stranglehold on the link between currency and categories of items, no matter the stock.

Besides, it was better than doing something stupid, like selling an item I had no idea the significance of in a world this weak, magically speaking.

Selling a mid-heal crystal, probably the equivalent of a potion of literally god-level healing in this world, would bring so much suspicion down on our heads that I could practically hear the inquisition already marching our way.

Oh, look, a glowing crystal that can instantly heal any wound, even regrow limbs! Must be a common trinket from some backwater kingdom. Nothing suspicious here!

Yeah, right.

This world was different. Magic was weak, common goods were cheap, but a single gold coin could buy you, at most, a single book on being slightly useful. Which, considering the average intelligence level I'd observed so far, was probably a generous overestimation.

I glanced back at the quest board, my eyes scanning the postings.

Goblin extermination for a copper-plated adventurer? Ogre hunting for a mythril-plated adventurer? Seriously?! What was wrong with these people?! The difference in difficulty between those tasks was so absolutely negligible that my brain fucking trembled!

It was like comparing a toddler's tea party to a slightly more chaotic toddler's tea party.

Do you want to fight a fighter or a slightly more muscular fighter?! Well, have I got the specifically weak mission for you!

"Hey, Asuna," I said, my voice laced with a sardonic amusement, "wanna go on an epic adventure? We could collect ten herbs! After all, we, the copper plates, are so goddamn weak that the world will shit itself at our presence! Such weak! Or deliver a package to the next town for a whopping silver coin and a chance at an upgrade to iron! It'll be a real test of our skills!"

Asuna snorted, shaking her head. "You're such a dork," she said, but the smile in her eyes betrayed her amusement.

Yeah, she got it. She always did. This world, with its low-level quests and its primitive understanding of magic, was a joke. A bad joke. But hey, at least it was entertaining. For now.

"—No, I think I'd rather go with your plan of melting down gold at the bank. No chance of suspicion for big items, so that adventure of not-so-epic proportions can wait."

Ainz overheard the woman's words as he finished pondering the "Comprehend Languages" spell. Albedo had just cast it on a written form, and it had somehow worked. Magic in this world was… strange. Unpredictable. He still hadn't quite grasped its nuances.

Then, the woman's words, spoken so casually, so carelessly, hit him like a runaway carriage.

"—Melt down gold…"

"—Melt down gold…"

"—Melt down gold…"

"—Melt down gold…"

The phrase echoed in his mind, a mocking refrain that underscored his own stupidity. He'd been so focused on maintaining his "hero" facade, on blending in, that he'd completely overlooked the obvious. Selling a mid-tier potion in a world where magic was weak, where healing potions were likely rare and valuable… it would have been a disaster. He could already imagine the questions, the suspicion, the inevitable scrutiny that would have followed.

How did you acquire such a potent potion? Where did you learn such advanced alchemy? Who are you, really?

The sound of a hand meeting flesh echoed through the guild hall. Ainz had slapped himself, hard, across the face. A facepalm of epic proportions.

You idiot, he thought, wincing at the stinging sensation on his cheek. You almost blew your cover before you even started!

Ainz watched, his newly-formed heart pounding a steady rhythm against his ribs, as Kirito and Asuna moved towards the quest board. They seemed so… normal. So human. It was almost impossible to reconcile this image with the terrifying power he'd witnessed in the forest.

They scanned the board for a moment, their expressions thoughtful, before selecting a parchment and heading towards the registration counter. Ainz strained to hear their conversation, but their voices were lost in the din of the guild hall.

He saw Kirito slap a few copper coins onto the counter, presumably the registration fee, and receive a small, metal token in return. They turned and headed towards the exit, their movements casual, their demeanor relaxed. They were leaving.

Ainz felt a surge of relief, but it was quickly replaced by a wave of anxiety. He had to know what they were up to. He had to understand their motivations, their goals. He had to…

"Shall I dispatch a few Shadows to follow them, Ainz-sama?" Albedo's voice, a low murmur in his ear, startled him out of his thoughts.

"No," Ainz said, his voice firm. He couldn't risk it. If those beings, those gods discovered they were being followed, the consequences could be disastrous. "We will follow them ourselves, but only for a short distance. Just long enough to see which direction they take, then we will retreat."

Albedo's brow furrowed, her expression a mix of confusion and disappointment. "But Ainz-sama," she protested, "surely a few Shadows would be more discreet. They could-"

"Enough! Albedo!" Ainz interrupted, his voice taking on a sharper edge. "We cannot risk being discovered. Those beings are far too perceptive. They might still be watching us, even now." He wasn't sure if that was true, but it was a convenient excuse to avoid further scrutiny.

Albedo, her shoulders slumping slightly, bowed her head. Then in a hyper-flagilistic way she exclaimed, "As you command, Ainz-sama! I apologize for my…"

"There is no need for apologies, Albedo," Ainz said, forcing a reassuring smile onto his face as he prevented her from slamming her face into the table. "Your loyalty is commendable. But for now, we must proceed with caution. We will discuss this further when we return to Nazarick." He didn't want to deal with Albedo's self-flagellation right now. He had enough on his plate as it was.

We stepped out of the bank, a satisfying weight settling in my pocket. A few hundred gold coins, discreetly exchanged for a small fortune in this world's laughably inflated currency, would be more than enough to cover our expenses for the foreseeable future. Who knew that the actual amount of gold in the 'gold' coins was so small that 100 2 ounce gold coins would be such a big deal.

I glanced at the setting sun, its orange glow painting the sky in a fiery palette. Time for the next phase of our "grand adventure."

I unfolded the quest parchment, scanning the details. "Investigate the local graveyard for signs of undead activity and report back to the guild," I read aloud, my voice laced with amusement. "And report back… huh. Yeah, not going to do that. Wanna go catacomb diving, Asuna?"

Asuna, who was already twirling a lock of her hair around her finger, a sure sign that she was ready for some action, grinned. "Catacomb diving it is," she said, her eyes sparkling with mischief. "Who knows what kind of treasures we might find down there? Maybe even a few undead to test out our 'new totally not sandbagging' skills on."

I chuckled, shaking my head. Leave it to Asuna to turn a mundane task into an opportunity for some good old-fashioned attention grabbing. "Alright," I said, my grin widening, "let's go raise some hell."